Episodes

This Week in Rage – 8/17/13

This Week in Rage, a blog about the top three things that pissed me off this week:

 

Annoyed Driver Head Shake:  You’ve all had this happen.  You’re slowly and cautiously backing out of a driveway but there’s a van or a cube truck parked to one side and you can’t see oncoming traffic. Then as you get further out you see someone coming so you hit the brake. They go past you without any incident but as they pass you get the slow down with the head shake.  You know that “what kind of animal would attempt to back out of his driveway during daylight hours” look.  As if to say “What’s wrong with you.  No traffic cones? No motorcycle cop waving traffic through?  No CalTrans guy in an orange vest holding a flashlight?  You’re just flying out of your driveway willy-nilly at the breakneck speed of zero miles per hour?!!!”  I like it when the head shake continues well beyond the point you could view it.  As this dick drives off into the sunset you can see him still shaking his head.  He’ll be doing that until he’s a safely parked in his spot at work 15 miles away.  Hell, he’ll probably be doing that shaming shake all through his day at the funeral home or Kinkos.  This has got to be confusing for the people a little ways down the road who are walking their dogs or delivering mail and don’t know why he’s pissed off. “Why is this guy disapproving of my mail delivery? I’m just trying to put food on the table for my family.”  Maybe this is why mailmen “go postal”, they’re constantly feeling judged by guys who are still shaking their head at me, the monster who attempted to back out of his own driveway.

 

“Hill Dweller” Vanity Plate:  I’m constantly adding to my list of people I hate but I’m secretly envious of.  I came across someone who apparently lives in the hills near me because their vanity plate read “HILDWLR”.  And the frame around that plate said “On a Clear Day I Can See Forever.”  I don’t know if I love this person or hate them.  Either way I quietly want to be them.  Kind of like how I want to be the person who taps the shoulder of the guy who’s got twelve items in the ten items or less line and says “Excuse you?”  Don’t you feel like these people are happier than you?  I have the same hilltop view but I don’t care about it nearly that much.  I wish I got the same pleasure out of my success as this cat.  That said, I’m not a big fan of vanity plates, novelty license plate frames or bumper stickers.  The only acceptable bumper stickers on a vehicle driven by a male are “No Fat Chicks’ and the “In & Out Burger” that has been modified to read “In & Out Urge”.  And as far as the ladies go the only acceptable ones are “Expensive But Worth It” and the super demoralizing “Yes I Do, But Not With You”

 

It Takes Courage to Save Money:  I always look for the little signs that our society is coming apart at the seams.  The latest is a public service announcement billboard I saw that read “It Takes Courage to Save Money.”  I thought it was bad a couple months ago during the State of the Union when Obama told us it took courage to raise your kid.  Now it takes courage to save your own money?  Is this what it has come to?  Thirty years ago if you told someone it takes courage to save money they would have just back-handed you.  Twenty years from now what can my kids look forward to as far as PSAs?  “It takes Courage to Sit Up”?  “It takes Courage to Wipe”?  “It Takes Courage To Chew and Even More To Swallow”?

 

- Ace

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