11 Nov Giovanni’s Superfan Sidebar 11/11/2014 – John Mulaney and Matt Newcomb
A real time blog where Superfan Giovanni does recap and commentary on the show as it happens and opines on all things ACS
Guest – John Mulaney and Matt Newcomb
Recorded 11-10-2014 – Release Date 11-11-2014
Production Number #1451
Adam opens the show with an apology intro from Dawson to the people in Sacramento, Adam thanks the fans and sets up the stuff he has to rant about today, after Saturday’s events.
BB has the “Yes” drop from that weird caller dude for today’s #TopDrop
Adam takes it back to Friday, he brings up the balsamic vinegar rant he was doing off air to the guys in the warehouse, August then came forward and revealed he gave him that gift, flavored balsamic vinegar.
Adam says the great thing about August was he heard the 18min version of the rant and then came forward instead of sheepishly hiding it.
BB says the abridged version of the rant, but he was thinking of the joke before he said it, Adam was trying to say something different than BB thought he was going to say.
Adam explains August took his gift back, gold!
Adam is now to the events of Saturday, he explains they had a 3:10pm flight, he picked up Chris and August at 2:10, and they were heading to the Burbank Airport.
Chris is on mic confirming what a ghost town it was, August doomed Adam by proclaiming it as the best airport in the world.
Adam explains they found themselves past security with 30+min before their flight departure, Chris is on mic confirming his luggage included a bag of merch.
Adam describes the sports bar they sat at and where he left his bag behind their seat, Adam is interrupting himself to explain it’s a Casino show, it’s a destination for people, fans.
“They’re going to come see me and then they’re going to get drunk and fuck upstairs” – Adam
Adam explains how the audience was mostly people traveling, buying plane tickets and renting hotel rooms and possibly rental cars too.
Adam discloses his fee was tens of thousands of dollars, he would be back home by 9am the following day, he’s back to the bar.
Adam is saying it was very sparse when they were there and explains how Mike and Chris intervened and chose different seats, Adam then left his bag near the original seat he chose.
Adam explains the terminal and gate he was at, Adam is explaining he was going to work with Chris on the set list for that night’s standup show.
Adam explains the next time he looked his back was gone, he’s trying to accept as much responsibility as he can before he goes on a tirade.
Adam is now mocking the “never take a bag from a stranger” airport policy, who would do that.
Adam is now bringing up the loose enforcement of that rule about leaving your bag unattended.
Adam is describing how he leaves his bag outside the men’s room, instead of attempting to take a shit while squeezing the bag into the stall.
BB is now in agreement with Adam about all of the people and luggage past this point now being vetted, Adam is bringing up how you only hear about baggage being stolen, and it’s always airport employees.
Adam says that the same vibe he has among the fellow weary travelers is similar to the way he feels with fellow attendees at the Arclight Theater.
Adam says there should be a protocol for leaving a notice if a bag has been moved, much like a car being towed, it makes you think you’ve been victimized by a criminal.
Adam brings up the chasm in the reaction, he is now suggesting a roadside vigil for your car that got towed, and he manages to throw Rebecca Gayheart under the bus.
Adam is now describing the encounter with the TSA agent who picked up his bag and sent it to Terminal 1, to the airport police offices.
Adam is now taking blame again and trying to use logic and reason in a place where only protocol and regulation apply, he’s right, but this is what they do.
Alison and BB seem to be on Adam’s side and Adam tells them about August’s observation that just asking anyone in the bar if it was their bag was less work for the TSA agent.
Adam is now complaining about the people we pay the salaries for who then spend their time trying to screw on a technicality.
“The reason you’re employed!” – Adam yelling but backed up off the mic
Adam is now bringing up all of the lost tax revenue and wages for Sacramento due to the TSA agent, Adam is explaining the wide variety of reasons people could be travelling to Sacramento.
He’s forgetting about funeral girl from his last major TSA incident in Las Vegas, she was on her way to a funeral and missed check in by 2 minutes.
Adam is once again trying to apply humanity and decision making to a job and a location that doesn’t allow much room for either.
Adam describes his bad instructions to leave the airport and go outside to terminal 1, he was waived down by a cop who had his bag.
Adam returned to terminal 2, but TSA pre-check was closed down to the lack of traffic, but there were just enough people that Adam heard his name being called as he was in line.
Adam refused to run to the front of the line, Adam quotes them calling his name with his fake middle name ‘Lakers’ included in the page.
Adam got a frantic call from Mike August, they were closing the plane door and Chris is now explaining the flight was so empty they were taking off early, trying to make up their on-time performance statistics with a light load.
If you’re losing money, you might as well make up your performance stats.
Alison asks Adam about walking to the front of the line, Adam expresses how he just can’t do that, unfortunately embracing his celebrity is the only route to less hassle with these airport encounters and incidents every couple years.
Chris is explaining how he ran to the door trying to keep them from locking Adam in the terminal, August told Chris to fake a heart attack and take one for the team.
Chris and August were trying to find some other flight options, they said there was nothing.
Adam is now mocking the guy he ran into at the gate, the guy he wanted to ask about other flight options.
“You ain’t gonna get on that flight” – Southwest agent
Adam gave his most condescending “UNDERSTOOD!” in reply and is now asking about these dumb people who say everything they think.
Adam is on a killer riff about the garbage chute of thoughts inside of these types of people, Adam is explaining his efforts to try and make things right.
Adam urgently called Matt Fondiler who was in a movie and nowhere near his phone, what?
Adam is saying he was trying to salvage the standup gigs, he explains he ran into the drunken couple like the ones in “The Sure Thing’ that BB hasn’t seen.
They wanted to have a beer and weren’t going to take no for an answer, Adam is explaining his efforts to process the lost money.
Adam describes the couple some more and Alison has some knowing reactions to how they weren’t helping.
Adam is breaking down his thought process about what he does next, does he drive home and walk in on Lynette and the pool guy.
BB asks what was in the bag, why couldn’t he have just gone without it.
Chris explains how in hindsight that makes sense but at the time it seemed totally doable.
Adam is saying they had landed in Sacramento by the time Adam was getting home.
Adam is now doing a live read for Both Barrels Wine.
Adam is now having Gary read from a chapter of his book ‘In 50 Years We’ll All Be Chicks’ about the gilded cage of minimum wage.
Adam is now further ranting about being someone’s boss essentially and having them make your life harder.
Adam is now further describing the TSA agent and his lack of interest in reuniting a bag with its owner, he was interested in sending a message to the people who he considers above him in life, the travelers.
Adam is now bringing up cops and 4 way stops, meter maids and tires being turned correctly while parked in automatic cars, he’s now taking it back to TSA and how we don’t pay them to fuck with us.
Adam says we need to step up and demand more from these people, Adam cites the friendly staff at the airport in Minnesota, L.A. is borderline hostile and Burbank is just indifferent.
Adam is now joking about the TSA agent essentially picking up his bag and hiding it from him, Alison has a nice reaction.
“Next time you pick up the backpack drop the attitude” – Adam
“Is this the America we would like to live in?” – Adam
Adam is now ultimately once again taking blame, he’s addressing the broad definition of the term “unattended” and Adam says the only person who had something to lose was him.
He was willing to take that chance for it to be stolen, he says he also uses bags to claim seats, Chris has a “coaster” comment.
Adam is now asking if this is the America we would like to live in, Adam is using himself as a case example of the letter of the law overriding logic and harassing a “whale”.
Adam has a killer riff about what would happen arriving at a casino, hilarious reaction from inside the booth, good stuff.
“If this was a Casino, I would be comped a suite and given a whore when I walked in” – Adam
Adam is now asking for TSA to please extend some fucking courtesy to him, he is mocking himself for his past worrying about bringing a bag into the airport men’s room.
Adam is now ranting about how we’ve punished American citizen’s way more, when it comes to man hours.
Adam is now suggesting they bring in Matt Newcomb, one of the very generous donors to the Patent Troll Legal defense fund.
Bryan asks if August and Chris spent the night, hilarious “sure did!” from Chris.
Adam explains the extra comedy layer as he got home, Mike suggested a last minute plan where they sneak preview ‘Road Hard’ and skype/FaceTime him into the venue.
Adam is now sharing August’s idea to avoid scrapping the whole night and booking.
Adam says the Casino decided against it upon August and Chris’s arrival and that timing forced them to spend the night, they did get some Casino bucks.
Matt is now on air getting some mic technique lessons, Adam plugs his podcast about animated television and movies, it’s solid. Sketchy Podcast.
Matt explains the reason he felt compelled to contribute to the legal defense fund.
“There’s not really going to be a later for us Matt” – Adam
Alison’s reaction to this is magical, Adam is asking Matt about his gift and BB has an ok ‘Se7en’ reference.
Matt explains the vintage ‘Rams’ gear gift, Adam tells him them about Sonny’s newfound love for the team, that’s possibly exaggerated due to his loyalty and love for his father.
Matt reveals the not “shat in” Rams Beanie to replace the one that according to legend Ray defecated into.
Matt reveals his 2nd super thoughtful gift, to replace Adam’s lost gift for best all-around player, the story where he didn’t vote for himself in any category while playing football as a kid.
Alison has a funny “might be a stalker” comment that probably only makes Matt even more uncomfortable, Adam is finishing up the story and explains how the coaches probably sussed everything out and decided to give him the trophy, he still wanted the windbreaker.
Adam plugs Sketchy Podcast once again, Matt plugs his new web series that premiers on Friday,
“I’m just a guy who gets abused at the airport” – Adam
Adam is now sharing his theory about the TSA gent purposely coming after him, Adam is filling in for a tongue tied Matt, he’s doing well though.
Adam explains August’s theory to Alison and BB, they both seem to like it.
Adam is now doing another lap on the bag and the TSA agent, he’s describing the scene and ease with which the agent could’ve solved his mystery.
Chris says the man had to be very sneaky, he grabbed it behind them.
BB recalls that the cop knew he had Adam’s bag, Adam is interrupting him while thinking he’s going one direction, BB is trying to figure out if the cop was told it was Adam’s bag by the TSA agent.
Adam has a killer Buttplug joke, Chris gets a very quiet joke in as Adam wraps it up.
Adam is now doing a Blue Apron live read.
“This is good-Falutin” – Adam
Adam wraps up with Matt and they head to break, nice job Matt!
They are back from break to a listener voicemail asking if Adam is now ever hit up by former girlfriends now that he’s obtained success and wealth, he says no.
Adam explains his prom date in high school died but doesn’t share the story.
Adam welcomes John to the show, making his ACS debut.
Adam is riffing with John and moving onto his journey, John is telling them about his layer parents and how he could use their profession to dodge questions about his aspirations.
Adam is now explaining how none of his friends took any academic testing for college entrance requirements, but did get STD tests, they only got tests related to possible sexually transmitted diseases.
Adam is explaining how layers often go into the profession to satisfy their dads, hence so many dissatisfied lawyers who go into other careers.
Adam is asking how far John faked the interest in law school and hinted his way into a comedy career, he reveals he did graduate college.
Adam is asking him how he got hired writing for SNL, he explains his standup set on ‘Late Night with Conan O’Brien’ got him into his audition for SNL.
Adam brings up the Emmy he won.
Q and Ace
1st Caller Matt, he owns a small business that makes specialty handmade soaps, he wants to expand his business and needs advice.
Adam has a killer reply asking him what the fuck he thinks this is, they’re all now on a ‘Shark Tank’ riff and Adam has a couple killer one liners about Marilyn Monroe’s pussy and zombie cock.
Adam is riffing in character as his new fictional rich guy on ‘Shark Tank’ who just yells horrible insults, BB is playing a Beef Jerky business owner.
John chimes in with an ultimate prey, hunting humans comment and Adam is going along with it.
Adam takes it back to Matt, hilarious transition!
Adam is now asking about plain white soap, he’s asking if people have asked “is there all this is?” while holding regular store bought soap, he’s actually arguing against Matt’s whole business.
Adam has two hilarious descriptors, for handmade soap, including saying it looks like it has measles, nice reaction from Alison.
Matt is now explaining the need for his soap, Adam is mocking the shipping/melting ratio for his business and further busting his balls.
Matt wants to know how to get his name out there, June bug Soap Company.
Adam says he took a step in the right direction by calling into the podcast, Adam says every business is exactly the same, and he’s now got a “swap meet” scenario that leads to Walmart.
2nd Caller Jesse, he shares what a big fan he is and his wife’s love for the candle scene in ‘The Hammer’ and wants advice for raising a family in a shitty place.
Adam is using the Wayans Brothers as an example of people growing up in less than happy neighborhoods turning out great, BB asks him about his area, it’s one they mentioned.
Adam talks about his lack of memories of being in New Jersey for the early part of his life, funny raped by a priest riff by Adam.
Adam is further joking with Jesse about his life in Turlock, killer “mayor of Turlock?” reply, BB is now riffing with Adam about Jesse’s job as a medevac pilot.
Adam says that everyone who boards the helicopter is seeing he blades in slow-motion.
Alison has a funny “Turlock is making him mean” reply to that.
Adam is now joking about one less mouthy hobo to deal with, wow!
3rd Caller Mark, he thanks Adam and BB for coming out to New Jersey for their book signings, and Alison’s probably impending pregnancy.
He wants to know about the news segment on the show, he claims to get all of his news from it, Alison and Adam have funny reactions.
Alison explains the origin of “Zip It Cunt!” as her news closer, Adam is now weighing in on her getting uncomfortable with it when older comedy royalty comes in, Adam is now giving her permission not to use it, unaware she has replaced it with an alternate in the past.
Adam has a funny pussy alternate and Alison explains she usually does do that already, they’re now talking about the Jane Goodall drops, Dawson and Alison correct BB who turns the drop on himself.
Adam is mocking her sense of humor, bringing up the points he made about her possibly not having the greatest relationship with her mother.
Adam brings up Elliott Gould on the podcast and asks John about working with him on the sitcom.
John is very complimentary to his costar and asking Adam some questions in reply, Adam is now describing the live podcast experience and how he doesn’t get his feelings hurt if guests over or under participate.
Alison is helping set the stage to explain the show, Adam is now asking John further about working with Elliott.
Alison is now sharing the follow up they got about a radio show clip asking him about the podcast, where he said he didn’t like where the show was going and didn’t want to participate.
Adam is now asking John how he looks doing a show for a live audience, he’s citing his “stand up in your living room” rewards for movie contributors and his pressure to perform once he walks through that door, he’s all yours for the next 3hrs.
Adam explains he ultimately had a better time by diving into the experience and staying longer.
Alison wants to know what it’s like for John to work with Martin Short, Alison reveals he’s like her favorite, really?
John says he’s the fastest comedy brain ever, ok…
Adam is now asking if he’s reclusive, saying he doesn’t see him out on the red carpet and in the public eye that often.
John explains he’s got a family and great personal life.
Adam is now asking if it’s surreal for John to have comedy legends costarring on his sitcom, he has a great Ferrari analogy.
John is sharing his love for Jiminy Glick, Martin’s character.
Adam is now asking if they know what that character is based on, Adam explains that someone used to do that character to him before Martin adopted the persona for his character.
Adam explains it was a local guy who did interviews with actors, silver grey hair with a black turtle neck.
Gary can’t even think where to look, BB has found it.
Skip E. Lowe, Adam is now asking for him at his most SkippyLowiest, first picture is never right.
Adam is doing a Draft Kings live read.
Adam is setting up a clip of Skip doing an interview, Adam is asking for a picture of his billboard ad, BB reads an obituary and highlights the Complisult in it, and Adam is now riffing about how they always have to backhand you.
They’re now playing an interview with Milton Berle and doing live commentary over the footage, everyone is enjoying it and letting it play out.
Adam asks if they can find anything better they’ll listen to that, Adam is telling John to ask Martin about Skip and if he denies any knowledge to kick him in the nuts.
John says he’s going to go back and watch these after the show, they address the fact the news theme hasn’t played.
They play the news theme as Adam gets word of an interview with Skip and Tony Curtis, they’re now watching that before getting to Alison’s story.
They all seem to be enjoying this, some light mocking and parody going on while it plays.
Adam stops the clip and calls the guy a national treasure, John swears to ask Martin about this.
1st Story Is on Andy Dick being arrested, Adam jokes about crime with getaway bicycles and Adam presumes he’s not sober at the moment.
They’re now all sharing their appreciating and love for Andy and Adam is explaining what a strong comedic voice he is and how he can compete on a comedic level with just about anyone, essentially describing a waiting career resurgence that he seems to be passing by.
Adam is now joking about “See with your eyes and not with your hands” and is now asking the gang about the test he uses for if you grew up in a good neighborhood or bad, tough skins vs. Levi jeans, Huffy vs. Schwinn and the phrases “See With Your Eyes and not with your hands” along with “not so fast hot shot.”
2nd Story Is on the new Dorito and Mountain Dew hybrid, Adam is now sharing his sterilization plan for mountain dew and Sunny Delight, John brings up the urban legend and Adam doesn’t bother to correct him.
Adam tells Gary he was told that pineapple Shaq soda does exist, he is now riffing about the spread of Dorito flavors to other items, he predicts Dorito flavored toilet paper and cites the simple math of people being fat and liking Doritos.
Adam is explaining that all of the things society asked “who’s going to pay for this” about we now pay for without question, cable TV, Coffee, Water.
3rd Story is on Bacon flavored condoms from a company in Seattle, Alison is telling people to look at the condom via the show page link above.
“It’s all fun and games until your cock is attacked by seagulls” – Adam
Alison’s reaction is muted but priceless.
Adam is now riffing the “true story” with BB about the guy whose cock was picked apart by a group of marauding gulls.
John is now adding to it, funny arms out in disbelief one liner.
Alison is asking if this fetish stuff or novelty sex, Adam says it’s for straight guys who want to suck off other straight guys, it’s the bacon bridge to that community.
BB plays the chubby girls drop from Alison, Adam asks for more Skip E. Lowe.
“It’s a bacon bridge to homosexuality” – Adam
Adam explains that it’s a “pineapple punch” Shaq soda, that’s what caused the confusion, this is the “peach Snapple” of 2014.
4th Story is on the new cast for ‘Celebrity Apprentice’ they all praise the big names, Adam is asking if they should listen to Skip E. Lowe talk to Shelley Winters.
This is pretty good, Adam wraps it up and once again makes John pledge to talk to Martin Short about this, he seems to pick up on the same things Adam is referencing.
Alison wraps the news.
Adam is now doing a live read for DHerbs.com
Adam is now giving out the plugs and wrapping up the show, Adam is sharing the deal for the Sheraton hotel they’ll also be staying at.
Adam is plugging everything, he’s now finally getting to John and plugging his show ‘Mulaney’ along with his website for standup dates.
Dawson coughing edition closer.