17 Mar Giovanni’s Superfan Sidebar 03/17/2016 – Ari Shaffir
A real time blog where Superfan Giovanni does recap and commentary on the show as it happens and opines on all things ACS
Guest – Ari Shaffir
Recorded 03-16-2016 – Release Date 03-17-2016
Production Number #1780
Adam thanks the fans and BB has the Anna Faris #TopDrop once again, Adam brings up the classic ‘Amazing Racist’ bit that today’s guest Ari Shaffir filmed and how it reminded him of the ‘Man Show’ bit they filmed with the Mexican day laborers.
Adam talks about the epilogue they used for the end of the bit and how he finds the ones in movie often wildly uncreative or satisfying.
BB recalls the “told tales of a magical rat who served pizza and was burned as a heretic” and Adam says that always cracked him up. Gary confirms the Man Show bit predates Ari’s and is unrelated, no ripping off.
They are now watching ‘The Man Show’ bit ‘Day Out with The Day Laborers’ and they provide live commentary over the bit.
Adam shares he likes how the guys got fancy spa treatments from the staff used to working on rich people.
Adam is now having BB read the epilogue captions.
BB is now reading some of the captions and quotes Adam’s final joke, he says he loves that show and misses those guys.
Adam is talking about the wiring we all have and brings up how the dog looking longing through the sliding glass door triggers Lynette.
Adam is talking about how Phil started drinking out of the toilet, Adam doesn’t care about him drinking out of the toilet and Adam shares how Lynette told him about Phil crapping out a bone or chunk of wood and then retrieved it and carried it around.
Adam is talking about the broken logic and BB says in an emergency we should all be drinking toilet water; Adam says that’s why you don’t put the blue discs in the tank of the toilet.
Adam is sharing how someone asked him about the Minka drops, Adam thought they were lost in the 2007/2008 Bonaduce/Jack Silver deletion scandal where all of Bryan’s drops were stolen and erased.
BB references CLL #1359 WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 13, 2000 – GUEST: MINKA • HOST: ADAM, DR. DREW as before his time and Adam clarifies he means the drops.
BB dusts of the two that he still has, Adam is now explaining who Minka is to the audience.
Adam tells Gina about her bra being a “training bra” to Minka and Gina calls her an Asian Jennifer Tilly, Adam is sharing how she ended up guesting on Loveline.
Adam is sharing her professional tennis history and Gary reveals they are pretty deep in the google search.
Adam is setting up another round of ‘Candidate Platitude’ and he shares how he hates Hillary as she sounds like a sociopath, it all sounds like no shit/no duh nonsense.
BB says all politicians are full of vague platitudes and Adam is asking for Hillary’s speech from last night.
Adam is doing a Life Lock Live Read
Adam recalls going to the Van Nuys Post Office before midnight to file his taxes last minute.
Adam is having Gary play an Ari Shaffir clip talking about Mushrooms and there seems to be a repeating chunk, hmm bad edit?
Adam is asking Gary for the speech from Hillary from last night, Adam is providing some light commentary and mocking the use of “us” and the line about the barriers that hold us all back.
Adam is making a point about this country and he brings up his recent Take a Knee with Soledad O’Brien and her mixed race and heritage background.
Adam says her parents’ marriage was illegal so they moved to the D.C. area upon arriving in the states.
Adam is trying to conjure her dragon of afro/Cuban hair she had to wrangle and how she’s overcome her parents not being allowed to get married, Gary updates him and Adam says guess who focused on their kids and guess whose kids turned into Soledad.
Adam is talking about creating losers and how you hobble people by telling them they’re playing a fixed game.
Gary rolls the clip back 10 sec and Adam further mocks her, Adam is contrasting her victory speech to that of Donald Trump.
Adam talks about his lazy sack of shit mom and jokes about her jumping up and dancing a jig with her cane, or is she going to keep her fat ass spot welded to the sofa.
BB has a killer one liner and Hillary is plugging her donations like crazy.
BB hates the cliché of this being the most important election cycle of any year in country’s history.
Gina has a nice bit of input too.
Dawson mocks the line about Obama wrestling with the decision to have Osama Bin Laden killed by U.S forces.
Candidate Platitude
1st Caller David, Adam is being very agreeable and tells him about having sons named David and studying inside of a mac ruck, double clutching along the way.
David wants to know how Candidate Platitude will separate himself from the fat cats in Washington, the same question from last time essentially.
Adam is joking about the “beltway” and not even knowing what that is, he says he wouldn’t even be able to find the white house, he’s so far removed from the system.
Adam is not in anyone’s pocket, no pocket doors, no shirt pockets he wears fanny packs like bandolero belts.
Adam is on fire and jokes about his hard working ancestors and jokes about him being able to put his dungarees on two legs at a time, he started sweeping pubic hairs a whorehouse he was paid a nickel per pound.
BB tells Adam he couldn’t afford a good broom and could only clear 3 lbs. per month, not an effective broom.
Pocket full of syphilis callback from Ace, Gina and BB are helping Adam along and the caller shouts himself off the line.
2nd Caller Ari, Adam says he has 11 sons names Ari and he wants to know what Adam is going to do about bullshit parking tickets and if he can waive his from last week.
Adam forgets new Jersey is a state, funny bad with maps reply to BB.
Adam threatens to shake up the system like a baby that will need an assisted living facility afterwards.
Adam is going to choke the shit out of the turkey during the annual Thanksgiving pardon on the white house lawn, he will kill it with his bare hands and ask how do you like me now, sending am message to ISIS about what’s up now.
Adam thanks Ari and he says everyone will have valet parking at all times, you will always get HOV access as your valets and posse will be with you at all times.
Mexico is going to pay for your valets and Adam wraps up the bit, a vote for Adam is a vote for him, Gina loves the tagline and Adam says Canada will pay for the beds.
Adam is doing a Reverie Bed Live Read
Natalia the Banshee, echoing her grandmothers on both sides.
Adam is talking about Lynette’s mother and her 3rd degree black belt, she had her own dojo, ok dudes, so stop tweeting and challenging Adam.
Not free, but it’s important, sleep is synonymous with health, bad sleep leads to the same injuries behind the wheel as being drunk, inebriated is inebriated.
Gina asks about Adam having a Karate instructional video, Adam is going to bring it up with Lynette and he brings up the “Home Alive” -esque self-defense classes she taught.
Adam says he will bring in the video of the local news channel profile or something like it, perhaps the newspaper profile from the 1970’s.
Adam is talking about seeing Lynette’s mom in the newspaper and it’s from 1974, the electronic ads in the back are the funniest part, he mocks the 400$ 13 inch Sony TV’s.
Adam says there has never been a better time to be poor and they head to break.
They’re back from break with Ari Shaffir making his return to the ACS, he was first on ACS #1036 back in 2013, then he returned for ACS #1536 in 2015.
Ari compliments the ‘Definitely Not a Jew” bits on the show, Adam is now asking him about his rabbinical past and his early studies, before he became a comedian.
Adam does a Castrol Live Read
The 11th commandment, when it knocks edition
Nice contribution from Ari.
Ari is telling them about how his brother borrowed his car for a year and never changed the oil, Adam is asking about Israelis and compliments them as a people.
Ari tells Adam it’s a beautiful place and talks about the gorgeous women who wear their green army jackets in the bar with an Uzi over their shoulder.
Adam ask if we wouldn’t have a utopia here if he had the same military service requirement and he talks about the work ethic one learns from the military, Adam brings up his kids and Ari has a killer “David and Ari” callback to Candidate platitude.
Gina has a great point that Adam appreciates about competence and confidence, Adam asks Ari about his dad and what he did besides serve.
Ari tells him about his father the special forces operative who told him about kicking the balls in of one Arab and then killing the other, Ari shares how there are no pictures of him at his dad’s place.
Ari tells them about his dad building a Sauna in his basement and just getting things done.
Adam is mocking the current political climate on our college campuses and Ari calls it lower education and he tells Adam about bring born in NYC aka Israel II.
Adam is asking about Jackie Mason and his background, Adam is recalling a Man Show bit where he went down to a local temple and he talks about the guy with boxes taped to their heads and their dander on their black garb.
Ari talks about dander as a point of pride and Adam jokes about the Jewish people being one giant roman candle, Adam is saying you never hear of Jews catching on fire.
Adam is back to the boxes taped on the dude’s head, Ari explains the reasoning behind it and Adam says it’s just one more thing to catch on fire and Ari tells them the bosses cost like 1500$.
Ari says his dad just gave his box away, Adam is getting to his interest in the origin of religions and mocks the Muslim faith regarding shaving and inherent sexism.
BB is the other Muslim guy helping Adam come up with the faith, he feels like there weren’t a lot of ladies in the room when they came up with the policies.
Ari and Gina are both asking some harmless questions about the faith and Adam is hilarious telling them about the consequences, BB has a great Dwayne the Rock Allah one liner.
Adam is back to the origin of the Jewish faith, he talks about the heavy themes around not working and eating during the week day.
Ari says the boxes are cleared off by like 9am at the latest and he zings Adam for complaining about people not working, coming from the guy working on ‘The Man Show’ and Ari shares how angry his family was when he gave up his rabbinical studies.
Ari shares the “Even a dog believes in god” insult and Adam mocks the idea of a dog being an insult, we treat our dogs better than ourselves and they don’t work.
Adam brings up the black culture’s use of dog and how that’s even better.
Adam plugs Ari’s show ‘This is Not Happening’ and he describes it briefly, he says he needs to get Adam on his show as Adam plugs ‘The Skeptic Tank’, Ari mentions stories, he means the TV show but Adam is going the humble route and assuming he got invited to the podcast.
Adam is sharing how much he likes being on other people’s podcasts and throws it to Gina with the news.
Gina’s News
1st Story is on Obama’s supreme court nominee and Adam asks if we can’t just get a guy named Todd Johnson and he riffs about Tod trying to take this country in new direction.
Ari is sharing his theory and presumes the guy is black, he saw an Instagram post, he doesn’t know what’s actually going on.
Gina has the details on the nomination and presents a clip of the president sharing his feelings about the senate claiming to refuse to even consider him.
Ari is excited for President Bernie Sanders or President Trump; he wants the system to be shaken up, Adam agrees.
2nd Story Gina has the latest delegate counts and Adam is now asking what Trump uses, he brings up his well wishes for Todd Palin and his snow mobile injures, Adam says if you have time to mobile, you have time to heal.
Dawson asks if Adam has seen any text or notes that Trump uses, Adam is asking about a teleprompter and Dawson is utterly convinced he’s got nothing, Adam taped as show with him, wouldn’t he know better.
Gina has an anecdote that helps them figure this out, BB is mocking Trump’s limited abilities and he says he’s not a good public speaker.
Adam talks about your brain getting the spinning color wheel while you are processing data, Trump uses “terrific” to process and buy himself time.
Dawson likes the non sequiturs and quotes Trump.
Gina has the rest of the delegates and plays a clip of Rubio ending his campaign, Gina remarks on the woman in the front row screaming no!
Adam says you would want that if you were Mark, Adam says if you don’t have that you will be screaming no.
3rd Story is on the ‘Hamilton’ freestyle rap done in the White House rose garden and Ari mocks the notion of a musical actor being good at rapping.
Adam is riffing on the marine drummer and jokes about it being Quest Love as they listen to the freestyle rap.
Ari jokes about the cue cards costing 250k.
Adam is now joking about Obama trying to piss off whitey with his last 200+ days in office, hilarious “King Cobra Da” and BB suggests him pardoning Wesley Snipes and Adam recalls that Billy D. Williams endorsed Colt. 44 and now he’s talking about a congressional medal of honor for Suge knight, a crushed velvet purple heart maybe?
BB has a nice Ellen reply as Adam as Obama is trying to conjure ways to piss off white.
4th Story is on the Knife found on the OJ Simpson property, Ari says it’s too late and he mocks the notion of anyone thinking OJ wasn’t guilty.
Adam is doing a SimpliSafe Live Read
Home Invasion prevention edition
Adam used to have 5 home invasion per week before the system was installed.
5th Story is on Jerry Seinfeld’s Porsche and car auction, Gina has the details and Ari is mocking his wardrobe choices.
Ari doesn’t know cars but he does know that particular model, Adam is talking about the variety of models and Gary asks if Adam knows what an Hofmeister kink is, Ari riffs about it.
Adam has a killer Hofmeister kink one liner.
Adam talks about watching cars and the auctions like stocks and brings up the Steve McQueen celebrity factor, Adam says living celebrity doesn’t really factor, the Seinfeld stuff gets almost 0 extra because of him being the owner.
Adam is talking about the way prices can become inflated and now Adam is telling them about the Porsche RSR’s that are race prepped and Adam brings up that the other one that he saw up at auction, Adam was told that it isn’t what he wants, it’s a street car with a cage, not a full blown race car, it’s the worst of both worlds, not really reusable.
Adam found out the car sold for 875k 2 years ago and is now worth 2.3 million.
Ari asks if Adam is mad because he didn’t buy it and Adam shares his very strong feeling, Gary reveals that one of the car owners was Pablo Escobar, Adam calls him a great man.
Adam says it must be great to live in a country where a soccer field can repair any bad image or action.
6th Story is on how 6 hours of sleep is just as bad cognitively as going without sleep for 3 days.
Gina has a nice anecdote from Mark in the mornings and how his old show and partnership put him permanently in a haze.
Adam is now mocking the guys he hates the people person guy and the guy who swims before work in the morning.
Ari is telling them about looking into the pool area and jacking off at old ladies from a hotel room.
Adam is talking about doing Stern at 3am after taping Loveline until 12am.
Adam explains why he didn’t just stay up, he needed to be fresh and needed to get some z’s to freshen up.
Ari tells the gang about being so tired he couldn’t check into a hotel kiosk, Ada mash a funny ATM quip and Gina wraps up the news.
Adam is doing a Live Read for The Bronze a new movie
Everybody loves Gary Cole and Adam is quietly in love with Cecily Strong, Gina says she looks like Lynette a bit and Ari has a killer one liner after Adam explains that she’s on SNL and what he means about her being attractive in a way that won’t get you shit from other people.
Adam brings up the Lander sisters and Adam thanks Ari for stopping by, he gives out the plugs and wraps up the show, Ari mentions the ‘This Is Not Happening’ playlist on YouTube, it’s great do it!
Adam closes out the show with a drop of himself impersonating his late mother in law shouting about her love for the lord after busting out some martial arts training.