29 Aug Giovanni’s Superfan Sidebar 08/29/2013 – Doug Benson, Live from Amalfi
A real time blog where Superfan Giovanni does recap and commentary on the show as it happens and opines on all things ACS
Guest – Doug Benson, Live from Amalfi
Recorded 08-28-2013 – Release Date 08-29-2013
Production Number #1153
Adam is describing his bullet dodged just seconds ago, he’s sharing the one, two punch of being a terrible family member he just experienced. Doug is making his 13th appearance on the podcast.
Adam is sharing how the 310 number that interrupted his ABC bitch session with Kevin Hench, it was his sister calling and he felt bad his smart phone wasn’t smart enough to recognize his sister’s number.
Adam has a solid joke to describe the difficulty of programming a smart phone and his lack of interest.
Adam was informed today is his mother’s 80th birthday and was instructed to give her a call, Adam is sharing how he was wondering if she’ll know he was prompted to call her.
Funny back and forth with BB regarding his mom’s busy schedule, he called and was informed she spent her special day getting a cat scan.
Adam is now joking with the gang about how it should be a complimentary medical gift on your 80th birthday.
Adam is now asking Doug about his birthday, he’s telling the gang that IMDB got it wrong so that’s now when he celebrates it and Adam is sharing his IMDB/Wikipedia factoid regarding his nonexistent Crohn’s Disease.
Adam is now on a funny back and forth regarding Doug’s Wikipedia AIDS diagnosis, “Backyard Fruit” Adam comments is a great title for a gay porn.
Adam is now sharing the time he tried to explain to a woman who bad Wikipedia was and was met with her Crohn’s disease diagnosis, Adam is joking they hugged it out as he went along with the misunderstanding, I hope that’s true!
Adam just mixed up Doug’s plug and he’s now joking about why working with Mike August is great, Doug has a funny joke about his business card just saying “My Bad”.
Alison is asking the gang about virtual reality arcades and Doug is commenting on the lack of amplification in their room compared to the dining area next-door.
Adam blames “Tron” for the lack of VR and Alison blames “Lawnmower Man”.
Alison is sharing a haunting story from an encounter with a coffee cup holder in a shopping cart last night, she’s describing the apricot pit of vertebrae she observed you can view on her Instagram.
Adam caught a full sized lizard while reading with his daughter, he walked up on a 3 inch lizard and he’s joking about its territorial display in response to seeing him.
Adam is comparing it to himself flexing at a skyscraper, he went for the Tupperware to remove the lizard and he’s claiming how he doesn’t know how Lewis and Clark were able to complete their journey without it.
Alison has a hilarious old timey spider removal technique joke that everyone except Adam tries to top and fails.
Adam is now joking about their hold over the plastic reusable container market, he wants to know what’s had a longer run without competitors for so long only to be overrun by imitators.
Adam has a hilarious delivery asking Doug Benson what he knows about weed, Alison is now asking him about his vacuum sealed baggies transported through airports(whoa!).
Adam is joking about how he associates vacuum sealing with storing sweaters under the bed after seeing those commercials, he’s also citing the folding workout equipment in other infomercials and he’s lamenting his own dusty spider realm under his bed.
Adam is now calling for government intervention for sofa height, he’s got a hilarious observation about different races lowering and raising their cars, interesting and hilarious.
Adam is now joking about the caveman feeling he gets while using a stick to pull items out from under the couch, Alison is quizzing him about it and joking with him.
Adam is now telling the gang about his various kitchen accessories he had painted at an auto body place back in 2004 and he’s now telling everyone to try it out.
Doug is explaining once again that he’s a renter and his logic behind it, Adam is commenting on how this statement proves his “Doug Benson Theory” and Alison agrees, comedy gold!
Q and Ace
1st Question from a delightful audience member who wants to know if Adam needs a 2nd nanny and now Adam is explaining how he might be able to use her services and transitioning to Molly’s new “piss place”.
Adam is going over his process of stepping and then re-stepping in the pee, he followed it up with an up close sniff and a command for Olga to clean it up, and the audience member has a telling reply.
Adam is asking for someone to mark down his mom’s birthday for next year and BB is asking why Matt doesn’t do it, Adam is now blaming himself again as he’s the one who is supposed to tell Matt.
Adam is joking about his assistant “not even being a hot dude” and he’s now on a Joe Piscopo tangent referencing his attractive babysitter and now they’re listing off various “nanny fuckers” great drop work from BB.
Adam is referencing his farting in front of the Nanny and general overall comfort because she’s not of the “super-hot” variety.
Gary is now on mic confirming Adam’s reference and tangent, Adam’s closing it with a great dig at Doug and Alison for being renters.
Adam is now recalling the time he watched Wall E with Olga and the kiddies in bed when Lynette was out of town, he’s telling the “la cucaracha” story.
They’re riffing about the idea of that song being associated with food, they’re now giving kind shout outs to Olga and BB is killing it with mock reactions calling her terrible names for not enjoying his work on the show.
Adam is giving a nice love letter to his wonderful nanny, he’s sharing her story of refusing to put her daughter on the school breakfast program.
Adam is now taking it back to the nanny and asking her about her current tour of duty, Adam is now repeating her idea about couples in Los Angeles hiring good looking people to be around them to maintain their image conscious ideals.
Adam is now joking about “racist road math” regarding the series of thoughts he has upon seeing a squatty Guatemalan woman behind the wheel of a high end car, Adam dubs it “Road Race”.
Adam is now asking her dreadlocked boyfriend about his hairstyle and the intricacies of developing it, Adam’s has a hilarious joke about how often his head would catch on fire if he sported dreads.
Alison is now setting up a story she didn’t want to tell Adam about, she was using her travel hair dryer the lower quality of the two she owns.
Upon realizing it was performing well it suddenly sucked her hair into the rear vent, she is now walking Adam through her nudist MacGyver attempt to get her hair out without cutting it.
Adam is now giving her a “first world problems” reply describing her explaining this story to starving African children.
The audience member is now telling Adam about being with her Dreadlocked bf and comparing it to every other ethnicity in reply to Adam’s inquiry about the smell.
BB has some key drop work and Doug seems to love it.
Totally Topical TiVo Trivia
Adam is now telling Doug about his performance during the last game and why he’s hesitant to play, Doug is now asking him about his use of Pete in the game, pretending not to understand the logic.
Adam is now calling Pete his alter ego, ala Mariah Carey’s “Mimi”.
1st Description “A wealthy Industrialist builds an armored suit…”
2nd Description “A call girl helps a Princeton applicant turn his home…”
3rd Description “A Gladiator Slave leads a revolt in decadent Rome and attempts to lead his followers to freedom…” Weird “Black Knight” reply from Doug
4th Description “A nineteenth Century gunslinger united townspeople, outlaws…”
5th Description “A Supermodel befriends a rival while becoming mixed up in a brain washing…”
Adam reveals he’s never seen Zoolander.
6th Description “A Male Stripper…”
7th Description “Kryptonite Laced with Tobacco…”
Hilarious riff about Superman Straining to lift a continent
8th Description “Two Elfin Beings search for an all-powerful shard…”
Adam is now asking BB about the “Dark Crystal” and having it explained to him
9th Description “A Ballerina…”
10th Description “A Deceased Inventors…”
BB is now telling Adam he can’t ever brag about his “knife salesman” win again, Yes he can BB and he Will!
11th Description “When the star quarterback is injured…”
12th Description “A fast talking literary agent”
13th Description “On Vacation 3 men get to play cowboy…”
14th Description “An Ivy League Detroit Policeman…”
15th Description is a Winner Takes All, never mind now it’s not. “A Record Company Employee…”
BB secures the win with absolute 0 humility, Adam compliments him for the nice work as he tries to take extra credit for “Varsity Blues”.
Alison’s News
Her top story is on a Texas Mega church that is now in the spotlight for preaching faith healing and discouraging immunization.
Adam’s got a hilarious description for Jenny McCarthy that stops Doug in his tracks, Alison is reading the details of the story and now Adam is saying he wants to come back as a morbidly obese black preacher who sweats 24/7 while rocking nice suits.
Adam is on a great “I’ve been to the mountain” tangent, man he really wants neck rolls, Adam is using Dr. Drew’s expertise being questioned by Loveline guests to make a point.
He’s referencing the Esai Morales Loveline arguments regarding HIV and AIDS, Alison is now chiming in to agree and ask why people think science is up for debate.
Adam is now explaining how his construction expertise contrasts his comedy expertise, Adam is now explaining his Simpsons vs. Murphy Brown argument with his mom, Adam isn’t getting into and explaining himself.
Alison now has a new dentist and is telling the gang about it, hilarious “nude dentist” riff and Alison is sharing her reaction to a dentist claiming to be a doctor.
Alison wants to know the highest and lowest scale among doctors, Adam is sharing he’s had this conversation with a mildly buzzed Dr. Drew and now Alison is explaining the looks of the dentist and the technician.
Adam is sharing how Drew gets pissed when people tell him their plans to become a Dr. While barely floundering in Jr. College, Adam has a great NFL comparison.
Adam is explaining why he’s every dentist’s worst nightmare, how he tries to get them modify their practice with the nitrous and the inline water heaters.
He’s using the “Everyone asks for that” answer from various businesses to make his point about dentists and the “Oh those things exist” reply he got about the water heaters.
2nd Story is on Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones separating, Doug has an extreme reaction and now they’re all commenting on the news story.
They’re commenting on her bi-polarity and Doug is giving his take on how they probably ended up together, Adam has some solid Welsh comedy and is glad she’s on the open market.
Alison reads that she’s 43 despite long held rumors about 10yrs being shaved off, Adam is using her depression and wealth without happiness to pull off an almost Yakov level “what a country!”.
Adam is now explaining why we’re drawn to people who are focused and aware, he’s contrasting that to hilarious Subway customers who act as if they’ve never considered their order till reaching their place in line.
They’re on a pro Tom Cruise tangent, contrasting his “life by the tail” mode of operating to other people who seem to be on perpetual Quaaludes.
This is essentially Adam’s “Gilded Cage of Minimum Wage” theory on modern life and how one can’t escape the worst parts regardless of success, wealth or status.
Alison wants to know if Adam is happy on days where he doesn’t have to deal with dumb people and he’s got a solid Great Gatsby analogy to contrast his life.
Doug has a funny “there’s more!?” reply to Adam going back for another lap of this tangent, he’s taking it to the micro and macro of this “enemy” status successful people are labeled with.
Adam is now ranting about firefighters and teachers, Doug is ironically joining him as he clearly disagrees.
3rd Story is about Oreos and the cool fan lady has a perfectly timed shout in response, Adam is explaining her joke to Doug.
Alison is reporting that double stuffed Oreos aren’t truly double the amount and it’s only 1.8x the amount.
Adam is now saying how he would like to explain to the inventor of the Oreo that his cookie is below graham cracker in his book.
Adam is saying that every Girl Scout cookie is better than an Oreo, even the dreaded Tag-a-Long’s and Trefoils.
Alison is reading the stats about the “Mega Stuff Oreos” and Adam is now connecting this to the pre and post cooked weight of the Quarter Pounder, he’s telling the people who monitor this stuff to kill themselves.
4th Story is on Folgers being the number coffee in the USA, Adam is saying it’s because of people appreciating cheap coffee and he’s commenting on the reusability of the container.
Alison is asking Adam what he would reuse it for and he’s now telling the infamous Jimmy Kimmel fart story.
Doug Benson has a hilarious one liner describing what the Folgers coffee slogan sounds like to him.
They’re now all mocking the various clichéd Folgers commercial scenarios, Adam has a hilarious description of his wake ups and Doug is now riffing a great original Folgers coffee ad and Adam is joining him, strong!
They’re all riffing on other coffee commercials and brands, including Maxwell House and Taster’s Choice, Adam is bringing up Mrs. Olsen and her brand of coffee.
Adam is riffing on the Juan Valdez advertisements he watched as a kid and how knew even then what a preposterous scenario they were presenting.
Adam is now bringing up the old “Hills Bros.” Coffee commercials, Adam has a great Juan Valdez and Aldo Cella are the same guy tangent.
Alison wants to know Adam’s take on the outrage regarding Soprano’s portrayal of Italians, he’s comparing it to the honest depictions of inner city gangs in movies and TV.
Adam is explaining why accepts the concept and is not offended by “his group” being defined by a single portrayal, another smart take on ethnicity and culture.
5th Story is on the death of “Twerking” and Adam is asking about “Planking”.
Doug and Alison are exploring how Miley Cyrus ruined it for everyone and Adam is blaming all white folks for ruining all trends and fads.
Adam is now commenting on the pussy windfall for the modern teen boy, with the cultural shift of whore one-upmanship.
Adam is explaining how as a dad he’s not a fan but he can also shift his perspective to that of a teen with various examples, he’s right!
Adam is now bringing up the tablet computers being given out to students across Los Angeles, Hilarious riff about “Irv” the assigned learner being hired to keep kids from doing anything on their own.
Adam is now asking BB about what he would have done if he had held a tablet computer as a kid.
Alison is now thinking they must have a way to block porn on the tablets, but Adam seems to have a better grasp on the workarounds of the internet and various connections.
Alison wishes a nice goodbye to Twerking along with Doug Benson and Alison is wrapping the news on a brown note.
Adam is doing a live read, giving out the plugs and wrapping the show.