This Week in Rage – 10/26/13
This Week in Rage, a blog about the top three things that pissed me off this week:
Texas Football Bullying: Everyone is talking about the story from Texas where the parent of a kid on a football team that got beaten 91 to 0 filed a formal complaint about bullying because the coach of the winning team didn’t tell them to lay off. This is insane and a terrible sign for our country.
First off this was in a suburb of Fort Worth. I think in Texas they don’t even know what bullying is. I bet they thought an actual bull got on the field. The principal was like “Rob, what’s going on? Parents are complaining about bullying. Did a cow get on the field? I knew this would happen.”
More importantly, it’s football. The entire sport is based on the concept of bullying the other team. A guy lines up across from you and then you bull rush him. The word bull is right in there. That is the whole point. This would be like telling Dale Earnhart, Jr. not to lap another driver.
And as for the guys who got beat 91 to zip, not only will they get over it, it will be a great story. They’ll be telling that one in bars for years. Every time they crack a beer that’s going to be the story they tell. So please let’s stop working so hard to make sure our kids are pussies.
Post-Match Interviews With Boxers: On to another sport. I was watching some boxing this weekend and I noticed that part where they take the mic into the ring immediately after the fight and talk to the guy who just got the crap beaten out of him and ask if he is thinking about retirement. Of course he is. This is not a good time to talk to him about this. He’s brain damaged and disappointed. He just wrapped up 12 rounds of getting hit in the head with a snow shovel. He’s got a crushed orbital socket, a softball-sized lump on his head, has swallowed four gallons of blood and has half the other guy’s glove up his ass. If you ask if he wants to stop doing this the answer is always going to be yes. If I was the CEO of Nabisco and got pummeled for 36 minutes I would want to retire from my gig too. Let him take the ride in the ambulance, get the CAT scan, take a couple days off and then ask him if he wants to retire, not while he’s still gushing blood onto the microphone.
Which Season Is It? Guy: I know this is an L.A. thing and it’s really coming out now that fall has hit. I can’t stand the guy who dresses like it’s cold and it’s hot. The other day I saw a dude in Ugg boots, cutoff shorts, a tight t-shirt with scarf and the beanie the guy from Spin Doctors used to wear. Is it winter or summer? Are we in Nova Scotia or Ecuador? Make up your mind, asshole. Then I have to check my own outfit. What am I missing out on? I don’t get it. Are certain parts of your body different temperatures? Are your balls smoldering hot and your neck icy cold? Which is it? You’re wearing Daisy Dukes’ shorts and Mike Nesmith’s hat. Pick one and go with it.