Episodes

Schmoes Know

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Show Summary

The show opens with more disagreements over the continuing controversy of the film Drive. The guys also listen to a segment of Adam’s new audiobook, and talk about weird kitchen accessories from back in the day. Adam then offers some suggestions for improving your shower, and talks with callers about flushing urinals and what he learned from therapy. Later, the gang plays a round of Gaywalking.

The Schmoes Know guys, Kristian and Mark, enter the studio next. They talk with Adam and the gang about some of the summer season movies they’re looking forward to most, including Prometheus, Spiderman, and The Dark Knight Rises. Alison then begins the news discussing Florida lifting its ban on ‘Fifty Shades of Grey,’ and a potential ALF movie. The show wraps up with the group discussing the death of the Oreo creator.


Links

Subscribe to the Schmoes Know Youtube Channel and help them reach 100,000 subscribers this year. And follow them on Twitter @SchmoesKnow .

Also visit www.TheBillShow.com, or download Bill’s podcast on iTunes.


Show Credits

Producer: Mike Lynch
Producer: Mike Dawson
Audio/Voice Over/Post-Production: Mike Dawson
Newsgirl: Alison Rosen
Sound Effects: Bryan Bishop
Associate Producer: Gary Smith
Technical Director: Chris Laxamana
Show Summary: Matt Fondiler


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  1. Nolan
    Nolan06-03-2012

    Can Adam please stop talking about Drive? He’s wrong but even if he wasn’t it’d still be annoying.

    • WesKan
      WesKan06-05-2012

      The movie isn’t good. I watched it, attempted to watch it, twice over the weekend. If film is the culmination of several forms or art, then this movie is a two-legged stool.

      • swinging level
        swinging level06-06-2012

        WesKan – Your analogy is lost on me… However, I agree… The movie is pretty lousy. B. Cranston, Albert Brooks, R.G., and C. Mulligan… All great. Cinematography was fantastic too… I think… I didn’t go to USC. Slow pace and lack of dialog that made it difficult for me to become invested in.

        Kudos to Ace for the segment on therapy… Specifically his point about how it’s okay (mandatory) for a politician to consult god, but detrimental to admit to seeing a shrink. Pretty fuckin’ messed up.

  2. Katie
    Katie06-04-2012

    KATIE’S DAILY PODAST ILLUSTRATIONS

    A fellow listener suggested I change the title from “drawing” to “illustration” as they never clicked through, thinking it was some type of contest. So please, enjoy the ILLUSTRATIONS.

    Great show loves!

    http://katie-acepodcast-drawings.blogspot.com/2012/06/kids-at-zoo-evolution.html

    • MC White
      MC White06-05-2012

      Yes, good idea, I finally clicked through and love it. I’m surprised more folks don’t put up links, but maybe they just don’t allow them if advertisments. Folks, this one is not an ad or online contest, and it is quite funny. I finally clicked through.

    • I can do this all day
      I can do this all day06-05-2012

      Awesome. I bookmarked your page.

  3. hutch
    hutch06-04-2012

    Get it on!!

  4. Gary
    Gary06-04-2012

    who the hell dresses adam for the show pics. he looks home less maybe get the racecar team to have some t-shirts? That black and white thing gots to go bro, is the wall mart william wallace i think i’m scottish and can do lawn care too? what can scott do for you or is that brown or seed it
    seed it.

    • Cole
      Cole06-04-2012

      It’s a podcast, does it really matter what he’s wearing?

  5. Mr Writing III
    Mr Writing III06-04-2012

    Love the guys retro Van Halen t-shirt. Eating my eggs while listening to a rant on eggs – just thought you’d want to know. You’re welcome.

    • Zapoli
      Zapoli06-04-2012

      I heard it and got a hankering for eggs, so I made a spinach omelet. With goat cheese. Hand to God, I made it with goat cheese. … Hand. To. God.

    • tRon_washington
      tRon_washington06-05-2012

      that VH shirt is awesome, definitely need one of those

  6. Sean D
    Sean D06-04-2012

    Kinda looks like An ugly Justin Timberlake, an ugly Pete Sampras, and and Ugly Dane Cook.

    • Doctor in the Podcast
      Doctor in the Podcast06-04-2012

      lawl. I knew those guys looked familiar.

    • TJ
      TJ06-04-2012

      Classic!

    • Alison
      Alison06-05-2012

      haha! I totally see it!

  7. Peter North
    Peter North06-04-2012

    We get it, Adam. “Drive” is the worst movie ever made. With the amount of time you spend belittling it, this movie has to be worse than “Bucky Larson” or “Jack and Jill”.

    Oh, and Dawson didn’t like it? Are we expected to respect the opinion of someone who only has 25% of his neurons left functioning in his brain?

    • Balky
      Balky06-04-2012

      He’s mentioned before that the only reason he talked about it was because it was Rolling Stone’s “Best Movie of the Year”. If Bucky Larson or Jack and Jill were every voted “Movie of the Year”, then he’d have something to talk about, but everybody knows they’re terrible, so there’s nothing to debate.

    • MC White
      MC White06-05-2012

      It is streaming on Netflix, maybe I’ll watch it again. I swear Adam has a stake in this movie, the amount of time he talks shit about it.

  8. David
    David06-04-2012

    Schmoes Know how to be blandly uninteresting about movies and everything else. Every review is, we saw it, seemed pretty good.

    Do they pay to come on the pod?

    • BlackEddie
      BlackEddie06-04-2012

      You are an idiot. I just watched a few of their reviews and they give in depth reviews and are funny in meantime. Stop hating and try being pleasant once in your life. Love when these guys are on. Plus that Alf bit was hysterica! “Alf from Cumsock!!”

      • david
        david06-05-2012

        Not referring to their actual reviews, merely their appearances on the podcast I’m listening too.

      • Alan Celica
        Alan Celica06-05-2012

        Alf ? what about alf is ever funny?

        your funny radar is so far broken i wouldnt even want to ride an elevator with you.

        No to Schmoes. I gave a listen and no did like. Not funny. If you want to be a movie reviewer dont be funny. If you want to be funny dont be a movie reviewer.

        Reviewing movies isnt all that funny.

  9. Mark D
    Mark D06-04-2012

    You’re crazy. Oreo cookies are delish!

    • MC White
      MC White06-05-2012

      Let me guess, Adam talked shit for 15 minutes about Oreo cookies? Hey, at least he’s consistent about his opinions.

    • An Onny
      An Onny06-24-2012

      Not sure what Oreos are even supposed to BE. Chocolate? Cookies? They honestly taste like pseudo chocolate flavored chalk dust wafers with sugary lard in between.

  10. Andrew'
    Andrew'06-04-2012

    NEVER doubt Christopher Nolan.

  11. Me and Sal Kadoode
    Me and Sal Kadoode06-04-2012

    Taco Tico $.39 tacos are my favorite

    • cg
      cg06-04-2012

      BAH!! Best fast food tacos ever.

      Company started out in my home town and I had them growing up in the 70′s and 80′s.

      Knew the family who owned the place and they resisted franchising forever despite the fact that kids who went off to college would literally come back home for a taco tico trip or have their parents fedex them.

      The meat is what makes them. Nothing compares.

      Now I’m in Chicago and wait with baited breath for a franchise to open here.

    • Hugh Gashol
      Hugh Gashol06-04-2012

      There my favooorite.

    • MC White
      MC White06-05-2012

      Yes, and are they really $0.39?

      • Me and Sal Kadoode
        Me and Sal Kadoode06-05-2012

        The last time me and Sal were on the road in between diddlin each other we had $.39 Taco Tico Tacos. They’re my faaavooorite just like Hugh says…

  12. Tom O
    Tom O06-04-2012

    I think Bald Brian’s just one of those guys who thinks that he’s seeing things that other people aren’t and they “just don’t get it.” He just doesn’t realize that everyone gets Drive and they don’t give a shit. The movie is solidly mediocre.

  13. May Kadoode
    May Kadoode06-04-2012

    “what he learned from therapy” can’t wait to hear this

  14. SpaceCowboy
    SpaceCowboy06-04-2012

    Hey! Urine-boy, some of us are eating lunch.

  15. James
    James06-04-2012

    The Alf bit was one of the greatest bits on this show!!! HAHA!

  16. Hugh Gashol
    Hugh Gashol06-04-2012

    45 degree bevels, what a hack

  17. Elle
    Elle06-04-2012

    I think the fact that Drive is already on Netflix is concrete proof that it’s a bad movie.
    NO good movies released within the same time period as Drive are on Netflix.

    • Ian
      Ian06-04-2012

      Drive was released by indie company Filmdistrict, that has a deal with Netflix. Some studios have deals with HBO, or Showtime, or Starz, they – like Paramount – have a deal with Netflix. It’s not rocket science. Quality has nothing to do with it. Try actually using you’re head and thinking.

    • MC White
      MC White06-05-2012

      Drive came out forever ago. Trust me, there’s plenty of good movies released withing a year, and available on Netflix. Don’t bring Netflix down with the Shitstorm that is Drive…please. I”m with Adam on this, I hated that movie. However Adam is just complaining cuz he gets paid to. I did some serious analysis of that flick.

  18. Alex
    Alex06-04-2012

    Shocker. More talk about Drive

  19. Rob
    Rob06-04-2012

    Last week, my son, a high school senior, attended a pre-prom information session conducted by his school. Present were two members of law enforcement. One LAPD, the other Highway Patrol.
    The lectured focused of sober prom and safe driving for the most part. Yet at one point, one of the cops wove a tale about senior pranks. He warned the students that Adam Carolla was prevented from attending graduation due to his involvement in his senior prank.

    In the many years I have listened to Adam I do not recall him telling this story. Is it true or was this fabricated?

    • cg
      cg06-04-2012

      Fabricated.

      I think the story is that there was an unpaid library fine on the books.

      • Alex
        Alex06-05-2012

        you mean libary as alison said it

    • benyens
      benyens06-04-2012

      I think he said it once.

    • Nick
      Nick06-04-2012

      I thought Adam couldn’t graduate because he didn’t return a textbook.

  20. dolantrack
    dolantrack06-04-2012

    Hey adam. Today you said anyone who believes in a creator is an idiot. Do you think your new studio could have designed itself?How about your race cars? An F1 engine that can turn 22,000 RPM if rev limiter removed? The space shuttle with thousands of miles of wire? The human body is the most complex thing ever created. Look at just the eye! unbelievable design. And you think your ancestor is a 1 cell molecule? Get over the born agains you worked with 30 years. I’m talking design. You crack wise as good as anybody. Everybody worships something. Worshiping yourself for designing a studio doesn’t equal designing your twin children! I’m just saying……………………………………………………………………………………..

    • joe
      joe06-05-2012

      shorter dolantrack: “i don’t understand how evolution works.”

  21. Connard
    Connard06-04-2012

    The premise for Drive isn’t bad. The film basically follows the formula of Kurosawa’s Yojimbo or any given spaghetti western with the stranger with no name wreaking havoc on the bad guys. However the Schmoes had it right when they said Drive was a little bit too in love with itself to make it a good movie.

    p.s. How can anyone take Bryan’s recommendations seriously with him rating The Transformers movies as his all time favorites.

  22. Bobby
    Bobby06-04-2012

    I’d like an answer to “Rob”‘s question about Adam and the senior prank. On a different note our boy (along with his 99% correct observations) made one that was ridiculous when he said “Clinton was too smart to believe in God”. Now that is a howlingly ignorant remark. The man possessed of probably the most brilliant scientific mind in modern history, a man who lived for the quest of quantification and proof, Albert Einstein….was absolutely convinced of the existence of God. Eighty-five percent of Americans believe in God and most of our brilliant minds are among them. I wish Adam would read “Mere Christianity” by C.S. Lewis, if for nothing but to give a little depth and perspective to his thinking.

    • Slippery_Pete
      Slippery_Pete06-04-2012

      Care to source your Einstein statement? Are you speaking of the Christian God? You didn’t specify.

    • Joseph D
      Joseph D06-05-2012

      “85 % of blah agree with blah” – Argument from popularity – logical fallacy. Just because something is popular doesn’t mean it is right.

      Second, the Albert Einstein thing is a myth.

  23. Doug
    Doug06-04-2012

    Sick of the Drive talk… we agree with you!

  24. Matt
    Matt06-04-2012

    Elle – The fact that Drive is already streaming is not an indicator of its quality. As far as I know, if there is a high demand of a certain movie thru the mail, Netflix will make it available to stream more quickly than usual.

    As for Drive, I liked it. But all this bashing of it is getting a little tiresome. We get that Adam and Hench and everyone but Bryan didn’t like it. isn’t there anything else to discuss?

    • MC White
      MC White06-05-2012

      Streaming on Netflix, absolutely has no baring on how “popular” it is. Only in that Netflix will decide to possibly pay more for the rights to do it. TRUST ME…the movie companies, NOT NETFLIX, are still in control of the rights of distribution of their films. This opinion you state is very naive, my friend.

  25. Hacksaw
    Hacksaw06-04-2012

    Compare Drive to the White Stripes? I agree Drive had a bad plot, but the White stripes kick ass. How can you not like ‘Seven Nation Army’ by the White Stripes? Sure some of their music is out there, but most of it is really good! I love your show, and books, but have completely different tastes in music.. Gotta say I think most of the music you like is outdated…sure a classic is a classic, but if you listen to old music enough it just gets tired and old.

  26. Grady
    Grady06-04-2012

    Keep the shower caddy from sliding off of the shower head with a Stainless Steel Quick Clamp/Band Release Clamp/Hose Clamp – the kind with the slots that you turn a screw and lock in. Make sure that the screw is on the top of the pipe. I’ve done it for years and have never had a problem.

  27. TheEntirePerson
    TheEntirePerson06-04-2012

    Love when the Schmoes are on. I have been subbed to them for a long time on YT once I heard them a while ago on the cast. I like how down to Earth they are and they will praise a movie and crush a movie like normal people and it doesn’t seem pretentious.

  28. MovieFan33
    MovieFan3306-04-2012

    Schmoes are great. Always happy when they are on because they roll with Adam’s style and you can tell that he enjoys talking with them.

  29. wade
    wade06-04-2012

    Cee Lo’s tits!! AHAAHHA!!

  30. Norm Walker
    Norm Walker06-04-2012

    Adam doesn’t need someone to dress him because he doesn’t give a shit about that kind of stuff.

    After hearing Adam bitch about it for the 100th time I decided to watch it on Netflix. I thought it was good, but not the best movie of the year. The guy never talks and that gets old. The movie does look really good but that is the best attribute it has.

  31. Jo ke
    Jo ke06-04-2012

    audio is off a bit

  32. Aaron
    Aaron06-04-2012

    More Schmoes!!!

  33. JuiceTherapy4300
    JuiceTherapy430006-04-2012

    Pastors, Priests, Rabbis have been doing ‘Therapy’ and ‘Psychological Counseling’ long before a secular version was actually named that.
    But you know, Bill Clinton is ‘too smart’ to believe in God (like Adam is smart) but here is the interesting thing – I don’t think I’ve ever met a Pastor or religious type who EVER said anything was wrong with seeing a secular non-religious therapist. Many will recommend it and many others work WITH psychologists and therapists.
    Then again, a good many psychiatrists, psychologists and therapists do, themselves, believe in god and visit their own pastors, priests and rabbis.

    By fading memory – I believe Nixon was said to have a psychiatrist and I think it was George Bush Sr who, before election, was revealed to have been in regular ongoing psychological care for (what we now call) ‘PTSD’ and Clinical Depression – including using some anti-depressants. I seem to recall a lot of important people (not only Republicans) defending and even admiring Bush Sr.

    But yes, a lot of working-class blue-collar types of guys do still consider that a little ‘gay’. I do believe that is starting to change too.
    Well you know, the ones smart enough they don’t believe in God.

  34. Turkey Sausage flavored Buttplug
    Turkey Sausage flavored Buttplug06-04-2012

    uh…..did the Aceman really say he would put turkey sausage in a omlette? “He’s Gay”!!!!!

  35. The Hoss
    The Hoss06-04-2012

    Great show! And Drive was a great movie.

  36. Gottagetiton
    Gottagetiton06-04-2012

    Therapy is what’s wasting Adam’s time…

  37. Kevin
    Kevin06-04-2012

    Whenever Adam talks about Drive I dream about Jesus gouging the elderly jokes

  38. Reb
    Reb06-04-2012

    I think “yes and” entails more than saying “yeah” constantly, accompanied by a fake laugh.

  39. TJ
    TJ06-04-2012

    I don’t need a therapist, I have booze and a wife.

  40. charles
    charles06-04-2012

    what is up with the rants against goat cheese. I never understand that. They don’t put goat cheese in everything and it is a delicious cheese and even if it is not your favorite then it is childish to rant on about it. For a guy that grew up in a house with no food in it, Adam sounds like a spoiled child. You know what I do when someone puts something on my pizza or salad and I don’t particularly like it? I eat it anyway. If adam is going to rant about something he should rant about women putting fruit in everything like salads and rasberry vinagarette. Who decided to mix rasberrys with vinegar.

    • MC White
      MC White06-05-2012

      You know what, this post makes sense to me. It’s weird how somebody with no money, or no choices, can complain so much. Good points, all. Your salad complaint is subjective, by the way.

  41. eric c.
    eric c.06-04-2012

    hahaha adam fucked alf in the mouth

  42. budget butt prop
    budget butt prop06-05-2012

    Good Pod.

    Got on Netflix and saw Drive – It’s like Guy Ritchie made a re-make of Risky Business. All American kid gets in over his head. Expensive cars in car chases. Same slo-mo moody music and 80′s pop. Artsy fartsy. Fun but not movie of the year.

    I think Adam should have a show where he finds people who claim to know stuff that he does. When he corners them on something they don’t know he puts them in their place. It’s called “It’s a Shame…ing” Not knowing the conventional methods or terms of carpentry doesn’t disqualify someone from have functional knowledge. Like a guitarist who shreds and can compose but doesn’t know what modes are. He might be using them all the same.

    Why does Adam have a problem with the magic that is Cookies n’ Milk. Such a small step to make something so good. So my cookies need help from a friend, so what! At least I have the answer to how to make it work. Some cookies that are good alone cannot make the leap. I consider that a flaw as well.

    How the hell do you fuse cookie and milk into one unit anyway? Like humans we seek out the company of others yet must remain separate. Even when the we ride together we ride our unicycles alone.

    Fuzzy critters that deserve a remake? Alf? How about a porn version of Gremlins? Call it Gremilingans or Cumlins. The cute Jizmo. The evil Skidmark. Don’t cum on them! And never ever eat them after midnight!

  43. seat o locost
    seat o locost06-05-2012

    WHAT? Everyone wanders past UFC without a thought, but Tango and Cash(buff shirtless guys) makes sense. I bet Tango and Cash weren’t sweatily crawling all over each other trying to establish dominance. Really?!

  44. angrybadger
    angrybadger06-05-2012

    geez….when did we get up to 50 states?

  45. Duck Manson
    Duck Manson06-05-2012

    How can Alison not know who Kate Beckinsale is? How is that possible???

    Or maybe she was asking if she wasn’t really that attractive. Which is even more pathetic.

  46. Tim
    Tim06-05-2012

    Drive is not THAT bad, not great, ..but horrible? nay

  47. JuiceTherapy4300
    JuiceTherapy430006-05-2012

    Sometimes we are overly eager to find mistakes in films. Possibly our own ‘knowledge pride’ is behind that.
    One suggestion: It’s possible the joke is on Adam. The character was saying ‘good tread’ intentionally as a little joke that calls attention to how much he loves those slicks. How perfect slicks are. in other words – no tread! racing slicks!

    Second suggestion: Sometimes a GOOD communicator will choose to speak in a way that his (or her) audience understands. Even if that requires using a word or term ‘technically incorrect’. The character is commenting on the remaining ‘tire wear’ % on the racing slicks. The good writer bends the rules but in order to get BETTER communication to his ‘receivers’. He opts to call that ‘tire wear %’ ‘tread’ since this is what they will understand.

    Third suggestion: If Adam wants to get super-technical, actually ‘tread’ has and still is very often used to refer, technically speaking, to the PART OF THE TIRE WHICH CONTACTS THE ROAD. In which case, the ‘Drive’ writers are BANG-ON CORRECT this tire has the best maximum TREAD you can get! 100%.
    3.a) Which could also take us back to the joke gone-over-Adams-head scenario where he is saying ‘lotsa tread’ understating how good 100% tread is.

    btw – ‘Drive’ did have a lot of super cool ‘look and feel’ but seemed vacant and pointless outside of the action scenes. It is entirely possible the ‘tread’ comment was a writers mistake OR a ‘changed scene’ error kinda thing. (the original car was intended to have tread kind of mistake).

  48. MPG
    MPG06-06-2012

    Let’s just put it in one sentence (then I’ll elaborate as if it needs elaboration beyond this sentence): Drive is a movie for the “Mad Men” generation.
    There is absolutely no there there. It’s a masturbatory mess.

  49. KiD
    KiD06-06-2012

    Gay Walking! Love it. I’m horrible at it, but I love it. I’m perplexed by the gays, they always surprise me with what they know and don’t know( which is alot!).

  50. Jll M.
    Jll M.06-07-2012

    Bob Saget was on The View and he said he read the book.

  51. Sig
    Sig06-07-2012

    I think Alison liked saying ‘so many Latin Cocks’

  52. Fritz Furburberber
    Fritz Furburberber06-11-2012

    Shmoes have a movie podcast and the one didn’t know who Wes Anderson is? Credibility gone. As far as Drive, well, I sort of dug it but I don’t have an urgent need to see it again. I liked some of the soundtrack and the female lead was really easy on the eyes but for me it’s no more overrated than, say, ‘There Will be Blood.’

    • Jenn
      Jenn06-12-2012

      My thoughts exactly…how can one review films for a living having never seen a Wes Anderson film?

  53. Yossarian
    Yossarian06-16-2012

    Finally watched Drive on Netflix (agree with comment above, if it’s on Netflix streaming it probably sucks). Fucking HORRIBLE. Boring, no plot, AWFUL acting, IT’S JUST A WASTE OF MY TIME!!

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