23 Jun Giovanni’s Superfan Sidebar 06/19/2015 – Iliza Shlesinger, Live at the Hollywood Improv
A real time blog where Superfan Giovanni does recap and commentary on the show as it happens and opines on all things ACS
Guest – Iliza Shlesinger, Live at the Hollywood Improv
Recorded 06-18-2015 – Release Date 06-19-2015
Production Number #1598
Adam opens the show with a ‘Daddy Stop Talking’ plug intro, Iliza is walking onto the stage with her dog in tow, Adam is sharing his feelings about that and mocks her for the dog being placed near the Nachos.
Adam says they brought the bell for a round of ‘What Can’t Adam Complain About’ and welcomes BB and Gina to the stage.
Adam explains that he was out to dinner with James Babydoll Dixon, Jimmy Kimmel and Bill Simmons, he was being told about a new strip club that Jimmy and Bill are too famous to attend, Adam was told that he could probably go.
Iliza is weighing in and Adam explains the premise of the dinners and how Cousin Sal tries to run up the bill and Adam is now riffing about pink champagne, it’s either super cheap or super pricey bases on its color.
Iliza is making her 4th appearance on the show, Adam is consulting with Mike August about the $222 champagne they gifted to the tables nearby, Adam jokes about the women being perplexed that Adam and co. ordered them all that free booze and then just left without trying to hit on them.
Iliza mixes up Adam’s agent’s name and the name of a strip club, Adam is talking about the dinner and how he got up and stole some of the free pink champagne back from one of the other tables.
Adam asks Gina how she would feel in that scenario, Adam asks Iliza about her dog’s name again, Adam forgets about the previous visit, Iliza is chiming in and now Adam is having everyone guess the total for the bill, BB guesses it was 5 figures, Adam initially says yes and then walks them through the total purchase.
Iliza is very specific about this, Adam is now explaining how he they ordered short ribs for the restraint and 3 bottles of champagne, Adam is telling her she won’t be winning anything.
Gina has a funny “yes and” moment and Adam says that Bill Simmons guessed the total within 4 dollars, Iliza has a clever bit of wordplay that Adam misreads as further over analyzing, Adam says that Bill Simmons promised to come “be honest” on air on the podcast (Finally!) in September when his contract is up, unless they can ban him from Adam’s show in perpetuity.
Hopefully Bill finally records the Basic Cable commentary with Adam for ‘Cliffhanger’ or ‘Tango and Cash’ or any of the Fast series.
Adam is asking Iliza about Blanche and her missing teeth, Adam asks Iliza about pet insurance and she has a funny summation.
Iliza reminds Adam she was on the show previously, when she promoted her last special.
Adam is talking about driving in La Brea and is bringing up a high speed car chase that was covered on the local Fox affiliate in Los Angeles.
Adam loves the use of “possible gang member” and argues that anyone in Los Angeles is possibly a gang banger, hilarious “Fatty Arbuckle’s ghost” one liner form Ace.
Adam is on fire and says that it was covered on the news long enough that people were able to run out and get on camera, Adam is now suggesting much like his “free cock fights for Raider’s fans only” idea.
Iliza asks who would be Adam’s Chris Hansen, he says perhaps himself as he’s not that recognizable.
BB compares Adam to Giuliani, Iliza compares this line of thinking to McCarthyism, Iliza has some solid follow ups, she’s treating this more like a podcast podcast and not a live show but it’s working in a weird way.
Adam is now sharing a statistic from Stephen Dubner he learned from their Take a Knee recording earlier in the day.
Adam says that cops are more likely to sleep with prostitutes than arrest them, Adam is back to his idea about the “fake car chase” to apprehend the lowest elements of society currently evading law enforcement.
Iliza brings up Adam’s “Trap Wagon” and Adam is back to his idea and defending it adamantly, Iliza brings up watching ‘Orange Is The New Black’ and shares how Adam could get ensnared in his own net and end up arrested for his own idea.
BB has a very funny delivery and Adam along with Iliza make fun of it after Iliza brings up the stereotypically Jewish vocal tone.
Iliza is sharing her idea for people being rated by yelp idea, Adam is taking it to the sex topic and she says she brought it up to be funny, Adam is asking her what’s up with her life.
“If you hit 40 and you don’t have a kid I’ll give you one of mine” – Adam
Iliza asks if she means a current kid or some of his weird old guy sperm, Adam riffs about how all of his sperm is weird and now Adam is saying his marriage works better because he’s never home.
Iliza says that 4-5 good chat threads going it can sustain her instead of hooking up.
She elaborates, it sounds modern and reasonable yet totally un-relatable to me.
What Can’t Adam Complain About
1st Topic Electric Toothbrush, Adam says they haven’t come a long way in 44yrs, one of those being the operating word as Adam has his infamous first masturbation story he’s not going to tell, he will reference Chris B. and his families shared electric toothbrush but isn’t going further.
Adam talks about the noise level they produce and how that also is seemingly unchanged since they first hit the market, Iliza brings up the need to change out the brush heads and asks if Adam is joking when he acts as if he doesn’t know that.
Iliza is describing the goop under the sonic care toothbrush head, Adam shares how someone eventually tells you to brush your tongue and you freak out as you haven’t ever done it.
Adam shares that Sarah Silverman told him to brush his tongue and he’s joking about getting a tongue snigging parrot, Iliza offers up Blanche and she seemingly sniffs his tongue on stage, hope they got a shot of it like the time Legendary photographer Mike Carano nabbed the in action multiple frames of Adam eating the mozzarella stick from Dan Finnerty’s crotch.
Adam is joking about 69’ing with your dog, Adam is joking about a cop who mocks drivers for not driving drunk to drum up business in response to Iliza’s hilarious idea, Adam is killing it with his riff about nighttime fudge.
Adam is mocking the dentist and the cards they send that are seemingly made for children, Iliza says that nobody wants to go to the dentist and someone hits their mic on something, Adam says his dentist isn’t trying to fuck him in reply to Iliza, they’re killing it.
Adam is transitioning to the idea of the “furthest removed from me” person who women wants as their gynecologist, preferably.
Gina says that female Indian woman is the best candidate for the gig, Adam is asking if they don’t steer people to that specialty for meeting those descriptors.
Adam is now shouting that he wants to make his own point, Iliza is peppering him with contributions and ideas, Adam is bringing up the foreign women who often specialize in bikini waxing, Gina brings up how they slap your genitals after removing the strips of wax.
BB has a killer “cunnilingus” joke
Adam wraps up the toothbrush topic and has a funny Jim Gaffigan OBGYN riff, Adam takes a poll of the audience and can’t find one person with a “straight white gyno” and says that he thinks men, husbands and boyfriends are more comfortable with that.
Adam brings up the base instincts that keeps men from wanting anyone who is a “threat” to be examining their partner’s genitals, BB and Iliza mock him for the use of “threat” and are seemingly unaware of the 2005 Discovery Health show that Dr. Drew hosted where they did brain scans and read “male threat responses” in men’s brains, Adam is right.
Adam has a killer question asking if any man could choose Dr. Drew or “the guy in the lifeboat with a Tiger” (Pi) and Adam screams about the choice you must make.
Adam mocks BB’s judgment.
2nd Topic BB says this question from Mike G. might make an interesting WCACA, Adam is mocking him for being too skinny to live in Buffalo, and Mike has a tattoo of Adam and shares it with him.
Adam is joking about a universal tattoo for the eventual Gray Race we will be living in, BB has a funny Eric Benet reference.
Adam discovers it’s a real tattoo on a fake hand, Adam jokes about using that fake hand to jack off, Adam is now asking him the where, how and why of it.
He is a tattoo artist and Adam asks him about practicing on homeless corpses, Adam asks if he’s allowed to have that and he pledges to put it next to Ron Jeremy’s cock.
Adam is going to use the fake hand to abuse his kids and jokes about getting off on a technicality, Gina asks if anyone has her face tattooed on their body.
Gina reveals that Randy Wang her dear friend and cohost for many years, has a tattoo on his arm in honor of their 1000th podcast.
Adam says it’s got to be quite a conversation starter for Randy, Iliza is mocking the tattoo and the looks Randy, BB vouches for its accuracy.
Adam brings up his makeup lady who had a full sleeve of her young grandmother, Adam didn’t think it was awesome and jokes about her showing everyone up with her love for her grandma.
Iliza is talking about the fucked up tattoo’s people get of their deceased kids as scene on some tattoo based reality show.
Adam asks her about ‘Orange Is the New Black’ and she compliments it saying it’s unparalleled by anything on TV.
Iliza says that if a guy is ugly, he’s ugly and Adam has a funny “I’d think I would blow him” line about Rob Lowe, Adam is commenting further on the fluidity of women and their sexuality, Iliza brings up how maturity plays a role in experimentation and Adam is taking it back to the slapping vagina move that Gina was doing.
Adam asks if he can really keep the hand.
3rd Topic from Gina ‘The Big Brothers and Sisters organization’, Adam jokes about the lack of an atheist big brother program and the lack of candidates for a Jewish one.
Adam is mocking the interview process and Adam is sharing how he almost “didn’t get a young boy to take home and fuck” and Adam shares his actual answer.
Adam jokes about using his Jizz to keep her paperweights in place, an excellent turn of phrase off of Iliza’s comments.
Adam is screaming about his actual intent with his little brother, Adam is mocking the questions and now Adam is further telling Iliza about his stint as a big brother.
This is hilarious, Ace Awards 2015 material.
Adam is telling her it’s not the answer it’s how the person looks while giving the answer, Adam is mocking her lack of “yes and” training and Adam says the interviewer is looking for a reaction and shares how they risk a prolapsed boy anus and losing their job if they don’t ask enough queries.
Gina takes it back to the questions, Adam mocks Iliza interrupting and now asking her what the proper answer is to give, she shares her knowledge of ecstasy use and Adam says this was 1994.
Iliza has a nice callback and they’re now looking at a photo of Adam and Nate, she says he’s a good looking kid and Adam snags the compliment, she then gives him one too.
Iliza says the photo is so sweet and jokes about Adam not having to wear a nametag now, Adam says he’s probably 34-35 now and says he can’t remember his last name for the life of him.
Adam is talking about their trips to Taco Bell and describing his living situation, Adam is living out “Tim” why?
Adam says that Nate’s daddy lived in Kenya, Adam is now finally bringing up ‘Tim The Russian Rapper’ and asking if anyone is familiar.
Adam is now describing Tim (Team/TEEEEEEEEEM!) and is now sharing their first interaction with the name mix-up, Adam is doing the back and forth and is now quoting Tim quoting rap lyrics.
Adam is describing his Isuzu Trooper and the tiny 1.6 4 banger screaming for mercy to get up to speed, Adam is doing the rap, he’s bringing up the nice heart to heart he had with the kids at Magic Mountain, he describes how Tim dumped his 64oz soda in the backseat.
Adam is describing how the girls are pretending to find Nate cute and Adam says that they wouldn’t have gone near his dick then, Adam says he wasn’t a good looking kid and is cute, he hopes he’s not listening and now they’re looking at him again.
Adam is yelling and brings up Nate’s lazy eye, he demands to get the photo where he shorter, Gary is now loading it.
Adam is trying to get some “yes and” going and they move on, Adam is heated and struggling to get through the story, Adam jokes about his “memory truck” and skips the heart to heart story, fuck.
Adam is doing the Dollar Shave Club Live Read
1st Story is on the auction for Frank Sinatra’s address book, Iliza calls back the guessing from earlier in the show and Adam mocks her, this is delightful.
Adam guesses 86,000 and Iliza tries to top him, Adam jokes about the bummed out guy who just bought it and has a killer Gina Lollobrigida reference.
2nd Story is on the best day to get hired, Adam remarks on how everything drops on a Tuesday and Iliza shares some insight for this logic, she says that in Hollywood they only work Tue-Thu and now Adam says that people are now doing that with drinking on Thursdays.
3rd Story is on Richard Branson offering all of his male employees… Adam interrupts to ask if everyone else thinks that maybe Elon Musk has taken Branson out at the knees when it comes to genius billionaires we become infatuated with.
Gina says that Richard is offering men a full year off paid for maternity leave, Gina explains how unheard of this is.
Adam is now joking about staying home to raise kids being the hardest job and how if you’re up to date on every TV series maybe it’s not the hardest gig, he jokingly says he’s never seen ‘The Sopranos’ why?
Gina asks if Adam thinks this is a good thing, Adam says your kid doesn’t know shit or who you are for the first year and jokes about his kids petting Charlie Manson’s beard over him, Adam says year one is a very poo centered gig.
Iliza asks who is, Gina brings up Danny Thomas and asks if they’re aware of what that is, WHY!?
BB even braces for this one, Adam is now forced to recount the Danny Thomas incident, I hate these moments where it’s clear Gina never listened to the show.
Adam is now telling the full Danny Thomas story from his CBS pilot, he’s giving all of the details in this variant of the story.
Adam comments on the sound issues at the venue and asks what goes on there when they’re not doing live podcast, not live comedy 7 days a week, surely not that.
Gina wants to know how they ended up on that tangent forgetting she did it.
Adam is back to Branson and shitting, Adam is sharing how he threw money at his twins and their poo for their “year one” and Gina asks if Adam has ever changed a diaper, he jokes about changing Jim Norton’s diaper after they got fucked up on Absinthe and admits he may have changed a couple while his wife was out of town.
4th Story is on the first disabled orgy in Canada, she’s got the details and Adam jokes about steeling all of the wheelchairs from the disabled attendees and how the orgy will never be able to end if he does that.
Iliza shares a fetish angle, Adam says that if he was in an orgy he thinks it would be a countdown until a cock wound up in his ear.
Gina once again is a “one upper” and asks for a show of hands of Orgy attendees, Adam is telling her to hold it.
Adam is now doing a Nestcam live read
Adam says he uses the Nest thermostat and jokes about head nodding on a podcast, Gina reveals the orgy was about 30 days ago.
Gina now says it was probably 2 years ago and she didn’t participate because it was in the inland empire, she says it was like an airplane hangar and was about 200 people.
Gina says it was rough, she describes the pants less men and the buffet, she talks about the rules for men vs. women and Adam jokes about identifying as a woman to then bypass said rules.
Gina shares her efforts to see someone using a sex swing, she keeps bringing up the mustachioed gents.
Adam is asking if they were trying to get her involved and she tells them about getting her chest painted, Adam jokes about her needing a bucket to finish the job.
Adam is further riffing about her large “canvas” and she shares how a guy led her around by his boner, the tour guide.
Adam is joking about her being indignant about participating, she is moving forward and Adam wants to know about the titty paint, she shares how people were waiving at her and she was waiving back, unwilling to join in.
Adam is now joking about the guy who waives at a 4 way stop sign, Gina says she would have partaken if someone stuck her fancy.
She says it was like a David Lynch movie and now Iliza is having her describe the “finger food” buffet, Adam is bringing up the couple she mentioned, the “party starters” who were possibly paid to start the night’s festivities but were unwilling to fuck.
Adam is talking about the shrimp wheel that you’re reluctant to touch and fuck up and you need someone else to take some for you to feel ok about defacing it.
Adam is comparing that shrimp wheel to the sex at an orgy.
Adam is doing a Castrol Live Read
5th Story is on Japanese crying rooms in their hotels, she has all of the details and how they’re aimed at women to alleviate stress.
Iliza is talking about the crazy unique trends that come from Japan, Adam is talking about the extremes in Japanese culture and brings up used panty vending machines.
Adam is joining about his hankering for whale meat and jokes about moving to Japan.
Adam says his crying room is the bathroom.
Adam is doing a Squatty Potty live read
Block out the world edition
Adam is now giving out the plugs and wrapping up the show.