25 Jan Giovanni’s Superfan Sidebar 01/18/2016 – Paul Reiser, Live from Gaslamp in Long Beach
A real time blog where Superfan Giovanni does recap and commentary on the show as it happens and opines on all things ACS
Guest – Paul Reiser, Live from Gaslamp in Long Beach
Recorded 12-19-2015 – Release Date 01-18-2016
Production Number #1727
Adam opens the show with a “Good News/Bad News” intro for this holdover episode from last year, the last recording of 2015.
Adam explains when they recorded it and makes it seem like they might never have released it, which would’ve sucked and fucked up the recording order forever, especially if it got lost and never recovered, terrifying.
Adam is now giving out some plugs, including a live read for ‘Children’s Hospital’ where he riffs on the names of the cast, especially Megan Mullally, the worst name to have when pulled over at a DUI checkpoint.
Adam plugs the Dena Strang episode of Reasonable Doubt and gets in a quick Promescent plug as well.
Adam now opens the actual episode live from Long Beach, he welcomes Gina, BB and Paul Reiser to the stage, Paul is making his 2nd appearance on the show.
Adam has an immediate example of why society is going to shit, he talks about taking his son out to a Chinese food dinner, the restaurant was full and they had to wait at the bar, his son wasn’t allowed to sit at the bar, he was welcome to stand next to Adam and an open bar stool.
Adam shares the “from the mouth of babes” reply from Sonny, he’s got a killer “you know I could just rape my son” riff about being able to ply his son with booze anywhere else on earth.
Paul comments on Adam’s intensity and how fired up he is, funny.
Adam is now quoting himself talking to Mike August about refusing to attend mandatory harassment meetings, Paul brings up TSA rules and how passengers over 70 are allowed to keep their shoes on.
BB has a dark take on Adam’s comments, using terminal people for nefarious purposes.
Adam is asking if he’s a bad person for topping off his wife’s “veggie wash” bottle with tap water, Paul is sitting back and enjoying Adam’s riffing.
Adam talks about his son’s basketball game and has a funny “rim out” joke where he makes it about licking assholes instead of the game.
Adam is talking about the “Jump Ball” and how parents scream and shout, Adam says he heard a dad tell his short son to ask the coach to put him in before the end of the game.
Adam talks about his son and his love of running, he shares the nickname of ‘The Vegetarian Cheetah’ and how he came up with it for his son.
Adam says that his son came in 8th place and they had a podium ceremony, he jokes about them digging a hole for his son to stand in.
Paul observes that it must be exhausting to be him and Adam talks about treating time like a commodity.
BB is now chiming in and singing the praises of Paul and his fantastic work in Film, Adam and BB both love ‘Whiplash’ and agree it’s infinitely watchable.
Adam talks about ‘The Revenant’ and riffs about Leo wearing his pelts too tightly, Adam asks them about relating to the “bad guy” in movies and explains how they end up with a decision of killing an injured man.
Adam comments on Leonardo DiCaprio putting on a few lbs. and not seeming to lose many while crawling through the woods, Adam jokes about being the pussiest pioneer and Paul comments on it.
Adam talks about the actor slobber, he has a great line about the bear attack scene and what freaked him out.
BB asks Adam about taking his kids to see ‘Star Wars’ and Adam tells them about Mike August’s disinterest and his son’s “it looks like a pretty good action movie” observation that Adam can get down with.
Adam asks BB about his take on the film and they move on.
What Can’t Adam Complain About
1st WCACA NFL Sunday Ticket, Adam is sharing how he signed up for it and Gary gets on mic to confirm when Adam added it to his package, he was sure they wouldn’t prorate the cost even though he’s only getting part of the season.
Adam is sharing the story of the time Daniel Kellison stayed at the Party House and signed him for up the MLB package that he couldn’t get DirecTV to cancel their auto renewal.
Paul takes him back to the NFL Sunday ticket and Adam confirms, no prorating.
Adam is now sharing the story of leasing his dad a car, analogous to the no prorated cost for the NFL package.
2nd WCACA Heated Toilet Seat, Paul is praising Japan for their insanely great toilets, Adam says we should judge a society by its shitters.
Adam is talking about using a guy to break in his loafers and walk his dog, its belt tightening time after all.
Paul is chiming in and jokes about leaving his children home sick while coming to Long Beach to hear Adam shout about shit, hilarious.
Adam talks about wireless toilet remotes with controls, he talks about the “seal” logo on the brand he prefers and first encountered at the Rihga Royal Hotel in NYC which is now permanently closed.
Adam is riffing up a storm and jokes about Toshiba vs. Amir providing your toilet, Paul talks about the one size fits all approach that might not work for everyone.
3rd WCACA People who do Adam’s best, Adam snaps at BB a bit and asks him if there is another one on there, possibly a stacked deck?
They move on.
Adam takes a sip of his beer.
4th WCACA Toys for Tots, Adam says we don’t even have “tots” anymore and says kids that small don’t even need toys, they’re just going to choke on them.
Adam talks about the fake cooking playset his sister bought for his kids, Adam jokes about the Chinese plastic being dipped in ‘SARS’ and is riffing up a storm about the confusing message of fake plastic food that looks like real food, you’re only encouraging them to choke to death.
Adam asks if this is a rich and fulfilling part of anyone’s childhood, Adam asks Paul about his kid’s ages and now riffs about the annoying tie-dye T-shirt sets people buy for kids.
Adam says the best gift is a ball, it’s why Mexico invented Soccer, what could keep one village busy for a day while we go inside and fuck, hilarious riff!
Adam says “Fuck The Tots” along with Gina who sums up his rant, Adam is now joking about Garth Brooks telling people to donate cans of food for homeless veterans instead of hitting up the concert attendees.
Gina comments on companies that make donations in their name for tax purposes and he mocks an old manager who would make donations in his name every year, Adam jokes about the donations being 9$ and insulting to the charity.
Adam is sharing that he is returning to the Long Beach Toyota Grand Prix, the all-star year of previous winners!
Adam has to check a box for a charity he’s racing for, Adam jokes about his inability to spell and how he can’t spell schizophrenia and instead pledged to support the Big Brothers program.
Adam is riffing up a storm, Adam is bringing up Scantron sheets and comments on how Tesla was fucked over and leads to a funny No. 1 pencil tangent.
Adam talks about passing his sheet through the Scantron machine and how it would make noises based on incorrect answers, the two Asian students were ahead of him and barely had any mistakes, Adam set it off like a pinball machine.
They head to the news segment.
1st Story is on a new study that declares it’s totally normal to imagine your wife dead, Adam comments on the odds he could be attacked by a bear and Paul riffs with him about said bear attack.
Adam asks if people don’t have this about everything, like every flight you worry about a crash.
Paul shares how he listed how he predicted his kids were going to be injured, Gina brings up jet impellers and Adam is riffing about testing jet impellers with birds.
Adam is explaining how they fire turkeys into engines to test and rate them for safety, Adam jokes about the goose community talking about what happened to their buddy chuck.
Adam shares his sympathy companion animal idea for self-policing service animals with a screening process that results in the demise of said fake service pet if the owners dare lie about it.
Adam goes back to the dogfight that took place at his feet a few years back in 1st class.
Adam is going specific with the rest mist description and he’s now suggesting we execute prisoners on death row with air canon jet engine testing.
Paul has a funny reaction to the insane idea, Adam suggesting we pay per view these executions and Paul asks Adam if he’s ever thought about this stuff before.
Adam is now riffing about the jet engine getting a taste for human blood and coming alive and stalking man, hilarious!
Adam is riffing about the 1970’s tropes of animals like sharks getting a “taste for human blood” and how it was abandoned.
“Fish Tacos I don’t think so, I want some soccer player ass!” – Adam in character as one of the cannibal survivors of the Chilean plane crash as depicted in the movie ‘Alive.’
2nd Story is on some unique Japanese fragrances
Gina tells them about the “Cat’s forehead” scent, Adam has a funny “put the cat in the cannon” yell and Gina tells them about the “sweetbread” scent they’re aiming for.
Paul connects this to their toilet technology, Adam jokes about dudes trying to smell like musky pinecones and women preferring feline scents.
3rd Story is Gina sharing the results of a recent poll that inquired the top 4 reasons parents lie to their children, Adam talks about Lynette putting Molly down and “The Rainbow Bridge” they told them about.
Adam is now ranting about ‘The Elf on the Shelf’ as he explains the concept to Paul, Adam has a killer C bomb filled line explaining how it was invented.
Adam shares how he forgets to care about “the devil beanbag invented by a cunt” and other nonsensical ridiculous things.
Adam talks about his less than creative placement of the Elf and the talking to he got from his wife, Adam invents “Snot rocket on the floor” his own hilarious variant on the Elf on the Shelf.
Adam jokes about putting a GoPro in the elf and editing together a montage of Adam beating off.
4th Story is on the concept of “Last Class” airplane tickets, Adam is now riffing about it and jokes about “funeral mix” the snack picked out for last class, Adam jokes about trolling the last class tickets to find a chick to fuck at the airport, the low self-esteem section.
Adam says that is low hanging fruit, he asks if anyone has fucked a chick who is sitting on top of the world, that’s what he thought!
Adam is now lecturing Southwest on their basic engineering requirements for airplane seats, they must at least allow each row to recline, he’s pissed about the last row not reclining and the bad math at play.
Adam brings it back to the jet impellers and they wrap up the news.
Adam is now giving out the plugs for Paul, he tells the middle name story and Purple Heart from Ralph Carollo medal and the overall lack of a connection he has with his father.
They pot down the music as Adam explains to Paul just how crappy his family was.
Adam wraps up the show, hilarious episode!