28 Nov Giovanni’s Superfan Sidebar 11/24/2014 – Brian Kilmead, Live from The Aladdin Theater in Portland
A real time blog where Superfan Giovanni does recap and commentary on the show as it happens and opines on all things ACS
Guest – Brian Kilmead, Live from The Aladdin Theater in Portland
Recorded 11-21-2014 – Release Date 11-24-2014
Production Number #1460
Adam opens the first of two live shows in Portland with Brian Kilmead from ‘Fox and Friends’ Adam welcomes Alison and BB to the show and teases their upcoming round of ‘Blah Blah Blog’.
BB asks about Adam’s notes, if they’re wet or dry and Adam recounts the beer being dropped on Mike August’s sole pair of pants.
Adam brings up a conversation with his son about Michael Jackson making more in death than he did while alive, Adam shares his response about his dad.
Adam is saying that Alaska Airlines should change their slogan to “We’re not Southwest” and tells them about his TSA pre-check and excitement about getting to keep his shoes and belt on.
Adam says this is a sign we’ve destroyed this country, it’s such a lame victory and Alison agrees.
Adam is sharing his “thumb in your ass” analogy and has a great back and forth with Alison about said sodomy and his license plate frame.
Alison explains her bathroom use as soon as they reached altitude and how she wondered if Adam was judging her.
She says it was just number #1 and wants to know if women get special rules due to their goofy bladders, Adam is now riffing about a tampon laminate that would get him backstage anywhere.
This is a great riff, BB has a funny observation about “Puddle Jumper” and Alison shares her reaction to felling like a giant on the small aircraft they flew on, probably a regional jet.
Adam is now asking the gang their policy on what they do with food and beverages they send back, Adam wants to know what the protocol is and if somehow the food and or drinks could go un-wasted instead of tossed in the trash.
Adam has a killer riff about his Wesley Snipes dark beer.
Alison explains her seatmate’s profession and how she snooped on him during the flight, she also mentions her goal to be a homeowner.
Adam has a killer child porn joke and is now riffing about “peer based porn” in a sarcastic ironic bit, pretending he’s stupid enough to believe what he’s saying, good stuff!
BB asks if Mike at least got a beer and Adam explains that he always orders Cranberry but is always only met with Cran-Apple, Adam now laments why we now have to always step on cranberry.
Adam says August got some free Vodka after getting doused in beer, Adam is now asking Brian about his book and the notion of his kids only knowing their father as a podcaster.
Adam brings up Natalia throwing Jimmy Kimmel and his lifestyle in his face and recounts the email exchange with Kimmel where he refuted Natalia’s charmed life theories.
Adam explains that Natalia told him she was ready to move into a new house, like Uncle Jimmy’s and Adam jokes that Matt Damon comes with Jimmy’s abode along with the barn.
Adam has a killer ‘The Donner Party’ reference about people not feeling badly nor caring about them, Adam jokes about that not being his definition of party, gold!
Adam jokes about them dying in the snow and eating horses instead of tapping kegs.
Adam is now pledging to only give the last name Donner when dining out, he’s now asking the fans to page ‘Harry Seaward’ or (Harry Enword) and use the surname Donner when dining out and waiting for a table or reserving one.
Adam is now talking to Brian about his book and they move over to Robin Leach and ‘Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous’ and Adam asks if he actually has money.
Alison says he seems like someone who wants you to think he has money, Adam jokes about pairing Robin and Mike Rowe together and have them discuss their ideas for shows, cleaning sewage treatment plans vs. yachting with famous people.
Adam is bringing up Brian’s school play and now going back to his journey and BB plays the ‘Great Story’ drop to burn him.
Adam asks if he thinks his Massapequa connection gets him in with the Baldwins, he reveals they all like him except for Alec.
Adam has a solid ‘Hurlyburly’ reference while taking it back to Brian playing Ben Franklin 6th grade, Adam mocks him about Hollywood never coming calling for him.
Adam explains that their plane was overweight while travelling to Portland, he describes the weight balancing they did.
Adam jokes that the plane was back heavy and black guys would love this plane, Alison has a funny apple bottom comment.
Adam and Alison are riffing about the obese twins on motor scooters from ‘The Guinness book of world records’ going down the aisle on their flight.
Adam is now asking about the twin’s mother, BB jokes she died in childbirth.
BB predicts that weight record must’ve been broken by now, Adam jokes about them dying in a skydiving accident.
Adam is now asking about the step brother of the girl who sets the gang bang record, does he talk about it in his dorm?
Adam says Alison is thinking like someone who should have a tampon behind their ear.
Adam is now asking about gang bang films, Adam has a funny family one liner and now Adam is explaining why the gang bang videos are funny.
“I’m a people person” – Adam’s reasoning for why he watches gang bang videos and Adam brings up the guys wearing masks in line, echoing his conversations with James Gunn on Acs #67 (feat. James Gunn) and ACS #178 (feat. James Gunn).
“No buts, no cuts, no stranger’s Jizz on your shin” – Adam
A fan yells out about Mangria, Alison asks how a gangbang works, a couple “pumps” or does each person finish.
Adam is now sharing his findings from the artistic recreations he’s seen and jokes about a sanctioning body.
Brian jokes about not being in this realm and Adam takes it back to his 6th grad play and they’re talking about George Washington now.
Adam says that if you removed two elements he would enjoy being drunk all day, he says the bygone era before DUI’s and societal judgment about drinking, remove those two things and bewm!
Adam finds out they’re sold out of Mangria, Alison has a great ‘Donner Party’ joke and Adam says they can share his bottle upstairs, BB has a funny bit of physical comedy, it sounds hilarious but I don’t know what it is, damn!
Adam is now mocking people who claim their ancestors ran a tavern during the American Revolution, he observes that there were more people running taverns than there were people to fill them.
Brian has some anecdote about George Washington crashing at people’s homes and Adam has a killer “Mind if I crash… on your wife!?” – Adam as George W. tricking dudes into agreeing to let him fuck their wives.
Adam is riffing about Mount Vernon and it being a tired bit to bring up
Adam is now doing a live read for ‘Smart Mouth’
Blah Blah Blog
1st Blog Dr. Drew Pinsky, Joe Pantoliano or Erin Brockovich?
Dawson flubs and Adam cheers, proving him right about getting to measure Dawson’s intoxication levels via him reading out loud.
Adam is now riffing about Dr. Drew doing a lot of talking for somebody who nobody wants to hear what he has to say.
Brian takes Joey Pants, Adam takes Drew and BB goes with Alison selecting Erin Brokovich for 1 point each.
Adam laments Lynch and his skills in tricking him.
2nd Blog Willie Nelson, John Mellencamp or Woody Harrelson?
Adam is now riffing about Woody and Matthew McConaughey and his level of self-confidence, killer walking around with a piece of shit on their riff.
Adam is now aking if John Cougar Mellencamp is starting to turn into Eric Stonestreet from ‘Modern Family’ and explains it’s not about being fat, it’s a face thing, nostril up he has the same face.
Brian is going with Mellencamp, Bryan is too, Alison takes Woody, Adam asks if somebody should get ahold of Willie and demand he buy a new guitar.
Adam is joking about paying his buddy ray to run up on stage and destroy his old guitar, he’s factoring in bail money.
BB observes that Willie has been goring his hair out so long that the top of his head is grey and the ends are still red.
Adam is now giving advice to stoners, telling them not to have long hair if they smoke, hilarious Mennonite beards and sloppy joes metaphor that Alison seems to enjoy.
Adam jokes about Willie wearing a bandanna to further trap the scent of pot, Adam is joking about him wearing a huge foam hat doused in bong water.
Adam picks Woody, Adam is further lamenting Lynch and Brian says he hates this game.
Adam says for everyone listening at home “fuck you, you should’ve bought a ticket” and refuses to explain what happened on stage that elicited such a huge reaction, holy shit I feel extra bad about not seeing this one live now.
3rd Blog Alicia Keys, Julianne Hough or Jane Lynch?
Alison can’t hear anything and Adam is now riffing about girls getting a hankering for clean water.
Adam has a nice anecdote about his former BFF Julianne Hough.
“That cunt hasn’t called me in 6 years, 6 fucking years!” – Adam
Adam explains he can’t call her because everyone that calls her is trying to fuck her, Adam jokes about how he would explain that to his wife.
“You didn’t call to fuck did you? I said did you why are you so uptight, I’m checking, obviously I have to check” – Adam riffing picking up the phone to her hypothetical call thanks to Alison’s assist.
Brian is now asking Adam about his experience on ‘Dancing With the Stars’ and Adam wants to know if other people experience the urge to tell women about all the people who want to fuck them when they might be oblivious.
Adam has a funny birthday card from dad riff with BB.
Adam explains why Jane Lynch was uncredited in ‘The Hammer’ and mocks the agent’s goals to keep her distanced from that movie.
Adam jokes about 2021 and his kids watching ‘The Hammer’ with Jane Lynch taking top billing, like the move they pulled with Farah Fawcett and ‘Logan’s Run’.
Adam is figuring out the Oprah connection and has a killer “they run together” comment after Alison observes that Alicia Keys and Oprah are both black.
Adam and Brian go with Alicia, BB and Alison take Julianne Hough and Adam has a loud reaction.
Adam declares they will do one more and he will decide what everyone picks, what!?
4th Blog Jackson Browne, Roger Waters or Danny Glover?
Adam has a great reaction to “fettered” and a funny street sweeper one liner, Adam jokes about Dawson’s latest word mix-up as the reason why they only do this game during the early show, Adam has a funny riff about Dawson taking command of the show.
Adam has a funny running on empty joke and picks Jackson Browne for BB, Danny Glover for Alison and Adam is now mocking BB’s racist assertion that Danny Glover can’t be talking about his first grandchild.
Adam took Roger Waters and now wins the whole game, what are you gonna do?
Adam is doing a ManGrate Live Read.
Alison apologizes for drinking off Adam’s water
1st Story is on the 80 million bacteria that is exchanged in a 10 second kiss, Alison credits Michael the rad Dentist for the story.
Adam jokes this is why it’s only blowjobs as signs of affection between him and the wife.
Adam tells Brian his son is going to be gay, he’s made his peace with it and is keeping his fingers crossed for him being a top.
Alison asks about the percentage of kissing people do now vs. when they were younger.
Adam says he doesn’t do the passionate stuff anymore now that he’s settled into his relationship, unaware of Lynette’s kissing needs as discussed on For Crying Out Loud.
Alison says it’s not with the same urgency that you kissed your partner during the courting process, Adam is now breaking down the ratio of massages and making out and what they mean in the process of rounding the bases.
Adam wants a chart breaking down massages given in the first 8 months of a relationship vs. the next 35 years.
Alison is sharing her experience being haunted by tonsil balls, she explains that a lot of people have been letting her know they also get them, including sending her photos.
2nd Story is on the Oxford dictionary word of the year “Vape” and Adam hopes for “Behymen” and now Alison gives her take on vaping to Brian who is curious about the reasoning for doing it.
Alison reads the quote from Oxford, Adam is now riffing about a villain in a movie vaping, good stuff.
Adam says the coolest move in the world which was putting two cigarettes in your mouth, lighting one for your lady, today that would make a movie NC17 and Alison asks why vape pens must be the size of bicycle pumps.
Adam jokes about them making slide whistle sounds, BB nails the drop and they joke about prepping this stuff before the show, Alison mentions baby arms.
Adam says that slide whistles have gone the way of the ‘whoopee cushion’ and the dodo, Brian is telling them about Oscar Meyer whistles, Adam has a killer “suck don’t blow” riff and Brian and is backpedaling.
Adam and Alison are trying to get Brian to explain this and he’s floundering, Alison has a funny whistle that smells like wieners line, Adam jokes about salmonella being missing from most other whistles.
Alison is now reading the list of words that “Vape” beat out, “Bae” and “Bud tender” and Adam jokes about mishearing “Butt-tender” and she continues to read the remaining words passed by in their selection process.
“I’ve never worn new pants” – Adam
Adam has a killer Buddhist chant to get free pants.
Adam asks Elliott Gould how he feels about these new words, solid back and forth between Adam and the drops.
Alison wraps the news.
Adam is doing a Draft Kings live read
One final flub from Dawson, Adam wraps the show and plugs Brian’s book, TV show ‘Fox and Friends’ and his radio show.