28 Nov Giovanni’s Superfan Sidebar 11/27/2014 – Luke Burbank, Live from The Neptune Theatre in Seattle
A real time blog where Superfan Giovanni does recap and commentary on the show as it happens and opines on all things ACS
Guest – Luke Burbank, Live from The Neptune Theatre in Seattle
Recorded 11-22-2014 – Release Date 11-27-2014
Production Number #1463
Adam welcomes Luke Burbank back to the show, as usual for the Seattle visits.
Adam plugs Luke’s podcast, he now has a comment about how people should treat him.
Alison sets the audience up for their big awful shoes to fill for the last audience, Adam says he’s not seen drink like Canadian drunk.
Luke recounts this coming up last time and the drunken audience member who was quite intoxicated.
Adam is now lamenting the item his wife gave him the “I’m raising these two kids alone” line while they nanny had them at the park for the afternoon.
Adam is asking the Canadian woman in the crowd about the provinces, Adam says that Canadians almost elicit no reaction from Americans.
Luke calls Canada a J.V country and Adam says as long as Mexico is around Canada can get away with murder.
Q and Ace
1st Question from Mandy, Adam riffs about her being the last Mandy, Luke mixes up Neil Diamond and Barry Manilow, Adam corrects it and fails the gay test.
Adam is asking who Mandy is about, BB says his dog.
Mandy, asks if Adam will sign her boobs after the show, BB clarifies its “new boobs” and Adam is now riffing about new boobs smell.
Adam says she’s from Canada so the government paid for those titties, Adam is asking her what cup size she went for.
Adam is mocking her embarrassment, Adam is killing it.
She spotted a dude that knows her husband, Adam has a funny “you can’t say” line and jokes about the “they forced me” excuse people use after they do drunken stupid behaviors.
Adam pledges to sign them both, first and last name.
Luke has a killer Tom Leykis joke, Adam tells her to leave the titties with Mike August.
Adam is now bringing up the CC’s used for measuring breast enlargement, Adam says we should stick in the potato family hilarious tater tots vs. yams comparison.
They’re now quizzing the lady about her boobs, Alison asks about her former breasts and if she had “fingerlings” and now Adam is riffing about plastic surgeon dudes, who spray tan and have huge guns.
Adam is moving on.
2nd Question from Daryl, hilarious “cock widened” joke.
He wants to know if Heather will marry him, another proposal on the same trip.
Adam has a killer “thank you” in reply to the proposal.
Adam is now quizzing Daryl and Heather, they’ve been together over 2 years, not quite 3.
Adam has a killer reference to the ‘Newhart’ series from 1982-1990.
Adam has a killer hypothetical fiery car crash closer, wow!
3rd Question from Christopher from Vancouver.
Adam is now telling them about the stoned long bike ride he did with Jeff Ross while in Canada for Jimmy’s bachelor party.
Adam is now saying you want to kick the tires of your rental bicycle and explains why.
Chris wants to know about a 3rd season of ‘Catch a Contractor’ and he says he thinks there will be one, he explains that he saw the crawl soliciting new families for the next season.
Luke is now asking Adam about illegally using the HOV lanes for season 2, Adam is sharing his move for disguising the passenger seat, complete with “air comments” thrown towards the indivisible passenger.
Adam jokes about freeways actually ending and becoming some Mexican guy’s yard, gold!
Adam just invented a clasp on ball cap that attaches to the passenger seat and disguises itself as a passengers head.
Adam is now pitching the invention and he explains how it works, gold!
It will prevent 96% of the cops pulling you over, he has a killer point and Luke is in the mix with a ‘Space Ghost’ reference.
Adam is now telling the audience to travel with 5 ball caps, one for each municipality and he brings up the time he was pulled over while wearing an LAPD cap.
Adam has a great “do not be confused by the Van” and compare Van Nuys to Vancouver, Adam is telling them about the time he got pulled over and pulled himself over before the cop ever got to him, and Adam explains how the cop was livid and mocks the nearby junior college.
Luke has a good Diamond Bar referencing and Alison is in the mix, they’re joking about cap sniffing dogs.
Adam is doing a live read for Nature Box.
Nicaraguan Name That Tune –Nirvana edition
Did they get new songs from Oswaldo?
1st Song ‘All Apologies’
Adam says they’re kinda like ‘Led Zeppelin’ with their song naming conventions, Adam doesn’t have the song titles and Dawson pledges to fix that.
Adam is going off on the crazy long title of Zeppelin songs vs. their boring album titles, which is it Led Zeppelin?
Adam is getting pissed about the Alison audience member and Alison Rosen mix-up.
2nd Song ‘Polly’
3rd Song ‘Heart shaped Box’
Adam is riffing about nobody telling the audience member David this would be easy.
4th Song ‘Come as You Are’
David wins the tickets.
Luke asks about this show and asks if they always do this, Alison reveals this is the first time they’ve done it live, Adam jokes about being committed to a shitty bit.
Alison’s news – Pussy Lips Edition
1st Story is on a new study about dating apps leading to less sex among single people, usually resulting in lame texting relationships that fizzle out.
Adam jokes about men being in a daze from all of the intent porn and not having the energy to pursue fresh pussy, they’ve lost the eye of the tiger.
Luke shares his theory about men trying to turn these text chats into sexts, Alison has a wiser point about the illusion of unlimited options.
2nd Story Is on an English theme park banning single people, Adam totally agrees and says we don’t need lone dudes in their 50s wearing ‘blublockers’ walking around Disneyland.
Adam and BB are riffing about pedophiles posing as a gay couple to molest kids at a theme park.
BB has a killer ‘Shark Tank’ reference and Adam is rolling with it.
Luke comments and Adam tells him that was the Mangria thinking/talking.
Adam asks if someone is abusing kids on premises of a park, isn’t that on the park, Adam is killing it with a riff about one weird guy with a falcon.
Adam is now suggesting they take Santa out of the malls if this is about picture taking, Alison has a funny reveal and Adam is joking about it being a necessary opening topic for therapy sessions.
Adam jokes about birds having hooves, BB loves that and now Adam is asking why we can’t all have feet, why does everything need a special name for each species.
Adam jokes if falcons are so stupid they become docile when you put a leather old timey football helmet on them, Adam is now riffing about putting a pillow case over Suge Knight’s head and has a killer KKK closer, comedy gold!
Alison has a delayed joke, taking it back to the carpool lane stuff, pretty good and Adam saves it for her telling her it worked even 10 minutes too late.
He tells BB about the joke he could’ve/should’ve saved and now Alison says it seems really hard to put a hat on a bird, Adam is now pitching a 1970’s rock band from Canada called ‘Falcon Hat’ and Adam mocks Luke and the gang for their limited knowledge about falconry.
Adam has proclaimed himself the expert on all birds of prey, he explains the hat and its use to Alison and the gang.
BB says Sonny is “tempting” as Adam talks about how pretty he is and how he takes after the wife in the good looks department, Adam is commenting on Sonny’s “Jazz Hands” and Alison notices it for the first time.
Adam says he would be a feather in the cap for any good pedophile, Alison has a killer callback to I’m raising these children alone” from the last show.
Adam is explaining how he’s going to use his family photo with Sonny to shame his dad, they’re now all looking at the choice photo of him at the Toyota Grand Prix with Sonny in his arms/on his shoulders.
Adam is now sharing his theory for Boy Scout camping trips and finding/forcing volunteers, he explains his logic about making the guy who least wants to do it be the volunteer.
3rd Story Is on Turkey Obesity, she’s explaining their lifespan and now Luke tells them about the Mayor of Seattle pardoning a ‘Tofurky’ and Adam jokes about the poor writers at ‘The Onion’ kicking themselves.
Adam jokes about that pardon being the indicator of how soft Seattle is, leaving them wide open for the next terrorist attack.
Alison has a killer one liner, Adam jokes about them pardoning bean curd.
Adam just thought up his new late night show ‘Holy Shit with John Wayne’s reanimated corpse’ and he now explains the premise, this is gold!
Luke has a funny “Hold on Homo” one liner and now Adam is suggesting they use that alternate title, Adam is joking about hat tilting and what it means.
Adam feels like they’re covering a lot of bird ground and he’s now mentioning all of the bird topics form this show.
Adam is bringing up candy cigarettes and vegetarians molding fake meat into meat shapes, Adam is killing this riff.
Luke pitches “To-Haggis” and Adam jokes that BB’s fraternity name was “ToFaggis” and Alison asks about veggie seafood and trying to replicate that taste.
Adam is now riffing about San Francisco trying to pardon a tampon to be an even pussier city, Alison asks what a pardoned tampon means, Adam is not thinking about it.
Adam has a new idea, he brings up his novelty tampon string idea, the rats tail, pull chain, ripcord and trunk t handles that glow in the dark.
“The rope you watched other guys climb in gym class” – Adam
BB has a great callback to his frat name.
4th Story is on the thanksgiving myth of buckles on hats being used by the pilgrims.
Adam is now asking the bullshit story about the history of Thanksgiving and how it all went down.
Adam says he didn’t do a lot of studying in school and now riffs the history of thanksgiving as he knows it, good craps table’s comedy.
Alison is now sharing some more myths about pilgrims and Adam wants to know at what point they started fucking with Native Americans.
Adam is now telling the fans to make the fresh cranberry sauce recipe this year, he’s praising it and lamenting the can Queef variety.
Luke has a funny callback to the mayor and Adam jokes about pardoning butt plugs.
5th Story is on the AMC ‘Interstellar’ unlimited ticket, BB is now giving his take on the movie and Alison wants to know who would want to see this over and over.
Adam says they knew this was an appetizing prospect and that’s why they offer it.
Adam is now doing a live read for Smart Mouth.
6th Story is on Neil Young boycotting Starbucks in addition to conditioner, according to Ace, Adam is now riffing about forcing him into a hot oil treatment and jokes there is something about playing the harmonica and pushing that air out of your head that makes your hair dry.
Adam is now pitching a new show ‘we piss off gay hairdressers with Neil Young’ where they zip tie said hairdressers and not allow them to fix his shabby mane.
Luke insults Neil’s music.
“How dare you that man has the voice of a goat whose head is stuck in a fence” – Adam
Adam is now asking Alison about why he’s boycotting Starbucks and brings up the GMO related lawsuit between Starbucks and Monsanto and the state of Vermont.
Adam jokes about John Cougar Mellencamp having it right and being about issues while getting drunk, smoking and banging young ladies.
7th Story is on Floyd Mayweather, Jr. buying his son a Bentley golf cart, Luke is mocking the photo of Floyd and his son.
Adam is riffing about wrapping his golf cart around a telephone pole while drunk on Hi-C and they have some solid Chappaquiddick jokes.
Adam says that Floyd likes to piss people off and brings up his impressive 49-0 record, he’s the highest paid athlete and Adam jokes about how much he could make if we weren’t holding the black man down in society mocking the notion of “white privilege.”
Adam is saying that all 40 million dollar checks must come in Styrofoam giant form.
Adam is doing an E-voice live read.
Adam thinks Luke and is wrapping up the show with a plug.
“The Falcon Bald Bryan” – Adam gave him a new nickname.