17 Mar Giovanni’s Superfan Sidebar 03/16/2016 – Theo Von and David Wild
A real time blog where Superfan Giovanni does recap and commentary on the show as it happens and opines on all things ACS
Guest – Theo Von and David Wild
Recorded 03-15-2016 – Release Date 03-16-2016
Production Number #1779
Adam opens the show to a funny ‘Vehicle’ intro from Dawson and Lynch, David Wild chimes in with a common misconception that the song is recorded by ‘Blood, Sweat and Tears’ and not the actual recording artists ‘The Ides of March’.
Adam is now asking about the manliest rock songs, not “Tool Tunes” per se but more masculine rock songs, Ball Rock as coined by BB.
Adam says part of it is topicality and BB pitches “Teste Tunes” and David is now dropping some song names, Dawson has his own contribution.
Adam is joking about the entire peanut gallery, ne field weighing in, Jimmy Carter’s farm chimed in.
BB plays the “You’re my fantasy, You’re huge” drop as today’s selection for #TopDrop and BB admits it is now his text message alert which gets a huge reaction from the boys on the farm in the booth.
Adam explains how Jimmy Kimmel once told him that he likes anyone who is a huge fan of him regardless of how horrible a human being they are after he welcomes David back to the show, the most frequent guest in all of Adam’s career and various shows.
David jokes about Adam calling him Anna Faris and Adam shares how much he wishes that was true, that she was in studio in place of him.
Adam is now back to the Ball Rock and he says not only do we need the topicality but it’s also got to drive, Adam is mentioning Rod Stewart and David Bowie and cites their frames as reasoning why they can’t be considered for the Ball Rock songs.
They listen to some ‘Vehicle’ and Adam does light commentary talking about it being one of his karaoke go to tracks, he says he can do it fairly well and doesn’t need to screw around, he can bring this one home.
BB talks about the horns and Adam says it’s a Casio.
Adam nominates Deep Purple’s ‘Highway Star’ and they place some of it while Adam provides commentary.
Dawson shares how he predicted Adam would bring this song up 30sec before he did.
David and Dawson both suggest a couple tunes and Adam says he doesn’t like ‘Dirty White boy’ by ‘Foreigner’ then slightly comes around on it.
BB has some ‘Black Betty’ by ‘Ram Jam’ and David Wild explains who these guys were and how they got together, very interesting commentary over a kicking tune.
Gina brings up the nightstick being referred to as a “Black Betty” and Adam explains that someone sent him ‘Into the Night’ by Benny Mardones, he knows the song as they riffed on last year and previously, but Adam says he finally saw the video for the first time.
They are now playing the track and Adam is defending the subject matter and brings up the era of criminal lyrical content in popular music, he cites ‘Cocaine’ and they mock the slow dirge it is.
BB riffs a couple fake lyrics and Adam comes up with his own roofie/Bill C lyrics and jokes about the tempo not even being fit for a song about coffee.
Adam says it’s as bad as ‘I Shot the Sherriff’ and he explains his reasoning for that song getting a pass.
They’re all riffing on old timey cultural Mores, he jokes about the old commercial with the coffee and concerned wife regarding her husband drinking multiple cups of another woman’s coffee.
They further riff over ‘Into The Night’ and BB asks the gang if they have seen it, BB remembers it came up on the show years ago and calls it creepy.
Adam is explaining why it doesn’t make the rotation on VH1 Classic, BB suggests they do a proper commentary over the video, you can time it yourself or just watch it pre-synched below.
They are doing live commentary over the video, Adam saw a different YouTube upload and he’s now finally getting to the goods as the actor playing the concerned father opens the door.
They are crushing this, one of the most hilarious bits in a long time.
BB is on fire, Adam is alternating between hilarious observations on casting and his own POV if he were in Benny’s shoes, Capezios to be specific.
Adam is now asking about the Wedding ring he’s sporting in the video while spitting game on the payphone to the underage young woman he’s trying to bone.
Adam should do this more often, he says the sad part is he loves this song and David Wild says it’s great, so it is ok to love it, it’s a great song!
Adam is joking about the magic carpet ride, hilarious riff on the shitty roofing materials and his daylight abduction, does not even wait for the cover of darkness.
Adam is really scene specific and staying on point, Gina remarks on how she doesn’t acknowledge him, nice observation and David has a solid one liner about this being a crime scene.
Dawson weighs in and they move past it, solid contribution though.
Adam is mocking his pink socks and Adam jokes about this being literally unsafe sex, literally, you could fall to your death.
Gina remarks on the repetitive footage, reused later in the video.
Adam mocks his eyeliner and Gina is blown away, Adam says he could not think of something less he would like to happen to his daughter, hilarious reframing of the events we just witnessed with Adam as the father, David has a funny series of crime one liner.
David has an “area rug” joke that is almost a groaner but squeaks by, Adam is getting to the flying carpet and how selfish he’s being with his invention.
Funny Elon Musk and Space X scenario where Benny swings by and mocks their primitive attempts at what he’s already got figured out.
Adam says he either doesn’t recall or had not seen that video before.
Adam says start with the guy who answers the door being older than you, David Wild plugs ‘The Eighties’ on CNN.
Adam says he loves those shows and talks about nostalgic wiring that we all have, he comments on some of the major events of that decade.
David talks about them rerunning ‘The Sixties’ and BB asks about ‘The Nineties’ coming next.
David says he was bullshitting his way through ‘The Sixties’ and shares his reaction to each decade, BB wants to be the special ‘Oasis’ correspondent for the 90’s series if and when they do it.
Adam is doing a Best DSI Live Read
Adam reveals he shot something at the other warehouse on Friday, they did it “sort of” professionally and he mentions the hair and makeup along with the catering.
Adam is telling them about the abundance of “veggie breakfast burrito” in the hotbox, he ransacked the contents and mentions the 14 people working on the production.
Adam found a huge sack of veggie breakfast burritos and Adam proclaims there is nothing worse than a veggie sub, he’s right. BB asks if they head eggs at least?
Adam is talking about the veggie Quiznos subs that are always left uneaten at these catered meetings and productions.
Adam says the only vegetarians are the crazy makeup and hair women, he jokes about them perpetually being on day 28 of a master cleanse, killer hunk of jicama in native American tears one liner from Adam, wonderful reaction from David Wild.
Adam is now dead on saying a vegetarian would prefer an apple a wedge of cheese over a Veggie Delight at Subway, BB says it satisfies no one.
Adam says the beef always goes 1st, then the chicken and turkey which devolves into gut check time for the guys who wanted 2nd sandwiches, he describes the dilemma for the hearty stocked camera guys.
Adam is riffing about cobbling together a jerky and cheese addition to the Veggie Sub.
Adam is now putting it out there for people with dieting restrictions how they can easily get their own grub, Adam wants a hand count of the nutty people with vegetarian diets.
Adam is sharing how he took a picture of the foil sack filled with 10 veggie burritos went untouched, Adam jokes about what Benny did to that 15-year old’s hymen, David jumps in and clears it up, she was 16, hilarious!
David is talking about this culinary hate crime that plagues most productions and David talks about the veggie options often being the least expensive, Adam argues that the person that’s flying is not the person that’s buying.
Adam is trying to figure out how much of a break you get on meatless options, he’s right about 40 cents savings at best, even at McDonalds if you ask for a big mac without meat, they charge you full price and extra for an extra slice of cheese, no breaks.
Adam is talking about filming ‘The Hammer’ and he compliments their solid catering which is necessary for morale, Adam says the reason these people are working for 10 cents on their normal dollar is partly to get a solid lunch/meal.
Adam says humans are stupid and he brings up the repletion compulsions we all engage in; Adam says one of the planks of his platform would be just the question why?
Adam kind of lets Nate off the hook for bringing said veggie burritos, he blamed the woman preparing the food it seems.
Adam is now going off on these makeup and hair women living in a cloud of chemicals and he’s dropping hilarious one liner after another with solid reactions abound.
Adam is mocking the “water based pain” headaches these crazy women get while they spend their workday in a cloud of flammable toxicity, he cites the woman who tried to tell him that his WAZE app was giving him the commoner maps as he doesn’t participate enough.
Adam is now having BB fire up the WAZE drops and he recalls the time Matt Fondiler lined up a radio tour while he was driving deep into the valley to tape ‘Catch a Contractor’.
Gary has the drops and BB gives him shit for doing the drops on the show, Adam keeps getting stepped on by the drops, Gina is interviewing Adam recreating the scene of him trying to do the radio tour while distracted by the WAZE directions.
Adam is getting monosyllabic and they wrap up the amusing scene, perhaps a little F’d out by now.
This was first discussed on ACS #1579 last year with David Wild making his 84th appearance on the show, talk about déjà vu.
Adam is explaining how they figured out she was wrong, Adam is bringing up the woman who did the MTV Loveline makeup and kept her dog in her arms the whole time, at all times.
Adam screams into the mic from a few feet back and David says he’s buried the lead; Adam says he would have liked to bury the dog.
Adam is sharing how he was having a conversation with Lynette about the kid on the basketball team who launches the ball from about half court every time he gets the rock.
Adam says it’s not his fault, it’s his parents fault and BB suggest it’s the parents literally giving bad messages and Adam shares how he would react to Sonny shooting the ball from his bedroom every game.
Adam is talking about the makeup woman’s husband who needed to stop her and tell her not to bring her dog to work.
Adam talks about the guy holding a dog while on the set of ‘Road Hard’ and David asks Adam about letting her get away with this, Adam would tell her to put it down as she’s not supposed to be doing that, not a diva move on his part.
Adam is now asking Gary about Mike Altier who was more than happy to share any misinformation that he happened upon.
Adam was going over the completion in the final Toyota Celebrity Grand Prix and drops some names of the local “kings of the track” and how Mike Altier mixed up the winner of the race, telling Adam it was Rutledge Wood.
Adam says that’s who Mike Altier is, he’s very kind and is now riffing about the panic people have, the free response. He name drops Al Unser, Jr. a few times and dreads racing against him due to his track prowess.
Adam says he feels like were all wired to get the fuck out of the way, Adam is now admitting this is best of today and starts bitching about the guy who was holding his dog over the open bagels and locks and how Mike told him that was the dog and wrangler they need for the next scene, mistaken information.
Adam says thank you Mike, thank you for ruining his life and Gary says that Mike is not evil, he was eager to please.
Adam is using his cash register theory and he says there are people he calls “round downers” and they often give you lower numbers and stats instead of erroring on the side of rounding up.
David has a great new album and he brings up Ben Hoffman, Adam vaguely recalls the name, he was actually on ACS #1019 back in Feb of 2013.
David tells them about the country record and alias for this new artist/production partnership.
David says it’s ‘Redneck Shit’ by Wheeler Walker Jr.
Adam is doing a True Car Live Read
Al Unser, Jr. and Gina would pay the same rate, no insider knowledge needed edition
David has a song titled ‘Fuck You Bitch’ it sounds decent and the lyrics are funny enough, Adam compliments him and David says the next song is even funnier and filthier, Adam says “We got it” and explains how parody works best.
Adam is brining ups Victor Borge, you need the true talent and experience as your base, to be classically trained to then best riff and make it silly, David explains this is exactly that, a real Victor Borge situation.
Q and Ace
1st Caller James, he has a would you rather, if the kids or his wife got in an accident and “became slightly more retarded”, would he tell them.
Adam stops to appreciate his verbiage and Adam is talking about Lynette going to yet another Bruce show and he jokes about Bruce not making as many of his own concerts as she has, BB asks if the kids have been to a Bruce show, Adam is unsure, Chicago?
Adam is talking about the special Olympics and jokes about how they can “scoot” and James is just saying retarded again and again and BB remarks on it.
2nd Caller Michelle, she’s calling from Nashville and feels as she’s pissed her life away, she wants to lose weight and wants advice on how to change her existence.
She wants to get in the marketing field and BB asks if anything is holding her back, Adam has a killer retarded call back and Jimmies one liner, BB tells her that her life is over and she tells them about getting too fat for the National Guard.
Adam is talking about dieting and he explains he’s trying to shave off a few pounds and explains how in equally prepped cars an extra 40lbs can slow you down, just like kart racing.
Adam is saying he’s been starting the process of avoiding the Pizza Port IPA and checking the tweets, he talks about being his own parent and Adam talks about the 2, ne 3 people who have had to deal with weight and self-control.
Adam talks about putting on 3-4lbs a day, if he didn’t need to do what he does.
Adam talks about Ray and his insane physique and metabolism, Adam thinks his self-discipline has served him over the years while Ray has been done a disservice by his own metabolism.
Adam is talking about his pecan pie in a wooden box with a dado joint where you can slide the pie out, Adam is now asking for it to be brought into the studio.
Adam says he must just walk past the pie, Maxipada got into it and took a small sliver.
Adam tells everyone to take some home and he shares how he had Matt buy a bunch of Vinnie Tortorich approved breakfast bars.
Adam is sharing how he went to eat a horrible Vinnie bar, he says they’re the ‘Epic’ branded meat bars, Matt revealed that he and the staff ate all of the bars that were left at the studio.
Chris is on mic and explains they had to eat them, Adam then walked to the other shop to get some raw trail mix instead and he talks about constantly losing and making the tough choice having this small and all-encompassing battle every waking moment of his life.
David shares his lessons learned about weight loss and he talks about walking a ridiculous amount and how that has changed his physique over the past 2 years.
Adam plugs David’s ‘The Eighties’ on CNN and they head to break.
They’re back from break with a great moment in local news.
Theo is making his return to the ACS, his first visit was back on ACS #1301 in 2014.
Adam is reminded that they first met while taping Howie Mandel’s TV hidden camera show.
Adam reacts to the moment in local news intro, Adam is mocking the eye witness interviews, it’s always someone fat and dumb with 0 information.
Adam and BB are now riffing up a quick scene, BB is the reporter and Adam is the fat idiot talking about it normally being a quiet neighborhood.
Theo is chuckling throughout.
Adam jokes about getting some room tone and then does another lap recapping what he just said and adding more to it, Gina jokes about it getting Auto tuned and how you might go viral, if you’re lucky.
Adam is plugging Theo’s podcast and shares how his podcast has been in the news, he comments on the Amber Rose and heather MacDonald controversies and how they lined up with their appearances on the podcast he cohosts.
Adam is stopping to mock Kanye West’s rebuttal to the Amber Rose tweets about his possible penchant for posable digits up the poop chute.
Theo says a lot of brothers like a finger up the butt, BB plays the Isaac Hayes drops and Adam is now riffing a scene asking him about liking a finger up his ass.
Hilarious timing with BB, Theo says brothers don’t survive cross examination well, Adam says he knows nothing but he believes in all stereotypes.
Adam talks about all cultures having good and bad stereotypes, own them.
Adam is now trying to suggest fake stereotypes, like cheap Italians or poor driving Germans.
Adam talks about the black guy he spoke to on his football team in 1981, his name was Squeak, Adam says his feelings about black people and names is he keeps moving and never asks how they got it.
Theo shares his own subtle racism and tells them about a black guy he knew named coincidence.
Adam is talking about how you always ask white people about their obscure names and the possible familial legacy and he talks about working with a guy named Tree, BB has a killer Richard Roundtree mention from Isaac, rarely played.
Adam shares a “Black Pearl” of wisdom from Squeak who told him re: eating pussy, he doesn’t eat anything that gets up and walks away when he’s done.
Adam is joking about the brothers on the team and how black guys might not be too into oral sex, BB says that’s for sure a stereotype and he brings up a ‘Tosh.0’ bit and Adam forgets all of the Jamaican guys on Loveline and Dr. Drew who echoes BB’s sentiment on this topic, it’s true.
Adam talks about David Blaine levitating for him and Drew while he was with Fiona Apple who was guesting on Loveline in the late 90’s.
Adam is now bringing up the time Criss Angel came on the show and bent a spoon, but it wasn’t a normal spoon it was made out of like “pot tin” as Adam referred to it on later episodes mocking his “magic” that he demonstrated live in studio.
Adam is mocking him again, Adam is asking Gary for a clip from Theo’s Netflix special and he tells them about filming it in New Orleans.
Theo talks about the woman yelling “Defense” the entire show and Adam explains what it’s like to perform for your crowd or an audience who has never heard of you.
Gary sets up the clip, Theo is joking about his uncle getting busted for sucking really small dicks, hilarious commentary from Theo over his own bit about his buddie’s dad teaching him to jerk off.
Theo tells them about his buddy’s dad beating off into the fire after sniffing his friends hand after he fingered a young neighborhood lady.
Adam is riffing about jacking off into fires and weaning yourself off of it and drops a nice one liner, Theo is telling them about the incident and explains it happened in Louisiana.
Adam says that Mike August is from there and is constantly telling him how truly fucked up the place is; you don’t know unless you live there.
Adam is riffing up a storm about the lack of ghosts in North Hollywood in comparison to places like Louisiana.
Theo is telling them about sharing a back fence with David Duke and he says he’s the nicest guy in the world and they used to go to the gym together, Adam talks about serial killers and rapists needing a good smokescreen of being nice to hide their behavior behind closed doors.
Adam and BB are doing another eye witness interview, Adam is the reporter and BB the moron neighbor talking about Stan never giving any clues he was a monster.
Adam is riffing a crazy David Duke who’s on first scenario and he’s playing both parts, my god!
This is hilarious!
Adam is asking Theo for a story and moves onto a live read before they jump in.
Adam is doing a Live Read for Simply Safe
Theo is telling them about David Duke and Gina has a killer “only the best linens” one liner and he explains how stout the man is.
Adam is asking about the Nutria and the bizarre mixed bag of people, Theo hates the French and blames them for a lot of the leftover issues in Louisiana.
Theo tells them about a guy with extra salivary glands who had like a “wrist” in his neck and he explains they would bury animals, it was so said there was so much roadkill and he talks about finding some nudie magazines that had every penetration picture cut out.
Theo talks about being a Peeping Tom in the bygone era where such things were viewed differently.
Adam is talking about teenage boys and the influence of testosterone and how we forgive people for being under the influence of drugs or alcohol, that’s what 16yr old boys are.
3rd Caller Shawn, he wants to put the owner of the “emotional support” dog into the jet engine test facility, using the cannon.
Shawn tells them about the woman who brought her puppy into Cold stone, his fiancé asked if they were going to clean up the mess, they just put one napkin over the type.
Adam jokes about them registering for the wedding with Marriott points, to attend the anger management classes they host there.
Adam thanks him and says he hates these people.
Adam is talking about dogs being expected to hold their urine and poo for such absurd lengths of time to board a flight and commute to the airport.
Theo is back to being a peeping tom and looking for sex, he says they saw a woman get beat with aluminum foil and he says this was in the 1990s, he was 11-12.
Adam jokes about being able to beat off to the aluminum foil scene, BB asks if this was hiding the window with binoculars or what kind of peeping tom are we talking about.
Theo is telling them about the mixed woman who got beat with the foil and how they captured some cats they wanted to force to mate, to watch?
BB has some appropriate music for the stories, Adam has a killer “doing squats with racists” lyrical addition he sings into the music bed.
Adam asks about the Nutria and he says they are the “Thug” versions of rats, Adam says that is just what that state needs.
Adam is talking about the imported “killer” species that’s aren’t native to this continent, BB brings up the show ‘Naked and Afraid’ and how on occasion they will set an episode in Louisiana, the only place in the contiguous united states.
Adam is doing a Castrol Live Read
Like making a Turkey, that juicy breast needs basting with Castrol Edition
Adam is telling them about the Tabasco family who brought in the Nutria from South America and Gary is updating Adam with some of the info.
Gary explains they only brought 13 and a few escaped and Theo says the nutria will “do sex” with regular small animals and Adam asks which kinds and asks what kind of stigma is left with the poor creatures after they were reaped by a Nutria.
Adam is now doing a funny improv from the POV of the poor creature raped by a Nutria and Theo says they call them “soft Komodo Dragons” down there and Adam recalls the time he did the Mardi Gras parade with Jimmy Kimmel.
Adam talks about chucking beads at kids heads as they say atop A frame ladders with their neck sticking through a board.
Adam is riffing about the lawlessness of Louisiana and Theo shares how he’s never thought of it that way and Adam’s outsider POV has given him a new perspective of his own.
Adam is talking about the Tommy Lasorda float they were manning and he explains how he felts being on the deck of the pirate ship throwing beads, showing the crowd some arm.
Adam jokes about the “whahhh?” funny reaction from people in the crowd to the Tommy Lasorda beads and how they were always too far to then explain why they had some other dude’s beads.
Adam is now talking about how he would believe a bead injury form Mardi Gras, you could hurt a kid and Theo has some Paula Poundstone Mardi Gras beads. Adam apologized to Gina for not getting to the news, she’s cool with it.
Adam is doing a Pop TV Schitt’s Creek Live Read
Adam plugs Theo’s special and podcast and wraps up the show, BB has a great drop of Adam impersonating Kanye West saying “No bitch put a finger in my ass” when he was discussing him possibly working against himself with that reply, a week late and perhaps not the best wording choices.