29 Jun This Week in Rage – 6/29/14
This Week In Rage – a blog about the top three things that pissed me off this week.
Kids Toys Now vs. Then: This week I was thinking about the ant farm. Do you remember ant farms? Ask your parents or grandparents if you don’t. (Actually just Google it. Why have a conversation with those old fucks?) The ant farm was two pieces of Lucite half an inch apart with a bunch of dirt in the middle and you’d just stare at it and watch ants dig tunnels. This was the height of entertainment for us. (My generation, not the Carollas. That was too costly an item for us. I had to go to friends’ houses to stare at ants.)
First off, what do you expect ants to do? They’re digging a tunnel. That’s what ants do. Big fucking deal. Who’s idea was this? Finally, a reason to bring ants into the house. Don’t we spend most of our time trying to keep them out? If you want to see ants just leave food out on the counter.
But the point is this. As I spit out this blog I’m looking out my window at an air hockey table that is being used as a regular table to set junk on because my kids used it once on December 26th and then never again because they’re so jaded. If it’s not on a tablet and 3D and cost at least $350 they don’t give a shit. If I gave Sonny an ant farm, he’d drug me, put me on my back, take a Lincoln Log, put it in my ass and use the ant farm to hammer it in like he was driving the golden spike.
Soccer Players Wearing Headphones: As you know I don’t give a shit about the World Cup, but I did hear a news story about some rule now that they can’t wear their headphones. All the players were hitting the field in their Beats By Dre headphones but World Cup was sponsored by Sony so there was an issue and blah blah blah.
You guys are going out into an arena with 100,000 face-painted screaming people. How much entertainment do you need? And this isn’t just World Cup. This goes on in the NBA and NFL too. Why is it okay for our athletes to hit the field or the hardwood pumping the Lady Gaga? Here’s the deal, we’re giving you 20 million a year. Can you just focus for an hour? I get that it’s your own personal psych up ritual but sorry bitches, you’re on our dime and our time. We pay to mock you and shout at you. That’s part of the sport. You have to deal with the opposing fans heckling you. That’s part of home-field advantage.
And while I’m on the subject of distracted athletes… I don’t want the baseball players bringing food onto the field. I’m sick of seeing the pyramid of sunflower seed husks at your feet or the dip spittle rolling down your chin. You’re getting paid to focus on the game. Act like it.
Hell: I was walking out of the airport not to long ago with Jimmy Kimmel and we were talking about the whole Tracy Morgan accident and I said, “I heard he was getting better.” Jimmy then informed me the footage going around of Tracy was actually from his last hospital stay and that he wasn’t in good shape. And we had a conversation about where our society is at and how horrible people are to sneak into hospitals and take pictures of celebrities and put it out on the internet just to get some click-throughs and make a buck.
After that conversation it hit me why we’re so awful. We’ve lost the concept of Hell. I grew up with that. There was Heaven for all the good people who did good things and Hell for all the bad people who did bad things. Now we all still believe in Heaven but not Hell. We need to bring that back, people just think they’ll go to Heaven or somewhere else. I think maybe somewhere we decided in our soft society that encouraging the idea of Hell is bullying and thus got rid of it. So please bring Hell back and I’ll see you there.