22 Dec Giovanni’s Superfan Sidebar 12/11/2014 – Mark Normand
A real time blog where Superfan Giovanni does recap and commentary on the show as it happens and opines on all things ACS
Guest – Mark Normand
Recorded 12-10-2014 – Release Date 12-11-2014
Production Number #1472
Adam opens the show with a standard intro, BB plays the Dawson clip “douchiest douche who has ever douched” as today’s #TopDrop and asks Adam about a recent increase in a specific traffic phenomena/behavior.
Adam brings up Seth MacFarlane’s annual holiday party and how he usually misses it due to a gig of some kind, he will be making it this year.
Hopefully Seth doesn’t spend time in his attic with a bong this time, he’ll never live it down.
Adam and Bryan are talking about Seth playing a piano for his guests and entertaining them, what it takes for someone to pull that off.
Adam says he wants to add that to his list of things to do before he dies, like diving into a body of water with a knife in his teeth, he wants someone to beg him to play the piano at a crowded star studded event.
Alison brings Celine Dion into the mix and Adam rolls with it despite BB’s initial lackluster addition, Adam talks about speaking with RZA from the Wu-Tang Clan for Take A Knee Episode #5,.
Adam explains the premise of the Dave Chappelle ‘Crank Yankers’ Call and uses the Kerry Washington anecdote as an analogy for forgetting about now hugely famous people running into you or working near/with you before they blew up.
Adam is now having them play the classic Crank Yankers Call, Alison seems to enjoy it.
Adam brings up the responses from the woman on the call and how you couldn’t write that stuff.
Adam is doing a Man Crates Live Read
BB is now playing the ‘Neat’ clip from the call as his new drop du jour, not fully annoying yet.
Adam says he has a new set of plans for the upcoming live show, he blames Bryan for Jay Leno missing their upcoming live show, he promised to make up the gig but sounds like it won’t be until 2015.
BB accepts the blame and has his own anecdote, Adam says he feels bad that he promoted Bill Simmons then Jay Leno and now both guests have bailed.
Adam is telling BB and Alison about his idea for a “Cylinder Count” he explains the genesis of the idea while talking with Jay earlier in the day.
Adam says he will reward 5k dollars to anyone in the audience who can guess the cylinder count, nice idea to make up for the cancellation(s).
Adam explains how they’re going to tally the numbers, BB is asking some needlessly elaborate follow up questions, Adam says this is better than “the skype’s not working” alternative.
Adam is now explaining horsepower and asking BB and Alison some soft questions, Alison has great reasoning but second guesses her own response and comments on doing do while doing it.
Adam is asking them about air-cooled engines and they’re both tied and losers.
Adam is guessing that it will be 150-200 cars, which would be his official guess.
Q and Ace
1st Caller Paul, he’s a big fan of the segments on the show, BB’s ‘Baldywood’ and Alison’s JMOE brought over from her show.
He wants to know about the work involved in producing every episode of the podcast, Adam says it’s not a lot and he relies on his buck slips for content.
Paul wants to know about the break in the show, Adam says Alison has to pee and she agrees it’s often the case, he wants to know about the short time between segments.
Adam is asking Paul about his line of work and he jokes about waiting for his background check to practice law.
2nd Caller Jennifer, her cousin’s husband spent the night in a hotel room with another girl for work, Adam asks how her cousin knows that nothing went down in that hotel room.
Adam is bringing up how humans deal out truth in bite size morsels, funny dead body riff from Adam.
Alison is now bringing up the people in her life who do this and calls them out for being assholes, Alison has a hilarious line about her hypothetical police work.
Adam is explaining how this works, Alison has some insight and Adam explains why monogamy and true intimacy go hand in hand but then gives a caveat about men and what sex means to them.
“There is no way I can see life through your estrogen covered windshield” – Adam
Alison brings up cheating and is not sure how a relationship bounces back after such a betrayal to the relationship, Alison asks Adam if he thinks that women should be able to compartmentalize things and accept it, he says no, that will never be possible, they just aren’t doing themselves any favors.
Alison has a solid point about men agreeing to monogamy out of a desire to be with a woman even though they don’t intend to fulfill that promise.
Adam says that the fundamental differences in how men and women perceive this can’t be adopted by the other but they should see reality for what it is.
Alison is right about cheaters, Adam compares cheaters to criminals and takes it back to Jennifer, she is now telling them about her cousin found out.
“My Cock Hurts!” – Adam mocking Jennifer’s Cousin’s husband crying after coming home the next day, Alison and BB have funny one liners too.
Adam says that her cousin needs to move on in place of holding a grudge for the next 20 years, Alison brings up the caller who asked about pre-nup.
Alison says that she heard that he wanted to rub his partner’s nose in it, Adam says he approaches it purely from pragmatism and Alison took the emotional angle.
Adam is now asking Alison what she would do if she was in the same situation, Adam says there isn’t a right answer to this, and it’s a tough spot to be in.
Adam has a very insightful comparison of men and women and BB closes it out with a ‘Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus’ one liner.
Adam is doing a live read for Life Lock Ultimate Plus, Alison is doing her part as per usual.
Adam steps on Dawson’s legalese by hitting the phone line early, Dawson rolls with it like a pro.
3rd Caller Mike, Adam mocks the operator voice as if it was Mike, his question is about the new CHP use of laser speed traps and if Adam will use laser jamming technology to get past them, he says absolutely and BB jokes about the arms race between the citizens and their employees, the police force.
Adam is now quoting ‘First Blood’ and BB has a funny ‘Judge Dredd’ quote, gold!
Adam is now describing the escalating battle of radar detectors and drivers.
4th Caller Brandon, he wants to know how to present himself at his new place of employment.
Adam brings up temperament and skill, how the old advice of showing up first and leaving last, he quotes Barbara Walters.
Alison is bringing up how you can alienate coworkers by being too eager when you first arrive, Adam says he’s insanely naïve of the corporate culture, Alison has lost of insight.
Adam observes that insecurity must be awful, BB jokes about not having any idea what it’s like, and Adam stings him with a funny dog in the street metaphor.
Gary is now on mic and agreeing that most of your coworkers in corporate environments are insecure and Adam uses Jimmy Kimmel, perhaps his biggest fan and how strong his character is, he didn’t display an ounce of insecurity when bringing Adam into the radio station.
Adam is waxing poetic on Jimmy’s security in his talent and character that lead to them working together and making millions from it.
Adam tells Mark Normand he doesn’t need to come in, joking about not having the same character as Jimmy.
Adam is doing a Stamps.com live read.
They head to break.
They’re back from break with Mark Normand, Rich Banks has a song about Matt Fondiler that debuts as well.
Mark is sampling the Mangria, Adam says that Gary warned that he may have over served himself.
Adam plugs Mangria and has a funny joke about Mark and the Mangria.
Adam is asking Mark about his journey, Adam has a killer Shelley Long one liner, Adam is asking him about the layout of his old house and has a new Richman/Poorman problem of “not knowing that someone has broken in” and adds a “fucked a guy and didn’t know it” additional example.
Mark and Adam are talking about the room above the strip clubs in Mexico and Tijuana specifically, Mark tells them about a buddy who had sex with a transsexual woman and Adam shares an anecdote of the time his buddy ran up quite the bill at the whorehouse as they got caught smuggling in their own tequila.
Adam is trading short descriptors of his experiences in Mexico with Mark, Adam tells them about the story of Chris passing out on the beach, the “We Can’t feed them Boys Sticky Rice” story.
Mark jokes about Chris passing out and waking up with the cure for cancer, Adam asks him how he got into comedy.
Adam asks him how long it took for him to get his 1st paycheck, he tells them about his 1st apartment in NYC.
Adam says it’s always the same story, hard work, open mics and 5-10 years.
Adam is launching into a live read for Draft Kings, BB shares the charity thing he’s doing, gambling with charity money somehow.
1st Story is on Mark Geragos representing Ke$ha who claims that “Dr. Luke’ sexually assaulted her, Alison has the details on a recent Lady Gaga sexual assault admission on the Howard Stern Show.
Alison has all of the details, Adam is bringing up G. E. Smith and his hair based affect, Adam hates dudes who have to constantly push back their “hair drapes” hilarious one liners.
Adam says the alternative is called “Super Fucking Cuts and get a goddamned haircut” and Mark addresses the “eye contact” exaggerations about Adam, he reveals he’s a huge fan, how cool!
Alison is back to the accusations from Ke$ha, Adam asks how fucking pumped Bill Cosby is, Alison brings up the tweets from Mark Geragos and the reveal from Lady Gaga who says it wasn’t Dr. Luke who assaulted her.
Adam has a funny joke mocking Mark’s buddy.
Adam has a super timely John Derek references, now they’re talking about Ursula Andress and Bo Derek, Adam explains who Linda Evans is to BB and delivers a funny quiet one liner about BB’s bald skull.
Alison asks about Tony Bennett and Lady Gaga pero0froming together, Adam suggests her next dress solely be made out of his old wigs.
Adam says when you name your kid Ursula you automatically add 3 hot points, Mark brings up the name Bar and they all comment on the model/actress.
Adam is doing a Smart Mouth live read.
Alison has further thoughts on the name Lance, Adam is citing the name ‘Lance Mannion’ used by Ted Danson on ‘Cheers’ and Alison says that architect names are typically names like Alec.
2nd Story is on the Tamir Rice shooting and the background of the officer who shot him, she cites an emotional meltdown that lead to him being dismissed from his previous job.
Alison quotes the evaluation and Adam compares this to teachers, how they get shuffled along, Alison has an anecdote about her own school and a teacher there.
Adam has a solid Ookie Cookie use while describing the Mark Berndt assault case, he fails to mention it was resolved this month with 140 million awarded to the students he abused.
Adam is now sharing that very detail, that’s what happen when you assume.
Adam is asking why cops aren’t doing this more, Mark reveals that “Moose” his buddy from the whorehouse is a cop, it’s always the dumbest guys you know.
Alison asks them about jobs where you have to pat down customers to make sure they’re not stealing.
Adam has a killer mortuary joke and Mark says he was patted down at MoMa, Alison has a funny reply.
3rd Story (?) is on the screening process for Amazon warehouse employees, Adam brings up diamond mines and how tempting it must be, such a small item could change your life for a year, if not forever.
Adam has an update on the Qualcomm stadium bag rule, turns out it’s a law for all stadiums, so he gives half of an apology for the misinformation.
Adam asks about them using X-Ray’s to monitor the miners, Adam jokes about the old timey shit inspection method, Mark asks about digested diamond values and Adam says the intestine is like the ultimate rock tumbler.
Mark has a killer joke about C-Section babies and Adam says he couldn’t get much when trying to sell them on eBay.
Adam gets word that they do still monitor with X-Rays and Alison takes it back to the new federal ruling that employers don’t have to pay for screening time of employees, Alison and BB agree they should be paid for that time.
Adam is now taking it back to the origin of the issue, missing inventory and employee theft and says we can avoid all of this if people will stop stealing shit.
Mark brings up metal detectors in schools, Adam offers up an idea where the higher ups disable screening for February and put it on the employees to self-police to prevent the screening from coming back into place.
They’re all now riffing about ‘Supermarket Sweep’ and BB disagrees that lawyers put an end to the show due to possible litigation form injuries.
This is a good bit, Adam brings up blue chip trading stamps, as seen on ‘The Brady Bunch’ and he describes how the stamps were accrued and then redeemed.
Mark mocks his buddy who used to collect Marlboro bucks and never got his jet ski, Alison wraps the news and BB has another Alison’s vagina themed drop.
Adam is doing a ManGrate live read.
BB is now making it annoying with the “Neat!” drop.
Adam gives out the plugs for the solid Mark Normand, I hope he comes back on again soon!
Dawson stilted closer edition.