Giovanni’s Superfan Sidebar 11/08/2017 – Zakk Wylde, Jeff Cesario, and RJ Bell
A real time blog where Superfan Giovanni does recap and commentary on the show as it happens and opines on all things ACS
Guest – Zakk Wylde, Jeff Cesario, and RJ Bell
Recorded 11-07-2017 – Release Date 11-08-2017
Production Number #2198
Adam opens the show to a solid “All the gay stuff he and Kimmel did was consensual” intro, Adam welcomes the gang to the show and he jokes about Jeff Cesario, BB plays Chad Prather’s “Abuja” as today’s #TopDrop.
Adam is getting into the push/pull nature of valet and validation, two different things that could be confused due to their similar letter composition and sound.
Adam says he would pay 126k if he never had to deal with parking again in his life, he’s talking about the modern-day parking lots without empty guard shacks, now replaced with automated card readers.
Adam refers to the card reader as a “vagina” similar to past guest Mike Schmidt’s “iPod Vagina” and Adam is asking for a deal where they put the former parking lot attendant in a folding chair waiting until enough sweat and tears have emerged from you before coming to assist.
Adam has a killer ‘The Shaggy D.A.’ reference and Jeff backs Adam up with his own experiences with these devices and unmanned lots.
Adam talks about how they had to wait for the machine to reboot as he put his card in first, Adam says this was a huge company in a huge commercial building.
Adam asks why they need money for people to park at a business, it should be free, why must they assign a number to parking when it’s at an office building.
Adam now makes a point about parking near Nobu and how after spending $1300 on dinner you then must pay an extra $7 for your car.
Adam says this must happen all day every day at this parking lot but the gal who gives you the ticket/card doesn’t know nor warn anyone not to put the card in first.
Adam was offered water and had to choose between flat and bubbly water, Adam shared his reasoning that bottled water is often more expensive, it makes him feel like he’s getting more for his money.
The receptionist disagreed and refused to explain her argument, eventually revealing she didn’t like sparking water, Jeff is responding to this story and the receptionist’s “concrete” thinking.
Adam says he’s a soda water at a restaurant guy, flat while running or exercising.
Adam cites Sarah Silverman and her dislike for bubbly water, BB reveals he’s the same way and so is Gina, Gary remarks on how fantastic Adam’s expression is and his wish for the audience to be able to see it.
Adam asks Jeff about his preferences for taco meat, Adam asks Jeff about water preference if someone else is paying for dinner.
Gina has a taco meat follow up question, Adam remarks that Gina is the only Jew that doesn’t like seltzer, Adam yells about her excuse that it makes her stomach hurt.
Adam nots that people drink seltzer to relieve stomach discomfort, BB mocks the notion of he being a “yes man” and Gina asks if the just got themselves banned from Adam’s table on the cruise.
Q and Ace
1st Caller Rod, he has a theory about why Courtney Love was at Eataly, Adam jokes about Rod’s voice and what he presumes he’s built like.
Adam is now asking Rod about Mexican food, BB keeps playing the ‘La Cucaracha’ car horn drop, Adam talks about wet burritos.
Rod is unable to come up with the term for a wet burrito that Adam is trying to conjure, Mojado style which sounds sexier than wet according to Adam.
Adam has a goat sucker vs. Chupacabra analogy.
Adam is now asking Rod about the theory regarding Courtney’s presence.
Rod tells him about the gossip regarding Courtney and Mario Batali who Rod describes as looking like a carbuncle and has the whisky shakes.
Adam asks Rod for his taco preference, he goes too fancy and then ultimately says Pork, Beef, Chicken and they wrap up his call.
RJ is now on the line to give his picks of the week, he takes some abuse for his 50/50 picks.
Adam says he likes RJ so he can say anything he wants about him, Adam asks RJ about UFC betting and he gets into the element of underdog’s winning matches and why that’s appealing.
BB asks RJ about the World Series and Adam jokes about there being so many World Series of … events he was waiting for BB to finish talking.
RJ is now telling them about the guy who won over 8 million dollars, which he says was a big chunk of the gambler’s net worth.
RJ talks about the bookies and how they collude and communicate about gamblers, this single better moved the betting line just by walking into the sports book in Vegas.
RJ is sharing how someone came after him on twitter and how the Washington Post reported on it, Adam jokes about calling him “Brent Nothing Berger” and he has RJ get into his NFL picks.
RJ is going over the two games he’s picking, he tells them about Cleveland and their 18 and 3 against the spread.
hims – A new wellness brand for men, everything can be done online, skin care, sexual wellness Edition
2nd Caller Adam, he wants Adam’s preference on toilet paper directionality, Gina says they looked up the original patent on toilet paper and it’s designed to be used in “overhand” fashion despite what was shown on ‘The Simpsons.’
Adam says there was a whole brand-new case of brand new glass bottles on top of his trash, he can’t talk anyone into logic.
Adam brings up his wife and Nanny who pre-wash the dishes before putting them in the dish washer, he shares how he uses a single plate and glass while he’s home alone, washing them after using them and repeating.
Adam mocks the notion of the dish washer magically taking the germs off of plates, Jeff shares how his wife want us to rewash dishes that still have food stuck on them.
Adam mocks the superstitious native element of society and he brings up cellphones and the amount of fecal matter found on them, Adam jokes about Zakk Wylde having these conversations with Ozzy while on tour.
3rd Caller Carl, he was not in a troop with Bowe Bergdahl, he was deployed in Afghanistan when Bowe went missing.
Bowe explains how bizarre and foreign the notion of walking off post is for a solider, he says “put that fucker up against the wall” and he says you would have to be mentally insane to abandon your post.
4th Caller Mike, he was listening to ‘Reasonable Doubt’ after an argument with his “old lady” and he prefaces things by explaining what kind of sleeper he is, he was awoken by her later and he judo chopped her in the throat.
Adam jokes about delivering a crescent kick to Lynette when she woke him up once.
Adam shares his theory about Harvey Weinstein having a big dick, Jeff and Gina both share their takes on it and they move on.
Sports with Chet Waterhouse
Jeff is killing it, hilarious delivery and writing.
One of the funniest installments yet. Gina loves the “like Jabba The Hutt slapping on talcum powder” line and Adam gives out some plugs.
Adam asks Dawson about Zakk Wylde’s guitar ability and they tease his appearance before Adam goes into a live read.
SimpliSafe – Bewm! Bob’s your uncle Edition
They Head to Break
Dave is opening the segment with a “Win Place show” for the best calendar years for movies, citing something from his podcast with Matt “Money” Smith and even Bald Bryan weighing in.
Dave is now listing all of the movies from (1975) and Adam gives his take, he cites Russ Meyer’s ‘Supervixens’ and then shares how he knows about ‘Doc Savage: The Man of Bronze’ and his childhood access to The El Portal Theatre.
Adam shares his desire for BBQ and his almost constant resistance from his family to go eat it without dragging their heels.
Adam makes a point about his own childhood and how he could never access barbecue and could never dream of his parents getting it for him, now he can’t get his kids to eat it twice within a 30-day period.
Adam says he would’ve been a latch key kid as a child but he wasn’t let inside his home, he explains that Doc Savage would play perpetually for months, Dave has a killer “the man of bronze” reply to Adam.
Adam talks about collecting bottles throughout the neighborhood to pay for tickets to see ‘Doc Save’ and Dave is amazed Adam ever actually did that.
Dave shares his own kids and parents engaging in the same “jazz” regarding eating the same type of food in the same week.
Adam makes a point about breakfast and how people can eat the same thing every day, everyone can be locked into the same meal for eternity.
Adam talks about Lynette’s breakfast bar and coffee, how upset she would be if you tried to deprive her of it, Dave and Adam joke about the attitude coming on with the street lights.
Dave wraps the segment.
They’re back from break with Zakk Wylde making his ACS debut, they play some of his new music to introduce the segment.
Adam starts yelling about Dylan mixing things up and giving him bad information, Gary agrees they all fuck up way too much and Zakk jokes about along with them about it.
Adam is asking Zakk about his journey, he jokes about getting into steroids and then explains how he got into metal.
Adam jokes about who got more pussy Elton John or Liberace, he asks Zakk about getting into ‘Black Sabbath’ and why he chose their double album.
Adam asks how he got involved with Ozzy Osbourne, Zakk mocks Dylan and his “fake news” and he shares how he first started playing with Ozzy’s band.
Zakk explains he heard Ozzy on Howard Stern say he was looking for a new guitarist, Adam asks what he played on his demo tape for Ozzy.
Zakk refers to Sharon Osbourne as “mom” and explains he’s been under her guidance since he was 19, Ozzy told him to make him a ham sandwich and to go light on the mustard and change his shitty smelling trousers.
Adam is unclear on Ozzy’s wellbeing, referring to his accident on the ATV.
Zakk tell them about what Ozzy said to him about preventing them from giving him a trachea tube and chopping off his “man root” and then he tells them that Ozzy is the mandingo of rock music.
BB compliments Zakk’s current non-shitty scent and Adam brings up Lemmy from Motorhead who he says will be missed, not by his nose but missed nonetheless.
1st Story is on Ben Affleck’s pledge to donate all of the proceeds from his Miramax and Weinstein projects to anti sexual assault organization RAIN.
Adam doesn’t know why it’s a douche move, not the donation of the money but the “examine yourself” element and Zakk jokes about donating to an organization that provides guys to come break a dude’s legs for committing assault.
Gina tells them about the PR angle regarding the Affleck brothers and the sexual assault allegations.
2nd Story is on Sean Combs recanting of his name change, Gina plays the video of him taking it all back and sharing how he didn’t change his name to “Brother Love” and Adam jokes about him being a douchebag.
Zakk brings up Spider-Man and Adam shares his difficulty with all of the new comic book characters he’s being introduced to, that he never heard of before.
Zakk has a “paper asshole” riff and song.
Adam is now bringing up Kanye West and his limited performance capabilities, Gary is filling Adam in on what Kanye was doing in this video they’re watching.
Gary explains Kid Cudi is doing Kanye’s part of the song, BB is now weighing in and they’re talking about Kanye and his career.
3rd Story is on the Netflix email scam, Adam is talking about how he ends up purchasing movies on PPV by accidentally clicking on them while buzzed late at night watching TV.
Adam explains he’s browsing DirecTV and what a good scam this could be, explaining nobody is going to call about the 11.99 cost.
4th Story is on Lamar Odom’s collapse and Adam weighs in and jokes about Lamar’s dad who wears the shorts and blouse coordinated outfit.
Adam is unclear on the look, it’s a black guy look.
Adam says it’s a copper dress shirt, dress shorts and he doesn’t think he’s ever had shorts and a shirt in the same color.
Adam recalls going to Bishop Don Magic Juan’s tailor, BB mistakenly thinks they went to the swap meet with Snoop, he’s mixing this up with something else.
Gina recalls Adam and Jimmy’s “hi ya fellas” intro to the large group of black men enjoying fried food in Don’s apartment.
5th Story is on the amount of time to wait before marriage to ensure the longevity of the marriage, Gina asks them all to weigh in and Zakk tells them about the amount of divorces he’s witnessed among his friends.
Adam jokes about Zakk being a wedding curse, Zakk tell them about a specific woman who Adam predicts is a hot chick.
“fat chicks weather the storm” – Adam
Gary shares that there is a cost to propose at MLB stadiums, The Pirates are only $39 and the Dodgers are $2500, Adam jokes about Mike August getting them down to $2200 if they do the proposal in the men’s room.
LifeLock – Standard read edition
Gina says Adam is dead nuts on and it is 3 years, that is the sweet spot for a marriage.
Zakk is telling them about his bygone era while they look at a photo of him, Gina is telling them about her brother’s love for Zakk and how he would wear a towel over his head as child.
Adam jokes about Gina’s brother’s band being called “The Towelheads” and they move on.
6th Story is on Kevin Spacey entering a sex rehab facility, Adam says these are just places for celebrities to hide from paparazzi and the public.
Adam would love to run of these places, he thinks there is 0 work going on inside.
Zakk makes a point about his buddies who went back to drinking after AA and rehab, what could possibly happen after 7 weeks of rehabilitation.
Adam jokes about Zakk being a new attorney at Mark’s firm and brings up a recent re-watching of the movie ‘Auto Focus’ and Zakk tells them about the packages you can buy from ‘The Thompson Brothers’ and they move on.
7th Story is on a new all nude restaurant in Paris, Adam says you don’t want to get there for the late-night dinner with those chairs, lots of back sack time.
Adam wants all of the focus of restaurants to be on the food, nothing else.
Adam and Zakk talk about ‘Hooters’ and they move on.
8th Story is on the NYC marathon and the winners of the men’s and women’s divisions.
Adam is now sharing how a bullet in your head scenario couldn’t motivate you to reach a time like a Kenyan runner, you’d stop and ask for Adam to shoot you and give up on your 3rd lap.
Zakk is telling them about trying to get a Johnny Walker black endorsement, Adam shares a story from Stallone about trying to include ‘Bullet Rye’ in a movie only to be told fuck off by the company.
Adam says if you go to a company and ask for sponsorship the answer is always no, they need to come to you like a hot chick.
Gina wraps the news.
True Car – Standard Live Read Edition
Geico – Go and get as True Car and now you need some Insurance, put it in your pocket man Edition
Adam gives out the closing plugs and asks Zakk about the final Ozzy tour, Zakk says he put all of his money on Conor McGregor to win the Mayweather fight and why he’s calling it the ‘Bad investment Tour’ and they wrap up the show.
BB plays a clip of Zakk saying “most importantly, the man root, remember the man root son!” from when Zakk was regaling the gang with the story of seeing Ozzy in his hospital bed after the ATV accident.