09 Oct Giovanni’s Superfan Sidebar 10/06/2014 – Greg Fitzsimmons
A real time blog where Superfan Giovanni does recap and commentary on the show as it happens and opines on all things ACS
Guest – Greg Fitzsimmons
Recorded 10-05-2014 – Release Date 10-06-2014
Production Number #1425
Adam is opening the show with a nice thank you and some subtle plugs worked in, BB has a nice “Yeeeess!” #TopDrop and now Adam cites his status as someone who is pure of heart and thought.
Adam cites conversations that might scare other people, including the story about the old man neighbor as he told to Vince Vaughn and how other people might read into such stories and gleam something on flattering about you from it.
Adam is talking about Molly circling the rain of life and how she intends to drain his bank account before she passes.
Adam brings up a conversation with Alison Bedell about putting dogs down, why do we have to choose to put them down, why don’t they just die like humans and dogs have for all of time.
BB cites Alison’s dead dog as Adam asks about dog’s dying and Adam rants about the mountain lion taking Alison’s dog and it still needed to be put down.
Adam is now telling them about Molly’s 5 kind of cancers and how he woke up to Molly and the family all splayed out on the bed making it extra miserable for him to leave for work.
Alison now quotes the “5 favorite things to do, if they can’t do 3 of them, maybe it’s time” and Adam says that his producer Nate would “enjoy fixing this problem” for him, another one of those chilling statements, Alison references Adam’s opening gambit for this conversation.
Adam brings up the death of his mother in law, who put herself down, Adam asks why can’t Molly do that?
Why can’t dogs just wake up dead, Adam is lamenting this and now Alison is telling them about her parents dog who died, Adam says she must say “up and died” and Adam says he feels like he’s just keeping his dog animated.
Adam is now asking for anyone they know who had a pet just die, a dog, not being run over, not being cleaned out in a cruel way, just natural causes.
Alison works fertility campaigns into the talk about natural things no longer occurring, Adam says this is the true white man’s burden.
BB asks how much longer Molly has left, he says that if he was to replace her insulin with tap water about 48hrs then jokes about admitting that on air and it foiling his plan.
BB brings up the death of his dog Charlie and how he hopes he just walks out the front door and vanishes, Adam says he’s hoping for that with his wife.
Adam jokes about mixing it up with BB’s comments and the use of ‘Charlie’ as a woman’s name.
Adam is saying he’s not horrible and asking if he’s not while asking about the hope for a pet to finally pass away, Alison explains it’s perfectly normal.
Adam is doing a live read for Reverie Bed.
“Knees up, with her feet in the air, had the vibrator thing going” – Adam
Adam brings up an episode of ‘Real Time” he watched with Bill Maher and sings the praises of Bill, he says despite agreeing politically, he thinks Bill is a super talent.
Adam is getting BB to weigh in as they discuss the notion of disagreeing with people yet appreciating their work, he cites Ben Affleck and how he can enjoy someone’s craft and talent even if they don’t like the politics of each other.
Adam says he feels like this very new and BB references Michael Moore’s movies and how if you agree with them or not, they are great movies.
Adam brings up the “unfunny comedian” headline they always use for him that tips their bias hand when reporting about him.
“Not Baldywood” – BB commenting on Adam and Gary talking about the quality of Ben’s latest movie.
Adam wants to know why people can’t come together on the 90% of things they agree upon instead of being divided by the 10% of theoretical policy they don’t agree on.
Adam sets up this clip with Sam Harris from the latest ‘Real Time’ and the explosive reaction everyone on panel after expert neurologist Sam Harris told the truth about the reality we live in.
BB suggest grand standing and Adam thinks it might be.
They’re now playing the clip, Ben Affleck is now freaking out and being the fake person he’s always been, why he can’t agree with Adam about their mutual ex-friendship with Kevin Smith.
Adam mocks people making the counter point to their own while having a debate, he’s citing the “plenty of voices” in the Muslim world that are against the extreme actions and views, the guys mentioned are locked up or in jail.
They’re back to the clip where Sam Harris uses his brain and education to tell the truth about the world we live in and Ben uses his emotions and anger about the world not being perfect to counter Sam.
Adam jokes about Ben looking like George c. Scott in ‘Hardcore’ and Adam thanks Bill for summing things up intelligently.
Adam is asking for the final clip with Ben doing the typical thing we all expect, Adam is now countering the argument of “you said all ___’s are ____” when you didn’t.
Alison says this comes off dishonest and jokes about Ben trying to send a message to the audience and everyone misses the one liner she slips in about him trying to murder his lips with his fingers.
BB now says that Ben’s immense career based skill for being empathetic may hinder him in these discussions, Alison wisely sums up the wisdom that Ben was pushing “shut up!” and now Adam is bringing up the guys who never get told to fuck off like Jack Gilardi.
Adam is now connecting this type of ranting to the guys who are never told to fuck off, he says that Ben must hold court and have a lot of head nodding around him.
Adam jokes about Ben being one step from telling Bill to walk off the show, Adam and Alison are commenting on Ben’s body language that indicated he didn’t want to be there after losing his argument to someone who is actually educated, not someone who pretends to be someone educated for a living.
Adam says that someone who doesn’t have any naysayers that argue with them turns them into a weak debater and they mock his mini temper tantrum he displayed.
Alison tells them about the Jewish ceremony they were having on her block and she brings up the Hassidic chicken ritual she witnessed part of.
Alison then looked it up online and laments the practice, Adam is joking about the chicken begging to be slaughtered after being swung over their heads so cruelly.
Adam jokes about the coin alternative being suggested by some Hassidic communities, Adam says when you get to the tip of the spear of any religion, the elite alpha team of whatever religion, and the most extreme… they’re always nuts.
Adam tells them about going off to dinner with Dr. Drew and the kids, they all went to the UCLA game after but Adam had to bow out.
Adam is now explaining how Jimmy and Drew are still his best pals, how he’s never suffered the clichéd relationship of former sidekicks, Adam told Skip Bedell if they’re not talking in 5 years it’s on him as Adam has a perfect track record.
Adam is now doing a Smart Mouth live read
“Jacuzzi of bacteria killing” – Adam
They’re now heading to break
They’re back from break.
Greg Fitzsimmons is returning to the show for his probably 30 or 40th visit.
Adam is giving out the plugs and welcoming him to the show, Adam says the best compliment one human can pay to another is…
Adam is now giving a long explanation and says that finding out at Greg was the guest tonight gave him a sigh of relief, he can do the heavy lifting, one less joke for Adam to tell.
Adam tells Greg how much he loves him, if only Greg said the same when people like Andy Kindler came on his show and gave hate speeches about Adam.
BB has a killer “If only” as Adam and Greg are talking about a specific comedy club and Greg compares an audience member heckler to a tumor being removed.
They’re further talking about ‘The Punchline’ in Atlanta and Adam has an anecdote he was told about Andrew Dice Clay who was playing their previous to him and his 100$ a head ticket price.
Adam brings up Kirkland Washington, my hometown, Adam once again gets it wrong, I told him it used to be a ‘Godfather’s Pizza’ not a Pizza hut, he gets it wrong again.
Greg jokes about filling a 260 seat club 6 times vs. a venue that can hold all of those people for one show, Greg compares it to threesome math, joking about two “5’s” vs. a “10” and now Adam and Greg are going far too in depth on this topic.
Alison is now viewing herself as the ball licking 3 in the middle of the threesome and Adam is now making a point about the effort, it’s not the feeling, it’s the calories burned to try and make us feel good.
Adam says the only time the thought counts to men is in the bedroom, Adam theorizes that women getting her boobs licked is akin to ball licking.
Alison says she is one of these “dead tit” women who get the same pleasure from a person licking their shoulder, Adam jokes about men not having this range.
Adam jokes about one of his buddies not liking his dick sucked and compares it to the sexual range of women, Adam cites how it changes throughout a woman’s life, forgetting the double x chromosome reasoning from Drew, about the sheer potential women have for diversity that men don’t due to the failing and degrading over time Y chromosome.
Greg is joking about nipples and marathons and men only having them to alert that something is wrong and they’re running too much.
Q and Ace
1st Caller David, he wants Adam’s tips from his old ‘Car Show” where he taught people to drive a stick/manual transmission, Adam is now explaining the premise for the bit with him trying to teach an actress how to drive a Dodge Viper and Adam calls it the “Grizzly Bear of cars” and the caller interrupts and Adam rolls with it.
Greg has a curious use of “engorged black cock” and Adam says he used Voltaire to help her learn to press the clutch in when needed.
Adam explains how the producers had to cook up the bit and ruined it, instead of letting it play out like they filmed it, Adam doing some rare critiquing of his former car show.
2nd Caller Dennis, he wants to know about Adam getting approached to do major magazine profiles, he jokes about the ones about Jimmy and how if he’s never heard of the magazine it’s about him.
They’re all forgetting the multiple profiles done in 2009 and 2010 that were used to promote the podcast business and unfortunately painted certain people as the founders instead of Mike Cioffi, too bad!
Adam is now riffing a scenario with Alison as they play some mood music to riff a 1980’s movie, BB is playing ‘Somebody’s Baby’ by Jackson Browne.
Adam and Alison are now playing out the scene, swapping the gender roles and Alison is playing Jane the nerdy chick misunderstanding who Adam’s character is asking about, thinking it’s her.
“Hang on Jane, you lick my balls if we get in a three-way” – Adam
Adam is now explaining how ‘The Man Show’ was birthed by him mentioning it in an article and lead to it ultimately getting pitched to ABC, Greg has his own lie he’s now trying to actualize.
Adam says it was Michael Davies who was the exec in question who was alerted by his super cute assistant, Adam explains they picked up ‘Cupid’ with Jeremy Piven instead, everyone mocks it unaware of his creator and revival series.
Adam is now doing a Lifelock live read.
3rd Caller Evan, with some fake snoring and BB plays liar drops accusing him of bullshitting, Adam is now explaining how callers would actually fall asleep during Classic Loveline, including their security guard in studio.
Adam explains how he used to fuck with callers and go to the person who’s been on hold for 2+ hours, Adam jokes about Drew being verbose and how he embraces brevity, the soul of wit.
Adam is now asking Evan what’s he doing as they figure out he’s faking, he says he was given an 85$ ticket for running the light, he was sent one in the mail for 85$ and Greg and BB tell him that those are unenforceable.
Adam says his theory about L.A. is that everything is unenforceable, he now suggest we all not pay our tickets and they can’t do much to go after you, Greg cites people who throw out their Jury summons and jokes about nobody showing up for the Jury if they do charge you.
Greg jokes about getting his own red light ticket where it looks like he was winning a race, Greg cites the guy who was photographed with his mistress riding shotgun.
Adam is joking about being accused of getting road head while driving in his fictional ticket photo, he riffs that Sheila was in the car and he admitted it, now BB is coaching him about not mentioning her, hilarious “dumb guy Adam” riff.
Adam is giving cheating advice and says you need tow cell phones, they reference Tiger Woods and Greg agrees while lamenting his lack of freedom to have an affair, he feels confined and without joy.
Greg has some closing thoughts on it as Adam theorizes it would be too hard to pull of nowadays.
1st Story is on Charlie Sheen who is being sued by a Dental Technician who accuses him of assaulting her during a visit, Adam jokes about Charlie’s assistant giving the statement “Charlie’s Charlie” and now they are weighing in on his defense for the actions.
“He probably injured his shoulder doing coke” – Adam on Charlie.
Adam says that Charlie is our “Keith Richards” and at this point he’s propped up by the substances and needs them to keep going, if he was to go sober he would crumble.
Adam is now asking if dental hygienist is one of the worst jobs you can have, BB is speculative of what he means as a former ditch digger and now Adam is clarifying.
Greg explains how gross people’s mouths are and they joke about being a hygienist for “3” and Adam says he would joke with his patients about their lunch, what they last ate.
Adam and BB have a great “dude’s sack” riff after Adam says he would say “balls” every time.
2nd Story Is on the 4 film deal between Adam Sandler and Netflix, Adam references Sandler’s office and the huge posters for their shitty movies, like trophies for ‘Paul Blart’ and ‘Duece Bigalow’ and Adam cites a conversation with Sandler’s producing partner.
Adam is now mocking his claim to be responsible for the two highest grossing sports films ‘The Waterboy’ and ‘The Longest Yard’ remake.
Adam wants to know if Adam Sandler is now using this deal to be more creative and adapt, Greg jokes about him grabbing the attention of young males and keeping them in his audience for all time.
Adam brings up the international distribution and how heady conversational humor doesn’t work overseas, but his comedy does translate.
Greg and Alison are now talking about all of the Hulu, Amazon and Netflix originals and Adam jokes about a slip of his tongue about beating off the latest Jeffery Tambor project.
3rd Story Is on the coast guard being called in after a man who was attempting to run across the ocean for world peace, he runs inside of a plastic bubble and Alison lists off all of his supplies and the urging of the coastguard to have him give up his campaign.
Greg says they sent a boat, a chopper and a plane, Adam says that if the coastguard gets ahold of you and you resist them, or refuse them you get a DNR orange sticker, you get one chance for rescue, that’s it.
Adam and Greg mock people who refuse to vacate when a hurricane is approaching and Greg mocks the fresh powder heli-skiers.
“We have to the be first generation who spends more time worrying about what not to eat instead of what to eat” – Adam on the state of the human race and Adam jokes about harpooning this guy if he was on board a whaling ship.
Adam has Alison wrap up the news at the height of harpoon comedy.
Adam does a live read for Draft Kings
Adam is now wrapping up the show and giving out the plugs, Adam says “we got you Alison, we’ll cover you” what?
BB plays half a drop and Adam asks if he’s ok, he plugs Alison’s show and plays Alison’s new drop about Ben Affleck and his lips and fingers, the one everyone missed and didn’t react to.