31 Dec Giovanni’s Superfan Sidebar 12/04/2015 – Jordan Harbinger, Live from The Uptown Theatre in Napa
A real time blog where Superfan Giovanni does recap and commentary on the show as it happens and opines on all things ACS
Guest – Jordan Harbinger, Live from The Uptown Theatre in Napa
Recorded 12-03-2015 – Release Date 12-04-2015
Production Number #1716
Adam opens the show with a live show “topper” where he gives some extra plugs and live reads, he’s got a funny “not too much of my love” line about fans giving his wife some love at the Mangria bar crawl events.
Adam is opening the show live from Napa, he thanks the fans for joining them and welcomes Jordan Harbinger to the show, plugging his show ‘The Art Of Charm’ and he talks about his kids going to sleep away camp about 18 miles away from the horrible massacre in San Bernardino.
Adam shares how his wife is bad with math and talks about her concern for the kids.
Adam is asking Jordan about his podcast and jokes about the “art of charm” merely being a smokescreen to fool chicks into blowing you.
Adam has a killer riff and Jordan takes it back to the practical advice his show doles out, Adam talks about contact meaning interest, Gina has a nice assist.
Adam is talking about a fireman’s pole being removed from a firehouse on a show he watched, Adam asks some first date advice.
He jokes about not listening and is now asking him about “nerve gas” the first date phenomena of holding in gas to be polite mixed with nervous energy messing with your gut.
Adam jokes about scheduling a date for maximum fart effect, he jokes about women setting up a date at a Fondue joint and beer before a long makeuot session and then recommends they run up on the guy at the last minute and stand there as he refuses to roll down the windows, holy shit.
Adam is now riffing about the crank windows being replaced by automated button based systems and how you can’t use the button move to indicate for someone to roll down their window as it looks like a blowjob command.
Adam has a killer “big department store of boobs and pussies” line about women being interested in the men who show the least amount of interest.
Adam and Gina are talking about women who try to turn gay men over the vag side, Adam talks about the gay guy on ‘The Man Show’ Rodney who would grab titties and flaunt his ability to violate the Juggies personal space due to his lack of sexual interest.
Adam is joking about going gay for a tech guy, BB has a funny line about gay tech guy’s abundance in the area.
Adam is now asking Jordan about the modern era of trolling in lieu of dating.
Adam mocks the AIDS pandemic era of his youth when nobody was having sex, he has a killer “my pussy is going to start taking the shape of his dick if we keep this up” line in regards to the concept of monogamy in 2015.
Adam is bringing up Eric Stonestreet and how he has the best of both worlds playing a gay guy with a straight cock in real life, he talks about his Tinder adventures.
Adam is talking about how he built a barn next to his house ala Jimmy Kimmel, Adam talks about his next two Saturdays and how Seth MacFarlane’s party coincides with his live stage show with Dennis Prager.
BB and Adam are now riffing about Adam showing up late for his wedding in Napa, Adam is talking about women and how they scramble their brains with hair dryers and are perpetually late due to the unfair demands regarding the appearance of women in public.
Adam jokes about women hustling in non-hustling outfits with stiletto heels, Gina asks if Adam missed the ceremony and Adam is now talking about how by being up too early you can make sure you end up late for an event, you get too cocky with your time padding.
Adam has a killer one liner and BB gets some crowd sympathy.
Blah Blah Blog
1st Blog Ralph Nader, Greg Louganis or Dr. Oz?
Adam mocks the blog and the lack of a law saying your TV has to be on, Adam mocks the idea of advertising influencing decisions and he talks about never buying Sunny Delight despite the months of advertisements he’s sat through for the beverage.
Adam is talking about the argument he got into with his wife, he talks about the booze order he gave for her to pick up, and she got clear Bacardi rum instead of scotch.
Adam says his sister’s boyfriend showed up at the house and wanted a coke, Adam describes trying to talk him out of a jack and coke and convince him to drink a rum and coke and then he jokes about filling him up on the booze.
Adam talks about the similarity in hair between Greg and Ralph, Gina has a key line that leads to a funny Blowjob aside from Adam.
Adam is now talking about the way Christmas was marketed when he was a kid, he talks about the sad reality of his childhood and how nothing was aimed at consumerism and holiday shopping events/sales.
Adam shares the details of the “no gifts” rule for this year’s holiday Kimmel party from Cousin Sal’s wife.
Adam talks about trying to get gifts for rich guys, he jokes about a custom golf cart for the ground floor of Jimmy’s house.
Adam shares the story of Jimmy’s “fuck that” in regards to ending the gift exchanges among each other as suggested by Daniel Kellison circa 2000.
Adam has a funny line about typing up his own blog.
2nd Blog Al Sharpton, Bill Clinton or Rachel Maddow?
Adam asks how one eats as described by the blog.
Adam jokes about drafting a Muslim for Thanksgiving, where do we pick up said Muslims for our dinner guests, Adam thinks this is the blowhardiest of all the blogs they’ve ever read on the show.
Adam has a killer riff about forcing Muslim neighbors away from their families to join “us” while mocking the notion of the blog.
Everyone is weighing in, BB picks up on the presidential cadence that Dawson was using.
Adam jokes about someone “ruling” and the schoolyard notion of ruling turf or a hill until the bell rings and you go back to class like a bitch.
3rd Blog Richard Branson, Bono or Alec Baldwin?
Adam is now riffing about getting some wayfarers for Bono, he mocks the U2 “bucka bucka” guitar thing and now he’s talking about how he likes Alec and his blowhard abilities, he likes how he channels them.
Everyone is now weighing in.
4th Blog Kathleen Turner or Melanie Griffith?
Adam jokes about all republicans hating women, that’s why they stick around and raise their daughters.
Adam says there are not two chicks who more exemplify his “when?” question after being told someone slept with either gal.
Jordan gives his guess and Adam has a funny joke about going with his guess despite this being the tiebreaker.
They wrap the bit.
Adam is now talking about the Cross/X Axis of Celebrity women and Regular Dude’s and how Time and Money are the great equalizers that lead to average dudes boning the hot chicks they grew up worshipping in TV and Film.
As perhaps best discussed and fully fleshed out on Classic Loveline:
1st Story is on the Donald Trump speech in front of a roomful of Jewish Republicans, she quotes his hilarious and quasi racist lines aimed at them.
“I’m going to You them down” – Adam as Trump, who Adam says is “set in his ways” and he talks about doing Celebrity Apprentice and the last two men standing of Arsenio Hall and Clay Aiken.
Adam talks about Trump hovering over him while he was doing the roast aimed at him, he jokes about his stance, as if he has elephantitis cock.
Adam is back to the roast and the jokes that nobody laughed at, hilarious jokes about Arsenio paving the way for many white men to follow.
2nd Story is on one of the Jenner daughters, one of the twins.
Adam jokes about Independent Day and taking out the Kardashian nest, he jokes about his kids being forced to listen to the Kardashian overlord running earth at some point in the near future.
Adam says we need to get straight dudes back into photography, now it’s all chicks and gay dudes and nobody can beat off to it.
Adam talks about John Derrick and his style compared to the modern era of arthouse experiments doubling as bikini photo shoots.
Adam blames this all on the latex spray paint and he now takes it back to the weird Jenner pictures and he talks about the bygone era of women cleaning in their underpants in photography, no straight dude took these pictures.
Adam talks about Kate Upton and mentions ‘Game of War.’
3rd Story is on Mouse Mingle a new Disney themed dating website.
Adam mocks the idea of someone being “out of that” or a ride not working at Disneyland and how you’re due a refund when something doesn’t work, he says give him 30$ if Pirates of the Caribbean is down, he’ll just spend it on a pretzel anyway.
Gina has a great anecdote about the ride being repaired and how the technician was forced to pretend to swim while moving towards the malfunctioning part.
Adam talks about how his daughter was denied access to the Zip line due to her height, Adam talks about how Sonny was resistant to riding rollercoasters and jokes about not being able to fuck the escort his family had for the park.
Adam jokes about Sonny looking like a black person who is scared while on the ride, he says he looks like Dave Attell if he wasn’t funny but was into children, holy shit!
4th Story is on Washing Dishes to calm a stress, Adam jokes about doing things “mindfully” in the modern era of earbuds and portable screens.
Adam shares a story of his dad cleaning a guy’s yard as his own form of Mindful meditation and how he fell into a hole in said yard, fucking himself up.
5th Story is on a gluten spectrometer device for people to take with them to restaurants.
Adam jokes about another device to pair with it that shoots pubes on previously scanned meals, a pube shooter, in Adam’s pube belt.
Gina has all of the details, Adam is now joking about an atomic pube bomb to drop on an entire wedding.
Adam talks about the people waiting in line for Captain Kirk’s dildo to waive over their food and how they’re the same anti-microwave and GMO food people.