Giovanni’s Superfan Sidebar 12/02/2013 – Chris D’Elia, Live from Hooters in Santa Monica
A real time blog where Superfan Giovanni does recap and commentary on the show as it happens and opines on all things ACS
Guest – Chris D’Elia, Live from Hooters in Santa Monica
Recorded 12-01-2013 – Release Date 12-02-2013
Production Number #1215
Adam is opening the show from hooters with Chris making his 4th appearance on the show, Adam is getting them ready to share their thanksgiving experiences.
Adam is telling them about his new theory “the shittiest dog happens to be the most portable dog” he’s riffing about the angry Armenian landlord like nature of Chihuahuas.
This is all in response to one of his step sister’s nieces boyfriends (step sister’s daughters bf perhaps, Adam’s niece?) bringing his pet Chihuahua.
Adam is now on a great analogy comparing poodles to violent purses that snap at children.
Adam is now asking everyone’s take on the dogs and if they belong at thanksgiving, he’s got his own anecdote about his two pet yorkies and how they shit up his place when he appropriately leaves them at home.
Adam is on a nice riff about “flicking yorkie shit” to get rid of it, Adam is now joking about the desktop hand and paper football game “Paper Football” unique to prisoners and students.
Adam is now finishing up the “Paper football” riff and has a funny cooties tangent, he’s telling them about the zip line he installed in the backyard for his daughter.
Chris has a hilarious cootie catcher joke that Alison has an excellent reaction to, Adam is now bringing up the zip line in a box his wife ordered for the kids, who are we kidding, ordered for Natalia.
Adam is going in depth on the simple instructions for the zip line and the laundry list of warnings that follow, hilarious IKEA instructions one liner from Ace, gold!
Alison is sharing her take on how it might be unsafe leaving complex geometry and physics calculations to people who think it’s wise to put a zip line in their yard.
Adam is now sharing how he tested it with Natalia and would run parallel as the other end of the line is a rough wall, Chris has another funny observation about Adam’s neighbors viewing him constructing this.
Adam is now getting to “the step nieces boyfriend” sporting flip flops, Chris has some funny comments about Chihuahuas wearing flip flops.
Adam is now commenting on the shitty quality of his flops, not even the nice 30 dollar variety.
Adam and Alison have a funny Native American flip flop back and forth and now Adam is theorizing on the generational flip flop agenda.
Adam is now bringing up “Catfish” to those protesting in the crowd, he’s now joking about the central theme of the show and the rejection of overweight people.
Chris is sharing about his own feet and Alison has a nice observation about not being able to run away, Adam has a killer one liner.
Alison has a funny idea about attaching larger dogs to Chihuahuas, Adam has a hilarious tangential riff in response of a dictator like Chihuahua riding a mastiff battling Adam in the old west.
Adam and Chris just inadvertently pitched “Million Dollar Mastiff” a new Disney animated film, Adam is now casting the movie with the input of Alison and Chris, Adam is referring his work in “Wreck it Ralph”, Chris has a funny reply.
Adam is now riffing about Horatio Sanz losing 102lbs and the disappointment of the casting director upon seeing the newly skinny Horatio who no longer resembled his character in the movie.
Adam is now asking for the protocol for running into a guy you don’t know that well, do you bring up their weight loss to compliment them, Alison and Chris are now weighing in, and Adam has a killer “Boat Trip” reference.
Alison is sharing about her fiancé Daniel’s “Boat Trip” toiletry bag and Chris has an excellent reply about the film.
Adam is explaining what happened with Horatio and they’re all riffing about various Compisults.
Adam is now bringing up the various kinds of drunk audience members, he’s citing the “I know you dude” experience where the guy was asking him about high school and his pal was telling him about “The Man Show”.
The “Shut up I know this dude” story, Chris has a funny idea for a retort if Adam ever encounters that again.
Adam is now back to the dinner, he’s saying they farmed out the cooking as they’ve been moving but he made sure to prepare the cranberry sauce, they brought a “cranberry chutney” and now Adam is riffing about it.
Adam is now asking who signed off on chutney, Adam pegs it as Jamaican, Alison pegs it at east coast US, but it’s actually an Indian dish, mango chutney being the most popular variety.
Adam is now getting to the gourmet company and how they try to impress, Chris wants canned cranberry sauce, the audience reacts with rage and Adam offers to eat a sliced up dick.
Adam is now trying to explain it to Chris, Chris is getting to his canned preference and not letting Adam explain his angle, Adam agrees with his logic.
Adam has a funny “you don’t need to hug your kids” reply that Chris actually agrees with the logic of, Alison is stopping it cold to ask Chris about his eating of the cranberry after the dish.
Adam is not getting to fully explain his stance and they’re moving onto eggnog, Adam wants to know if there is a substance that tastes better “sip for sip” than Eggnog, Adam is now joking about his “last swig” on death row and how he would choose eggnog.
Adam is now explaining the nature of the last meal to Alison, she’s picking up on it and now Adam is bringing up his theory on the percentage of guys who masturbate before being executed.
Alison has an idea about the people on death row getting off on killing, Adam is now leaving the women out and focusing on the dudes on death row and how many have beat off prior to the execution, Adam has a funny riff about noon’ish executions, instead of first thing in the morning.
Adam has a funny get in the pool and swim some laps reply, Chris has a funny shocked “would you?” follow up that echoes Adam’s analogy about his scholastic achievements “that’s like saying to a guy on death row, why don’t you get yourself and AbFlex, you know really get in shape”.
Adam is really now riffing out the percentages of guys on death row, Alison and Chris are still weighing in and BB is still very quiet.
Adam has a great elevator joke, Adam is trying to get Chris and Alison to agree it’s in the 90th percentile, Chris is giving his honest take of what he would be doing the night before, Adam is joking about tear based lube.
Adam and Alison agree its thrifty and “very green” to use your own tears as lube, Adam is declaring he would not pee nor relive his bowels before the execution, in order to leave the witnesses a nice leftover gift.
Chris is asking Adam if he would be combatting the guys trying to escort him to the gurney or chair, or if he would go down quietly.
Adam is now bringing up the “non rich” Carolla family tradition(nice one BB!) of his mom bringing the accessories for whipping cream by hand, she left the Pyrex dish and mixing attachments at Adam’s house, she then followed up with a frantic call the next morning.
Adam is now getting to the strange energy and time wasting his mom had about this, “she will not live until your dead inside” – Adam Carolla on his mom.
Adam is further exploring this frantic energy and the message it sends, they’re all now discussing goodbyes at family events.
Adam is getting to the couple with mixed “goodbye” messages trying to leave a gathering.
Adam is telling the gang about seeing “Frozen” with the kids, he’s bringing up Sonny’s incredulous reactions to the musical element in the film and bringing up the impossible standards of beauty set by these animated films.
Adam is taking a nice pro woman angle about the unrealistic proportions for women, in particular the lack of a full nose, he’s riffing about the top and bottom only being animated, not the middle.
Adam is now getting to the unrealistic standards for dudes in these films and how wrong that is for young boys just like the standards for the girls, Chris has some funny comments and they’re transitioning to the trailers for kids movies.
Chris has a nice riff about “Brokedown Palace” trailers in front of the latest animated kid’s movie.
Q and Ace
1st Question Matt never got into football and wants to know how to get interested as an adult, he’s got a very funnily worded question and BB reads it well.
Adam has a funny “Strength and heroin coach” to mock the no duh naming convention of “strength and conditioning” as a job title.
Adam is now asking him about the core, what people should be doing to stay in shape, Chris is mocking his vague replies, hilarious Martian riff.
Adam is appreciating the riff from Chris and has a “Get Smart” joke that Chris recognizes.
Matt is now telling them about his profession and how he missed the game of football, Chris is now pitching an ABC family movie based off Matt’s life.
Adam’s going off on the “Cross fit” workout/lifestyle craze, hilarious quips abound during this riff, from everyone.
Adam is now telling the gang about having to turn off women’s tennis during citing the yelling and how it might be confused for something “adult”, he’s now explaining the contrast of the strong man competition and the silence he found on the next channel.
BB is now replying that there are a “surprisingly large number of guys who hold it in” as he tries to make a caveat disproving Adam’s observation, Adam overrides him and finishes his point in agreement.
Adam is giving a nice plug for Chris and Chris is now telling him about witnessing him on a flight engaged in a conversation for 6 hours with another comedian, Chris is describing a hilarious “Can I get a witness” moment and Adam has a genuine laugh in response.
Adam is telling Chris about doing 8hrs of comedy traffic school, hilarious one liner to boot.
Alison’s News – Pussy Lips and “They Love Alison” edition
Her top story is on the death of Paul Walker, the star of the “Fast” series and man of Adam’s dreams.
Adam is giving his reaction to the news, Bill Simmons called Adam last night and Adam told him he’s not happy living in a world without Paul in it, with 0 irony.
Alison is explaining the details of the accident and Adam is sharing how the cars bursting into flames is a crazy and unusual occurrence.
Adam is now saying he would like to stand next to the Sherriff as he is giving the press conference, Adam is now riffing out the scenario.
Adam wants to be the worst “no shit” hype man/backup bow tied specific religious guy.
Adam is now saying that these supercars need to come with fuel cells to protect everyone from the fuel and resulting fires.
Adam is using the reasoning for Mike Tyson needing bodyguards to explain why the star of a racing movie might want these cars fitted with such bladder systems, he’s bringing up the driver’s desire to impress Paul and how weird that must have been.
Adam is bringing up the spooky nature of his death and Alison wants to know if the car was defective and he’s explaining what happens at high impact.
Alison is trying to figure out the reasoning behind the outrage and shock at his death, Adam is explaining it all and has a nice point about the hypocrisy of beautiful people dying over non attractive people or assholes.
Alison is asking Adam about the history of Ted McGinley on television and he’s explaining his “sloppy sitcom seconds” status from the 80’s throughout the 90’s.
Adam is now sharing his theory on replacing Tony Soprano with Ted on “The Sopranos” and he’s now discussing the various replaced cast members on TV shows with Alison and Chris.
Adam is now getting to the crazy thing going through his head about the car, the Porsche GT and its bulbous wooden shift knob and how he couldn’t stop picturing it on fire, bizarre!
Alison is now bringing up the recent car fire stories and she’s citing the Tesla reports, Chris is now telling how he saw an accident once, Adam is interrupting to point out the image and it being the only supercar with a fire log in the cabin.
Chris is now finishing his anecdote thanks to Alison, Chris is telling them about the woman screaming about her “it’s gonna blow”.
Adam is now getting to the spooky improv in the seatbelt PSA James Dean recorded before his death, everyone agrees it’s creepy.
2nd Story is on Florida arresting their mayor for selling and using drugs.
Alison, Chris and Adam are all reacting to the news, hilarious comments from Chris speculating on the behavior.
Adam is giving his theory on the uselessness of the local government and mayors, he’s got a great hypothetical Nintendo bunker scenario to back up his logic.
3rd Story is on a list of the 20 most annoying things people do on Airplanes.
Adam has a great “1-5” for the list.
Alison is now listing them off, she’s describing the various entries listed.
Adam has a killer “Anastasia” reference and Alison stops to question him about it, this is comedy gold!
Alison is now citing the annoyance of channel flipping for the people sitting near you, Adam doesn’t even get the concept and Alison is sharing her experience.
Chris says the person who finds that annoying, is the actually annoying one, Adam is now mocking these shitty lists where they feel the need to fluff them up.
Adam is now bringing up Mike August and his violent “HA HAAGGGGHHH” method of sneezing, Adam is mocking people who can’t sense when they’re approaching.
Adam is now saying we should all pick the same movie as the person sitting next to us and fast forward 90 seconds ahead to fuck with the person, Alison is now citing this as another entry on the list.
Alison is bringing up the leg shaking entry, Adam is now bringing up the old codger who treats your chair back like a bathroom towel bar while they get up from taking a shit, Adam is bringing up the kids feet in the seat behind you like a “hack slide” and why the mom’s don’t tell them to stop.
Adam has a great standing at a concert analogy to explain what you are supposed to do when someone reclines their seat.
Chris is offering up his own window shade grievance and Adam is now bonding over the full head lavatory lean with Chris, that all men over 6 ft. employ while pissing in flight.
Adam is bringing up the plastic plates his wife wanted to throw out and how she cited them as gross but couldn’t counter Adam’s logic about the fecal matter on shopping cart handles.
Adam is now saying we all need to drink in the fecal matter, Adam and Chris are riffing on his apartment.
Adam is now suggesting a charity that goes from office to office fleecing people in media for shitty swag they don’t need, using the items for charitable donations.
Adam is explaining his dilemma of a “Crank Yankers” shirt he no longer wants in his drawer, he’s explaining the endless cycle of collecting and disposing of property, interesting logic and sentiment.
Alison is wrapping the news, Adam is doing a live read and working BB into it.
Adam is giving out the plugs and wrapping the show, another great appearance from Chris!