26 Jan Giovanni’s Superfan Sidebar 01/20/2015 – Jeff Dunham, Live from the Hard Rock Hotel in Las Vegas
A real time blog where Superfan Giovanni does recap and commentary on the show as it happens and opines on all things ACS
Guest – Jeff Dunham, Live from the Hard Rock Hotel in Las Vegas
Recorded 01-17-2015 – Release Date 01-20-2015
Production Number #1493
Adam opens the show telling the crowd about Jeff’s new residency at the Hard Rock, Adam asks what’s going on with the conventions in town. He was told a tech convention was going on before the porn convention next week, BB chimes in and Adam has a funny one liner.
Adam is now riffing about the “tribal” part of porn, he thinks porn is a solo activity and the one time he becomes very antisocial, BB mocks that appropriately.
Adam is sarcastically joking about guys wanting more guys around them while browsing for porn and doing the math saying if that’s uncomfortable why you would want to go the convention.
Jeff says it’s for the porn award, the AVN’s and Gina now lists some of the award categories, as Jeff claims he can’t even say some of them.
Adam is now riffing about the speeches at the AVN’s and working out some funny mock speeches from winners, thanking the man with his hand up their asses and their 3 year old daughters in the same speech.
Adam brings up the pot conventions and BB asks how many of those tickets go unused as the stoners forget to use them.
Adam is trying to now take it back to Jeff and is asking him about his journey, he’s resisting and making it seem like he’s willing to work blue, Adam is sharing his observation and realization about John Popper and the ratio of pussy in high school vs. success later in life.
Jeff is now telling them about his first puppet and how his father couldn’t build, Adam reveals he declared G.I. Joe and Cub Scouts gay and refused to participate in either.
Jeff asks Adam about his history as a jock, Adam is now explaining the cruel transition from captain of his high school football team to cleaning carpets in the valley.
Jeff is now sharing an anecdote involving a guy named Dan, encapsulating Adam’s point about delayed gratification. BB may have a new drop on his hands.
What Can’t Adam Complain About
1st Topic Cheese, Adam riffs about Havarti and the different varieties of cheese, he wants a cheese sanctioning body that starts an open dialogue and honest discussion about what is cheese.
Adam has a killer DuPont makes/That guy who is shooting wrestlers one liner, referencing the movie ‘Foxcatcher’ and he hits the bell prematurely as he’s got another lap on goat cheese chambered and launches into it despite BB’s protests.
Adam wants to know why goat cheese always ends up paired with beets, he then brings up the parmesan at the restaurant and the embarrassment of requesting more.
Jeff asks Adam about Cheez Whiz, he tells Adam about shooting the cans with a nail gun and Adam is telling people how to disable the safety on a nail gun to fire them as portrayed in action movies.
Adam asks if there has ever been a Jew who has fired a nail into a Cheez Whiz can, hilarious historical cans of cheese riff.
2nd Topic Long Snapper, Adam jokes that he heard “Log Snapper” and the guy was talking about his butthole, Jeff doesn’t know what the position is and Adam jokes about “a chick with a huge pussy” mocking Jeff’s fake confusion.
Adam is now back to the try outs for the L.A. Avengers as brought recently on the show, he’s ranting about guys in the NFL not being capable of doing what he can do at age 50.
No Ultranet, no access to the video. They’re getting more booze and Adam does a shot, again.
3rd Topic Jacuzzi Tub, Jeff tells him to work necrophilia into the rant.
Adam is complaining about the ratio of Jacuzzi tubs in hotel rooms he stays at vs. the amount he uses them, he says that he had one at his old house and never used it.
Adam is joking about the Bouillabaisse of other dude’s seed, as any guy who stays in a room with a Jacuzzi tub has to beat off in it.
Adam is now referencing his buddy Ray and his “Jacuzzi Water Gun” and Jeff sets Adam up perfectly to explain Ray’s ass talents as demonstrated at the Mulholland Club.
Adam is once again saying that by the 5th or 6th you could drink the water as it was so clean, gross.
Adam is now sharing the story of the Jack in the Box drive thru, he gets interrupted by Jeff and Gina asking about how much liquid he could carry inside his colon.
Adam is now sympathizing with a woman in the audience trying to enjoy her nachos, Adam is now finishing the story of the drive thru assault and his job as wheelman as he was the only one who could drive stick.
Adam says he must film this one time before Ray is claimed by Cancer.
Adam is trying to describe Ray’s anal water dilemma and has a great description of driving the car feeling like he’s next to a guy with a malfunctioning explosive vets, holy shit this is some solid wording.
Adam is now explaining the part where the attendant was just staring at Ray’s ass-crack and backsack, Gina asks why Ray couldn’t go and Adam is finishing the story.
Adam says he would love to find that individual working the drive thru, just to hear what his explanation to his coworkers was, Jeff is blown away and Adam reveals the rarely told detail of the time Ray fired off a rooster tail in grandfather’s den.
Adam won’t tell it despite Jeff’s inquiries.
The News – With Gina Grad
1st Story is on ‘Miss Little Thong’ pageant in Columbia, BB has a killer one liner and Adam says that if the average life expectancy in your country is 23 we need to adjust everything else on a sliding scale.
Adam asks Jeff about his time in Texas and jokes about him relocating to Los Angeles to escape the influx of Mexican immigrants, Adam shares how his nanny called his daughter “mama” and how he told her stop.
Adam is explaining that we shouldn’t focus on who is beautiful nor make it a concern for young women, Adam is telling people to stop focusing on the aesthetic with young girls and has a solid point about the fleeting nature of beauty.
Adam is now ranting about the women who expound on inner beauty while undertaking plastic surgery, he is now saying that you should hope your daughter is ugly and says that beauty only complicates relationships.
Jeff has a hypothetical question about what Adam would prefer for his hypothetical ugly kids, Adam is now sharing his lamentations about women being fed these messages and then trading on their beauty while sympathizing with them for doing it.
Adam has a funny hypothetical Jeff with swollen arms and a giant dong, he then works Steve Jobs into the mix, and Adam says that pussy trumps all.
BB is now asking Adam to run his hypothetical question by Jeff, the stripper billboard one.
Adam has a hilarious ‘Saving Private Ryan’ modification to the question, good stuff.
Jeff quickly goes with the billboard, Adam is now trying to make him change his mind and references ‘Star Trek’ and Gina comes through with “Kobayashi Maru” assisting Jeff, nice.
Adam is telling the audience to stop fucking with his hypotheticals.
2nd Story is on a product offered on Etsy, Adam stops her and brings up his dogs asshole, and he wants to train or surgically modify a dog’s tail to cover their asshole, hilarious camera aperture riff from Ace.
Gina tells Adam about “Rear Gear” that is worn over your dog’s ass.
Adam says he likes it but now you’re pulling anal focus and forcing him to look at animal buttholes, Adam jokes about grandma licking the stamp on your dogs butt.
Adam is mocking Jeff’s use of “rescue” and riffs about the people who drop dog’s off at the pound, leaving them behind after 5 years.
Adam wants to know these people are that just leave their dogs to die, Jeff asks at what dollar amount you throw in the towel with a dog.
Adam jokes about his 50k into Molly and riffs about needing to work for weeks after he dies, Jeff is telling them about the death of his manager Rick who left him with his dog.
Adam tells them about a guy he works with from Montana who offers to fly his brother out to take care of Molly, Jeff asks Adam about improbable outdoor activities and Adam has a killer ‘The Edge’ riff with him in the place of Anthony Hopkins killing a bear with Alec Baldwin.
Adam is now further mocking Jeff, joking about never having to do battle with a great white nor a dinosaur.
Jeff is trying to elicit Adam’s story of killing an animal, he explains he was totally freaked out by hitting a pigeon, he swore that day to never kill anything but prostitutes from that day forward.
Jeff has his own story of shooting a bird with a pellet gun, leaving him stuck having to kill the injured bird.
Jeff is telling them about a rattle snake and breaking his own rule about killing living creatures in order to protect his family.
Adam is teasing the story of Molly getting bit by a rattlesnake.
Adam is doing a Life Lock ultimate Live Read.
Adam has the audience put their hands together for Dawson, the unprofessional Pro.
3rd Story is on the world record holder for larger breasts, Adam is telling them about the woman on the ‘Man Show’ who could crush beer cans with her boob.
Gina is telling them about the largest pair of natural breasts, Adam has a funny John Goodman joke.
Adam wants to know at what point these surgeons get their licenses pulled for irresponsible practices filling up these giant boobs.
Adam jokes about filling breast implants and getting Ray and a Jacuzzi tub involved in his practice in a key yet unnamed role.
Adam is now asking Jeff about the likes of these women and references Minka the Asian Big Boob Queen, he is further explaining how all bets are off and dignity doesn’t factor into fame, why not go the easy route and get famous the Kardashian way.
Jeff wants Adam to comment on the changes in society and the way stupid people get famous for shitty things because of the stupid masses, Adam gives Jeff what he wants and moves on.
Adam is now doing a Reverie Bed Live Read – Gay Code Stuffed Animal Edition
Adam is telling Jeff about his son, even explaining their trips to Coronado for the races.
Adam once again compliments Dawson tells him he’s on a G.D. Roll.
4th Story is on a Maryland family who are under investigation for child neglect because they allowed their kids to walk to a neighborhood park.
Adam is livid and wants to know what’s going on in society and Gina tells him about the unnamed observer who ratted on the parents.
Adam is now trying to share his observations on Anne Frank and the person who dropped a dime on her, Adam has a killer explanation of his take on the foot soldiers of the German Army and Jeff’s reaction is amazing.
Adam says he wants the entire bloodline of the guy who tattled on Anne Frank to be taken out, Adam is sharing the time someone tattled on him to his sister for his comparison to his family and slavery and his sister and her half German sons and the Nazi party.
Adam explains that his family didn’t own slaves in Italy and never had a pot to piss in, he doesn’t need to apologize for slavery as he, nor his family were involved in it, just like his nephews don’t need to apologize for WWII and the holocaust even though they are more closely linked to that recent history.
Adam explains to Jeff how an unnamed observer just thought his sister should know, Adam calls these people fucking cunts and apologizes but says he’s assuming it’s a cunt.
Jeff shares his Anne Frank jokes done by Achmed the Terrorist, Adam is mocking Jeff for not remembering what city in Germany he was in and having to ask his wife in the audience.
5th Story is on the unlicensed ‘Frozen’ games available for smartphones including ‘Anna Giving Birth’ and Adam is now ranting about his kids getting top shelf animated fare vs. the shit that was shoveled on the kids of his generation.
Adam is contrasting Pixar to Syd and Marty Croft, Jeff asks about Adam showing his kids classic movies and shares their love for ‘Planes Trains and Automobiles’ and how their derision for ‘Vacation’ made him realize that Chevy Chase has never been in a good movie.
Gina closes the news.
Adam is doing a legal zoom live read, Dawson is 3 for 3 with the legalese and they wrap the show.