28 Nov Giovanni’s Superfan Sidebar 11/26/2014 – Live from The Neptune Theatre in Seattle
A real time blog where Superfan Giovanni does recap and commentary on the show as it happens and opines on all things ACS
Guest – Live from The Neptune Theatre in Seattle
Recorded 11-22-2014 – Release Date 11-26-2014
Production Number #1462
Adam is opening the show with some things on his mind, he tells them about driving out from Portland and jokes about trying to light the place on fire for the partisan crowd.
Adam says he was taking shit upstairs and got a squirt of water into his anus, the swallowing a bee while yawning of taking a poop.
“What’s good for the goose is good for the Asshole” – Adam
Adam has a killer Cosby joke and says if anyone films this and puts it online they could get a shit-ton of web traffic, referencing Hannibal Buress.
Adam is mocking old people driving Toyota Yaris and similar shitty vehicles, Adam is riffing about them battling the manufacturers of Toyota in WWII and now driving their shittiest car.
Adam is bringing up his plan to take his kids on a tour of losers so they can learn how to avoid ending up where losers end up.
Adam brings up traveling the country with Mike August and brings up him driving over a center divider and saying that’s why they rented the SUV.
Adam says they have never been pulled over once, he says cops are assholes who wait for you to come to them, this proves his hypothesis about cops and what triggers them.
“Even if you’re from a cool place you’re still a cop first” – Adam
Adam comments on the audience member with a full size likeness of Adam on it, Adam jokes about the tapioca filled hole in it, Adam is asking if this is like a huggy booky and the person sleeps with it every night.
Adam jokes about them making it custom and hoping it’s not sold anywhere.
The audience member reveals Adam has signed it before, Adam is now mocking the rest of the audience for bringing only attitude and cool facial hair in lieu of pillow Adams.
Adam is bringing up people who have cardboard cutouts in their home, Adam brings up Randy Macho Man Savage, Alison brings up Harrison Ford and Adam has a killer ‘Slim-Jim’ joke.
Adam is now asking if the pillow has a voodoo doll element to it and jokes about feeling pressure in his anus, like he sat on a Prussian helmet.
Adam is now mocking the idea of the fan being sad about being mocked even though he brought in such a bizarre item.
Alison is now also lamenting phantom butt stabbing pain with Ace.
Q and Ace
1st Question Pete, he wants to know about people driving with the top down but the windows up in their convertible, he wants to what that move is.
Adam is hoping the people doing that have just farted and are trying to experience more of the essence.
“She must have a wagon of rapists that just follow her home” – Adam on Sharon Stone driving around her convertible Bentley with the windows down.
Adam says he has a convertible race car but wears a helmet for that one.
2nd Question Stuart, Adam interrupts to lament the last question and mock the guy for asking/saying it.
Stuart wants the best advice Adam has received but didn’t take, he brings up the stock advice and car advice he didn’t listen to.
Adam says Jimmy Kimmel is the only guy in his life who gives him advice, Adam is now bringing up the Southwest stripper flight from Vegas, joking about one of the strippers giving the pilot advice on the flight plan.
Adam said one of Jimmy’s best pieces of advice is to make people seem like it’s their idea when you have a good idea.
Adam has a killer subliminal blowjob riff involving his wife.
3rd Question Thomas, he asks Tina if she will marry him and she has a killer line about him staying off Market Street in Portland.
She is now telling them about Thomas getting caught in Portland, Adam mocks their TNT initials, this is Tom’s 2nd marriage and Adam is asking him what happened, he says he’s doomed to replicate the pattern.
Thomas predicts the marriage will never have the sex dry up like last time, Adam has everyone put their hands together for the hero.
Adam jokes about his fictional 4 USO tours and he asks Thomas about Iraq, he wants to know what they like over there.
Adam is asking why every other culture loves our movies, blue jeans and products but seems to hate us.
Adam has a fake Tony Orlando song joke, he’s asking how long they’ve been together, 7 long months.
Adam asks if it’s too short a period of time, Adam is now riffing about being “in country” and Thomas clarifies he works in scheduling for flights for soldiers.
Thomas is lamenting the time difference and lack of booze in the Middle East, Adam is now asking what is wrong with having booze for the soldiers.
Adam jokes about his duffle bag full of booze and leaning to make Pruno while enlisted.
Thomas is joking about Adam doing two weeks as an enlisted man to come up with some material, Adam says he would do the Army if it was 2 weeks, a trial “let’s see how it goes” deployment and he’s killing it with this riff.
Alison wonders how he books travel for soldiers, Adam has a funny question asking.
Thomas says it’s a proprietary government system and laments the waste involved in creating it.
Tina refuses to say another word after being dubbed “Talking Tina” and Adam says the guy who washes his car makes more than Thomas.
Adam is doing a live read for Protect Your Bubble
Adam is now mocking his wife’s explanation attempts for breaking her phone, hilarious angry elf one liner.
Adam and BB are joking about Pre-Op board op bill being the only gay guy they still know.
1st Question “Who is Apollo Creed?”
Alison says “it’ll know” and BB says yes as well, Adam is now riffing with BB about his theory, Adam says no.
2nd Question “Who won this year’s world series?”
Alison says no, BB says yes and Adam says no.
Adam is now asking if we raise gay people on an island, why are they so unaware of things outside of their interests or communities.
3rd Question “If you’re looking in a Kelly bluebook what are you looking for?”
Adam is now bringing up the Colt Roundup naked dude magazine he got in high school, he brings up the mid-boner posing they do.
Alison has a killer “veiny rainbow” reply to Adam’s great skittles joke.
Adam is now riffing about dude/gay porn and how men are often doing stuff, working with their cocks hanging out.
Adam is now further lamenting Colt Roundup and the one guy who looked like Dave Coulier, with Puka shells who only showed up for a head shot.
Adam remembers the guy’s name was Clay, he’s now asking him why he won’t show his cock in the magazine, Adam says it was Ray who gave him the magazine.
“You think your cock doesn’t stink, maybe it does?” – Adam
Adam brings up his ‘Slumdog Millionaire’ stance when it comes to disposing of porn, Adam brings up hiding it between his box spring and mattress and says it’s the perfect porn environment.
Adam says at some point his dad found it, he explains the time Ray took a shit in the garage he was living in and how he probably left it on his bed for Jim to find.
Alison asks if they ever spoke about it, Adam has a great “we never loved you anyway, if you want to fuck dudes have at it” – Adam and says it’s probably worse they never talked about the magazine.
There 3 fruit flies annoying Adam and Alison, Alison wants to know about the reasoning for why the guys have half-chubbed dicks in these magazines.
Adam says that full boner is all you got, there is nowhere to go, if you go into the leather state it makes seem like there could be much more there.
Alison says yes, BB says yes and Adam says no, he says it bad tactics and goes for it anyway.
4th Question “Who starred in the movies Non-Stop, The Grey and Taken?”
Adam brings up Liam Neeson’s legendary horse dong, Adam is now asking if anyone else saw the movie “The Grey’ and he’s saying the most confusing part of the movie is Liam Neeson’s dyed hair while living in Alaska with other dudes.
Adam is polling the audience for gay folk to find out if Liam is an under the radar gay icon.
Alison says he doesn’t know, BB says yes and Adam also says no.
5th Question “Who’s is the host of Spike TV’s To Catch A Contractor?”
He uses the “to” mistakenly.
Adam is now sharing his favorite part of the show is the reveal day where all the people on the show walk past Adam to hug Skip, Adam is saying that Skip looks like a Contractor and Adam looks like an idiot.
Adam says once you do comedy is out the window, including eating pussy.
Adam brings up Jeff Ross and Doug Benson as contractors and Alison has a notoriously bad pussy eaters one liner.
Adam goes no, Alison goes no and BB goes with Yes, Adam says it would be hot if Jennifer Lawrence did host his show.
Two Way tie Breaker “Gayer city Portland or Seattle”
“Something will come from his mouth other than a cock and balls”
Adam lets Alison go first, she says Portland, Adam says Seattle.
Adam takes the win!
Adam is now riffing about the population and elevation signs they have when you enter a new state, they wrap the segment.
Alison’s News – Pussy Lips edition
1st Story is on “insta-breasts” a 24hr temporary breast augmentation, Adam has a great indigenous child prostitute joke.
“You just shit your breasts out 24hrs later” – Adam
Adam asks what Daniel would think of this, she shares her fear of needles and now Adam is riffing with how you know when a guy wants you to do something “if you really want to do it, I’ll support you”.
Adam jokes about getting his installed Lynette left knee and the small of her back, so he can always have hands on a tit.
Adam says women worry about boobs too much, he’s dated small breasted women, and attractive is attractive.
Adam is now asking about Kim Kardashian and Kanye West, he’s riffing about Kanye having a reminder to have a public outburst.
Adam is now lamenting the huge asses and says he doesn’t want anything to do with it, like riding a Brahma bull.
They’re now looking up at the oiled up ass photo of Kim, Alison is commenting on her covering up her thighs and moves on.
The audience is now chanting, “Live Read?” what, Adam is joking with them and mocks them for losing the loudest stadium title to Kansas City, he’s now sharing his love for Seattle but his disdain for the douchebags who just know what a great place they live in.
Adam brings up their lunch hat ‘The Taphouse’ and how the 162 beers on tap is not as cool as it seems, he’s lamenting it as a tourist, not aware it’s for locals who sample each kind.
Adam jokes about all the taps being connected to a keg of Bud Light, 162 hoses into one keg.
Adam is bringing up wine tasting tours, he’s describing the “drinking cane” used to tap the bungholes, and Adam is sharing how he would trick people into being fools.
BB tried 12 types of beer, Adam shares why he didn’t take the sampler and has a funny “shit sandwich” metaphor.
2nd Story is some unknown things/facts about Starbucks, Alison polls the hipster crowd who lament the corporation who have brought millions into their city, fucking morons.
Adam is sharing his idea for “leave room for douche” the two Starbucks lines, one for coffee and one for the pretentious douchebags.
BB has a funny point about the signage negatively effecting your business, Adam is asking how much time people have to invest in coffee.
Adam brings up how Starbucks makes things that are calorically the same as a milkshake, milkshakes for douchebags adults.
Adam is doing a Draft Kings live read.
BB found out that it’s not allowed in Washington State, he tells the audience to write to the congress douches.
Alison is bringing up the “stealth Starbucks” locations where they test new items, she explains how it works.
Alison reports that Starbucks is going to start selling beer and wine, their “evening’s menu” and now Adam is asking what this will give way to and riffing about douchebag wine orders.
Alison and Adam realize this will only result in turbocharged douchebags, BB plays the Danny Bonaduce drop, Alison confirms that Mike August is not an asshole and brings up witnessing him drink an energy drink.
Adam is now ranking the douche levels for energy drinks in order.
Adam brings up Jordanna Brewster on the KLSX ACS, Adam asked her about NOS and she wasn’t aware of the definition of the term, despite it being a major plot point in the first ‘Fast and Furious’ movie and Adam is forgetting she was only in part 1.
Adam says that Jordanna is the hottest chick who doesn’t possess an upper lip, you can find hotter with an upper lip but not without.
Alison reveals the original mermaid logo on Starbucks was much racier, Adam is asking the drunken crowd why they don’t like the company.
Adam asks if you’re from Seattle and someone makes money do you have to hate them, yes exactly, that’s it, that is exactly it, Seattle the best place on the planet filled with some of the worst people.
Adam is bringing a drunk guy to the stage, BB is giving a great series of “no’s” and the audience all claim they hate the company because the C.E.O. sold the Seattle Super Sonics to another city.
He fails to mention the lack of interest the locals seemed to have after 1996, Adam is joking about the drunken guy almost falling down the stairs.
Adam says nobody punches harder than drunken white guys trying to greet you.
Adam is doing a ManGrate live read
Adam closes his show with his love for Seattle and the Seattle fans who embrace him like nowhere else.