31 Jan This Week in Rage – 2/1/15
This Week In Rage – a blog about the top three things that pissed me off this week.
Porn Convention: I was in Las Vegas recently and it just so happened the that porn convention was also in town. I don’t get this. Don’t get me wrong, I love porn, but I thought the whole idea of porn was to get away from people and just be alone with your cock. Was there anything less comfortable than back in the day when you’d go to the porn section of the video store and rub elbows with other pervs looking for something to rub one out to? No one has ever been in that porn section of video store and thought “Man, I wish there were more guys in here to share this experience.” So what is the plan getting 200 million square feet of Vegas convention center and filling it with guys who live in their mom’s basement to hang out and discuss porn?
I know that porn stars go to these conventions and sign autographs and latex replicas of their genitalia but do you really want to meet this person that you’ve jerked off to? Isn’t that awkward? We’ve all fantasized about the chick at the office, taken care of business to the idea of getting her alone in the copy room and then felt weird making eye contact with her the next day. Isn’t this the same thing? And from a strictly hygienic standpoint why do you want to shake the hand of the woman who just got done giving Ron Jeremy and handie?
New Patriots Controversy: We’ve been talking a lot about Deflate-gate, but I think there’s an even bigger scandal brewing in Patriots-land. I think Bill Bellicheck is gay. Hear me out. We’ve all know what Tom Brady looks like. But have you seen his back-up, Jimmy Garappolo? He’s even more dreamy than Brady. Then I was interviewing Brady’s predecessor, Drew Bledsoe, last week and thought, “wait a minute, Bledsoe was a bit of alright as well.” And Doug Flutie? He had the matinee idol good looks too. Sure he was short in stature, a spinner if you will, but good looking nonetheless. Think about all the Patriots QBs, not a Doug Williams in the batch. I challenge you, Patriot Nation, look at the last ten quarterbacks you’ve had and tell me Bellicheck isn’t gay. Look at that lineup, it’s like the Thunder from Down Under.
Electric Car Incentive: Gas prices are going down and everyone is buying Denalis again. When oil prices are high we all want a Prius or a Leaf. An electric car. But there’s no incentive when gas is cheap. Well, I’ve found some incentive. Here’s my plan, it’s controversial but I think it would work. If you get pulled over by a cop for DUI and you’re driving an electric car or hybrid you get some leniency. If you are a .1 we’ll knock it down to a .08 and send you on your way. I’m not saying you can be shitfaced but millions of people have logged millions of miles while drunk – they’re called golfers. We’ve all been pretty buzzed driving around in a golf cart. And what’s that powered by? Yep. A golf cart is an electric car. So why not just apply that logic from the fairway to the roadway.