10 Jun Giovanni’s Superfan Sidebar 06/08/2015 – Greg Fitzsimmons
A real time blog where Superfan Giovanni does recap and commentary on the show as it happens and opines on all things ACS
Guest – Greg Fitzsimmons
Recorded 06-07-2015 – Release Date 06-08-2015
Production Number #1589
Adam opens the show to a new #TopDrop from yesterday’s guest Michael Rapaport and Adam says they need to get him onto the heavy rotation like Fitzsimmons who had been on the ACS podcast 40 times according to The website archive, but it could be off by one or two visits.
He was on the KLSX Radio version of the show 11 times, he never guested on Classic Loveline with Adam nor ‘Too Late with Adam Carolla’ Adam’s show from 2005.
Greg talks about Adam’s comedy factory and Adam gets defensive explaining that his comedy books are more difficult than something like BB’s cancer memoir.
Adam is back to how everyone is a fucking critic and comments on how he is able to get over 4 stars despite reflexive and spam negative reviews from trolls.
Adam is mocking the use of “I have a great sense of humor” before someone telling you that you offended them.
Adam is mocking “right now” in reply to what are you doing questions and jokes about replacing tiny containers of tide at laundromats.
BB brings up another podcast, Greg’s recorded before this one?
BB mocks Adam saying people shouldn’t buy a boat when he spends millions on cars he drives in a circle, Adam explains the element of dialing in the cars and tells them about Paul Newman’s Camaro.
Adam shares how he custom replaced the shift knob and how you can ensure that screws don’t become undone to endless vibration.
Adam tells them about Dan Gurney who is a racing legend and invented spraying the bottle of champagne celebration, Adam just interviewed him and is telling them about his impressive resume.
Adam quotes his take on NASCAR vs. F1 driving and Dan’s experience at Le Mans back when they had “running starts” and now describes the insane conditions at the time and how drivers wanted to be thrown from a vehicle to avoid dying in explosions and fires.
Adam describes the way a running start prevented people from applying their harnesses, Adam talks about the necessity for a “squire” in today’s racing world and 5 minutes to get you fully set in place due to all of the safety measures, including the HANS device.
Gina and BB asks what precipitated the change and them doing away with the running starts, Adam is killing it riffing about the NHL helmet rule, Adam is saying he never got over the idea of the older players being grandfathered in, Adam jokes about being able to smoke on a plane after the law was put into place.
Greg shares his curiosity about the bicycle helmet and its bizarre design, Adam talks about the Prussian motorcycle helmet and the way that all bikers have flat black helmets, he explains the way people are trying to display their manliness and end up cooking their brains and also risk more accidents.
Adam is doing an Arctic Ease live read
Adam explains that Matt and Gary saw the Entourage movie and Adam explains his take on the show, he says it’s not a really a “guilty pleasure” and was actually good, Greg says it was ‘Sex and the City’ for guys.
Adam now sharing his qualifications for a “guilty pleasure” like that show ‘Wipeout’ and now Gina is giving her take.
Adam is reading of the review score, Adam likes both this show and Sex and the City, Adam is now sharing his take on how you shouldn’t be able to mock him for liking a show starring women with topics he doesn’t identify with, he defends the show and how he likes to experience other people’s stories through art.
Adam and Bryan are now doing a funny fake sick phone call to the boss improv scene to mock Adam’s employees who use music festivals as reasoning to miss a day of work.
Adam is now asking Matt about his “Boy’s night Out” where he needed to leave early to beat traffic, Matt says he’s a terrible liar and Adam is an amazing detective.
Adam shares how he just needed Matt to stay long enough for him to finish with Dan Gurney, Adam shares how Matt bailed early.
Adam is doing a live read for Z Clip
Adam is sharing a super depressing conversation he had with his mom about her first credit card
Adam is asking Matt how he liked ‘Entourage’ and Adam has Gary gets on mic to gives his take, he says its 4 episodes of the TV show expertly done.
Adam says he thinks that rich white dudes are being punished, he predicts that Sex and the City is at least double on the Rotten Tomatoes charts.
Gary shares the E True Hollywood Story intro and Greg mocks Gary for misspeaking.
Adam thinks Rotten Tomatoes cut the ladies a break and now Greg has an “abortion doctor” side character pitch.
Matt shares the titty ratio in the movie, Adam gets confirmation and his theory is sound.
Adam says his point is that apples to apples one gets a better ratio with critics due to the theme and not the product, making a fine point.
Adam observes that Skip and Alison Bedell are outside, Gary guesses it’s for something next Sunday, their guest appearance?
Adam is now blaming Mike August and his loose use of this vs. next and gets to the Bianchi wine family story, Adam says that Skip and Alison were booked today and told Mike to wait until the show was premiering, closer to the release.
Adam explains how booking that are too early don’t lead to many extra sales, Gary is on mic saying that Mike August scheduled a meeting with Skip and Alison for August and Adam.
Adam now has Skip get on mic to explain the nature of the meeting and Adam apologizes on everyone’s behalf.
Adam is now telling them about his kids birthday and how they are going to Disneyland with the tour guide, Sonny said he would much rather just go with Dad to work, Adam describes the intense day ahead of them.
Adam is amazed that Sonny would rather hang with him than go to Disneyland.
Adam is talking about the voice on the WAZE app and how it interrupts his interviews he does while driving.
Adam is doing an Uber live read
Adam asks Matt about how many Johns he’s picked up since starting to drive with the company.
Adam is now having Gina play the host interviewing him and Adam is reacting to the turn by turn directions, Adam is doing a perfect job of demonstrating the frustration and Gina is nailing this.
Greg has a killer “Who is mommy’s new friend” one liner and is now making this even funnier, hilarious!
This is a masterpiece of audio, it’s insane and could cause someone to drive to their death with frustration, and how Adam handles this.
Gina has a nice reaction.
Adam is asking BB about his experience at Game 1 of the NBA Finals.
Adam and BB are now breaking down the game and Adam is focusing on LeBron’s epic three pointer.
Travis is joining them for his signature segment
Greater Than/Less Than
1st GTLT The height of the shortest NBA player vs. the tallest Jockey, Adam is now singing the praises of Spud Webb and his impressive skills.
They’re looking at him dunking at the slam dunk competition, BB gets it right.
Greg has a variation on the “not the size of the boat” adage and Adam tells guys to never say that, it just lets people know you are captain small cock and must make up for it by eating pussy.
They’re asking him about the weather in Alaska, Adam asks him the last time he saw an Eagle, he’s looking at one right now.
Adam is now asking if any Eagles aren’t majestic, Adam wants to know what the Eagle is doing right now and Adam jokes about what Fitzsimmons sees hobos shitting on other hobos and stealing mountain bikes.
2nd GTLT Number of NFL players since 2000 charged with domestic violence vs. Nirvana songs with heroin lyrics.
80 players vs. 66 songs.
Adam is now telling Travis to throw a potato at the Eagle to get him to move, you know a red potato not a big one, and Greg shares his experience seeing a bald Eagle on top of a Burger King.
Adam has a funny Juno/you Know “Who’s on First” riff and now Adam is asking Travis about the most aggressive Eagle move he’s ever seen.
Adam jokes about him using the word “Forever” to describe the Eagle snatching up a lapdog, Adam shares his takes on dogs dying via the method of being snatched by and Eagle and taken to a Volcano.
Adam jokes about this and humans dying that way, Gina asks if Adam doesn’t believe that Travis is really looking at an Eagle.
Greg is riffing on Dog’s with wheels assisting them in old age and what the signals to homeless people in this country.
3rd GTLT Age of the world’s oldest stripper vs. the total gross for the lowest grossing film of all time.
Gina brings up Blue Iris from ‘The Howard Stern Show’ and he reveals the details of the lowest growing movie of all time ‘Zzyzx Road’ and Gary has a different release year than Travis.
Adam suggests him throwing a dinner role at the Eagle, Travis has a killer reply asking Adam what he thinks he’s doing up there.
Adam is now mocking the tagging of the cop’s horse, Adam says he’s always heard that Katherine Heigl is a cunt and Gina shares her media controversy from the past.
Q and Ace
1st Caller Mark, he doesn’t have any Eagle sighting but does get Crows in Seattle, BB heads off to pee mid-show. Mark is bringing up the Buster Douglas Mike Tyson fight and wants to know if Adam thinks that Tyson threw that fight.
Adam says they don’t need to watch that fight and Adam shares his take on Jon Bones Jones and how incredible athletes have crazy leverage and how Adam predicted that the only way Jon would lose is by undoing himself.
Adam explains the natural gift vs. hard work battle that plays out in professional boxing and fighting.
Adam is now sharing his take on that famous fight between Tyson and Douglas, Adam is now making a point about ‘Road Work’ and Gary is now on mic asking about why famous people don’t run on their own property.
Adam jokes about him fearing a tiger mauling, Adam jokes about how cops react to black guys running around perimeters and over their own property.
Adam says you can buy everything but you can’t buy road work, not yet anyway.
2nd Caller Eric, he wants to know the different between “moon roof” and “sun roof” and Adam explains the differences, he says the big difference is glass vs. solid.
Adam shares his take on olden time cars like the Duesenberg where only the cab for the passengers was covered with a roof, to ensure they could see the driver miserable out front.
Adam is now riffing as a 1930’s asshole who has one of these cars.
Adam is doing an Onnit live read
Everyone ate the energy bars, Greg jokes about other shows putting food out for guests, and Adam shares his love for the Onnit Warrior Bar.
Adam praises Onnit and compares them to Trader Joes when it comes to trust.
Adam explains they now do deodorant and explains his preference for non-fragrant deodorant, he’s wearing it.
Adam is back to this game, asking BB about his experience and he’s telling them about his dad being a diehard fan.
BB shares how he was able to get 2 tickets for just over 1k from the early pre-sale, face value, nice job man!
BB shares how he wanted to do this for his father and it’s quite beautiful, Adam is talking about exciting the game was and BB says it was worth every penny.
BB let his dad pay for the beer, Adam is sharing his experience sharing an office with Jimmy Kimmel and his demand for accurate spelling, Adam is now sharing how Jimmy loves crazy seafood and he doesn’t like nuts.
Adam is making a point about Jimmy loving pier pylon scrapings and Adam hating exotic seafood, along with his inability to spell and Jimmy’s excellent spelling and then Adam’s love of nuts, even bird rejected tarmac nuts while Jimmy simply doesn’t care for them.
Adam is now accusing BB of having what he doesn’t have with his father, BB plays the appropriate music sting and Adam is now sharing his dad’s resistance to even drinking water while visiting Adam at his home.
Adam is now bringing up the various examples of his family and their disinterest in his life, the various cars, ‘The Feast of San Gennaro’ or even the Newman doc at the Cinerama dome
Gina wants a copy of ‘Life Lesson with Jim Carolla’ and Gary promises her a full set, Adam is now bringing up how he celebrates Father’s day with Jimmy’s dad at Sandinista, Gina shares that her brother and dad also bond over sports and seeing games together.
Adam is sharing his two attempts to hang with his poo on Father’s day including a special event with classic cars and food on Rodeo Drive.
Adam shares how his dad cancelled on him the day of the Father’s Day Rodeo Drive car event, Greg and Gina have funny comments mocking Adam’s sad life.
Adam shares how a kind man introduced himself as the guy in charge of the Hollywood bowl to him and Kevin Hench, Adam wanted to take his dad to the Playboy Jazz Festival.
Adam mentions the guy’s race, seemingly needlessly but then it all makes sense with his hilarious “then he made a move for my wallet” one liner.
BB is asking if Adam’s dad ever attended the festival in his younger days, Adam mocks his dad for being unable to spend money or buy tickets for any kind of event.
Adam is now explaining how the first 5 bands at the Jazz festival were all world music, Adam is now riffing about the gang fight between the world music band members and the audience, to make a point about the size of the bands and seemingly needless roles for many of the people.
Adam is now describing the final act they saw with a blonde guy with bangs he kept sweeping out of his face, Adam shares how his dad called it a day.
Adam is now giving out some plugs.
Gina’s News
1st Story Her top story is on the latest Triple Crown winner, Adam is sharing his “pick the horse with the best name for your dick” ‘Good for the Stang, Good for the Wang’ and Gina has a clip.
Adam comments on the weird thing of watching these jockey’s beating horses, a bunch of foreign midgets beating our horses as he puts it.
Gina describes the way they execute horses with broken legs, it sounds horrific.
Adam shares his verbal abuse technique for making horses run faster, he’s really being abusive and BB even makes note of it.
Adam even adds “cooties” and shitty glue, Adam even adds a threat of John Goodman as the horse’s next rider, this is hilarious.
Shit Talking Jockey – Ace Awards 2015 Material.
2nd Story is on “Murder convicts” who escaped from prison in upstate New York, Adam is joking about someone cropping themselves.
Greg has a deep ‘Da Vinci Code’ reference.
Gina now shares the racist note left behind, Greg is making some points about the escape and seems to have read the story.
Adam shares his “let’s not look for these guys” policy and says they might make some pretty good employees, he compares them to illegal Cuban immigrants.
Adam jokes about the dryer being the worst thing that ever happened to the escaped convict, no longer are there clothes hanging in yards to dry.
Adam is doing a Legal Zoom Live Read
Gina brings up DFG.
3rd Story is on a crowd sourcing campaign for what Adam has dubbed “FitDick” a sort of sexual fitness tracker, Adam is now riffing about guys ejaculating upon putting the vibrating ring on their dong.
Gina asks Adam if he would use this, he says he’ll try everything once and jokes about getting electrocuted by it, Gina dubs it a “FuckBit” and Adam is now joking about the day that sex needs extra things like this to improve it we’re officially out of other problems, blowjobs ain’t broken.
Adam has a “cheese less pizza” analogy and Greg comments on being concerned about burning calories during sex, he says he wants to be frozen in position.
Adam has a race car analogy for how effortless driving equates with fast laps, lots of movement and exaggerated steering leads to a slower track time.
Adam says he doesn’t have a lot of extra room on his cock for accessorizing, not a lot of real estate.
Adam and Greg are talking about guy with huge dongs and Adam says that if he does full fist the first thing you’re getting a thumb baby, Gina has a nice reaction. Greg says if he does full fist it looks like he’s smoking a joint, Adam has a solid roach clip burn even though Greg was implying the opposite.
4th Story is on the Olympic committee’s willingness to change Bruce Jenner’s name to Caitlyn on her gold medal win, Gina shares the details of how they extended the offer.
Greg has a funny point and now Gina says it will probably have an explanation or an * next to his name and now Adam says this is one of those “why fight it” scenarios in society where it just makes you seem bigoted to fight it.
Adam says he’s old-school on this one too and gives his take on how someone should move on, he says he wouldn’t fight it but says this is why we have record books, to keep track of the past, Gina has a nice summation.
Adam is now bringing up the Cassius Clay transition and how we want to be part of the transition, not bury it and make it seem like it never happened.
BB and Adam are in agreement, Gina wasn’t aware there even was an Olympic hall of fame, Gary has the details of the as yet built location.
Adam’s “full fist/thumb” drop closes out the news.
Adam is doing a plug for the return of Battlebots, now on network TV and transitions it into a live read.
Adam is doing Reverie Bed Live Read
Gary says a sane human being of his dad’s/Adam’s means would be insane not to buy one of these, Adam is commenting on the thumb coming out of the crown royal sack, Adam told Gary’s parents to buy one.
Adam is giving out the plugs for Fitzdog, he shares a reminder for the season 3 premier date for ‘Catch a Contractor’ and they wrap up the show.