Episodes

Giovanni’s Superfan Sidebar 11/06/2013 – Artie Lange

A real time blog where Superfan Giovanni does recap and commentary on the show as it happens and opines on all things ACS

Guest Artie Lange

Recorded 11-05-2013 – Release Date 11-06-2013

Production Number #1200

Show Page

Adam is opening the show with Artie Lange already in studio.

They’re diving right into Artie’s book and the last 4 years of his life, they’re having some fun with his appearance, Alison has a killer Compisult.

They’re now talking about hot shaves as BB is not around to hear it but then like Lassie running up on June Lockhart he shows up and does a “you talking about hot shaves?” gold!

 

Alison mentions reading about Artie’s suicide attempt, she quickly corrects herself but he informs her not to worry she was right with her initial description, she just hasn’t gotten that far in the chapter as of yet.

Artie is now getting into his heroin addiction and they’re briefly covering what’s been discussed on the ACS during Artie’s last 5 appearances over the last 4 years.

Adam and Artie are now riffing about Pete Postlethwaite’s role as “The Florist” in “The Town”.

 

Alison is telling Artie about how his cautionary tale is making her jones for some horse and Artie is explaining the goal of the book is to take away the romance of the drug and the high.

Artie is now telling them about the one time he got a skin pop IV dose of heroin and what the high was like.

Adam thinks he’s learning “skin pop” for the first time but it was actually covered on Classic Loveline several times over the years.

 

Artie is now walking them through his addiction to heroin and how it charts against his tenure on the Howard Stern Show.

As a listener it’s interesting to hear Artie admit all of this and be able to put his addiction into old memories of the show.

Adam has a killer Jackie Martling one liner and Adam is complimenting Artie’s comedy chops.

 

They’re now going in depth on his suicide attempt, Artie agrees it was a cry for help attempt and Alison has a key detail regarding Artie’s consumption of bleach before stabbing himself.

BB has a killer joke with Adam to add some levity to the room and Alison is further using her knowledge from her brief time with the book before the show started to make the interview even more intense and informative.

Artie is explaining how his mom and sister found him after the attempt while en route to his place for an intervention and Adam has a great “Mr. Brightside” for him.

 

They’re now getting into his father and his paralysis that Artie carried with him as an emotional scar for some time and as was covered in his last book “I’m too fat to fish”.

Adam has a hilarious riff mocking Artie with a custom pool hustling nickname and Artie is quickly walking them through the experience.

Adam is referencing Joel McHale’s dad who fell off of a ladder and injured himself, Adam is now sharing his theory on ladder danger for old dudes.

 

BB is now confirming his own father fell off a ladder and Adam is further fleshing out his theory and sharing the sexist angle on the amount of deaths of women doing the same activity.

Alison agrees she doesn’t know of any women who have died that way, yet they also enjoy clean gutters and satellite TV reception.

Adam is getting into the lack of respect people have for ladders, contrasting dirt bikes vs. ATV’s and how people gear up for riding each one.

 

Artie is telling the gang about his dad and his efforts to fuck with him by hanging off of roofs while taking him on jobs as a young boy.

Adam is doing a live read.

 

Artie has a key “you didn’t want it so I got it” reply to Adam about his role on the Howard Stern Show, Adam is now being super honest while downplaying his own offer to take that role.

At least Artie knows the truth, Adam is going super in depth on his relationship to Howard’s show.

Adam is explaining what kept him from proceeding with a move to NYC and Artie is explaining how he got into the rotation of guys filling in for the 3rd chair and how he ultimately was offered a job.

 

Adam and Artie are in agreement that Howard was the Johnny Carson of Artie’s era unlike any other radio or television show.

Artie is breaking down his schedule doing standup on the road and reveals he once spent 10k on a young Elle McPherson clone prostitute and lost over 80k at the tables.

Alison is in the mix and joking with Artie about his great “The More You Know” drop.

 

Adam is now exploring the idea of hiring someone and manipulating payment so they might leave it all behind, much like Artie’s experience losing his paychecks while performing in Vegas.

Adam is now asking Artie about his total gambling losses, Artie reveals it’s at about 800k and Adam has some light comedy mocking him for not reaching a million.

Adam is now taking it back to the 10k dollar whore, Artie has a profound “something inside of them has died” to explain why they would sleep with him for money.

 

Adam has a great anecdote about Classic Loveline guest “Ron Lester” from “Varsity Blues” who used to guest on Loveline and they’re all describing him as a big guy, unaware of his incredible weight loss since his success in the early 2000’s.

Adam is revealing what Ron told them about his activities with prostitutes, Alison remarks he looks like he’s standing next to what looks like a young Amy Schumer which can be seen on the website via the show page link up top.

Artie is telling the gang about the only real thing a whore said to him was to giggle and remark on how he kept his socks on for the encounter.

 

Alison has a question about the quality of sex and if the extra money has anything to do with performance or if it’s all about looks, she’s correct in her assumption and Artie is spelling it out.

Adam is now getting to “Hookers on the Point” and Hookers at the Brink” the HBO documentaries from the 90’s that featured real street walkers in their nightly routine.

Adam is now doing an impromptu improv with Alison, comedy gold!

 

Artie is now taking it back to his 1995 cocaine bust that lead to him in L.A. County jail and the advice he was given by the guy in a nearby cell, telling him about “moist toilet paper rolls” in place of pussy.

Artie has a hilarious joke about leaving something in the studio bathroom and Adam is now taking it back to the scene of his suicide attempt, expert interviewing process taking it from dark to light and now back to the dark to clean things up.

Artie is telling them about his experience in the psych ward after the attempt and Adam has a killer impression of Artie’s roommate in the ward, calling back to the L.A. county experience.

 

Adam is going in depth with Artie about his income, rehab and mental health care after the suicide attempt and Adam wants to know if Artie was in fear of missing his “window” or if his comedic skill renders that fear obsolete, a sliding door he can always get his fat ass through as it were.

Adam is now talking about the Artie Lange show formerly “The Nick and Artie Show” on DirecTV, Adam is telling the gang about freaking Artie’s co-host John Richie out with a bit reminiscing about his “Man Show” filming that he has no memory of.

Adam is asking Artie about the studio where he records the show complete with stage, kitchen and batting cage.

 

Adam is now officially admitting the other gig he turned down, the DirecTV offer is the infamous million dollar deal that Adam turned down early on in the podcast run.

Artie has a hilarious reaction to

 

Q and Ace

1st Caller Alec is taking credit for the “I’m Gay” drop from an unknown iteration of Adam’s broadcasts.

Alec wants to know if Adam thinks it’s weird that Dr. Drew accuses him of autism and other conditions, Artie’s reactions are hilarious and genuine.

Adam is saying he’s the goose that shits golden eggs and you should just leave him alone and appreciate the fringe benefits.

 

Adam is now ranting about spectrum disorders and how it now renders everyone as partially diagnosed in some category.

Artie is challenging the notion of his own bi-polarity and Adam is explaining the nature of life and how there is no need to be evened out 24/7, he’s saying it’s non-human.

Adam is joking about most autistic people not having 90min comedy sets chambered.

 

2nd Caller John has an odd question about his employee at his newspaper.

Adam is quizzing him about the cost for a full page ad and telling Artie about the one he had to buy in Variety for Kimmel in honor of his star on the Hollywood walk of fame.

Adam is now explaining how James Babydoll Dixon was able to get a full page for 2k less than Adam, hilarious! Adam is joking about Dixon going whoring with Artie in order to get his 10k lady reduced to 8k.

 

Adam has a great “Wonder Mop” reference that’s straight out of 1996 Classic Loveline, a 17 year old specific and personal bit of comedy.

Adam is asking if you can still bribe cops and Artie has a truly telling statement that he’s not elaborating on, Adam is going along with it and Alison is asking Artie what happens if you attempt to bribe an officer.

Adam is now commenting on John’s wuss employee and the crazed narcissism and access of information and opinions on the internet.

 

3rd Caller Alex wants to know Adam’s favorite porn star, he’s having to go with Christy Canyon, his old pal Misty who stood him up for a date and then was “sucking off Ron Jeremy 6 months later”.

Adam has a great “Cheryl Valley” one liner in reply to Artie asking about Christy’s sister who asked Adam to the Sadie Hawkins dance.

Adam is now telling them about the day him and his buddies first found out she had filmed her first porn movie and it was available, hilarious story that hasn’t been told as in depth in almost 5 years.

 

Alison has a hilarious comment on the photo of Christy they were just admiring in the studio.

Adam is further explaining the difficulty in obtaining “On Golden Blonde” and Artie is now telling them about visiting a stripping classmate with his childhood chums.

Adam has a great callback to “the wisdom of Lucious” Artie’s neighboring cell occupant in L.A County.

 

Adam is doing a live read and Artie has a great Babydoll Dixon one liner as he’s wrapping it up along with some compliments for Mike Dawson and his awesome voice.

 

Alison’s News

Her top story is on the election results for NYC and NJ mayors, Artie is explaining why he likes Chris Christie and Adam is sharing why he likes the man.

  1. He wears his pants super high like the fat men of yore
  2. He is willing to fistfight constituents outside yogurt shops

Artie is joking about Bill De Blasio and his son with the giant afro and what it was saying to potential voters.

 

Adam is now sharing his idea about Chris Christy standing next to Obama looking like the number 10 and how he shouldn’t allow people to get pics of them together as it makes him look even fatter.

Alison is explaining how Bill is the first democratic mayor in NYC in 20yrs, Artie is giving his take on Bloomberg and Adam is bringing up the Soda tax which always struck him as non-republican idea.

 

Adam is now asking how man pencils De Blasio’s son “Laverne” could fit into his afro without them sliding out, Alison goes 200, Artie goes 680 and Adam has 681. BB goes with 1.

Adam has a funny comment on how helmet laws don’t necessarily apply for young “Laverne”.

 

2nd Story is on Toronto Mayor Rob Ford and his apology for smoking crack.

Alison is reading the quotes from Rob and Adam is now joking about Pam Grier’s afro in comparison to DeBlasio’s Son and Adam is referencing some classic 1970’s NFL afros.

Adam is explaining how these super specific accusations almost always prove to be true and predicting how these scandals play out.

 

Adam, Alison and Artie are all commenting on how crack gets such a large reaction when a white man does it and what that implies about crime and the criminals who commit them, Artie has a great serial killer comment.

Adam is now telling them about sitting on Stern in 2002 and his great theory on the DC sniper.

Adam is bringing up Billy “White Shoes” Johnson again as he’s still demanding a picture of his afro.

 

3rd story is on the Kansas City Royals mascot “Sluggerrr” who threw a tin foil wrapped baseball (hotdog) into the stands and caused an eye injury for someone in the stands.

Alison corrects herself and says hotdog which changes things for Adam and he’s now commenting on how nobody is going to believe this guy that a hotdog caused this injury.

“Do you want cash bob” – Adam in reply to the victim with the detached retina who he suspects was performing some dangerous blowjobs.

 

BB is trying to bring Artie into the live read and asking him about using “Draft Kings” Artie can’t as it might be a trigger for his other addictions.

Artie is saying he needs to get a Dawson and calling his move the coolest thing he’s ever seen where Adam has Dawson read the legalese.

 

4th Story is on Katy Perry surpassing Justin Bieber as the most popular person on twitter.

Adam is bringing up theory on how she looks like she’s thinking something stupid at all times and everyone agrees.

Adam is now mocking her attitude and telling women “you’re sexy no matter who you are” he’s asking her why her tits are shooting whip cream on Snoop Dogg if her message is genuine.

 

Now on reflection Adam is saying that Billy White Shoes is more of a gold pencil guy and could only hold a few less than Pam Grier let alone De Blasio’s son.

They’re now commenting on Jack Tatum and Adam is bringing up an old NFL films “Football Follies” featuring Billy White Shoes playing for Houston with a “Boyoyong” effect applied to his helmet coming off.

BB is now bringing up the sound effects being used in the 70’s and 80’s for what was very serious injuries and concussions.

 

Artie is now talking about trying things and has a Bukowski quote after Alison prompts him with a tidbit from his book.

Adam is now further mocking Katy’s message and Alison wants to know how hotness is impacted by someone who looks like they are thinking a stupid thought.

Adam is now mocking Artie’s 10k whores with a chess to checkers to dominos riff that Artie seems to appreciate.

 

Adam is now commenting on how angry people look angry, racists look racist and dumb people look dumb.

Artie has a great comment on skin heads.

 

5th Story is on the “Liberation Wrapper” for women to eat burgers in Japan, in light of their “Ochobo” trend that aims for a small and modest mouth.

Adam has a funny comment about the trend name and some advice for Katy, Artie has a perfect comment from his POV.

Adam is now joking about the gentleman of leisure getting ahold of one of these wrappers to combine with his soaking wet toilet paper roll.

 

Adam is now commenting on how he has faith in Gary being able to find this clip from football follies and Artie has some wise tips.

Adam is jumping into another live read after Alison wraps the news.

Artie has a great reaction to Mike August and the K.D. Lang comparison, Gary has the side by side.

 

Adam is now telling the legendary Yokozuna story with Mike August and Cousin Sal to prove what a standup guy August is and how non litigious he is for someone with a law degree.

Gary also came through with the infamous clip from NFL films, it was San Francisco, nice work Gary!

Artie has a great comment on memories and how the event can never hold up to them, nice closing drop work from BB too!

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