31 Dec Giovanni’s Superfan Sidebar 12/07/2015 – David Carmichael, Live from The Crest Theatre in Sacramento
A real time blog where Superfan Giovanni does recap and commentary on the show as it happens and opines on all things ACS
Guest – David Carmichael, Live from The Crest Theatre in Sacramento
Recorded 12-04-2015 – Release Date 12-07-2015
Production Number #1717
Adam has a pre-recorded intro for the live shows, giving out some plugs and live reads.
“Sack of Jew” edition
Adam would by a Nest Maxipad, he’s that in.
Adam opens the show live from Sacramento, he talks about the drive in and how Gina needed them to pull over so she could hurl from the insane driving going on.
Adam talks about road trip pee etiquette and how all of the guys got out and peed around her as she was puking.
Adam is now talking to David about his daughter peeing all over her shoes, Adam is talking about female urine stream ferocity.
Adam talks about men’s bladders growing at the same time their urethra’s shrink, he jokes about women dropping a flood like a fire fighting helicopter.
Adam talks about young men peeing with not enough cock to get the stream past their pants, Adam talks about the wide range of peeing among men.
Adam jokes about how women couldn’t expel/repel men from their vaginal orifices with the immense hidden power of women’s pelvic floor muscles, re: pee streams.
Gina is talking about being topless in the car on the way over, Dawson put a drink in the cup holder which splashed her when the car stopped short, covering her in liquid.
BB says he covered his eyes to protect her modesty, Adam jokes about people stocking up on booze for a road trip, revealing Dawson was drinking a cocktail in the car.
Gary gave Gina the shirt off of his back.
David tells them about a trip back from Disneyland to Sacramento and now Adam is talking about his road trips with the kids when they were young, David echoes his sentiments about raising a daughter vs. a son.
Adam is talking about how he was roll down the windows to shock his daughter mid tantrum to get her to calm down.
Adam talks about the noise of the back window in a car being rolled down being equivalent to Ron Jeremy fucking you in the ear, he jokes about his daughter wearing a strap-on and taking other ear, she enjoys it that much.
Adam is talking about all of the modern conveniences of his new car and the technology at play, yet the 2015 Denali doesn’t allow for windows’ to be rolled up for the customary 30sec grace period after the keys are removed from the ignition.
Adam is talking about his 1992 purchase of a 1986 Mitsubishi, he researched the car and talks about it having this illustrious window feature.
Gina has a funny Microfiche line while joking about Adam researching this car in a library.
Adam jokes about his being the ultimate first world problem, having to put the key back in the ignition and going to Africa and finding the people who just dug a fruitless well to complain at them about how hard life is.
Adam talks about watching two black guys eat Goulash backstage, he brings up the Asian gal eating cheese and how he dreams of a world…
What Can’t Adam Complain About
1st WCACA Girls in Sexy Christmas Lingerie, Adam interrupts to complain about the “Junior Suite” and how they need a better term than Jr., he talks about anything other than Junior.
Gina is now asking them about their room and the message on the desk, Adam jokes about “dear valued guest” being a horrible preface for information and Gina tells them about the invasive stink bug species in Sacramento.
BB has a line that leads to a severe crowd reaction, something about lame sports probably.
Adam is talking about how cats bury their own shit and need a better PR department.
Adam talks about hearing rats scurrying and what it means in a house, Adam sent someone up there to look around and he jokes about fresh vs. dry rat poop.
Adam says rats should get their shit together and then become immortal ad nobody would ever know if they were somewhere.
David agrees and Adam says when you don’t know what something eats go with peanut butter, hilarious sperm whale eating it but pussy little white kids not eating it due to allergies closing idea.
Adam is now getting to the lingerie, he’s never seen it in the wild, never happens, only something that exists in movies and catalogs.
Adam talks about the huge range for Mrs. Clause, either a 20yr old chick with huge tits of a grey haired older woman knitting.
Adam asks Kelly who asked the question if she has any of this, Adam jokes about Figgy pudding and the talk of things people don’t actually do or see around Christmas, Adam rants about only experiencing about 2% of the Christmas holiday and various accoutrement.
David is chiming in and giving his take, Adam is now going after Lingerie in general and how the advertising only drives home how different your wife looks compared to the models.
“If a chick is hot she’s hot wearing a fucking diaper and some KFC wet naps over her titties” – Adam
2nd WCACA the Joy of a 6yr old on Christmas morning, Adam is ranting about his war room plotting with elves on shelves and the strategizing with him and his wife trying to figure all this out.
David gives his own anecdotes about this, Adam has a killer “Vulva” line in reply to David’s kids name choice for their elf.
Adam asks do you really want parents in charge of the house who are totally ok with magical elves appearing around the house, hilarious bridge to sex slavery.
Adam is talking about his daughter’s request for a dog that’s hostile to Jews.
Adam explains the weird in between world his daughter is now in, before the mysticism is fully removed from the holiday.
Adam jokes about his parents buying shit at Thrifty’s on Christmas Eve for him as a kid in comparison to his daughter and how she freaked out a few Christmases ago when she was overwhelmed with gifts.
David is talking about buying gifts for his wife and how technology has helped him with Christmas shopping, Adam talks about framed pictures of the kid’s works as a nice gift option for moms/wives and someone shouts out about spa gift certificates.
Adam talks about getting the 500$ gift certificate he gets his wife that he ends up hammering, it ends up being his gift card after he tells her his neck hurts from telling jokes.
Adam is now riffing about gender preferences of masseuses, he does the fast talking thing where he’s trying not to reveal his preference.
Adam is talking about the blind woman he got as a masseuses, he says when Asians go blind they go extra blind, pan flute blind!
Adam says he’s upset he’s never propositioned by a gay guy now been asked for a “full release” by a masseuse, David is now sharing what he heard, interesting.
He talks about the “you want massage?” follow up while the masseuse is working the backsack area, Adam is killing it riffing about himself like an engine.
David talks about what happened to him, he has a slip of the tongue and explains how she went to work on his dong, he says she caught every drop and totally relaxed him.
Adam is joking about women only having one crockpot and this masseuse reusing her jizz rag crock pot for cooking at home, jizz and baby oil flavored soup for the kids, wow!
Adam is doing a Live Read for Dollar Shave Club
1st Story Is on the death of Scott Weiland, Adam gives an update on the black guys and the Goulash, then reacts to the story after Gina gives the information.
Adam is talking about Scott’s life being destroyed by a substance, Adam would rather his kid lose a limb in a framing accident, or a farming display in an air conditioned building, which is more likely, he rather that than they get hooked on drugs.
2nd Story is on Elf on the Shelf variant “Mensch on a bench” and Adam interrupts before she can get to the real story about the notion of “surveillance” and the slippery slope of elves monitoring kids and shaping the way humans view monitoring and surveillance by governments in the future.
Adam has a killer Keebler elf slippery slope riff, this is hilarious!
3rd Story is on Coldplay headlining the Super Bowl this year, Adam jokes about having to explain the game to them and says he wants Ted Nugent and the surviving members of ‘Lynyrd Skynyrd’ to play the game.
Adam jokes about the conscious uncoupling, thanks to an assist from Gina.
Adam says that nothing says football like Bruno Mars, Beyoncé and Coldplay.
Adam jokes about Bruno Mars having a pass to beat up women because he can move on the dance floor, Adam is now listing the various artists who got a pass due to their dancing prowess.
BB brings up Jared Fogle and Adam jokes about him moonwalking to his sentencing to get a reduced punishment.
Adam says that Bill Cosby is the white man’s hope for dancing, the one black guy who can’t move who then makes us think we have a shot.
4th Story is on Kinky People and the relative harmless effect is has on their everyday lives, Adam jokes as the fetishist scientist who is trying to give the results, very funny comedy angle.
Adam jokes about the fetishes and he jokes that “Surrey is gay for Wagon” and now he talks about the lack of black and Mexican dominatrix customers.
Gina shares the details of a documentary she saw, Adam has a killer “human jizz goblet” one liner.
He says adding human to any other word or term makes it much worse.
5th Story is on Cards against Humanity, Adam is joking about the things he doesn’t know about.
Adam asks if we need party games when we have alcohol, Gina shares the details of what the employees bought with the “nothing” sale they did over black Friday.
Adam asks what else he’s missing out on in society, women’s rights.
Adam jokes about women’s rights and women outliving men by 7 years, Adam jokes about women being paid in sacks of change, hilarious delivery and reaction from Gina.
Adam has a funny hope and change closer.
6th Story is on the first anti-ageing drug being tested next year, she wants to know if Adam wants to live longer.
“Natalia’s on her 27th German Sheppard what the fuck!?”
Adam asks what has replaced putting a man on the moon, he jokes about Matt Damon on mars.
Gina wraps the news, Adam is asking what other races he can force to eat Goulash, Adam is now saying he wants to tell Mexicans and Dentists something, he brings up Menudo and how the Mexican cuisine is primarily based on getting rid of a hangover.
Adam mocks chicklets gum sales in Tijuana.
David has a good point about hotdogs and now Adam is talking it to Dentists and the carpentry terms they use for their work and he rants about how horrible it is to hear them talk about his jaw like it’s a deck.
Adam is now telling smart people about SimpliSafe.
Adam is doing a SimpliSafe Live read
Adam jokes about his “black taster” he uses on the road, hilarious riff and quotes, holy shit!
Ace Awards material for sure!
Adam is giving out the plugs and wrapping up the show.