20 Feb Giovanni’s Superfan Sidebar 02/13/2015 – Greg Fitzsimmons, Live from The Irvine Improv
A real time blog where Superfan Giovanni does recap and commentary on the show as it happens and opines on all things ACS
Guest – Greg Fitzsimmons, Live from The Irvine Improv
Recorded 02-12-2015 – Release Date 02-13-2015
Production Number #1511
Adam opens the show to some confusion over the Matt Atchity Woo Hoo drop from yesterday, obviously today’s #TopDrop.
Adam is explaining the Valentine’s Day process as reported to him by his son, making cards for every dude in his class last night, he made 22 cards.
Greg joins them on stage and Adam delivers a quick summary of what he was just saying to catch him up, Adam is sharing his son’s hilarious “I’d have to say Matthew” reply to the question about the card he appreciated most.
Adam is declaring we’re now going through the same thing with Bruce Jenner we all went through with Lance Bass before he came out, Adam is explaining that he wants transsexuals to go for it.
Adam is riffing about John Travolta and references ‘Broken Arrow’ in the voice of a 3rd party audience member, wow.
Adam is back to the 22 cards, Adam says his sister but does he mean his daughter.
Adam is asking if he’s a bad dad for telling his son what a waste of time this stuff is, is he ruining things for him or merely helping him avoid wasting his youth on nonsense he won’t ever care about again.
Greg jokes about being high at the dinner table as Adam is talking about the differences for children today vs. when he was growing up, citing having to watch ‘Maude’ while his kids have entire networks devoted to entertaining them 24/7.
Greg talks about an early experience with Adrianne Barbeau, Adam is telling them about Rivi and Ronnie the Israeli brothers he used to babysit for.
Adam is talking about how their father the commando type Jew had a playboy, unlike Adam’s dad who refused to own anything that could lead to enjoyment or pleasure.
Greg is joking about Adam’s intensity and he says he’s looking him in the eyes while talking about his genitals and he’s uncomfortable.
Adam jokes about having a teenager in a constant refractory phase, hilarious realization that his son will one day be able to listen to this.
That’s the fucking sad part, imagine listening to your dad… – Adam
Greg is now sharing how this really happened with his family, citing his dad’s radio career and his on air implication that the butcher was into his wife.
Q and Ace
1st Question Steve Marley, Adam says he has a name so close to Steve Martin it’s hugely disappointing when people announce he’s paying a visit.
Steve wants to know Adam’s remedy for a hangover, Adam jokes about the lame “don’t drink at all” local news advice every year, hilarious sarcastic thanks to the woman delivering the information.
Adam says that a beer knocks the edge of a hangover the next day better than anything else, Adam is mocking the above ground pool of fucking Evian recommend for every drink consumed.
Adam brings up his sister’s “no shit Dick Tracy” quote mix-up and is now explaining that when you see Pedialyte in the cupboard of a single dude that indicates a player.
Adam is explaining that Huevos rancheros best represents what you feel like after drinking, Gina is sharing her hangover food and BB gives his which Adam mocks immediately.
Adam is bringing up the hot plate warnings and how he’s never intending to touch the plate anyway and most people end up touching it only because she mentioned it
“I need the beans facing mecca” – Adam
BB declares those words have never been spoken before, Greg says he would eat pussy after a night of drinking.
Gina asks if Greg doesn’t get alerted it’s enough via a head tap, Adam clarifies with her that it’s a dude, sick burn, nice setup by Gina.
Greg is telling them about oral sex reciprocity.
Adam is setting up the trailer for ‘Road Hard’ and he says it’s the world premiere.
Adam is now asking Greg for his worst road story, he shows off the movie poster and Greg tells Adam that he’s been doing comedy for 25 years and takes Adam back to his early days.
Adam has a killer “you’re one of the biggest dicks I know” reply for Greg.
Greg is telling them about a Jewish Singles night at ‘Stitches’ in Boston, he says the guy’s name was Simka and he was heckling, it lead to Greg smashing Simka in the forehead with the mic stand.
Adam is riffing about bouncers being dumb dudes first, they enjoy the fight for the first 5 Mississippi before jumping in.
Adam says there is 5lbs of Gumbo sent to BB from a fan, BB is now explaining how he got this gumbo sent his way.
2nd Question from Bob, who also has a disappointing name, almost sounding like it’s going to be Bob Costas.
Bob is a huge fan of the Rotten Tomatoes Game and brings up the act of throwing rotten tomatoes at offending stage acts.
Adam has a funny historical combination that BB takes a genuine mistake, Adam tops it with a funny one liner about fighting the Vietnamese in WWII
Adam is commenting on Al Jolson dressing up as a black man in a time where black people were discriminated against to a much worse degree.
Adam jokes about preferring his cock pink, hilarious one liner from Greg.
3rd Question Michael, he’s almost a Michael Bublé and Adam could keep his “still better than this guy” riff going.
Michael wants Adam to tell the story about the time he was driving with Lynette and delivered the hilarious “do you want me to crash the car?” line after wafting his fart up to his nose, as if he couldn’t not smell his fart.
Adam has a funny riff about the farting one does after a long period of being single, Adam is now telling the story in full.
Adam and Greg wrap it up with a funny Eric Clapton tangent, gold!
Greg is telling Adam about farting without a scent, he describes a sleeper fart left in his underwear.
Adam is doing a Dollar Shave Club live read
1st Story is an update on Bobbi Kristina and her medical condition, Adam is now asking how a family who is so into god can justify Whitney and her daughter both suffering a similar fate in the bathtub.
Adam says the bathtub has done more harm than good at this point and suggest we treat old people like the car wash when it comes to cleaning/bathing them.
Adam is now sharing his move to speed up the car wash, it’s a weird tick that does nothing but Adam still employs to somehow spiritually speed things along.
Adam is joking about tallying up the tub tragedies and the big tub industries role in them, Adam is joking about it being the worst way to die, as your corpse is left in a vulnerable position.
Adam is commenting on the open vaginas of dead women and apologizes for caring more about a hypothetical loved one being exposed after death.
Adam is on a funny tangent and BB straight up goes for the necrophilia angle and Adam mocks him with Greg, doing the fake disappointed thing about him lowering the discussion.
Adam is joking about Al Jolson being sprayed with a fire hose and BB has a killer tag about that leading to people thinking all black people could become white if sprayed with a hose.
2nd Story is on legislators in Puerto Rico considering suing the parents of obsess children, Adam says that every school classroom should have a scale and every little bowl of queso that hits tilt will be heading to fat camp.
Adam says the DMV needs to build a scale into the process, Adam asks if Puerto Rico is smart before declaring them as smart, funny delivery.
Adam says that his kids can’t drink tap water but the real danger is being fat, that’s what will kill you.
Greg has a funny “weigh the island” one liner after saying we should make them a state if they can lose weight.
Adam is now asking an audience member about the Puerto Rican flag and it’s single star, he wants to know if she gets into arguments with her blue eyed friends who stand up for the American Flag.
Adam is asking if we licensed them that flag, he jokes that before that it was a beach towel with a little salsa spilled on it, BB adds a funny tag and Adam once again chastises him for being so racially edgy tonight.
Adam jokes that it looks like we gave them our sloppy flag seconds.
3rd Story Is on the new “creative” street signs in Hayward California and Adam is sharing what he would like on street signs after declaring modern drivers too stupid to understand the meaning of “yield.”
4th Story is on the arch bishop of the Catholic Church urging pastors to speak out against the movie ’Fifty Shades of Grey’ and Adam is now riffing about ‘ben wah balls’ and asks if you tuck them vs. eat them and jokes about it being like a starting a lawnmower.
Adam is declaring the church’s wishes will not come to pass and Greg is talking to Adam about what men get from seeing the movie, Adam jokes about fucking a Puerto Rican secretary.
Gina says this is considered an acceptable form of pornography for women to enjoy, Adam is now commenting on the pussy whipped dudes avoiding eye contact holding their gals purse.
Adam is contrasting the audience to Fast and Furious 7 viewers and now Adam is joking about adding a pussy whip sound effect before the movie, without any explanation.
Adam is telling Greg about the viewing of ‘Sex and the City 2’ on his birthday, an audience member prompted it.
Adam is mocking his wife for not knowing he was joking about seeing that movie, hilarious quotes from Ace.
Greg’s reaction to Adam’s story is wonderful, Adam says he should’ve told Lynette he wanted to fuck her sister if anything was on the table.
Adam is describing how high he was while watching the Thursday night preview of ‘Sex and the City’ and jokes about ruining Jimmy’s career by having him appear on TMZ.
They’re now playing the clip from TMZ.
This might be the best telling of this story ever done, wow!
Adam felt bad for Jimmy as he is a real celebrity and Adam just has a “podcart” and Adam sets up the clip of the TMZ crew discussing the movie Adam and Jimmy were exiting.
Adam is doing a Smart Mouth live read
5th Story is on Tom Brady giving his new truck to the Patriots Rookie who helped them win the Super Bowl, Adam is riffing about Tom being balls deep in Giselle while driving a 16 cylinder Bugatti.
Adam is joking about Tom making less than Giselle who is paid for looking hot, Adam is describing the couple of clicks between the stripper and Giselle, instead of getting 7.3 million compared to Giselle’s 40 million she’s getting “guys wadding up 20’s and throwing it at her cunt” and then tells BB not to laugh, solid
Adam asks where on the cosmic scale for a free truck do Tom and Giselle rank, he jokes about AIDS being in transmitted through water and corrects Greg.
Adam ask who need a truck less than those two.
Greg has a factual answer to Adam’s question about who needs a truck less, Gina wraps the news.
Greg is telling them about going to the Addison Texas improv after leaving Jimmy’s beach villa vacation, Adam is now contrasting his experience from the night before to his following night in Addison which was the genesis of his movie ‘Road Hard’.
Adam gives out the plugs and launches into a live read.
Adam is doing a Legal Zoom live read
Bathtub of life edition
Adam gives out some more plugs and wraps the show, complimenting Dawson on not drunk nor high and Adam asks him about it, he’s driving his new truck and doesn’t want to risk anytrhing, solid episode.