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Giovanni’s Superfan Sidebar 12/09/2014 – Bret Ernst

Giovanni’s Superfan Sidebar 12/09/2014 – Bret Ernst

A real time blog where Superfan Giovanni does recap and commentary on the show as it happens and opines on all things ACS

Guest Bret Ernst

Recorded 12-08-2014 – Release Date 12-09-2014

Production Number #1470

Show Page

Adam opens the show to a Mangria/Eggnog intro, he has a “tell your mom” request for the fans, and BB has the clip of Dr. Drew quoting the tweet of Michael Che as today’s #TopDrop.

Adam is telling them an anecdote from Jay Leno about the comedy styling of Redd Foxx, Adam is paraphrasing the joke and Alison has a nice reaction to it.

Alison asks Adam if Jay actually told that joke, he says he doesn’t work blue but will repeat it and does appreciate it, interesting indeed Alison.

 

Adam is telling them something from Rob, Adam’s car guy and all around Mr. Fix-It.

Adam is recounting their journey to a football game at Qualcomm Stadium where a woman in their group was denied entry with her purse, Adam adds this experience to the growing list of “gilded cage of minimum wage” experiences.

Alison has a funny tampon riff with Adam, BB adds to Adam’s joke and Adam is now asking why they don’t have lockers provided, Gary is on mic confirming this is not a new policy.

 

Adam is back to the story as it was told to him, Alison says she would be angry with everyone who brought her and would never throw her purse out.

Adam is describing the “fuck it!” moment of outrage we all experience from time to time and shares the lost keys twist to this story.

Gary gets on mic to make Adam’s long story short a little longer, he gets tagged by Adam for daring to chime in with an assist.

 

Adam asks if it isn’t now time to take back our streets and reverse this behavior and these rules, Adam does a super-fast recap of the time he had to clear a permit and got the “why didn’t he call” response after being told it was impossible.

Alison has her own anecdote of something like this, Adam laments the cops not having cops and BB sarcastically suggests a 2nd San Diego football team to provide the competition Adam is suggesting necessary to change this element of society.

Adam has a killer ‘Looney Tunes’ reference.

 

Adam does a Reverie Bed live read.

 

Adam is describing the drive home where Rob was able to snap some photos of the huge blaze in downtown Los Angeles.

BB is now sharing the story he tried to wedge in before the live read, Adam is walking through it with him and how he was denied entry to a topless pool because he left his ID upstairs.

Alison asks if it was worth it, he insist it was and Adam says the guy who tuned BB away didn’t mind him having to waste 90min of his life.

 

Adam is arguing that if the Bouncer was to let BB slide, the only real benefit would be him joining the rest of the human race and being fucking decent, he can’t be bribed or incentivized.

Adam blames frivolous lawsuits and lawyers.

 

Adam welcomes Josh to the show.

 

Adam launches into a ManGrate live read.

 

Josh is telling them about his brother who is in need of a new kidney, he explains he reached out to Alison first and Adam is now riffing about how if you need a nostril or earlobe, eyelid or foreskin go to A-Rose, for organs you gotta go to the Aceman.

Adam is now asking if we wouldn’t all rather live in a world where every “click it or ticket” sign was replaced with a “Become a Donor” sign, they all agree they would.

Josh is further explaining the need, Adam is saying he’s all for a buying and selling market on organs, BB has a funny kidney broker one liner.

 

Josh is explaining how the screening process works and Adam jokes about adding a “how often do you beat off?” question to the list, just to fuck with them.

Adam is now offering a separate gift to anyone who chooses to donate their kidney to Josh’s brother if they are indeed a match, it’s not in exchange for an organ nor is it a reward, a separate kind gesture for a kind individual who cares enough to help Josh and his brother.

Alison tells him it’s very generous, Adam is clarifying his offer.

 

BB has a funny dog comment and asks the mechanics of getting the organ from the donor to his brother Nick.

Alison gets Adam to explain his 10,000 dollar rule, he uses the airport backpack incident to prove his point.

 

Q and Ace

1st Caller Luke, he wants to know about using handicapped toilets, the ethics in using them when you’re not disabled etc.

Adam mentions how the raised toilet bowl ups the ante on him filling his pants with piss and is now mocking the comfort angle, he argues it’s all around bad “juju” and says you can only take the handicapped if you plan on getting in and out as fast as possible while all of the other stalls are occupied.

Alison is now asking for follow up info on how Adam might piss his pants while seated on the toilet, Alison gets Adam to admit he’s peeing while sitting down to shit, Adam says it’s physically impossible not to do that.

 

Alison says she’s been pushing for an open bathroom door policy at home with Daniel and needs to know the mechanics, this is a great conversation.

Adam jokes about pissing and shitting with his head thrown back being sassy, he doesn’t touch on the penis length factor of the mechanics, he does cite ambient temperature which is probably a coded way of saying the same thing.

 

Adam is now doing a live read for Drop Stop the car gutter system.

He’s using his red wallet and how he had his assistant Jay paint it, he uses that to explain the need for these items.

 

Adam is now reading the regular toilet height building code vs. the raised one for handicapped stalls, Adam was dead nuts on.

Adam throws it to break.

 

They’re back from break.

Bret is returning after guesting on ACS #1372 from earlier this year.

They come back to another holiday song, this one aimed at Mike August, pretty good.

Adam reiterates it’s the anniversary of Mike August eating a pre-steak steak backstage.

 

Adam is now riffing about old guys with shit coming out of their ears, he asks if all people shouldn’t’ be assigned a hair and general grooming assistant (at birth?).

Bret shares the details of his hirsuteness, telling them about his “back pussy” thankfully Alison stops him on this to explain it, Adam apparently knows the term well.

Adam is now suggesting an audio video expert to be assigned to him, he has AV ED, and he needs a daily point man on call.

 

Bret is asking Adam about the first time he got his eyebrows waxed, he shares how difficult was for him to overcome the embarrassment of taking part in something he views as typically female.

Adam asks Alison about the uncomfortableness level of a therapists waiting room, Adam is now riffing about the competition therapist element.

Alison tells them she’s back to seeing the first therapist she ever saw, she returned back again after a 2nd time, she recently spotted a woman who she used to see over 10 years ago in the same waiting room.

 

Bret says he gave up therapy as it felt redundant after a while, Adam is sharing his “tune up” guide to therapy after one goes long-term.

Adam is citing his buddy Ray who’s been going to therapy for 10 years and it’s akin to going to the gym and never breaking a sweat, Alison asks if Drew would agree with Adam about therapy.

Alison is sharing her newly evolved take on lifetime therapy, not too dissimilar than massage therapy, if you can afford it, why not take care of yourself and wellbeing in all ways.

 

Bret gets some plugs, Adam wraps up his take and mentions the sold out live shows.

Bret and Adam jokes about him joining them on the road, Adam says that if you want to kill a guy send him on the road, he explains how it leads to drinking, beating off and shitty food.

Adam is now ordering a jack off omelet, a Jizz omelet, this is insane!

 

BB is joining them and Adam observes you also end up watching movies you’d never normally want to see, he brings up ‘Red 2’ and oddly specific choice, did he see that movie with August while on the road?

Bret is now breaking down his jack off schedule at Alison’s behest, he seems to be ruining one hotel room at a time.

BB seems to needlessly mention Gary, Bret asks about jacking off on planes and they move one quickly, what a dick.

 

Adam is back to how you end up alone without your stuff in a hotel room, it’s why people end up killing themselves.

Adam describes catching a look at himself trying to beat off to internet porn on his tablet while in San Antonio, Alison gets him to confirm he finished, what is this show, and it’s like Bret crop-dusted them with Jizz talk.

 

Adam and BB are doing a live read for Draft Kings.

Adam tells fans if they want a signed copy of NTBM to order now as the deal is soon expiring.

 

Alison’s News

1st Story is on the huge fire at the Da Vinci apartment construction, she shares how the authorities are approaching their criminal investigation.

Adam is now giving some expert information on fire retardant materials,

BB brings up the Glulam beam from Adam’s first home improvement show ‘The Adam Carolla Project’ in 2005, Adam confirms that’s the very type of material he’s describing, BB gets his “attaboy.”

 

Bret is asking about the pictures they’re looking at, Alison has a killer observation about him knowing a little too much, BB rolls with the joke with a little less subtly but it adds to it nicely, good stuff.

Alison has more details, Adam asks some follow ups and Adam is now finding the silver lining of arson, it only takes place at night, the prettiest time to observe fire.

Adam shares how tragic it is despite the lack of deaths or injury just due to the materials alone.

 

2nd Story is on Kevin and Bean getting admitted into the National Association of Broadcasting Hall of Fame, she shares the press release that mentions Adam Carolla.

Adam says they deserve it as their 25th anniversary approaches, Alison and BB want to know what Chris Hardwick did while working there, I guess they don’t recall him sharing it on air on the ACS.

Chris was a guest on Kevin and Bean and then was offered a midnight shift after crushing on the morning show, he ended up doing radio for at least a year I believe, if not several.

 

Adam explains at the time in 1994, Jimmy was the “sports guy” but he once again fails to explain Jimmy was playing a character, he wasn’t himself, he was a variant with a very specific accent too.

Adam explains how Carson Daly technically didn’t work for K&B, he worked at KROQ and Adam explains he always forgets about Chris roaming the halls.

BB brings up Matt Money Smith from those days and how successful he’s gone on to be, Adam tells the gang about how he is now doing Kevin and Bean a full 20 years after he started in 1994.

 

Adam is now explaining how the number keeps shrinking, the time between the start of Kevin and Bean’s show and Adam’s; first appearance as time marches on and we all get closer the grave.

Adam observes how shortsighted the initial KROQ executives were by declaring it the music of the 80’s, Alison has a similar observation about the myopic nature of the decade.

Bret tells them about his love for the 1970’s and mocks the VMA’s for giving the award of favorite hip hop album to Iggy Azalea.

 

Adam is mocking 80’s hair bands, he jokes it’s for people who want to see dude’s wearing yoga pants and cowboy boots.

Bret is telling them about the “Guido club music” he still loves, he says he also loves ‘The Carpenters’ and now BB is playing some Exposé, Adam says he would listen to this, he’s a sucker for chick bands and catchy hooks despite hating much of the other pop music of the decade.

BB is now playing some Whitesnake for the guys, Adam and Bret are discussing Chuck Finley claiming that Tawny Kitaen beat him in some domestic abuse incidents.

 

Dawson gets on mic to explain this song is not a happy tune, it’s a dirge and now Adam is bringing this up suggesting it as a legal preemptive strike by Chuck in the divorce proceedings.

“You Not Talking!?” – Adam responding to Dawson asking if they want to know some cool trivia about the song before launching into his actually somewhat interesting factoid, the laughs coming from the booth and studio are insane, Gary loses his shit and it’s glorious!

 

Adam is doing a live read for Man Crates

 

3rd Story is on ‘Saving Christmas’ getting the all-time lowest IMDB ranking, Alison explains she’s not quoting Rotten Tomatoes and gives that data to Adam.

Adam is marveling that this is the all-time lowest number from the audience, BB shares his backlash theory of people giving it negative reviews en masse to punish him for trying to rig the system by encouraging people who genuinely enjoyed it to rate it on IMDB.

Adam is asking Gary to Box Office Mojo the work of Kirk Cameron, Adam says he had a talk with Matt Fondiler earlier in the day regarding the movie ‘Road Hard’ and his bleak outlook on its eventual reception.

 

Adam is further explaining his take on making a movie and why he does it, Alison recalls Adam telling Mike August about his idea for the next movie.

Adam jokes about giving one things to his kids, he has a killer herpes joke.

Adam is explaining the reward is in the process of dreaming up the idea and then executing it over a period of time, he wishes he could instill that knowledge in his children.

 

Alison wraps the news.

Adam observes the tough part of making movies is the breakdown of the plot, Bret mocks the “keep it up” Complisults he gets after shows, he’s a professional.

Alison asks about summing up a book’s premise, Adam is now using open mics for his analogy regarding the batting average of suck, he explains that Kevin Weatherly of KROQ was the most influential program director and how all of the shitty demos from bands that should never kept trying block the demos of actual talents.

 

Adam says it’s not the fault of the people who spot talent, it’s the fault of the people and their narcissism, Adam and Bret are talking about Jamie Masada and ‘The Laugh Factory’ and his policy on shaking hands.

 

Adam is doing a Life Lock Ultimate Plus live read

Adam talks about the new casting for Catch a Contractor Season 3, Bret compliments the show and Adam does a reminder for Nick, you can email him here nickneedsakidney@gmail.com.