02 May Giovanni’s Superfan Sidebar 04/04/2016 – Daniel Kohn
A real time blog where Superfan Giovanni does recap and commentary on the show as it happens and opines on all things ACS
Guest – Daniel Kohn
Recorded 04-03-2016 – Release Date 04-04-2016
Production Number #1792
Adam opens the show to a funny ‘Batman V Superman’ intro from Dawson and Lynch, BB has a nice “Bewm!” for Today’s #TopDrop in honor of Matt Fondiler’s weekend wedding.
Adam tells Gary about some food pictures on his phone and brings up something his daughter told him not to talk about.
Adam shares his love for hash browns and he says it’s the magic Johnson of food, it makes everything else better, including the eggs, it’s all about breakfast food ratios, it’s like Creatine for food and makes it better.
Adam likes to use hash browns as a food shovel, Adam says it’s unfortunate that his wife and kids eat in a way that could be mistaken for torturing him if viewed from the wrong perspective.
Adam says that Natalia had the Lemonade and Sonny went with the root beer, Lynette took the mimosa.
Adam had to wrap up his burnt offerings and leave early, he couldn’t stay and simmer in the airport smoker’s terrarium as a nonsmoker, hilarious one liners abound from Adam.
Gina shares her love of crunchy foods and how there aren’t that many when going no sugar, no grain under the tutelage of Tortorich.
Adam says a big fan waiter came up to say hi and said “what are you up to?” which is always a mistake, the guy told Adam he imported silk, the same old, same old.
Adam then asked him about importing silk worms from China, same way it’s been going on for 1,000 years and he shares his daughter’s “that doesn’t sound very interesting to me” comment after the waiter left and Natalia was begging for him not to share that on air, she doesn’t want to be mean.
Adam is talking about getting lost on the way to Matt’s wedding and he asks Gary about his WAZE directions and Gary is trying to explain they took a different route and he’s the wrong person to ask.
Adam says in today’s world if you have a wedding on an obscure road in a semi remote area someone must go on a WAZE dry run.
BB tells Adam about his local commute to the interest of hundreds.
Gary is now on mic and they are all getting to the minutia of this traffic decision and Adam says “Lynette is Lynette and you are you Gary” as they argue about the miscommunication from yesterday.
Adam is getting to the “turn right off the SR 18” part of the bad directions and how they ended up lost, he keeps sticking on that part.
Adam has a funny line about Matt not being the balloon king of the San Fernando Valley, hilarious Zeppelin and Dirigible comments from Ace.
Adam says that for the next weeding this is one of those things that should probably be discussed, get a sign perhaps so people don’t think they’re heading towards a production of some kind.
Adam mentions ‘Dawson’s Creek’ but that was filmed in North Carolina, but point taken nonetheless.
Adam talks about Robert Palmer being his primer for leaving the wedding as they discuss his longevity for the evening’s affairs, Adam says DJ’s should be making a song kabob and ‘Addicted to Love’ doesn’t belong on the spear.
They talk about the song ‘Uptown Funk’ and Adam getting Lynette ready to leave, for a more in depth side to the story listen to For Crying Out Loud – Yeah So, That Happened
Adam says he doesn’t know what you can do to this song, you can’t dance to it, maybe get a BJ to it
They play the opening bit and Adam has it end before the lyrics in disgust.
Adam is doing a Blue Apron Live Read
A worthwhile expense in a world of non-worthwhile expenses edition
Adam has to play something for the guys, it’s Michael Buffer giving out a bunch of plugs before his famous phrase ‘Let’s Get Ready to Rumble’ and Adam is making a point about the absurdity of companies named, Adam says it was 12-13 companies with the taglines.
Gina realizes they had some conflicting brands and Adam talks about Glad products vs. GLAAD and Gary weighs in.
Adam gets advertising but this is before a fight, Gary says it was 61 seconds of advertisements, Adam says eventually he will be dressed like Mr. Peanut while giving out these plugs.
Adam is still going nuts about the WAZE thing and asks Gary to go into his history, Adam is now talking about the pressure to eat pepper jack cheese from wait staffs around the country.
Adam says you must have jack cheese and then you can have pepper jack cheese, you must have the original before you can have the fancy flavored variant ala plain and passion fruit tea.
Adam is telling them about bad numbers and how people always fuck it up for him, he says he was quoted a 30k sales figure for the ‘Don’t Do Your Best’ T-Shirts but it was actually 300.
Adam says the precursor is him being impressed and then the reality comes in, Adam shares how Lynette thanked him from her brother for paying for her dad’s funeral.
Adam had no idea, Adam is saying he’s fine spending 1 million on a car, he can’t spend a ton on a box that will be buried, it’s ridiculous.
Adam is fine with spending money on things that aren’t thrown out or buried and disposed of, Adam is sharing how he was marveling at the fine, fine coffin unaware he was the sucker who forked over the cash.
Adam is now bringing up the infamous Loveline call from THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 30, 2000 – GUEST: CARMEN ELECTRA • HOST: ADAM, DR. DREW
Adam is describing the call but mixes up the gender, it was the young man’s mother and Adam had transplanted Drew into the story for his cyanide pill chambered in the cheek idea, they always do this.
Adam brings up the Neptune Society and how his whole family is involved in it, Adam is describing the call that informed him about his grandfather’s death and the plain unmarked station wagon that drove off with his body.
Adam says they never saw him again, he jokes about the next level of services from the society and has a funny joke about a cheaper variety involving a wild dog dragging the corpse away.
Adam says it had to be 81$ when his family signed up for Neptune Society, Adam is trying to get Gary to find the historical pricing for the services.
Adam was first told the coffin was 3200$ and then informed it was 13,000, Adam reveals the coffin is in a mausoleum and Adam says that Nick is a person he could get to help him break in and steal/replace the casket.
Gary gets on mic and asks if he should get Lynette involved and Adam says not to, she’ll get mad at him.
Gary brings up the fancy KISS coffin they saw while taping ‘Take a Knee’ with Gene Simmons at his house.
Adam says this is like Magellan with the tard and he prays there are other stupid people at the event as well, Gary reads the mistake in the WAZE directions.
Adam is now talking about leaving a grave or memorial for your loved ones, BB says he wanted a Viking funeral if he had died when he was original told, Christie was willing to do that, awesome!
BB is now being practical with his new idea about it, Adam asks if you would want a bench at the zoo, Gina says not anything that will be pissed on.
Adam is now saying you can always judge a society by the signs telling people not to do things, Adam is talking about the don’t steal the flowers signs at the cemetery.
Adam says all the normal non-thieving grievers get is the depression knowing that other people do steal flowers, Adam is sharing the element he has of wanting a place, a bench or a spot to be reminded of him, ala the bench outside of Kurt Cobain’s former home in Washington State.
Gina brings up the natural burial and how the logic works, Adam jokes about eating an avocado off of a Dawson tree and getting high, hilarious!
Q and Ace
1st Caller Ben, he comments on Gina’s point and Adam talks about the chemicals and metals being put into the earth.
Adam wraps up with Ben and comments on the Carl’s Jr. with a 24hr drive through that takes food stamps, Adam shares why that makes him depressed and breaks down the logic.
Adam is getting to the fair/minimum wage and how when you take things from people they should get a say in how you take or use it, ala welfare and food stamps.
Adam says opening food stamps up to fast food only makes you more depressed and more dependent on the government.
Adam loves everybody he wants them to do well the same way he makes his kids do their homework and doesn’t want them eating lucky charms.
Adam brings up the horrible labels used against him and he says the most horrible thing you can say is that someone hates children, Adam talks about the obesity epidemic and BB backs him up.
Adam is declaring the food stamps at the drive thru people aren’t salad ordering types.
Adam is doing a Drop Stop Live Read
Adam and the show on ‘Beyond The Tank’ edition
Adam is welcoming Nick Davis’s sister to the show, Natalie, she owns a small colonics business.
Adam says it’s rare that someone’s sister looks like a hot version of them, she also resembles Lois Lane according to Ace, the movie version or classic comics?
Natalie is explaining how she got into colonics and Adam jokes about the chlorine based ones he used to self-administer up at the Mulholland club.
Natalie has a hilarious accent when she says poop in particular, she tells them about the clear tubing and why they use them, she describes curved pieces of poop.
Adam is now going super in depth on the disposable speculum and she describes the different sized options, Adam wants the pinky sized variant and asks about the lube, she uses coconut oil and Adam jokes about walking out of the clinic and getting attacked by a seagull going for your asshole.
Gina is asking some follow up questions and Adam wants to know if there is an in line water heater and she tells them about the two tubes running into the bung.
Natalie explains how much volume is used and she explains a session lasts 45min, she describes the process and Adam asks her to compile an AIDS quilt of backsack she’s seen over the years, she refuses to disclose that info.
Adam and BB are joking about dudes going in for sexual gratification and Adam explains to Gina how this is not too far off the beaten path for male sexuality.
Natalie is telling them about a customer who crossed her professional boundaries and Adam jokes about the guy’s own enema kit that he brought in.
Adam would abide by a passion fruit enema, that he’s ok with.
Adam is asking about how it feels after a few sessions and she talks about the “2nd brain” studies and mentions “toxins” but doesn’t sound kooky.
Adam asks her to fire up the van and get a mobile unit, Adam asks Nick if he’s ever had one and asks if she could administer one to him, he gets on mic and declares he’s exit only.
Adam is doing a WORX Switch Driver Live Read
They head to break
They return to break with a Listener Voicemail who claims to have fucked sliced ham while employed as a teenager, hilarious ‘Definitely Not a Jew’ one liner from Adam.
Adam thanks Daniel for getting involved with the Podcast Patent Trolls defense campaign, Adam asks him about Ranker and says he should get Sonny involved in this, he quotes them talking about the ranking of Bo Jackson vs. Peyton Manning and how Adam thinks the male brain always wants to quantify and rank things.
Daniel has a Ranking for the Top 5 (3, just 3) worst people of the week
#3 The guy who forced a plane to divert due to his Yoga that he insisted upon practicing despite the safety risk.
Adam is now mocking this and explains how he could have predicted this and mentions the guy travelling with his Yoga mat on display at the airport, telling the world that is who he is.
Daniel has the details of the incident and Adam jokes about Philadelphia having to put a courthouse in the bowels of their stadium, saying that is gut check time, take a look at yourself and get it together.
Adam says that all planes will be like ‘Con Air’ with a built in security cage and Daniel shares more details with Gina.
Adam shares what his reaction would be, Gary has more details about some Marines on the plane who tried to intervene.
Daniel has a video on the incident and it’s from a local news broadcast, Adam jokes about the accent of the woman.
#2 D’Angelo Russell and the Swaggy P video, Adam jokes about why this isn’t fair and riffs about dudes bragging about beating off alone, saying all men exaggerate stories.
“how ‘bout you, fuck any skanks?” – Adam
Daniel has a clip and claims that D’Angelo sold the video.
#1 The fake plane hijacker, Daniel has some more video of the story.
Adam gives his list of worst places to perform and Adam plugs the Beam technology that will bring Joel McHale live to the stage with them.
Adam is doing a Castrol Live Read
Adam is praising Seattle and gets to Kirkland Washington, my hometown and he describes the former ‘Godfather’s Pizza’ that housed Laughs Comedy Club.
Adam is sharing his feelings about touring at that time and he is going in depth on the 3 2hrs shows he was doing 2 nights in a row in WA, 3 altogether on the road.
Adam brings up how Luke Burbank got an interview off him via Bean from Kevin and Bean.
Daniel asks what Kirkland is like, Adam is trying to recall some details and gets to the good news.
Adam fails to mention the part where I intervened and saved the day, they were 6 of the greatest live shows he’s ever done, almost 12hrs of fresh material, not repeated more than 15%.
Adam says #4 is Addison Texas and mentions the experience again, having to leave the celebrity get-together in Mexico with Kimmel and everyone.
Adam is now talking about hotel room Feng Shui that indicates you’re in for a bad stay and the sad choice of wine cups/containers offered to you.
Adam is now saying that Houston was a worse club and experience.
Adam says Mansfield Pennsylvania was the worst show, where he told the guy to cut down the intro and the dude refused to shorten it.
#3 Kirkland Washington
#2 Addison Texas
#1 Mansfield Pennsylvania
Gina’s News
1st Story is on a horrifying new dash cam video of a cop searching inside of a man’s asshole while on the side of a road.
Gina has the details and even gets to the argument over a hemorrhoid that officers insisted was a crack rock.
Gina is now playing some of the video, Adam is giving his take and hopes that this cop found something up this dude’s ass before in order to justify this warrantless search.
Adam is now riffing about hemorrhoids not being the territory of young brothers, he does some funny black guy impersonations and Gina asks about carbuncles.
Adam is now sharing his anal carbuncle story and gets into the details, hilarious comment about trust Ray with his anal decisions.
Gina is now reacting to the self-lancing work that Adam performed, he describes it as the most painful playing card in the world’s worst kid’s bike spoke.
Adam talks about lancing it off and compares it to the movie ‘Tommy’ and shares how he used his gift certificate at the Acapulco Restaurant in Glendale.
Adam talks about Jimmy Kimmel joining him and his families’ rich tradition of being preoccupied with bowel activity.
Adam is now sharing how he was able to get light bounced off this mirrored door into his butthole, Adam calls back the cyanide pill bit from Loveline.
BB is playing the drops of Adam’s dad responding to him looking up his own butthole, Adam was trying to heal thyself.
Adam MacGyver’ed his own carbuncle away.
Adam is doing a SimpliSafe Live Read
2nd Story is on the whale watching ship that crashed into the pier in San Diego, Gina plays some video of the crash and gives the details.
Adam says good, he doesn’t like people who stare at whales, he says it’s alright but not exactly the best experience.
Adam is now riffing about the chances of kid’s vomiting near you, and says once someone vomits it becomes vomit island and he shares the story of the time Jimmy got seasick and was vomiting all day while on deck/hatch.
Adam clarifies he got it all off the side of the boat and didn’t contaminate the deck nor ruin their day with “Vomit island” and Gina closes the news to a great new drop of her in character as the cop looking for crack in buttholes.
Adam is doing a Life Lock Live Read
Adam plugs the live dates and wraps up the show to a new drop of Nick’s sister Natlaie.