Giovanni’s Superfan Sidebar 12/04/2017 – Carolla Cruise 2.0 Live Show
A real time blog where Superfan Giovanni does recap and commentary on the show as it happens and opines on all things ACS
Guest – Carolla Cruise 2.0 Live Show
Recorded 12-01-2017 – Release Date 12-04-2017
Production Number #2215
Adam Opens the show with a “Ray took the phrase poop-deck literally” intro, Adam thanks Parker who put the whole cruise together and he teases Cruise 3.0 as well.
Adam welcomes the gang to the show, everyone claps for Parker and he announces the Seattle cruise in September and Parker remarks on the “low energy” while BB and Gina both peak on their microphones.
Adam is telling them about his 1st class ticket that came sans one of Gary’s “masturbation pods” and Adam brings up his omelet choice served on the flight.
Adam is now asking for an omelet power ranking, he asks about “cream cheese” omelets and even BB agrees that’s not an omelet option, Adam ranks it just under grandma’s pube filled omelets. Holy shit!
Adam would rather just have folded eggs, rather than weaponized cream cheese in vapor form.
Adam is telling them about the Salmon hash browns, he jokes with BB about that being what Seth Brundle became in ‘The Fly’ and Adam reveals the “Salmon Hash” that was actually on the menu, that the flight attendant mixed up.
Adam jokes about cats being aware of the fish cooking on the plane 30k+ feet above them, Adam is going over his love for corn beef hash and omelets, Adam says he took a stand.
Adam did the super curt “I’m Good” and didn’t order any of it, he then watched over his seatmate picking through his garbage breakfast.
Adam says surprise, surprise the cream cheese omelet tasted like shit, he then tells them about watching his seat partner’s movie, he didn’t want to commit to his own screen.
Adam did finally get the breakfast option and he rants about how salmon can go bad, like a kid straight into Juvenile Hall and then to Federal prison.
Adam is riffing about steel cut oats, the civic center, Balsam in shampoo and other things that still mystify him, he jokes about poor people being unable to flatten their oats.
Adam is now sharing the strawberry rhubarb topping for the oatmeal, he asks if we’re out of blueberries and other fruits people enjoy, untainted by bitter roots.
Adam says he left his house at 04:30am and he jokes about the people who recommend you go to bed at 06:00 p.m. and remarks “ahhh Lynette got any cocoa” hilarious!
Adam says he went to bed later and woke up before his alarm, he went to bed and woke up at 03:47am, he shares the great joke Lynette laid on him from under the covers at about 04:00am, asking if she could help with anything.
Adam says Lynette knows he’s going to say no and would never torture someone else that way.
Adam says he was told by Matt Fondiler that he couldn’t get into the first class lounge due to his destination, he tried anyway and he actually got in.
Adam jokes about his “hi guy” idea for standing on the doorsteps of mother’s homes dressed a cop while making a point about the feeling he felt that he could be rounded up and removed at any moment.
Adam didn’t see any booze at all and there was a guy walking at him in slow motion with a “sorry sir” to which Adam argues that nobody should be behind the bar if they’re not serving, they need to be standing there with a cone strapped to their heads, to save Adam the embarrassment.
Adam wrote down the time he entered the plane and the time the bloody Mary actually hit his tray table, he sat down at 05:45am and the drink showed up at 06:57am, yet the horrible omelet came out lickety-split.
Adam says he thinks we’ve gone too far in the travel neck pillow department, Adam needs a viewing screen attached to his, he can’t breathe in it anymore, he feels like a dog in a cone fresh from the vet.
Adam transitions to the commercials he’s been seeing with people brushing their teeth, he argues it might be too gross for advertisements and jokes about needing to “see how it works” in Tampax commercials.
Adam says the foam is spit, we’re looking at weird frothy spitty foam, couples having brush offs etc.
Gina brings up an ad with a woman doing the tissue test in the mirror, Adam jokes about people turning down hot chicks because their teeth are a shade off.
“No, I would let her blow me, I’m scared my dick would turn yellow” – Adam remarking on how no man would care, using the insane concept of teeth stains/plaque somehow changing the shade of your skin pigment.
BB has an Asian guys one liner that is hilarious and very poorly received, he jokes about having that edited out.
Adam jokes about the only reason you cruise is to lock yourself in your cabin and watch Spike TV specials on gangs and other subjects seemingly designed to scare “whitey” and he explains what taking someone’s shoes mean in the MS-13 gang world.
Adam says this is why America is number #1, we don’t have any symbolic anything, no removal of shoes, the last we had was a slap of a glove as brought up by BB.
Adam says he had some cruise envy when he noticed the Viking ship, he saw a climbing wall and thought to himself as he was boarding their ship “sloppy seconds” aka Sensation.
Adam is joking about his envy of the climbing wall, Adam is now trying to make a point about the inspiration for that wall being on the boat is why the terrorists hate us.
Vikings – Ivar the boneless, Adam thinks he saw him climbing the rock wall Edition
Adam says he was scoping the life boats, he noticed the windshield wiper and he asks why the ship name is on the life boat, it’s not something to brag about.
Adam talks about the “Empress of the Sea” cruise ship he was trying to get more information about, he shares the moron reply he received from an employee.
Rotten or Fresh – The Rotten Tomatoes Game
(Sponsored by Tommy John)
Tom Cruise Movies Edition
Adam and the gang pick their audience members to play for, Gina has Andrew a dead ringer for Rivers Cuomo.
1st Movie ‘Legend’ (1985)
Adam says he saw Tom Cruise’s ‘The Mummy’ and he shares how he’s in on any movie that has a crazy plane crash, but then pussed out as he was on a plane.
Adam says his buddy Chris Morgan wrote it and told him he didn’t have to see it, but Adam wanted to.
Gina has a killer ‘Speed 2: Cruise control’ one liner and Adam shares his take on the movie, he goes with a low 41% and the rest of the gang make their guesses, Adam missed it by 1%.
2nd Movie ‘Jack Reacher: Never Go Back’ (2016)
Adam says he wishes he was always on something that’s moving when he was drunk, to cover up his instability and drunkenness, he can always blame his sea legs.
Adam jokes about the vomit shooting out of his nostrils having something to do with the booze.
Adam riffs about living in a day and age where you must see movies even though they are bad, but you gotta see them.
3rd Movie ‘The Color of Money’ (1986)
Gina asks what came first, this movie or ‘Cocktail’ and has a killer “some more than others” one liner aimed at Adam regarding the collective love people have for Paul Newman.
They are all weighing in on the movie and make their guesses.
4th Movie ‘Collateral’ (2004)
BB loves this movie, Adam hasn’t seen it in full and Gina says BB could be bluffing.
They all make their guesses and move on.
5th Movie ‘Mission Impossible 2’ (2000)
BB hated this movie, Adam is asking if this is the one with him standing on the bullet train, BB explains it’s not and Adam keeps riffing about the bullet train sequence from the original movie.
Adam is playing with his audience member Sarah, she thinks it’s higher and in the 70’s.
Adam goes with Sarah’s pick of 72, she then inverts it and Adam stick with the original guess.
Dawson has the score and BB feels weirdly vindicated.
Dawson has the results, BB takes 3rd place and Adam takes 2nd place with Gina winning the game!
Adam is calling Sarah a curse and lamenting her participation, they were tied going into the last round and her guess gave Gina the win.
Tommy John – Adam had to tell Mike August they had a fly while they were urinating Edition
Mike August is on mic with a killer joke about Adam reaching in to his pants to touch his dick, killer reply.
Adam jokes about becoming Jack Reacher at the urinal and how people title their movies and books with things like “Reacher” and what that might make people think of when they’re discussing it.
1st Story is on the new Mountain Dew Holiday Brew, Gina has the details and Adam starts on his “nectar of the tards” calling it a caffeine delivery system, Adam is lamenting alternate products and companies using different names in different parts of the country.
Adam brings up Mountain Dew vs. Mellow Yellow, is it poor person mountain dew, isn’t poor person mountain dew just sand, a can of sand.
Adam brings up Best Foods and Hellman’s and Hardees and their dual regional identity of Carl’s Jr.
2nd Story is on the Jersey Shore reunion, Gina has the details and Adam just wants a “drunk people fighting” show that skips to the part people really want.
3rd Story is on Harvard’s 1st Anal Sex 101 class, Gina tells BB to hold tight and explains how this class came to be, Adam jokes about teaching the class and raping the families of money for this type of nonsense.
Adam is now bringing up anal sex, nobody wants an “anal nudge” and guys can only ask their partner’s once, hilarious riff with BB.
Adam is now bringing up the time he was talking to Ginger Lynn in 2003 and she told him about a porn star dry anally raping her while on set, Adam brings up Cokie Roberts.
Adam can’t recall the male porn actor’s name, it was Jamie Gillis.
4th Story is on a guy in Mississippi who is offering a casket for sale online, Adam is now riffing about caskets and his family being in the Neptune society.
Adam says Mike August has strong feelings about the Neptune Society, Adam is sharing how it all went down when his grandfather’s body was picked up by the Neptune Society.
Mike August is now on mic and he’s giving his take, Adam says Mike is of the mindset it’s a giant scam and they don’t actually take the bodies to sea.
Mike August shares his theory on it being a scam, BB plays some drops of Adam’s mom but the audio is clipping and sounds bad.
Gina has the details about the casket and reads the description.
Adam is now joking about being the world’s worst coroner and being hesitant to dig up bodies of obese guys and such.
Adam would be the worst exhumer ever.
5th Story is on the Dicotniary.com word of the year “complicit” which has increased nearly 300% in google search results.
Adam is now joking about people weaving words into their conversations and brings up the courtroom verbiage we all started using after the OJ trial.
6th Story is on the new app that will delete texts within 24hrs of sending them, Adam jokes about seeing the gang in his chambers and Gina wraps up the news.
LifeLock – You may get hacked, you may need to be alerted. Gave Ray his identity back Edition
Adam wraps the show, great episode I wish I was there too!