20 Jun Giovanni’s Superfan Sidebar 06/17/2014 – Greg Fitzsimmons
A real time blog where Superfan Giovanni does recap and commentary on the show as it happens and opines on all things ACS
Guest – Greg Fitzsimmons
Recorded 06-16-2014 – Release Date 06-17-2014
Production Number #1347
Adam is opening the show with a spirited intro and some plugs for their upcoming 4 shows in Phoenix, Teresa Strasser, John Holmberg and Doug Benson.
Adam is getting to his hatred for the city, he’s asking for “Kill Yourself Carolla” in reply to Alison’s funny quip instead of “Click it or ticket” on the freeway signs.
Adam is explaining that they ran with his idea for “Steer it clear” for 9 days but they’ve now switched it, Adam tells Alison she’s still in the cut for “Road Hard” and Adam is joking about being cut out of the Kevin Smith movie “Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back” where he played Agent Willenholly.
Adam is further explaining how much you cut from a movie while editing it and joking with Alison about her scene being safe, he’s now comparing her to Bryan’s tumor and they’re all riffing about it.
Adam explains that some other folks who worked on the project and are cut out or barely made the 2hr and 15min cut.
Adam is explaining that Kevin Hench has yet another show he’s running full time and is over at the fox lot, he’s trying to find times to work with Kevin and he’s blaming how brutal traffic is for why it’s so difficult for them to find time to edit together.
Adam is asking Gary about the “fast pass” lanes and he’s now ranting about this attempt to alleviate traffic, Adam says he travels on the roads with the fast pass 8 times per year, it’s not worth it and he doesn’t want to pay them more money to get back to 0.
BB is now citing the TSA pre-check as another example of something you pay for just to get back to 0.
Adam is ranting about fast pass lanes and says we should be burning the city down, he’s citing the years of effort to get the people in charge of the traffic in Los Angeles on Loveline.
Adam is bringing up the “look twice for motorcyclists” sign now up on the digital road signs and billboards. BB also saw it while driving in.
BB defends it a bit, Adam agrees but we shouldn’t be saying look twice, Adam is now getting to things that are encoded into you, BB clarifies he means avoiding pedestrians on the freeway.
Adam has a killer alignment joke while talking about people running across a freeway, he’s now riffing about a Scottish sign with bagpipes and such, gold!
Adam is explaining where and why you see that sign and BB is condescending and seeing Adam’s point just this one time.
Adam is now telling them about his movie producer Nate getting a ride in a helicopter from Lawrence Welk’s grandson who is a Carolla fan.
Adam is explaining that Nate much like his other employee Matt Fondiler he was going to vomit, Alison dubs vomiting in a shirt the “Matt Fondiler method” and Adam jokes about the semen flying in the cabin with Matt’s incident.
Adam is now bringing up the oddity of both plots not having vomit bags in their choppers, Adam is now asking why you wouldn’t have one?
He’s careful not to offend Mr. Welk Jr. but is saying he would have a produce style spindle of plastic bags that he would put over the heads of all of his passengers.
Adam implies they’re working on a “Do Yourself a Favor” something, blog? Bit? Book? This harkens back to yesterday and classic Loveline, Adam’s “buy 5 of everything under 5 bucks” rule.
Adam is doing a bark box live read and plugging his live appearances.
BB is now bringing up the conversation from a couple weeks back with Jeff Dunham, what?
Adam now politely informs him that he learned of that topic on this podcast, he feels stupid and Alison affirms his stupidity, wow!
Alison is now telling them about being in a project where they needed a rooftop helicopter shot and they missed her after almost 2 hours of her waving at all of the traffic overhead.
Alison is telling them about the rooftop party scene created for the project and Adam is now asking if everyone else agrees that rooftop parties are generally a horrible idea.
Adam is now joking about the danger of falling off, Adam is ranting about them being a fictional manufactured scene only exiting in commercials.
Alison has a great summation of Adam’s questions about the unfinished rooftop construction and BB is once again relating to the common man by mentioning the 3 disappointing rooftop parties he’s been to.
Q and Ace
1st Caller Wes, he is driving home after moving to New Orleans, Adam has a funny roof party joke.
Adam is now asking Wes about his dad helping him move and he’s stopping him to ask are these people trying to piss us off and he’s riffing as someone complaining about their overeager father doing free construction and buying meals.
Alison is killing it riffing alongside Adam and she’s giving her take on how her family would react to giving help and Adam can’t get past the imagining part and even a pillow case of mushrooms and him peaking couldn’t convince him that his dad showed up to re-wire his house.
Adam has Wes back on the line and he’s asking him about having it made, perfect age, perfect time, perfect town and he’s bringing up the damaged goods nurses he’s going to be working with.
BB has a funny newsgirl joke and Adam is asking them about the most non-sexual job and the most sexual people working in them, he thinks nurses is the number one field.
Adam is now talking to Steve the father of Wes, he’s asking him about being so willing to drive 13hrs to help him move, Adam is almost getting angry asking Steve the “super evasive retarded bandit” and Alison and BB are trying to help clarify.
Adam is getting Steve to admit he’s too cheap to book a one way flight, Adam is now getting to one way pricing on flights and unknowingly stepping on a complex tariff issue, that’s been going on for a very long time.
BB jokes that they must be muling drugs or doing gay craigslist stops, Adam is riffing with that and asking Steve if his son is making him wait in the car and returning with a strange glow.
“Well, who can afford a tombstone at these prices…we’ll get a rock and a Sharpee” – Adam mocking Steve and his cheapness.
BB is now looking up the flight prices, Alison tells Adam this was an excuse for them to spend more time together.
Adam is doing a live read for E-Voice.
Adam is now sharing the prices for tickets and the cost of fuel and coming to the conclusion he wanted to spend more time with his son, makes it worse.
2nd Caller Cole, he wants advice for a 1st year teacher. Alison is amazed he’s so young and now Adam says he can’t do anything without getting in trouble.
Do nothing Cole, Cole is telling them about a student who had a note about an anxiety disorder saying she needed to have her phone open and available 24/7.
Adam says if you open the door to anxiety this is what happens and he says ironically smoking is the only anxiety relieving action and he’s getting to the missing smoking terrariums and he’s got a great reaction to BB’s Pussy Lips drop.
Adam is now echoing Alison’s point about separation anxiety and he’s further explaining it and why it’s a good thing to experience and necessary as a complete human being.
Adam is ranting about them coaching kids to work the system at a younger and younger age, in their favor and Cole is explaining to Alison how the rules work to keep said student from cheating on tests.
Adam is now using the “be a good kid” instructions for your children when they’re separated from you, Adam says it’s common sense decorum.
Adam says the more we started adding rules in society the more it became like the IRS, everyone trying to skate past them.
Adam is making an excellent analogy and is using flawless logic, Alison is now giving a “no killing on Saturday” example of how highlighting things makes people act out in response.
Adam is bringing up Jimmy Kimmel raising his hand during the “no tampering with the smoke detector” announcement and he’s sharing Jimmy’s take about wanting the word tamper being banned from the aircraft, he doesn’t want to hear that while flying.
Adam is further ranting about the cunty student and her eventual flights with a whole sled team, Adam and BB have a great “Dangerous Minds” moment where BB plays the drop before Adam makes the reference, though he could have been lining up a Sidney Poitier “To Sir with Love” reference.
Adam is referencing a “drives the boss man nuts” thing someone does that bother Jimmy Kimmel, he’s saying that the relationship you have with people is exactly the one you create.
Adam is using caller ID to make a point about the relationship you have with another person, if they pick up or let them leave a message.
BB references the John Popper and Dickey Barrett text message mix-up that took over a year for Adam to respond.
BB is in full agreement and sharing a practical counterpoint about the people who are on the bottom of the pick-up list aren’t capable of the self-reflection.
Adam does a powerful sniff and once again mocks the bitch with the phone on her “table” (desk).
Adam is doing a live read for Prosper.com
They’re heading to break
They’re back form break Adam is doing a live read for stamps.com
1st Story the United States beat Ghana in their opening game of the 2014 World Cup, Adam is killing it riffing about Ghana with Bald Bryan about where it is and what it’s famous for.
Adam says doesn’t Ghana need a win more than we do, Gary is nodding and filling them in on the way the World Cup works.
Greg Fitzsimmons joins them for what must be his 35th visit to the show, He’s telling them about the time he landed in Ghana while traveling on South African Airlines.
Greg is now walking them through the grim scene of abandoning the man having a seizure on his plane, Greg busts out the racist joke and Adam has a funny reaction.
Greg is telling them about hosting the AVN wards and Adam is now joking about Ghana and their diamond production “digger upper” and he’s now telling the gang about why he doesn’t like soccer.
Adam calls Soccer a whole bunch of foreplay, America doesn’t like foreplay, and we want the NFL not soccer.
Greg coins it “Sports Blue Balls” based on Adam’s riff, much like Drew gets to take credit for Waffle Crapper after Adam laid the table with all the components.
Greg makes another racist joke about Adam liking soccer because he gets to watch Latin people “back where they belong” and Adam is taking it away from the racial stuff and joking about soccer being invented to keep poor people busy, all nationalities.
Adam is now explaining his no hockey in the 3rd world theory that proves the inverse of his point about soccer and poverty, Greg is now in agreement.
Adam is now getting to the Addison Improv and the super long hallway near it along with a “Jack shack” mentioned by Greg, BB is now explaining what it is for BB and Alison.
Adam and Drew both joke about checking on Fitzdog’s numbers, Adam is now bringing up shitty plastic cups and the hotel room you stay in while performing at that improv, he’s explaining how strangely positioned the TV is in comparison to the bed.
Alison is now asking Adam about his late night wine drinking in the hotel rooms, she wants to know if he passes out or actually goes to bed, Adam says he loses the rock paper scissor game with consciousness and is riffing about his post drinking activities, brushing his teeth, turning off the TV.
Adam is telling them about sitting in with Stern at 3am from the west coast, Alison is asking Adam about his 3 hours in between Loveline and Stern, Adam says he didn’t go to sleep immediately, he didn’t want to give up “his time” at night.
Greg is giving his variant of this that involves coffee and sleeping pills, Adam is saying this schedule is what causes many comics to go off the rails, he’s bringing up the craving for a beer you get and Greg is getting to the topic of masturbating himself to sleep, gross bath towel mention.
Alison says he’s throwing down a tarp and now Adam is picturing Gallagher jacking off in response to Greg’s one liner, Adam is now riffing about guys using jack bibs and Adam is saying he has the shower down.
Adam is now giving advice to all men, he’s sharing his “don’t get hooked on lube” theory and he’s wrapping it up with a funny reference to the Ghana story.
Adam is now giving out the plugs for Greg, Alison is asking them about possible comedy clubs, and how important is the green room and now Adam and Greg are bringing up Cleveland Hilarities and what a great room it is, despite not having a green room.
Adam is using Mike August eating through his performance as the main bad example of having a green room, Alison jokes about him locking them onstage and out of the green room.
Adam is now comparing what Mike does to when he calls home and his wife is lamenting her tough day taking care of the kids and going zip lining and shit or out with Jennifer at the Sushi place.
Greg is explaining how your wife needs to hide her joy for you to survive the hellish time on the road, Adam explains his “I want her running in place for 90 days” and Adam says something always sets that hook to make you miserable in a shitty city.
Alison has a funny “and we love you fans. Thank you for your support” and Adam explains to Alison it’s much different doing a live podcast as opposed to two back to back standup shows.
2nd Story Is on the death of Tony Guinn, Adam is giving more of Tony’s background and BB calls him a classy dude, Adam is now asking if you asked most teenage boys would you rather make it to 54 and have Tony’s amount of all-star games or live to 84 doing something less impressive.
Alison is sharing the tweet from Tony’s son and Adam is now surprised Tony also had 5 golden gloves.
Adam is now doing a live read for Loot Crate.com
3rd Story is on 3 children who were injured during a civil war reenactment, Greg finds this story hilarious and makes the first racial joke, so far he’s made all the “racial” comedy yet he accuses Adam of that, odd.
Adam is now asking when they’re going to move on with the war reenactments, when are they going to start doing Vietnam, Adam has a great “hey when are we going to rape a village” riff.
Adam is joking about the civil war being reenacted while it was happening, Alison has a funny live tweeting comparison.
Adam is now riffing that he would be Barnes from “Platoon” and how he would design his wardrobe, great human skull reference taking it back to Mr. Birchum.
Adam is joking about the protestors and pageantry involved in these reenactments, Adam is killing it with rifle beating a hippy comedy.
Adam is now getting night sweats and sleep punches to really bring the character and reenactment home.
Greg sings a couple bars of Harry Chapin’s “Taxi” and Adam is now joking about songs that don’t know where to end.
Adam is breaking down the song, they’re playing it and Adam and Greg are doing live commentary.
BB has a great impression mocking Harry’s “Somewhere” and Adam is mocking the blowhardy 1970’s pop music.
Greg is joking about him being beaten to death, Adam is told about his death at 38 and suddenly seems to remember it.
They’re riffing about anyone with a noise being invited into the studio towards the end of this song, Adam has a killer “anyone got a bad cough” one liner and they’re getting to the “I’m stoned” closer.
Alison says that song was awful but she still feels bad about his death at 38, Gary is now telling them about the death and Alison is explaining how his widow was awarded 12mil in a lawsuit, Adam says she’s now ironically the woman with the manicured yard.
Alison is wrapping up the news.
Adam is doing a live read for Legalzoom.com
Adam is telling everyone they’re taking new applicants for “Catch a Contractor” season 2 and he’s giving out the plugs for Greg.