Giovanni’s Superfan Sidebar 09/11/2012 – Greg Fitzsimmons

Giovanni’s Superfan Sidebar 09/11/2012 – Greg Fitzsimmons

A real time blog where Superfan Giovanni does recap and commentary on the show as it happens and opines on all things ACS

Recorded 09/10/2012 – Release Date 09/11/2012

Adam is opening the show with a plug for the Mangria pre sale and he just announced they’ll be giving away the ipad on today’s episode. Alison is chiming in with her thoughts on the giveaway and she’s sharing that after yesterday’s show where Adam claimed he would just give it to her, she started to come up with her own letter in her mind about her coworkers but after reading the GSS(whoa, meta!) where I referred to it as a joke from Adam that it dashed all her hopes, sorry Alison.

She’s now busting out some hilarious reactions and Adam is explaining that he doesn’t have any “Quiz Show” style contest rules that he has to follow. Adam is now referencing the recent news story of the LAPD beating a white woman who was pulled over for using her cell phone and another beating of a black woman, Alison is chiming in with some details and you can see the videos they’re watching here on the episode page.

Adam is explaining that cops are like gangs, which is in the vein of his “most cops are criminals” argument, he’s pleading for people to not “pop off” to the cops because they will beat the shit out of you, regardless of race or gender. Adam is explaining that the cops fist bumping after beating the cell phone woman tacked on another 750k to her lawsuit.

Adam is now making a great point that regardless of what the cops do, the citizens of L.A. end up paying for it, paying the lawsuit settlements and paying the salary for the cops while they’re on desk duty or administrative leave. Adam is now making the point that despite video cameras being common place for quite some time, it takes society over 20yrs to adjust and dumb people aren’t deterred by any technology that was designed to be a deterrent.

Alison is asking Adam if he thinks the LAPD will lash out even if someone doesn’t mouth off or lunge at them, Adam is explaining that they can’t wait for a citizen to make anything close to a move so they can assault you, that they’re essentially thugs. Adam is now explaining that the people who pay their salaries shouldn’t be in fear of the LAPD, Adam has a great J-Lo analogy.

Adam’s larger point is that the LAPD will beat the shit out of anybody, Adam and Bryan assume the 3rd victim, the skateboarder was a white dude. Alison just chimed in to inform them it was a black male college student.


Adam is now recounting the time a horrible, horrible company set him up at Mccarran airport, because they didn’t want to do their jobs, they had him taken to a back room by a moronic TSA agent. You can hear the original vitriolic rant about this first teased in the 10/18/2010 Football Sunday episode with DAG, then the full rant in the 10/19/2010 episode by signing up for the archive. Alison is chiming in with some great observations and Adam is further explaining how the TSA douches were just waiting for him to turn around so they could criminally assault him.

Adam is now explaining that law enforcement want to kick the shit out of everyone, that it goes beyond race, he’s now explaining that certain cultures are more likely to fall in line and therefore are less likely to be beaten to death, Alison has some great points and comments, she’s really helping Adam expand what he’s saying and making it less controversial, nice work Alison! Adam has a great riff about the corner in the airport elevator.


Greg Fitzsimmons joins the show for his 21st visit, you can hear the previous 20 by signing up for the archive, 1.99 for 30 day access to almost 900 episodes, 4.99 for 6 months and 7.99 for 12 months.

Greg and Adam are commiserating about being unable to stop sweating, they both worked out earlier and are still sweating. The gang are now discussing why that happens, Adam is recounting the workouts that he and Drew would bust out in between MTV Loveline show tapings, as they would gang tape 4 episodes in a row.

Greg is taping a 1 hour special, he just announced that there is a special promo code for Carolla listeners to get in for 10$ on his website, Greg is saying there is a bidding war for his special, Alison has a great joke. Adam is now explaining what “4 walling” is to the audience and Alison. Adam and Greg are going further in depth about the special and Adam is recounting the Letterman set Greg was polishing last time they recorded together.

Adam is explaining how he sees LAX as a microcosm of how ineffective California is, Alison is explaining the story of how SFO is allowed to use a private company to conduct their security screenings and how superior they are to their TSA counterparts at LAX. Greg is chiming in and mixing it up, the conversation is shifting to incarceration and prison populations. Alison has a hilarious “Dead Kennedys” style one liner.

Adam is saying the real cause of all these problems is unwanted children and the one message that needs to get out is to not mindlessly breed. Greg is declaring that Adam doesn’t like minorities, Adam is countering with logic and says it has nothing to do with culture, it’s based on poverty. Greg is now kinda saying that minorities have a coordinated plan to overpopulate society with their own kind. Adam brings up his “Cum on the tits” societal message  and Bryan fires up Richard Banks awesome parody song.

Greg is now getting into it with Adam and Ace is bobbing and weaving, the conversation has switched to who pays more taxes, Adam is firing back with counter arguments and throwing in fake stutters to bust Greg’s balls a bit, good stuff. Adam is explaining that he doesn’t care about tax percentages, he only cares about amounts. Greg is still arguing and hitting all of Adam’s least favorite “what do you need all that money for?” points.

Adam is making a great point about comedians having sporadic employment, Greg is now claiming he hears from many fellow comedians that they can’t get booked on the ACS, he won’t reveal names, Bryan tosses in a one liner and Adam has a great follow up.


iPad Giveaway

Alex has a coworker who attempted to stab him for being a “heathen”

Mark, his coworker believes in all conspiracies and requests time off constantly because of various conspiracies that say the world is ending.

Benny has a coworker who types all work emails into poems

Alison Rosen had a boss that always had a white stringy thing on his lips, she is explaining it in detail and Adam is chiming in.

Adam is riffing on all the arguments for why each one of these is the worst, he’s going off on the conspiracy guy and the 9/11 stuff you’d be forced to hear about and the annoying stats they force down your throat. Adam is now ranting about the 9/11 conspiracies and how impractical they are, Alison chimes in with a great observation. Greg is ranting about the topic now.

1st and only caller Mark, Adam is asking him about his conspiracy minded coworker, Mark is explaining that he had to google many of the guys theories. Adam is now referencing the Ed Asner ACS from 11/09/2010 once again, Ed is a “9/11 truther”, Adam is still blown away by it.

Adam and Greg are now riffing on his character from the “Mary Tyler Moore show” always having a bottle of booze in his office, and the general concept that you could have large amount of alcohol in the workplace back in the day and nobody said anything about it. Adam is now declaring the the two most bogus things ever on TV were the “Star Trek” aperture style doors and the constantly on the ready ice bucket on the “Dick Van Dyke Show”.

Adam is now asking if anyone else is afraid to drink alcohol from a limo, the gang are all now riffing on the booze in limos and Adam has just transitioned to the entertainment units in the back, how they were all built in 1989, Alison just reminded everyone of the days where people would carry their car stereo faceplates with them. Alison just brought up “The Club” car theft prevention device, Adam is recounting his old pick up truck with the self installed fuel cutoff switch.

Adam gives the iPad to Mark, and is now plugging Go To Meeting, for providing the ipad. Adam offers Greg some Mangria, forgetting he’s sober, Greg is being a good sport and joking about taking a sip, Adam just tried to get him to actually try a taste and Greg is busting his balls. Adam is now mocking Greg and going in depth asking him questions about his sobriety. Greg is now challenging Adam to give him the Mangria, Adam is firing back with some killer lines, Alison is cracking up, delightful!


Alison’s News, she’s starting the news with a personal note that her and her dude chose their new apartment, they went with the bigger place, the one Alison wanted, Bryan mocks her with a Robert Blake drop.

Her top story is about the teachers strike in Chicago, Adam is making a point about when you hear these stories and you react with envy for the kids, it’s very telling of how you think and probably means you were a horrible student. Adam is now making a great analogy about people who have great relationships with their parents and doing a one man reenactment. Greg is now joining Adam and their going even further with the reenactment.

They’re still talking about their relationships with their parents, Alison chimes in that she watches “True Blood” with her parents again and it’s a great way to spend quality time with them.

Adam is explaining that he ran into Kim Coates at the hospital while visiting his father, he explains how he knows Kim from the Toyota Celebrity Grand Prix and now has to start watching “Sons Of Anarchy” because he promised Kim he would get into it. Alison gets Adam to give an update on Jim Carolla’s condition.

Adam is joking about he wanted a hit of his dad’s propofol and Bryan has a great one liner, Adam is discussing his personal “weird OCD challenges” he thinks up about how he might steal some propofol in the same fashion as his “5 minutes to kill yourself” idea, Alison has some great comments.

Now Adam is discussing the nurses he’s met while visiting his dad, including the “Porn Star” nurse who said tracheostomy instead of tracheotomy and the quick “hotness math” he had to do, Bryan fires up some “Cherry Pie” and Adam busts out the Jade and does a quick riff on a hospital stripper DJ. Bryan chimes in with his theory that there are two procedures, he gets in some good lines about being right and correcting Adam.

Adam and Greg have a great back and forth about his dad being fed intravenously, Adam has a killer line and Greg replies with a great delivery, hilarious! Adam is talking about the various containers collecting the fluids from his dad and how they could use a knitted cozy over the jars.


Alison’s 2nd story is about an NFL player supporting same sex marriage, Greg chimes in with a joke about the player’s name. Alison is further explaining the story and reading some quotes from a Vikings player who wrote a letter in response that has now gone viral. Adam is joking about how it’s obvious this is written by a punter and not one of the guys who returns the punts.

Adam and Greg have some great jokes, Adam agrees with Alison that it’s a great letter. Adam is now saying to leave everyone alone, he’s not defending the minister from the news story, he’s defending the NFL players rights to have their opinions. Adam just coined a term that rivals his racist breakfast drink from last month, Bryan even lets out an audible “wow!”, hilarious!

Adam is now riffing on his “throwback racism” from earlier in the day, Greg is weighing in telling Adam that the term he’s using is “no bueno” and citing Carlos Mencia getting in trouble for using it, Greg has a great turnip joke and Adam argues that any food based racial insult can’t really be that bad, and as a society we seem to only get sensitive about them depending on how the culture in question is thriving.


Alison’s final story is on celebrity bra sizes, she saved it specifically for Greg, Jennifer Lopez, Nicki Manaj, Kim Kardashian, Kate Upton and Rihanna are all featured. Adam guesses damn near every size correctly, now he’s chiming in with some great lines about Rihanna, Alison jumps in and they have a great back and forth. Alison is now asking the room for an alternative to “Zip It Cunt” for closing her news, that while most fans get it, some people think a tamer version is in order for when super high profile guests are in studio or guests who might not appreciate the joke.

Beyonce is the next celebrity bra size in question, Adam gets it right again and declares he should work at the circus. Sofia Vergara is the final celeb and Adam once again nails her bra size, even Greg gives it up to Ace for the damn near flawless victory.

Adam closes the show with a couple live reads and a funny anecdote about his son wanting money and suggesting he would come on the podcast.