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Giovanni’s Superfan Sidebar 03/05/2015 – Artie Lange and David Alan Grier, Live from Caroline’s on Broadway

Giovanni’s Superfan Sidebar 03/05/2015 – Artie Lange and David Alan Grier, Live from Caroline’s on Broadway

A real time blog where Superfan Giovanni does recap and commentary on the show as it happens and opines on all things ACS

Guest Artie Lange and David Alan Grier, Live from Caroline’s on Broadway

Recorded 03-04-2015 – Release Date 03-05-2015

Production Number #1525

Show Page

Adam opens the show to a packed house of very excited folks, wow!

Adam welcomes David Alan Grier and Artie Lange to the show, so cool to hear Artie back on again so quickly.

DAG tells Adam about buying his .com URL and Adam jokes about people giving up when you don’t get famous enough to warrant a higher price tag, Artie calls Jessica Lange a cunt while joking about URLs.

 

Adam is telling them about the up fronts and hanging out with his main man Kevin Costner, Adam says that Kevin didn’t even know what the up fronts were, Adam thought how awesome that would be.

Adam is sharing that Sir Ben Kingsley was at the up fronts, Adam says that the man was clearly smitten with Adam, Adam is showing them the photo you can see via the show page link above.

Artie is bringing up Ray Rice and the elevator punch, pretty solid joke crowbarred in and Adam mocks Artie then gives him a pass to do that again.

 

Adam is asking about everyone on earth landing between LL Cool J and Sir Ben Kingsley, Dag jokes about the racist people in the crowd raising their hands objecting to that idea.

Adam does a solid impression of Ben as he was giving him a pep talk about focusing on the horizon while presenting, Ben told him he would be focusing on the attractive blonde lady up front.

Adam is joking about DAG’s finger being injured from banging, he says he for him lube for Christmas.

 

Artie is now sharing a great joke from Earthquake about John Kerry and his wife, Adam jokes about using the word master around DAG.

Artie has a funny convicted felon/can’t vote joke.

They’re all joking about this show coasting to a stop.

 

Q and Ace

1st Question wants to know Adam’s preference is it Czech or Hungarian goulash, Adam doesn’t know the difference and riffs about upsetting people with his answer.

DAG explains the differences and now Adam is sharing his first joke ever told at age 7, the goulashes and Indians line.

Dag asks if Adam’s grandpa was ever nominated for a Tony, Adam then snaps back and burns Dag for his multiple losses.

 

Dag instils NPH’s Oscar hosting performance, Artie shares the secondhand take he heard on it, Artie is commenting on NPH playing a womanizer on ‘How I Met Your Mother’ and jokes that it was more believable when he played a child doctor.

Artie has a killer eat him out joke after DAG brings up Bruce Jenner, Adam is joking about going up in cock, and he wants Earthquake’s cock.

Artie is giving his take on how Bruce has gone crazy after being surrounded by the crazy Kardashian women.

 

Adam, Dag and Artie are all crushing it discussing the Kardashians and Bruce, hilarious.

 

2nd Question wants to know what to do with the guys who bring a 6 pick pack of beer in lieu of something else like Mangria.

Adam says he would be pissed but he’s one of the those guys and he always brings the 6 pack of natural light and then searches for their craft beers and the kegerator.

DAG is now bringing up the details of  a story but he’s mixing it up a bit, Adam is clarifying how his dog Molly got out while he was enjoying football and beer at Kimmels on one of those classic Sunday afternoons.

 

Adam jokes about Jimmy’s giant outdoor smoker and has a funny Jewish one liner, Artie’s reaction is priceless and Dag echoes the audience’s unwillingness to commit to the insanity, holy shit this is funny.

Artie forces in a bit of his about a guy in NYC who raped three of his pets, DAG was trying to asking about Molly’s health and Adam is now riffing about parrot’s tattling on their owners for fucking them.

DAG likes the range of the show and Adam is riffing about dog’s barking about being raped by their owners.

 

Adam says he wouldn’t want to admit he raped a parrot, Dag has some good mic work making a strained noise, and Adam is joking about the one animal that gets you street cred for raping.

Adam says Rhino, he’s got a killer riff about using that information to intimidate strangers, and he says the confusing one would be a manatee, Adam takes it back to his story of the time Molly ran away from Jimmy’s house on football Sunday.

 

Adam says that Dag may have been there that day with his brother who Adam likes, Adam tells Sag not to get weird and defensive, Artie’s reactions and commentary are priceless.

Dag is busting out his Ben Kingsley, Artie is further peppering him with barbs and one liners, Adam brings up the one judgmental dude who was watering his lawn and witnessed him, he leaves out the people driving past.

Adam is sharing another story of bringing his son along with a 12 pack next to him in the double wide stroller, Adam describes passing the same fucking judgmental dude the very next week with another very incriminating sing of an alcohol problem.

 

Dag laments the end of the old Football Sundays at Kimmel’s, Adam is having Artie tell them about the night of his most drunken debauchery, he has a couple funny anecdotes.

Adam is now explaining why he wants to trade his cock with Bruce Jenner’s and he’s describing taking a poop while peeing, whizz was shooting through the bottom of the seat outside the bowl.

Adam just wants enough cock to get enough hang not have that happen, Artie is sharing why he wants a huge black cock and Adam is giving him some pro-tips about how to use Wilt Chamberlain’s severed penis.

 

Dag is telling them a story about witnessing Wilt’s penis in person, Dag brings up Bill Cosby and they’re all talking about both men.

Artie jokes about Adam getting drunk and doing racist poetry, possibly a callback to his appearance on the show last week while he was on a west coast press tour.

Adam is making a point about black men and children out of wedlock, Dag’s muted reactions are priceless and Adam wants to know why Wilt doesn’t have 126 kids coming out of the woodwork now, hilarious giant condom riffing.

 

Dag is asking again what happened to Molly, he liked that dog!

Adam is telling Molly losing an ear, he’s going over the story of how she first lost half of her ear and then had to go back and get the rest removed.

Adam jokes about Molly getting ear cancer from listing his nasally drone bitching for too many years.

 

Adam jokes about them splitting her ear long ways, he says you gotta bring that shit up and jokes about the cost of a bullet.

Dag brings up his 14 year old dog and Artie jokes about throwing a ball into traffic to solve Adam’s Molly problem.

Adam is now describing the call in shows where people ask for pet advice, which includes recommending hiring people to acclimate your dogs to various scenarios.

 

Adam is asking Dag about a dog catcher and he’s now bragging about his improv abilities.

 

3rd Question he wants to know if Adam is going to go to Australia, Adam jokes about how people tell him he must be prepared to stay 7 years to make up for the super long flight.

Adam is joking about trying to explain the struggle of a 15hr flight vs. what the pioneers experienced migrating across the country.

Adam is joking about Dag being drunk and he’s going along with it, Adam is telling them about flying to NYC for 17hrs doing work for Spike so he must just double his time spent in Australia and he’s done the equivalent flying time vs. time on the ground math.

Adam calls back fucking rhinos once again.

 

Adam is doing a live read for ‘Unfinished Business’

Dag describes seeing Vince Vaughn directing traffic in a bar brawl, he was very impressed.

 

4th Question wants to know what to do about his daughter going through puberty, Adam has a couple killer jokes and Artie is taking it to his material from his last special.

Adam and Dag are both unsure of what to do with their daughters as they enter adulthood, especially considering the prevalence of smart phones and now Adam is describing one of the all-time most memorable Loveline calls, the time the father walked in on his son and another man, Adam describes it in graphic detail.

Adam is sharing his take on spit vs. swallow as depicted in ‘Road Hard’ and Dag is now giving his take, Artie has a gross Andrew Dice Clay quote.

 

Dag is asking if Adam some personal questions and busts out his Beelzebub character, Adam tells them his daughter wants earrings now.

Adam asks if there are any gay folk and wants to know what happened to gay code/signifiers.

Artie says he’s never heard of it and Adam jokes about only learning of it from the movie ‘Cruising’ and Adam is asking Dag if he is young daughter is into makeup yet.

 

Dag is telling them about his daughter and the neighbor girl getting into the sugar bowl, Adam says he has a lot people scrambling his brain, Dag is weighing in and interrupting him.

“It starts with the ears and ends with the hood” – Adam on how ear piercing leads to other piercings.

Adam does an impression of his daughter replying to him about what her friend said it was like to get her ears pierced.

 

Adam, Dag and Artie are all now weighing in on Bruce Jenner and Adam asks why the move at 62, Dag is now playing Adam’s prostate and Artie compliments their improv demonstration.

Adam is now talking to the prostate, Adam says that is feeling with the doctor is that if they really trust him and really care, to go gloveless and really feel that prostate, holy shit!

Artie wants to know who came up with the gender reassignment.

 

5th Question he wants to know why Adam has the best mic on stage, Dag is playing the race card about his crappy mic and now they’re all talking about Ferguson, Artie has a funny Cee-Lo Green one liner.

Artie has a quote of his twitter joke involving activities in the bedroom and the use of “I can’t breathe.”

 

Adam is doing a Legal Zoom live read

 

Dag brings up the one friend who is still rocking the blackberry, Adam is now asking about a guy who has two phones in the audience.

Adam is joking about his daughter using a decoy diary, horrific details of the accurate diary.

Artie has a funny one liner that the crowd misinterprets.

 

Adam is mocking Dag’s almost entirely improv performance, he’s telling them about shooting the deli all night, Adam is sharing the “Adam and his security guard” anecdote.

Dag is interacting with the audience and Artie wants to know if they can address the fight that’s about to take place over in the corner of the club.

Adam is going to the final question.

 

6th Question

Adam mocks a two parter from the back of a room, he wants to know about Artie working with Chevy Chase and asks him who was the funniest guy and Artie picks Chris Farley.

Artie is sharing the date rapist charm anecdote from Norm MacDonald and his mother.

Artie directly calls back the “igger” line from the last appearance, they all move past it and Adam is asking if Bobby Brown is at the top of the power ranking of fellas you wouldn’t like your daughter to end up with, Dag adds Andy Dick to his list.

Adam says he would rather Ike Turner over Booby Brown.

 

7th Question

Seems to be asking if Andy Dick is straight or gay and Adam has a killer explanation, Artie’s one liner nearly makes Dag spit out his beer.

 

Adam says one more again and goes to another.

 

8th Question Pacquiáo vs. Mayweather, Adam says that Jimmy hit him up and is already buying tickets to the fight, Adam jokes about Dag missing it and missing out on the opportunity to wear a ridiculous hat.

Dag’s fake reaction is very funny and Adam is now asking the guys who they want to win, Dag is sharing his hopes for the fight and he wants some action.

Adam says his challenge with Rhonda Rousey is if she can get him in an arm bar before he came, hilarious description.

 

Adam is suggesting there should be a service for parents who might abandon their kids, telling them how much money they’ll one day be worth, he cites Shaq.

 

Adam is doing a Smart Mouth live read

Adam tells Dag it gets rid of the pot breath, he has a funny one liner in reply.

 

Adam is now wrapping up the show and giving out the plugs, Artie repeats his line about being late 8 times to his own podcast done from his kitchen.