04 Jun Giovanni’s Superfan Sidebar 05/30/2014 – Live from the Irvine Improv
A real time blog where Superfan Giovanni does recap and commentary on the show as it happens and opines on all things ACS
Guest – Live from the Irvine Improv
Recorded 05-29-2014 – Release Date 05-30-2014
Production Number #1335
Adam is now opening the show live from Irvine with a spirited intro from Mike Dawson, The Irvine interpreter is now joining them on stage, Adam says he wishes they hired for Road Hard could act and was as funny as her.
Adam is now joking about her clapping for the deaf guy in the audience, Adam says it’s condescending and jokes that the guy doesn’t want to offend her as she might pass erroneous information to him.
Adam is now telling the interpreter they hired who was deaf herself.
Adam is now killing it asking if she has to go get re-certified when new terms are added to sign language, he’s joking about “twerking” being added and he’s killing it.
Adam is now doing a 2 man improv by himself from the meeting about the sign that will be used for “Twerking” Adam just mixed up Helen Keller and Marlee Matlin.
Alison brought up Butt Funnel’s and Adam just did a visual bit, Adam calls the butt funnel the Reese’s cup of signing.
Adam is now bringing up the things hanging from rear view mirrors and bumper stickers of cars that are indicative of a slow moving car.
Adam was behind one of these cars, a van with Dora the Explorer playing in the back window.
Adam is bringing up the “brahma bull” decal on all of the trucks of the Hispanic men he worked with on the job sites, BB has a joke that everyone groans and boos, Alison shares the details of her drive behind a flatbed.
Adam has a great “50 years dead” line after joking about tranny fluid and the sign she used, Adam says his new vice is moistened ass wipes despite 47yrs of protesting.
BB is asking Adam about discovering them.
Adam says he will start using his asshole as the container for the moistened butt wipes, Alison is now asking Adam about them.
Alison wants to know if it’s wet wipe on to “wet ass” and BB is explaining it, now Adam is stepping and invented a dual sided model.
One side is Brillo, one wet and soft and Alison has a funny burrito night joke.
Adam is telling them about his frustration about people not shutting the container, Alison explains how one extra wipes gets stuck and makes it hard to close.
Adam is now telling them about the zip up baggie ones they bought instead and how he can never get a zipper sealed on his first try, hilarious one liners from the bag mocking him.
Adam is now asking if you can reanimate ass wipes like putting Chinese food in the microwave with a little water.
Adam is now riffing about being the pope when he adds water to his Chinese food, BB is now saying never to accidentally use the antiseptic wipes and now Adam is bringing up the time Jimmy wiped his ass with a Clorox wipe due to his ex-wife leaving them where the ass wipes normally go.
Adam wants to brag to the 3rd world countries about our latest ass wiping technology, Adam says we live in such a first world that the only thing people complain about upon returning is what they had to use to wipe their ass.
Great dead cat joke.
What Can’t Adam Complain About
Adam is now trying to figure out who requested the interpreter, he’s trying to discern who was the attendee last time vs. who is new and who is paying for it.
Adam is now riffing with the interpreter about “twitter” wanting to know if she couldn’t riff a “bird thing” and have it be her legacy, he says it’s so boring to spell everything out.
1st Topic from Jonathan, he wants Adam to complain about the audience, specifically those who bought Mangria.
Adam is now getting to the super shitfaced guys who will be yelling for 2nd and 3rd pictures, he’s now bringing up women and their “good side” that has now made a comeback.
Adam wants to know if people who claim to have a good side, if others can actually tell.
Adam and Alison are now riffing about it.
BB has a Nicky Lauda joke, Adam is now explaining it to Alison for the 5th time, and Adam is bringing up all of the UFC examples that prove the earlobe is unnecessary.
2nd Topic Dag’s knobby uncircumcised waffle-bat dick
Alison is commenting on the foreskin hand signal, Adam jokes about her putting on a beret and she’s now showing him the uncircumcised sign.
Adam is now getting to he loves DAG but he’s a little nutty, he’s mocking his lack of preparation for the role in “Road Hard” and now Adam is sharing how humans are wired.
Adam has a great example and analogy for what Dag did, it would be like showing in a foreign country and expecting to speak the language without ever cracking a book, he’s sharing his own experiences with lack of preparation and what happens.
3rd Topic Going to a resort with Jimmy Kimmel for his 50th, Adam is now explaining how having kids changes vacations.
Cousin Sal is bringing his kids and now it’s no longer a wife swapping key party vacation, instead it’s a lot of beating off in the shower and the crowd is losing it.
Adam is having her do it again and appreciated her using the left hand, it’s a vibe he was giving off and Adam jokes about the “two finger lick” and now BB comments on the first applause break of the night being for the interpreter.
Adam is now pre-emptively ranting against Natalia and her breakfast order, calling back the last time they went on a vacation and she wouldn’t eat the free breakfast and Lynette wasted a bottle of champagne.
They’re now joking about red hair and clown pornstars, Adam is now getting to how going out to dinner used to be an event and occasion.
Alison wants to know when Adam went to “The Sizzler” as a child and he’s now joking about all of the things it couldn’t have been in celebration of.
Adam is joking about eating monkey brains with the sultan of Brunei to celebrate his kid’s graduation.
Alison says he’s never been to a Benihana and now Adam is going off on it, he’s explaining they got the samurai chef in training when he was in Monterey California for the races at Pebble Beach.
Adam is explaining how the guy was burning his neck with hot shrimp oil while trying to make it land in his hat, hilarious one liner and follow up from BB.
Adam is joking about the failed chef getting swarmed by alley cats when he leaves the restaurant, Adam and BB are joking about alley cats viewing the chef as a giant shrimp.
Adam is mocking the novelty of the fire used for grilling, he’s saying he’s not impressed he has fire at home.
“I’’ have the emperors Orgasm” – Adam on the better dish someone orders next to you at Benihana that makes you feel bad about your shitty plain order.
Adam is now joking about attending a “Darfur barbeque” after joking about having to cook your own food at a Korean BBQ with BB, Adam is joking about homeless guys cooking their own food throughout time.
Adam is now talking to the interpreter, he’s asking her if she can keep up and jokes about this not being some NPR bullshit, he asks her if she makes good money, she says not enough.
Adam is now joking about her unionizing with the rest of her colleagues and the idea of silent chanting during protests outside comedy clubs.
Adam and BB are getting to the communal table etiquette and he’s now polling the audience on the various tricks the chefs try to pull.
They’re now going to break.
They’re back from break and Adam is mocking the news intro sound, he says it’s like when you used to have a blown out speaker in a buddies car or BB’s parent’s house apparently, only hearing one half of the song.
Adam is now mocking his dad’s fixed wire speakers from his childhood, how shitty a speaker must be if you can’t swap out the wire etc.
1st Story Is on the sale of the Clippers to Steve Ballmer, she’s explaining the details and joking about the 2 billion payday for Donald Sterling, Adam is joking about the 12 million he spent to buy the team.
Adam is joking about his retirement and says let it be a lesson to anyone who uses racial slurs.
Adam is telling Alison about how impossible it is to buy a sports team, he would have to buy a triple A ultimate Frisbee team.
“The UC Davis Stoners” – Adam
2nd Story Is on “Jackoff Smirnoff” the guy who looked up America Ferrara’s dress at Cannes, he’s now attacked Brad Pitt at the premier for “Maleficent” and Adam wants to know when we can start exporting comedy to the rest of the world.
Adam is sharing his new theory, that this county is so full of funny guys because of how women lie about being interested in humor, he says the Middle East needs its hot chicks to start spreading that propaganda too.
Adam does a rare pre-sniff before proclaiming all this, Alison and BB both comment and now Adam referenced “The Thunder from Down Under” which oddly enough was just released in the Classic Loveline feed.
Adam is now joking about everyone being interested in what hot chicks want and like, nobody is asking ugly or overweight chicks the same question, and he’s making a point about inequality and the standards of beauty.
Adam says we never ask a woman below a 7 what turns them on, Adam says the answer is “a job and four limbs” and he clarifies he’s like a sideline reporter commenting on our culture.
Alison is sharing the other things he’s done and Adam wants to know if people from those countries don’t automatically face years in jail for being born.
Adam has a killer “it’s the flower you use” line about the concept of Madonna having a favorite and least favorite flower.
She’s sharing the rest of the stunts this man has pulled.
Adam calls it bush league and has a funny Ben Affleck quarter behind the ear joke, he’s now bringing up Morgana the “kissing bandit” and her huge cans, Alison is not familiar and now the guys are explaining it.
Adam is now commenting on Angeline and Morgana, wondering if they ever scrap, Adam is bringing up the 90s disaster movie cliché of the Angeline billboard getting destroyed.
Adam is sharing how he just ran into the infamous “Angeline” the woman who drives a pink corvette and is featured on billboards, the female “Dennis Woodruff the actor.” Adam is now sharing his sympathy for these people.
Adam is now bringing up the guy who used to infiltrate professional games and even make it into photographs.
Adam is now sharing his problem with streakers, he says their physiques can’t support what their attempting and Adam is having fun with ball slapping comedy and the interpreter.
3rd Story Is on the conventional wisdom about avoiding a bear attack, Adam is joking about the extreme advice you’re told for things like avoiding bear attacks, it can’t be one or the other and Adam says thanks to the interpreter after he says “suck my own cock.”
Adam says playing dead means you get fucked before eaten, he’s joking about his grandpa going that way and Alison has a killer one liner that Adam tops with a callback to the butt wipes.
Adam is now explaining how he handles being attacked by a bear, Adam said he would spend his last breath screaming at the person who insisted upon them visiting Yosemite, hilarious!
Alison is reading the story and sharing how the woman “surrendered” herself to the bear, they comment on the strange wording and now Alison is giving the rest of the details.
Adam is joking about this woman’s reputation as a pussy in the bear community and the street cred she lost with the black bears, it’s their culture, it doesn’t exist in the polar bear community, BB says it was her getting jumped in to the gang.
Adam says the Cripps and the paws, this is ace awards material for sure, Ace Awards 2014!
Adam is sharing how horrible of a bear his mom would have been, she would’ve been too busy taking bong hits.
Adam is now joking about the bear putting her cubs out there as a trap, she wanted to fuck up a jogger but didn’t want to be known as a bad bear.
Adam is now ranting about the people who don’t get angry about the animals that attack in their post attack hospital interview, Adam says they should then become almost a super villain that hates whatever attacked them.
Adam wants her husband killed too after he proclaimed he now believes in god, they’re joking about the higher power being a bear “something bigger” was an odd word choice.
Alison is sharing the details of a bear attack that didn’t break a child’s skin from several years ago, Adam says that bear had a fetish and was into young boys, that’s what that was.
Adam is now joking about grabbing a titty with a mouth, and reacts to the audience losing it at the interpreter.
Adam wants to know how badly we need bears, can’t we just get rid of them?
Adam is arguing against the slippery slope food chain argument.
Adam gets groans from the audience when he proposes a bear “re-education” camp complete with showers, wow!
Adam is now bringing up Smokey the Bear/Smokey Bear PSA’s he wants to know if it was actually effective.
Alison has a great alternative PSA and Adam has one too, for drunken vagrants.
Alison is bringing up people falling asleep while smoking and now Adam is joking about that never happening in today’s world.
4th Story Is on LeVar Burton raising money for a “Reading Rainbow” internet program, she skips past the part where LeVar will be profiting off of it.
Adam is now mocking the idea of reading being fundamental and the idea that reading materials are lacking in schools, Adam says he doesn’t like opinions and assholes, he prefers doers over readers and Adam is joking about his hard stance on reading.
Adam is joking about displaying Sonny for attempting to read.
Adam is now going in depth on LeVar’s shitty phone call to the Man Show after the “Pioneer Dad” joke used in an episode that Adam probably didn’t even write.
Adam is forgetting some of the details, thinking he must have talked shit to make LeVar call in.
5th Story Is on the Mediterranean diet and how its health benefits may be a myth, she’s citing the obesity stats of Greece and Italy.
Adam is now going off on the Italians, he is one so he can do this, but you guys cant.
Adam is now quoting a recent study about the infantilization of Italian men and how common it is for them to live at home into their 30’s.
Adam and Alison have a funny Rob Kardashian joke and are joking about eating one’s feelings and how some Häagen-Dazs needs to be in the mix for you to be packing on so much weight.
6th Story Is on a Nebraska woman who celebrated beating a Texas Steakhouse’s speed eating record for a 4lb cut of steak by eating another one after it.
Alison says she’s not fat/hot and Adam says it’s weird that all the great speed eaters aren’t fat.
Adam says he feels bad for her dude, blowjob night must be a letdown.
Alison has a great “dunk it in water” joke and she’s sharing some of the woman’s other achievements and Adam says “Honey what happened to everything in the fucking fridge” and now wants to know who manufactures Cumin, the worst business model ever.
Adam is now going off on “Big Cumin/Big Spice” and has a funny Spice Girls, what turns her on callback, he’s now joking about the two slots on the top of spice containers, and one barely falls out, the other dumps spices from other containers onto your meal.
Adam says it’s how they ensure they move more product, Adam wants to know who uses dump mode for any dish.
Isn’t the shaker side enough?
Adam runs out of steam and jokes about it.
Alison is wrapping up the news.
Adam is now doing a live read for Evoice.
“You know I don’t like crediting women” – Adam
Adam is now asking for Alison to show him her good sign and jokes about her turn on’s and offs and he thanks Paula the great sport and awesome sign language interpreter.
Adam is wrapping up the show with some plugs.