28 Nov Giovanni’s Superfan Sidebar 11/25/2014 – Live from The Aladdin Theater in Portland
A real time blog where Superfan Giovanni does recap and commentary on the show as it happens and opines on all things ACS
Guest – Live from The Aladdin Theater in Portland
Recorded 11-21-2014 – Release Date 11-25-2014
Production Number #1461
Adam opens show number #2 to perhaps an even rowdier crowd, Adam thanks the fans and teases a round of ‘What Can’t Adam Complain About’ along with Alison’s News.
BB plays the DAG “Ah Shit!” #TopDrop and Adam is now asking about ducks, he mentions how he spotted a woman at the airport, BB is joking with him about him being at the bar.
Adam explains this woman they spotted was a huge ducks fan, Adam forced Gary to take a picture of this human being and Gary isn’t ready to display the photo yet.
Adam says it’s his fault for discussing it moments before they took to the stage, Adam is describing the woman’s garb and BB has a comment that elicits quite the reaction from the local crowd.
Alison has a lost a bet alternative narrative for what Adam saw, Adam is says he’s 0 for 29 for whishing some crazy coos or fat guy doesn’t end up on his flight to only have them wind up on said flight or sitting next to him.
Adam is now asking about this woman’s possible spouse, he has a killer LSU turban sporting Lynette analogy as he asks where the dude is in this woman’s life.
Adam is now riffing about the missing spouse in her life stopping her, Adam says don’t wear flags like capes because everyone knows it when you fart, Alison has a killer reply.
They’re joking about “fart Thermos’ and “shit lunchbox” new bands names.
What Can’t Adam Complain About
Adam does the “We don’t plan this” preface and Alison reference a drawn out conversation about the movie ‘Chef’ as an example.
1st Topic Brandon, Adam mocks his flannel shirt and hometown, good sarcasm.
Brandon doesn’t think Adam can complain about Mike Dawson’s Voice, Adam says it’s going to be tough but he can put it together, Adam talks about Dawson’s vocal sweet spot of 7 ½ Michelob’s.
Adam talks about Dawson hitting his empty beer and he jokes about him trying to get the fumes, Dawson joins him and confirms Adam didn’t leave a drop of beer in his bottle.
Adam says it sounds like he’s making fun of Dawson and then stops, now he’s ranting about the people who attend his parties and never drink their opened beers.
“There are people in Africa who aren’t even buzzed right now, the only buzz they know if the flies circling their heads” –Adam
“Do they know its happy hour at all” – Adam
Adam is further lamenting the partygoers who don’t finish their beers, he jokes about tears running down his face the next morning as he baby bird’s the remaining booze into his son’s mouth.
Alison shares that she doesn’t like beer and offers up an excuse for said people, Adam brings up the Molly story, from the time she ran away at Jimmy Kimmel’s football Sunday, the time he ran after her with a beer in hand and was spotted by passersby.
Adam updates the gang that Molly is back at the vet’s office today and Adam is riffing about the cost it takes to keep her alive, Adam is now breaking down her photo and missing ear.
Alison says they should give Adam some money back, Adam wants back her old used dead ear and Adam explains the “long ways” style of cutting they did on her ear, Adam says this needs to be discussed in advance and jokes about a meatball sandwich.
Adam jokes about a playing card in Molly’s ass to make noise while she’s running to go along with her ear streamer.
Adam is now further asking what the fuck is up with these beer wasting party guests, Adam is now mocking Alison and her hatred for beer, good stuff and Alison tops him with two solid replies.
2nd Topic Chris, doesn’t think Adam can complain about ‘Frozen’ and he compliments the film while lamenting how Disney rapes your wallet when you own kids.
Adam is killing it with the descriptors for the wasted income on Disney accessories that go along with the movies.
Adam brings up the kids guilt tripping their parents into buying more crap, Adam says it’s like the movie ‘The Town’ and brings up Pete Postlethwaite.
Adam says prion movies end, Disney never ends.
Adam asks if anyone has been to the campus for Pixar and calls it an insane place to work, Adam offers up some ideal gigs, male on female porn set fluffer and fudge sampler, he then rethinks that combination.
Adam brings up the Pixar employees who show up on their days off to chill at work, he comments on how unusual that is.
3rd Topic Sophia doesn’t think Adam can complain about Swedish Women, Adam says yes with no hesitation, Adam says it must be tough to be blonde chick born in Sweden and be brings up all the positive baggage that goes along with it.
Adam mocks the question “what part of Sweden are you from” and Adam says that means you have a small country when you can’t say where you’re from and have to say “near __”
“Were you guys trying to kill Nazis or launder their money?” – Adam confusing the Swedes with the Swiss.
Adam is now saying they should ban Swedish meatballs after IKEA comes up and Adam says the worst mascot of all time is the IKEA Allen wrench and Adam is now asking if the IKEA wrench ever hangs out with the Stanford tree mascot.
“My beef is the meatballs” – Adam
Adam says they coast too much on their country of origin and Adam reveals he once worked with a Swedish girl and once again brings up “Svenska Flicka” forgetting that was the key word that resulted in the infamous Cardigans incident on Classic Loveline #188
Adam jokes about full Swede vs. Swed’ish and he’s now asking her to cuss him out in Swedish, he tells her to get back to the kitchen to roll some mini meatballs, Adam is still baffled by that restaurant in IKEA and Adam calls their store layout diabolical.
Alison brings up the sadness warehouse where you pick up your IKEA pressboard furniture.
Adam is now bringing up the argument that starts while you’re trying to strategize with the cart, line and merchandise followed up with the parking argument.
Adams is riffing about this synchronizing and Alison brings up the “Ass Crack Squad” as coined by Adam who come and deliver and setup your furniture for you.
4th Topic another Brandon, he wants to know if Adam can complain about Mexican food after a night of drinking.
Adam stops Brandon and mocks him for interrupting him and suspects he must have a high self-esteem, Adam is now quizzing him about his days in high school to find out if he does have an enhanced esteem from getting laid in high school and playing sports.
Adam is now mocking the Mexican audience members for never getting burned out on the same ingredients and jokes about them adding an egg and that being them pushing the envelope.
Adam is now bringing up the Mexican butcher shops and the cartoon animal graphics they often have.
Adam says the problem is that it only makes you feel better temporarily and now Adam is praising the melted cheese on top of refried beans as the best tasting bite in all of food and riffs about his death row last meal of just skimmed off bean cheese.
Adam is now asking the audience what’s better refried beans cheese or the batter that lives on the bottom of the corndog, Adam believes that humans have devoured an entire rain forest of wood due to corndogs.
Adam says he’s eaten a canoe of wood and now says when is ship comes in he will get a guy who uses his special corndog shirt to remove the dog under his armpit.
Adam is mocking refried beans and what you do to them when you eat the cheese, Adam wraps the topic.
5th Topic from Michael, he wants to know how Adam can complain about Reverie bed, Adam jokes about his wife propped up at home enjoying Drew’s HLN show while using the vibration massage setting.
Adam says he will be returning to a Jizz soaked comforter at his hotel room and BB asks if Lynette emits Jizz in response, he’s got a tumor.
Adam jokes about the spider web of crème Brule topping on his mattress at the hotel, he jokes about shards of Jizz and the sadness of local news viewing in hotel rooms.
“As my wife falls asleep vagina in hand” – Adam
Adam is doing a Bark Box live read
1st Story is the 2014 roundup from Career Builder on the most absurd excuses of why employees couldn’t attend work.
Alison brings up the “casserole” excuse and Adam likes the person’s esteem and Alison telling them about her husband’s dislike for potlucks.
Adam jokes about her throwing herself into the arms of DAG.
Adam is bringing up cadaver tissue used from organ donors to make guys dicks bigger, Adam uses Asian and BB objects and now Alison jokes about a really shitty movie based on this, forgetting about ‘Gay Eye’ and now Adam is riffing up the plot for ‘Cadaver Cock’
Alison is reading the rest of the reasons, Adam is shocked these people are employed and Alison has a funny “good mood” excuse she’s quoting.
Adam says being the boss used to mean something, he brings up old timey sitcom plots about the boss coming over for dinner.
Adam is asking why now that he’s the boss nobody cares about the boss anymore nor treats him like their employer and commander.
Alison has a blood pressure machine excuse, Adam is now joking about the handheld “love meter” machines and Alison tells them about the final microwave excuse.
Adam says he feels like he doesn’t hear about the microwave anymore.
Adam says his microwave clock looks like the Alien text of the Yautja race from the ‘Predator’ movies, what a killer reference.
Adam is now lamenting microwaves finicky nature when it comes to heating in different containers, Alison brings up the specific buttons nobody uses.
Adam brings up his rich white guy problem of having to reset the turntable plate after his maid doesn’t put it back correctly.
Adam is now bringing up the microwave cover that sits too low, it always ends up with gunk on it, he’s now telling them about defacing his toaster oven to prevent his wife from placing the tray above the toaster.
Adam explains she managed to overcome the screw he put on top and ruined the tray, Adam says his toaster oven now looks like Pinhead from ‘Hellraiser’ and kills it with another filmic reference.
Adam is lamenting eggs exploding in microwaves, Alison tells them about starting a fire in her microwave and now Adam is angry about foil containers given out at most Italian restaurants, the foil with paper lid.
Adam is lamenting the Chinese takeout metal handles and the most desperate move of all people, trying to get the congealed fat out of the bottom of the container onto the leftovers.
Adam brings up the morning after “who stole my shit” moment when you go for your leftovers.
2nd Story is on the conditioning Fast and Furious franchise that had no end in sight
“Vin Diesel will be hitting the NOS button on his fucking walker”
Adam is lamenting action movie heroes and their extreme grip, it’s the fakest part of all action movies.
Adam is bringing up the way this fiction can influence your interpretation of reality, using a daring 9/11 analogy.
Alison brings up sports, now Adam is saying that football requires more grip over hockey.
Adam jokes about them having a hockey team called “The Pussy Lips”.
3rd Story is on the new line of pie flavored whiskies, Adam is joking about someone trying to come up with new ways to make everyone fatter.
Hilarious Join Madden’s asshole reference.
Alison says Cherry Pie and BB launches into the musical drop, Adam does the briefest stripper DJ bit.
Adam is now asking for someone to invent an alcohol patch, that gets you drunk without drinking, he’s joking about the ways it would work, hilarious taco bell eating home invader riff.
Adam asks Dawson if he’s been eating any pot since he’s been in town, he explains he did have a bite of a cookie earlier.
Adam brings up ‘Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious’ and makes Dawson sing some of it, good stuff.
4th Story is on the new free U2 album, Adam asks if Bono couldn’t write one song about coming to town to bone ladies, funny mocking of their “bucka bucka” musical style too.
Adam is mocking the heavy themes and lyrics in U2’s music and Adam jokes he should write one song about his giant glasses.
Alison is now quoting Sinead O’Connor’s comments about the album, Adam asks who is going get old first, Bono or Prince?
They both look exactly the same as they did in 1983.
Adam brings up Jeff Bridges and has a killer Dorian Black one liner, Adam is asking what Prince does to stay youthful, hilarious titty milk fountain of youth joke.
Adam brings up the band ‘Loverboy’ and is riffing about asking Bono and Prince to age and eat some shitty food and gain some weight.
Adam has a funny chiropractor dedication and now adds Bruce Springsteen to the list of men who won’t age, Adam wants to get ahold of the boss to get him to write a custom dedication aimed at Lynette, to make her change her ways.
5th Story Is on Christoph Waltz being cast in the latest Bond movie, Adam says he’s like Bryan Cranston if he were Nazi and jokes about how kind he is even when refusing to be a part of whatever Adam is emailing him about.
Adam is doing a Draft Likings live read, preemptively looking forward to Dawson trying to do the legalese, Adam gives him some praise.
6th Story is on a website ranking system for airport food, Adam laments how much LAX sucks and Adam says he wants hunker down in PDX and SEA, not LAX.
She is now reading the top 10, San Diego makes #7 and Adam says before he dies he wants to buy something from the ‘Duty Free’ shop before he dies.
Adam jokes about trying to buy a Toblerone log in there, he explains how tried to finally use the duty free store a year ago, in a moment of self-actualization as a rich guy.
Adam was asked if he had an international ticket before trying to buy the booze, Adam jokes about the woman’s response.
Alison jokes about every other shop being “duty full” and now BB is sharing the tale of the time he bought a duty free Toblerone, Adam is riffing about them only selling shit that will kill you.
Portland made #6, Lax is ranked #3 and Adam calls it an inside job, that’s because he flies on Southwest and Alaska a lot, they have inferior terminals when compared to other carriers.
Alison wraps the news.
Adam brings up the last time he flew to Seattle and had a gate check for his 1st class bag, the coach passengers stole his baggage allowance.
Adam is now ranting about buying a seat on a plane and the 3 cubic feet of the space above you.
Adam brings up the 50 years of shower curtain type material closing off the baggage compartments and how a plane can’t take off now if the plastic door isn’t secured.
Adam is using the baggage carousel wait as an analogy for being in a restaurant and seeing someone get their food who arrived after you did.
Adam brings up underground tram at SeaTac, used for commuting between terminals.
Adam brings up the “how do I get back through security” question and the “you don’t have your boarding pass” follow up questions.
Adam is further lamenting airport security and has a solid Commissioner Gordon reference, he’s not happy about that last Seattle trip with the gate checked bag.
Adam brings up the douchey “most of our customers understand” reply that is a fire-able offense if done in the name of any other major airline.
Adam is now doing a ManGrate live read.
Adam jokes about car antenna and close hangers being inferior grill material.
Adam sees Alison’s mic being raised and mocks her for listening intently.
They wrap the 2nd show from Portland, pretty epic double show night, wish I could’ve been there live myself.