22 Jul Giovanni’s Superfan Sidebar 04-27-2016 – Live from The Aladdin Theatre in Portland #1809
A real time blog where Superfan Giovanni does recap and commentary on the show as it happens and opines on all things ACS
Guest – Live from The Aladdin Theatre in Portland
Recorded 04-24-2016 – Release Date 04-27-2016
Production Number #1809
Adam explains Gina’s absence in the opening of the show, he mentions how someone told him to book Travis Pastrana for the podcast, only to forget about it and then run into Travis after the show at a local bar.
Adam talks about drinking with Travis and talking about his insane stunt work.
Adam gives out some plugs and does the live reads before they move on to the live show.
Adam opens the show to a small batched locally sourced artisanal rant intro, very funny!
Adam thanks everyone for coming out and welcomes Melissa to the show, she’s sitting in for Gina who had to get back to work in Los Angeles.
Adam is describing the Gillette commercials with super-hot chiseled dudes with advanced grey slate titanium fixture bathrooms, how did these guys gets these bathrooms at age 25?
Adam is further mocking the shaving commercials, the hot chick who shows up to admire your shaved face, hilarious “you have bumps like a black man” impression of Melania Trump.
Adam is asking Dawson about his breakfast order, he says he’s never seen Dawson gain a pound and comments on how he seems to eat even when everyone else is sleeping.
Adam says he’s like the Fonz in that if he signs up for a foot race he’s doing it in boots, Adam is quizzing Dawson about his diet and exercise and BB has a killer light cigarettes joke.
Adam asks him why he doesn’t put on a fucking ounce of weight, Dawson is the old school dude who can eat whatever and whenever and BB says Dawson’s hocking of loogies is like a core exercise and is burning calories, almost like a Kegel contraction.
“Dawson if you fucking live 4 minutes longer than me I will fucking come back from the grave and kill your family” – Adam
Adam is riffing up a storm about Dawson smoking through a funnel cake as Adam is in his deathbed lamenting him existing, hilarious improv scene.
Adam says they drove from Vancouver to Seattle and then to Portland, he says they hit some hail while commuting and he says it’s like god being pissed at you.
BB says Dawson was driving and he was unfazed by the weather, Adam says he loves microbrews, he says it’s like what stoners are doing with pot and potency, it’s steering into the skid of alcoholism by making it a lifestyle instead of life destroying habit.
Adam is sharing how they bought a box of IPA’s on the way from Vancouver to Seattle and he explains how Dawson was a like a drunken Santa dropping all the toys off on his liver finishing off the venue’s beers.
Adam is now riffing about small batch locally sourced artisan booze and ponders if they think that way in Tijuana about Tequila, Adam is now going over who had a beer besides Gary, Gina didn’t have a beer nor did Dawson who was driving.
Adam did find a cracked open IPA that had one sip removed from it in the van door, Adam announced “who’s beer is this!?” and goes over the way someone must have broken into the van, taken half a hit off a beer and then abandoned it after it didn’t sit well with him.
Adam wants to know if he’s a medium or large sized dick for demanding to know who sipped off the beer and left it, BB suggests Adam may have been the culprit and says he would sooner shoot and ISIS video.
Adam says Gary downgraded from the didn’t do it to he may have been the culprit and now he’s saying Gary argues like a chick and Adam is saying this is where he flips into chick mode.
Adam is mocking Gary’s “if that will get you in the van” full bitch mode reply, Gary is on mic and BB is hammering back on him, Dawson says he would bet it was Mike August and explains the logic of why that’s likely.
Adam says he needs to know and says they will have to get August a mic.
Q and Ace
1st Q Tom, if Adam had to give up talking or driving for the rest of his life which would he part with.
Adam has a funny “take the Tesla back to the dealer, move into an apartment in the valley” take on him not being able to speak again.
Adam brings up Tommy Kendall and how he told Adam he was the only motherfucker who doesn’t shut up when the wheels get loose, Tommy told him that when they have guests racing on the show people often talk a lot but everyone shuts up when things get dicey, except for Aceman bitching about passion fruit Iced Tea as his car veers into the guardrail and bursts into flames.
2nd Q Dave, he wants to know if Adam has showered since the grand prix, he was planning on a champagne shower when he was on the podium but that didn’t happen.
Adam is saying he was forced to shower because of the construction in his home, Dave wants to know if Adam sweats and he replies that he still sweats an insane amount without getting into his endoscopic thoracic sympathectomy.
Adam says it’s genetics, he sweats but doesn’t get gross nor smell badly, it’s like Dawson who has ate two bowls of clam chowder today and can’t gain weight despite exercising at the same level as John Travolta in ‘Grease’ and Adam declares “He can’t get fat and I can’t get funky!”
Adam has a funny ‘Brewster’s Millions’ reference for Dawson trying to gain weight, Dave has a comment for Gina and Adam mocks him, hilarious!
3rd Q Chris, how does Adam react to people staring at him via his rear view mirror, Adam immediately takes it to his nose picking routine and he explains he treats it like his car won’t operate unless his nose is filled with his finger.
Adam doesn’t like the people who give you the look like “wtf?” when they don’t know what you’re doing, Adam has a Tim McVeigh big truck blocking an intersection analogy.
Adam hates the person who stares you down with the “What The Fuck!?” as if you were at all close to hitting them, Adam has a great douche shaped bat signal tangent and wraps up the rant.
Adam says they got a note from the brother of Corey, he’s in the audience, he has a brain tumor and meeting Adam was on his bucket list.
Adam is now bringing him to the stage to share his diagnosis, he has a couple of kids and a similar condition to BB, Adam is asking Corey about his prognosis.
Adam jokes that BB can make the dark jokes about death related to a brain tumor, like only black guys can make black jokes or use the n word.
Adam tells Corey to fight the fight after BB gives him some encouragement as well.
Totally Topical TiVo Trivia
Adam and BB has a killer riff about them dropping the lights too quickly and scaring Corey, gold!
Portland Sloppy Seconds Version
1st Movie “A recently engaged newswoman becomes obsessed with a grieving widower she heard on a late night…”
Melissa takes the first point with ‘Sleepless in Seattle’ (1993) after BB fails with a guess of ‘Message in a Bottle’ and they move on to the next Seattle themed movie.
2nd Movie “To carry out her plan of revenge an unhinged woman charms a Seattle couple into hiring her…”
Adam fails with a ‘Single White Female’ guess and BB takes the point by correctly guessing ‘The Hand That Rocks the Cradle’ (1992)
3rd Movie “After Learning that he has malignant tumors along his spine…”
BB grabs it again right as Adam is crediting his success on his brain tumor.
4th Movie “The Secret Agent travels back in time to the 1960’s, to rescue his stolen mojo from Dr…”
Adam guesses the wrong entry in the trilogy, BB eventually gets it, kind of.
Adam is now sharing the story of the time he was on the MTV Beach House along with a still sane Mike Meyers, Mike wanted to make sure they plugged ‘Austin Powers’ with the full subtitle, including the “International man of mystery” part.
Adam is now saying the market decides for your ass bitch, funny Sears and Roebuck one liner from Adam.
‘Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me’ (1999)
5th Movie “A Seattle Detective watches his partner flirt…”
Adam has the movie on the tip of his tongue and BB gives him a pity clue, Adam objects to the pity and announces he’s dominating and next one wins.
6th Movie “A Seattle television reporter reexamines herself after a homeless seer tells her she has one week to live…”
Adam is now joking about Gary trying to fool him into this being an evergreen TTTT, clearly it’s Seattle themed and the audience was going to react if he didn’t let them know upfront.
Funny riff. Nobody has a guess; it was ‘Life or Something Like It’ (2002)
Adam says kick Lynch in the nuts for that one.
7th Movie “An inexperienced college student begins a daring an affair with a …”
Adam takes the point and shares his rules for movie, two categories of “Spankable” and “Non-Spankable”
‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ (2015)
8th Movie “Two Ex-Cons and their partners in crime plan a Las Vegas casino heist during the week of an Elvis convention”
A guy in the audience keeps yelling ‘Turner and Hooch’ and Adam finally responds to it.
Adam jumps in too early due to the interruption from a fan, Melissa misses with her guess and BB lets the clue play out and takes the win with ‘3000 Miles to Graceland’ (2001).
BB takes the win and Adam says let the baby have his bottle.
They wrap the segment and now Adam is proposing the greatest all time viral video of a kid with leukemia playing a down of football getting flattened and then shit talked by a pro player, instead of them all just letting him win, someone takes it too seriously.
Adam brought up ‘Paper Lion’ which les to this insane idea he’s proposed before.
The News with Melissa Ives
1st Story is on the death of Joan Marie Laurer aka Chyna and how her brain might help other athletes, Melissa explains the CTE research implications.
“her clit is only the size of a dill pickle” – Adam
“Jesus…” – BB
Adam is now riffing about someone telling her parents that her brain would one day be studied for science, Adam abandons BB’s improv attempt and he suggests a “Smart Man, Dumb Man” idea for people having their brains donated to science.
Adam jokes about people fighting over his cars, not his brain when he eventually passes, Adam is wondering how much we need to study in regards to concussions and brain trauma.
Adam says he can tell you what is going on with Chyna’s brain and he says they’re going to do that thing where they announce she had the brain of a 77-year-old.
Adam says don’t do that thing, just say “that’s some fucked up shit man, whooo! Look Out!” don’t compare it to the age of a living person.
2nd Story is on Hillary Clinton utilizing Dan Bilzerian’s private jet for her campaign, Adam is now joking about the woman whose leg was injured when he threw her into a pool.
Adam is riffing about his buddy Ray and how he punished people by throwing them into the pool, he gives the details of their buddy who took his shoes off and keys out of his pocket only to have Ray throw them in after him.
Adam is now having Gary pull up the footage of Dan hanging a woman over a parapet of a building and everyone reacts to her catching the coping of the pool, Adam says don’t resist, landing half in a pool is much worse than missing it entirely, he’s not sure how that works.
Melissa has some details about press grumblings, Adam wants to know why the press needs to follow the candidates around in todays’ modern world.
“she started talking about Bill and how she’s not sucked his cock in 11 years” – Adam
Adam asks about Bill’s first post scandal BJ and BB chimes in, Gary has a useless note about Melissa only have 7 news stories left.
Gary is worried about them running out of show content as they’re moving so fast, Adam jokes about her skipping the next story to fuck with him and the audience.
3rd Story is on Bachelor Parties and Adam rants about people forcing him to adopt their dumb fake phrases, like Frenemy, he then goes down a road mocking himself and Behymen, Mangria etc.
Adam’s acting his flawless and his voice even sounds strained like he’s crying, BB jumps in, this is gold!
Adam is now saying the second they saw the barb wire go up around the freeway signs in Los Angeles they all should have pulled up stakes and moved to Portland.
BB brings up the way they can’t use bathrooms in gas stations and liquor stores in L.A. and Adam is now a gas station proprietor who is trying to convince BB to buy a snickers and to smoke it, Adam says he shits in his hand, gold!
Hilarious improv scene, Adam jokes about the rosy cheeked blonde chicks who run registers at gas stations in Portland.
Adam is now saying the first day we see one of these dad’s walking around with a baby Bjorn, that day we should’ve risen up and done something about society, pulled over and asked what the fuck?
Adam is riffing about the guy who is at the automotive swap meet every 3rd day of the month, he is stopping to riff about wishing a baby would be crushed by a bus in response to a picture Gary pulled up, you can see it via the show page link above.
Adam says “it’s gonna be like a Jelly Donut” and BB has to pretend to be disgusted.
BB is telling them about a buddy of his who took them out on a crazy night of drinking for a bachelor party, Adam brings up ‘Parent Teacher Night’ and his family who are at home throwing Sashimi up into a ceiling fan laughing like crazy people while he’s gone.
Adam says Lynette told him about cleaning the toilet today, Gary says he’s seen enough of his toilet and then says “Gary enough!” and Adam is joking about Mike August and how he yells while sneezing.
Adam tells them about going to ’13 Coins’ while in Seattle this morning, he stops to riff about Gary who wasn’t feeling his lunch, a Rueben sandwich.
Adam jokes about Gary taking a droplet of his IPA and how that must’ve upset his stomach.
Five Four Club
Gary wears it every day, Adam gave him a water resistant jacket, it’s great edition
4th Story is on Arthur Jones, Adam jokes about being in that house on Thanksgiving and milking Papa Jones’ seed, he says he would put it up inside of Dara Torres via turkey baster and breed himself a golden ticket, hilarious Kevlar baby Bjorn one liner.
Adam is raving about Dara Torres and her achievements, Adam is now having Melissa share the details on the story.
Adam says Jon Jones is his top of the list “no calve athlete” which proved to him they’re unnecessary musculature, Melissa tells Adam about Arthur’s possible UFC prospects.
Adam is joking about fighting his sister Lauren in the UFC, funny back and forth.
5th Story is on a study that says Facebook is destroying relationships
“do you think I could get a blowjob behind that hedge” – Adam
Adam is now asking if he gave the guys blowing leaves a bag of his dog’s shit and $5 they would throw it away for him, BB images some people already do that sans the $5 and Adam is now riffing how that would go.
Adam mocks his 6 ½ joke of “Shitdeo” and BB zings him back and asks when those jokes are coming, Melissa wraps the news and Adam is saying he needs to get back and solve the mystery of the unfinished IPA.
They wrap the show.