Harland Williams


Listen to the Adam Carolla Podcast  


Show Summary

As the show opens up, Adam talks about some of the events of Sunday night’s Celebrity Apprentice premiere. He also tells the story of the Five Mijos, and reflects on the good ol’ days of The Man Show writer’s room. Larry Miller sits in on Alison’s news, and stories include a controversial Jeremy Lin article, and the demographic of Oscar voters.

Harland Williams joins the show next, and he and Adam recall the last time they saw each other while watching UFC fights. Harland also talks about having to get a noodle surgically removed from his throat, and Adam complains about his maid. Later the guys jump to the phones, and discuss the hope of a Rocketman sequel, how to motivate your wife to lose weight, and where the best food in the country is.

In the rest of the news, Alison explains how all artifacts from Whitney Houston’s hotel room have been removed before looters can get to them. The guys also talk about Chris Brown and Rihanna supposedly on the mend, and what a bad signal that sends to Rihanna’s fans. As the show wraps up, Alison reads through some Carolla highlights from Celebrity Apprentice.

Check out http://HarlandWilliams.com and listen to The Harland Highway on iTunes.

Show Credits

Producer: Mike Lynch
Producer: Mike Dawson
Audio/Voice Over/Post-Production: Mike Dawson
Newsgirl: Alison Rosen
Sound Effects: Bryan Bishop
Associate Producer: Gary Smith
Technical Director: Chris Laxamana
Show Summary: Matt Fondiler

Image Gallery

We cannot display this gallery

  1. Joe


    • felon

      Replace Larry is what i think you meant to say..

  2. Ye Black Knight
    Ye Black Knight02-21-2012

    Lo! For this knight echo’eth Lord Miller’s adulation of ye Star Trek! A fine program me in every aspect!
    Live Long and Prosper Lord Miller, Lady Rosen, Lord Bald Bryan, and Aceman!

    This post now concludeth!

  3. AngelAdamFan

    Adam missed his change to wear his podcast logo gear. . He could have approved it.

    • May Kadoodee
      May Kadoodee02-21-2012

      At least your avatar pic makes me assume you’re a woman unlike all these metro sexual men who seem to give a shit what Adam wears.

      • Stretcher

        Don’t be fooled, he’s a gay dude.

  4. Rick Rottman
    Rick Rottman02-21-2012

    Jeremy Lin’s not Chinese, he’s American. His parents aren’t Chinese, they were born in Taiwan. “Chinese” isn’t even a race, it’s a nationality.

    • Dean

      You might be listening to the wrong show…

      • Poochie's Uncle
        Poochie's Uncle02-21-2012

        …Dean, don’t you mean wong show.

        • Ledgewood


        • Douchebagel

          It ain’t wong if it’s white.

          • marco

            I don’t chink so

    • May Kadoodee
      May Kadoodee02-21-2012

      BB’s lost brother BTW…

    • felon

      Are you Chelsy Handlers Brother??

  5. Paul

    I sprayed my coffee when Harland did the koala.

    • Poochie's Uncle
      Poochie's Uncle02-22-2012

      Is that code for something else?

  6. Rage kage
    Rage kage02-21-2012


    • May Kadoodee
      May Kadoodee02-21-2012

      me too!

  7. Mike P
    Mike P02-21-2012

    I like Star Trek

  8. Der Vornote
    Der Vornote02-21-2012

    I love your stuff Carolla but are you really going to make the blanket statement that Star Trek was a pice of shit then wax on about your reality show about making sandwiches?

    • Michael Pemulis
      Michael Pemulis02-21-2012

      Apparently, really, dork.

    • Poochie's Uncle
      Poochie's Uncle02-21-2012

      I’ll bet the chicks love your avatar.

    • Amacat


  9. Matt

    Ughh, god, I don’t find this guy funny at all. I guess I’ll just listen to the opening today.

  10. MothersSon

    Larry Miller during first half. Harland 2nd half…just sayin’

  11. Longtimelistener

    Sweet I love being annoyed for an hour straight with unfunny noises and bits!

  12. Allen Corona
    Allen Corona02-21-2012

    Four stars for Mejo!

  13. Alex

    Carolla are you retarded? No one could ever make that chink in the armor joke without realizing it.

  14. Zeke

    I have not listened yet, to be fair, but Harland Williams is never funny. He is always terrible.

    • Yossarian


    • Dustin

      He seems like a nice guy, and was somewhat funny a few times. But that facebook joke…. well it was so bad it ruined eveything else.

  15. Brett

    Loved me some Star Trek – sorry ACE!

  16. Candyce

    Birds are mammals lol

    • Shinster

      Mammals have to have breasts and feed their young with milk the mother produces! Mammal – mammary glands!

    • felon


  17. Dick Face
    Dick Face02-21-2012

    LOL, GREAT SHOW, first Alonzo Bodden and today Harland…awesome start to the week!!!

  18. Vincent

    Ahhh Adam’s old “I don’t know anybody who likes X so it must be true” argument.

    • May Kadoodee
      May Kadoodee02-21-2012

      Is that a bodywash?

  19. Judy

    Loved Adam on the Apprentice! My husband and I were cracking up. Thanks for the funny!

  20. Chris

    This could be the best picture of Harland ever.

  21. paddym

    Ugh not more Harland. What a hack.

  22. Domenique

    the funniest Harland ever, the bird schtike got so old, fun show

  23. robert_r

    this is the first time i have heard Harland on this show and not deleted the show soon after he starts talking

  24. Lor

    5’4 140lbs is overweight!!! WTF! That’s ridiculous!!! You guys are why girls have eating disorders. Sure, maybe she’s 5lbs more then she should be. But that is NOT bad! Screw you guys!

    • Poochie's Uncle
      Poochie's Uncle02-22-2012

      You my friend, are a chubby chaser.

    • Josef

      In total agreement , i was surprised no one mentioned that,.

    • toorude89

      You’re, fat. – Dr. Drew

  25. davevsdave

    Star Trek is amazing, you’re out of your mind Adam.

  26. paddym

    everything about Harland gets old. fast. his bullshit comments (how many times are you going to do a funny voice saying “great big fat person”, dick?) step all over the actual funny and insightful banter of anyone else.

  27. Geoff


  28. Jack Sunday
    Jack Sunday02-21-2012

    What are the chances that Paul Teutul wrote the $305,000 check himself just to avoid embarrassment and to keep his free advertising for Orange County Choppers going for another week?

  29. Allison

    Does Adam mispronounce George Takei’s name on purpose?? I thought he listened to Howard Stern enough to know better.

  30. aceheartspie

    Is “Candyce” trying to be a comment-troll with the “birds are mammals” schtick or is she a product of LAUSD warehousing?

  31. Unbald BrIan
    Unbald BrIan02-21-2012

    I’m noticing more and more people that comment before even listening. That is the most lame thing you can do. Plus, I dont give a shit if you “going” to love or hate the show. Stop typing and start listening.

    This was a good show. I’m glad Harlan put his foot down on doing the same bit over and over.

  32. Jon

    Harland Williams doing the Silence of Lambs stuff is hilarious. Made me laugh hard . . . . Great stuff.

    • Hot Nikks
      Hot Nikks02-22-2012

      He can’t hold a candle to the caller “Bat” from last year though (Ace award winner?)

  33. El Gordo Loco
    El Gordo Loco02-21-2012

    Just as a noun cannot be its own verb (i.e. a chair doesnt do good “chairing” or a dog cannot do good “dogging”) the improper use of “parenting” has been added to the dictionary through common usage. So why is the pronunciation of “forte” as “for-tay” not given the same pass?

  34. Jessica

    I’m wondering if there is going to be a second show in Portland added? I went online to buy two tickets and they are sold out except a few in the very last row. I’d like to hold out if there is a possibility of a second show booking.

  35. Sy

    Why is he on if he won’t do his bird impressions? That’s like Ace refusing to rant.

  36. duke lacrosse
    duke lacrosse02-21-2012

    two of my favorite comedians, this is going to be great. get it on!

  37. buttercup

    Harland is about as funny as a root canal. Why is every argument out of Adam’s mouth immersed in race? He’s been a bit heavy handed with it lately. His wild generalizations are making him sound really out of touch and old.

  38. Beaver

    I would like to reclaim the work “Chink”, so we can use it in the phrase; “Chink in the Armor”.
    Nobody uses it anymore.
    Besides…you know in China that it is like the N. word:
    “Yo ma Chink”
    “Sup? Chinky”
    “Ma Home Chink”.

    You missed one statistic regarding the Oscars: 100% Gay.

    Love you guys.

  39. Caroline

    I just don’t get Harlan Williams – never funny. Second only to David Alan Grier for worst guest.

    • ciga-Rhett

      STFU and GTFO. I will not tolerate DAG-bashing.
      Thank you.

  40. Nick

    Star Trek is fucking horrible. So glad Ace called these fags out. I’ve never known a single person who was worth a damn that liked that shit.

  41. BJ's for PJ
    BJ's for PJ02-21-2012

    Was she a great big fat person?

  42. vah jai nah
    vah jai nah02-21-2012






  43. donewithidiots

    Does anyone but me remember the debacle with the Haiti relief money that nobody could find, including Wyclef Jean? Not that long ago. And the female partner of his on the show doesn’t give a specific NAME for the charity, as Ace pointed out. Maybe Trump will get one of his people to check into the actual charity/fraud the female is trying to CLAIM to be GIVING the money to. Kids under trees, needing a school doesn’t really really narrow it down. Something stinks.

  44. Elias

    I’m one of those guys who gets nauseous when other people are describing their medical problems. It’s pretty tough to listen to Harland’s story. I start feeling strange in my throat until I reason with myself that there’s nothing wrong with me.

  45. donewithidiots

    Williams was awful. Took over too much of the show and sank it. Badly. Geez. How about Warburton? Haven’t heard from him in a while. Williams stupid act of giving loud directions for carrying out his stupid advisories was too much. This is the first show I’ve not finished. ANNOYING.

  46. wade

    Oh wait….. was she a great big fat person? Harland is INSANE and HILARIOUS!!

    • Adam

      I laughed so hard when he kept saying that.

  47. DES

    Damn Harland sucks ass!!!

    • felon

      no that’s your mom

  48. Yossarian

    Harland is a moronic hack who has NEVER been funny on this podcast! WTF was he doing randomly inserting a lousy Buffalo Bill impersonation?! He’s truly brain damaged.

    If they can’t get a worthwhile guest, I’d much prefer NO guest, or Larry Miller, or Dr. Bruce (and actually let him speak). PLEASE NEVER HAVE HARLAND BACK!!

  49. Citylife80

    Seth McFarlane LOVES Star Trek. Aceman won’t be invited to any of his parties for the forseeable future.

  50. Mijo

    Good stuff Aceman, as usual.

    I know Rihana’s deal. Yeah, she may be rich and has a pretty hot face, but she is way too bottom heavy, even for a brotha. That body shape has probably given her some self-confidence issues and so she takes a knucle sandwich and moves on. Fact.

  51. Justin

    I have now observed Harlan Williams on a dozen occasions across several platforms. Never once even elcited a smile. Can somebody please explain the appeal? Honestly . I am worried I’m missing something. To me, he’s just … nothing. Blah. The fake slow talk? Nada. Straight goose eggs.

  52. tony

    What the hell is a meho ?????

    • raul

      “meho” it should be “mijo” which is short for “mi hijo” (my son). It is Spanish

    • KD

      Mexican shit for boy or something.

  53. J

    Ace – I had started re-listening to you back around October of last year. This time you come out and start slamming people who watch Star Trek? Fuck you buddy. Least Miller was cool. -Unsubscribed from your feed. Also your promoting Go-daddy? They support SOPA. So double Fuck you on that one.

    • Ryan

      I’m sure you won’t be missed

  54. Paige

    Rocketman in the house. Funny story about Adam and Bill Mahar, also funny story about Adam “being sick” to do a dip and chill with Harland good times

  55. DrClown

    Harland does a good Madden impression.

  56. DrClown

    Justin, maybe Harland is best experienced while toking. Never really understood it myself, though I do remember I thought some of his crowd work was pretty funny.

  57. felon


    Blue shirt with striped over shirt
    red shirt with same striped over shirt
    no shirt same damn over shirt WTF

    cancel Lynett’s crappy pod cast and make her do some laundry…

    at least act like a guy that has a few Ferrari’s or Lambo’s what ever the hell it is you have.. wait Datsun’s ( had one of there shitty pickups)

    why am i stii typing..

  58. Jeff

    Great show guys!

  59. silverlake_dirtclod

    I love Star Trek. Amazing writing. Great kitchy fantasy. Lots of sex. And I started getting laid at 14 and never stopped. Adam is wrong again. This is getting to be a habit with the Aceman lately.

  60. silverlake_dirtclod

    (Adam admitted he never watched Star Trek BTW)

  61. Fame Repo Man
    Fame Repo Man02-22-2012

    Star Trek is shit? Really ACE? I want to throw this in the Adam is out of touch file but I can’t even close the door to the room that contains it. After hearing the second failed pilot I really wouldn’t tell anyone their show is shit.

  62. thisdouschesucksass

    Harland Williams can always do the impossible… by making me miss DAG. Why is this no talent boring dbag allowed on here? Coolio canceled?

  63. Scott

    Would it be possible to get Bai Ling on with Harland? Then we could get these recurring stinkbombs out of the way in one giant awful podcast no one wants to listen to. Then the rest of the year could be good content.

  64. Mike Ludwig
    Mike Ludwig02-22-2012

    Adam, I love, love LOVE you, BUT
    A) gotta stop saying Quizenart or whatever that blender thing from the 80’s was. It makes you sound a little hack-ish.
    B) 3 Mijos is never funny. YOU ARE HILARIOUS, but 3 Mijos is not.
    Your biggest fan in Iowa,

  65. vinny dellay
    vinny dellay02-22-2012

    Harlan Williams is NOT FUCKING FUNNY!!! Jesus, this guy is annoying! Please stop giving this moron a platform. He should be eating cat food by now…

    • Yossarian

      WELL SAID!! I can honestly say Harland has never made me smile once. He’s not entertaining in any way, not even pleasantly annoying. I’d rather listen to the stupid fucking Mr. Stinkfinger song on repeat than listen to brain damaged Harland mumble, “Was she a great big…”!!

  66. TheMidsizeLebowski

    Outstanding pod, the roll continues! Harland was a great guest, though apparently very polarizing…

  67. Stan

    That was funny hearing Harland and Adam talking about UFC 140, it was one of the craziest in awhile. There was a 7 second KO, a bloody fight, Frank Mir ripping off Big Nog’s arm and Bones Jones putting Machida out cold.

    I was watching at a bar, and the crowd noise during the replays of Mir snapping Nog’s arm were exactly as they described it.

  68. Mike

    How dare you diss Star Trek you stupid tit.

  69. Hugh

    Two of the funniest people in the world having a conversation. You guys need to do this more often. Harland should be a regular like DAG!

  70. Chris G. Murphy
    Chris G. Murphy02-23-2012

    Used to think you had decent style Adam, that is until you started dressing like me. You stole my shirt man!

  71. Leo

    That’s Finger lickin’ Good

  72. tom williams
    tom williams02-23-2012

    Hey just listened to the podcast today .love harland on the podcast .keep him comin on more often adam. also can you get SARA SILVERMAN on the podcast sometime sooooon? p.s. is she a great big fat person?[ too funny harland]

  73. tom williams
    tom williams02-23-2012

    adam please get SARAH SILVERMAN on the podcast!!!

  74. jake

    Another ignorant comment to make others look stupid. Paulie cleared his own logos and trademarks so that he could wear them. Adam had no right or authority to clear logos or trademarks of others that he might wear. Fucking self appointed genius doesn’t even know what he is talking about.

    • marco

      Yea no kidding, as much as he rants about getting burned by people, he again fails to make a simple connection. Obviously, the logo-clearing lady has been burned a number of times as well….she trusts no-one!

  75. chuckiegorman

    I hate when Ace takes something that’s good and acts like his opinion of it is the real truth. Star Trek is good. When he presents his opinion as indisputable fact he sounds like an ignorant ass.

  76. Dave C
    Dave C03-01-2012

    Yeah, lets do hypo road game with Larry again!! It never gets old!! NEVER!!

    Buzzzzzz…Larry’s wrong AGAIN??? HILARIOUS ACE!!

  77. KJC

    Harland and Adam are golden together. Love that guy!

  78. scott

    I love the adam carolla show. I can’t stand Harland Williams though. He isn’t funny. He is annoying.

Leave a Reply