10 Oct Giovanni’s Superfan Sidebar 10/06/2015 – John Holmberg, Live from Stand Up Live in Phoenix
A real time blog where Superfan Giovanni does recap and commentary on the show as it happens and opines on all things ACS
Guest – John Holmberg, Live from Stand Up Live in Phoenix
Recorded 10-02-2015 – Release Date 10-06-2015
Production Number #1674
Adam has a kind and honest pre-recorded intro, he talks about all of the douchebags he gets to avoid thanks to the pirate ship and the fans, and he truly means these words.
Adam is going into a plug for Road Hard.
Adam is doing a SimpliSafe Live Read
Sonny got locked out of his tablet edition
Adam is now doing a Stamps.com Live Read
Adam is opening the 2nd of 4 live shows with John Holmberg on stage making his 3rd appearance on the show, Adam plugs his local morning radio show and gets corrected on the time, its 10am, not 10:30.
Adam teases the impression that John supposedly does of Adam, Adam is praising the way Arizona uses native plants and landscaping instead of doing what California does.
BB asks about Vegas and Adam says they have enough money to pull it off and fake it.
Adam jokes about “flushing with a friend” and searching for a shit buddy, Adam is hilarious right off the bat, gold!
Adam is talking about living with his wife and two kids who shit like rabbits and how the shit math always results with him as the culprit who demolished the toilet, he asks about cleaning hash marks and jokes about 2nd flush confidence.
Adam has a killer line about “The world’s worst jelly bean” describing his leftover shit particles, BB suggests a gastroenterologist visit.
Adam is switching gears and asks about the spider situation in Arizona, he tells the crowd about finding one on his ceiling before leaving from Los Angeles.
Adam says his studio was covered in webs and says he feels like he’s being fucked with by spiders, Adam mocks the asswipes who tell him about spiders killing the bad pests.
Adam is joking about walking in on spiders violently prison rape/murdering a silver fish on his kitchen floor.
John is talking about pounding powder into his walls to get rid of his scorpion infestation, holy shit, very funny!
Adam is asking about pests, Gina brings up the sonar plug-ins and Adam says they just give you brain cancer, that’s all they do.
Adam is riffing about leaf blowers, Adam almost gets to What Can’t Adam Complain About but is now sharing how he wants to verbalize something he has never said before.
Adam is hitting all of his usual points about Russia and the soviet union, the scariest people on the planet and yet the Kremlin looks like a fucking Amusement park, something out of Disneyland, Adam wants to know if that is insane overcompensation, why look like a fairy tale or Disneyland when you’re the most evil motherfuckers on the planet.
Someone in the crowd suggests it’s a “Rosie O’Donnell situation” and Adam wants to know if he’s the first person to ever have that thought, BB says on this stage, what.
What Can’t Adam Complain About
John busts out his Carolla impression, still not really capturing Adam, Darrell Hammond was right in 1998, it can’t be done.
John is very funny though, interesting point about trying to repeat the comedy and wisdom of Adam, Adam says his own ideas falls flat when he tries.
1st WCACA Carrot Cake, Adam says he loves Carrot Cake but we make it the worst thing for you, calorically, so you might as well just have the rich traditional dessert that doesn’t have a “healthy” element.
Adam is joking about licking cream cheese frosting off of a penis and jokes about an even saltier frosting after 20min of this, holy shit!
John busts out some more of his Carolla impression and they wrap up the WCACA, Adam does another lap about eating that frosting off of a cancerous tumor.
Adam is going off on Zucchini cake and how he would like to knee the creator of that recipe in the gunt, Adam is now riffing about aborted fetus cake and shares a grim bit of news.
Adam is riffing about perfect zucchini size, Ron Jeremy cock size, above which they get deformed and mealy.
2nd WCACA Softcore Porn, Adam is joking about the concept of this still being produced in 2015, Adam wants to know how long we’re going to indulge this and Adam asks how low a guy’s self-esteem must be for him to avoid the computer behind them with unlimited actual porn.
Adam’s description of softcore porn, with strapped down penises and the line “but he smells it” is off the charts hilarious, holy shit man.
Adam is talking about the products of bygone eras that are no longer made and wants to know why softcore porn still insists upon itself and who the consumers are, John busts out more of his impression.
Adam is considering a class action lawsuit for labeling of porn that brags about large breasts or is labeled with bust sizes that then don’t appear in the movie.
John, BB and Adam are now all talking about MILF porn and BB suggests the industry popped up to support people no longer capable of performing in the major leagues.
Adam is joking about softcore GILF porn and has a funny congealed droopy nacho analogy.
Adam once again pitches himself as the Porn Czar.
Adam is talking about the tiling used in Japanese Pornography, he jokes about it looking like a special effect.
Adam is telling Asian about their pornstars not looking the part, he says they need to get some Japanese male porn stars akin to the famous male actors.
Gina brings up some tentacle porn, hentai stuff, Adam says that’s just nerds running/ruining everything and mentions Anime in the same breath.
John has a funny side note, Adam walks through it and they move on.
3rd WCACA Goulash, Adam says it used to be so important to him and he would look forward to it every week, he describes it as the best stew you’ve ever had.
Adam mentions a restaurant he used to visit that served it, since been replaced with an Indian place.
Adam is talking about the abundance of Mexican food places, street dogs and other things yet seeming absence of Hungarian style cuisine.
Adam has a funny point about the inability to park without getting a ticket while anyone can sell whatever meat they want from carts on the street without being stopped or even warned, which is it?
Adam is talking about his appreciation for Indian food but asking for more Hungarian places, John busts out his impression once again.
Adam says don’t tweet him about far away polish restaurants, BB mentions the places almost close enough to visit.
Adam wraps up the bit.
Adam explains the premise of the Gina Grad proposal, they poll the audience on proposals and Adam jokes about the dude who attended 3 proms.
Adam knew the guy in the crowd was that guy, he confirms it, and he went to 3 proms, holy shit, Adam just predicted how many proms a dude went to, a stranger.
Adam is quizzing this guy about his time in the military and Adam talks about the society we’ve crafted where murders aren’t hated as much as the dentist who killed Cecil the Lion.
Adam talks about the pariah totem pole of life, smokers are worse than men who abandon their kids, Adam says we’re as fucking dumb as a society.
Adam still doesn’t get the prom and military connection, Dawson gets on mic about the non-working audience mics, Adam has some practical advice about when to talk and when to not say shit.
Adam jokes about men brandishing swords in front of you, either it’s your best or worst day, hilarious!
Gina’s News
1st Story is on an accidental boob shot snapchat a woman sent to her boss, Adam wants to know why the boss wouldn’t just do the thing all cool dudes would do, quietly beat off to it and never say a word.
Adam says he doesn’t know how to send stuff and jokes about Gina’s boob’s not fitting on an iPhone camera, Gina shares how she sent a text to her boss about what a bitch she is.
Gina shares her on the spot save, she totally made it seem like she was joking about didn’t shit herself nor get fired.
2nd Story is on Rooster McConaughey and his “lifetime” supply of Miller Lite, Adam is now ranting about people who demand a nickname like “rooster” or “Meta World Peace” fuck you, Adam is talking about the names of guys like Cat Stevens and in contrast Dick Trickle.
The guys who should keep their cool names are too eager to throw them aside, the Dick Buttkus type guys of the world hold on tight to their goofy names.
3rd Story is on the 25 big man world record, over 13k calories.
Adam thanks Allah for a joke from John, Adam is talking about the eating contests and what message they send to the starving millions across the globe we would like to ingratiate ourselves to.
John does another impression, Adam is crushing it while riffing about the guy who ate all of the Big Macs.
Adam is now sharing the story of his one experience in a pie eating contest, he explains how he flirted with the crust and saved it.
Adam loves pies too much to desecrate them, Adam is sharing all of the details and how he was interrupted by Mrs. Toomey, the C word.
Adam explains how he used the crowd to get Mrs. Toomey to back off, Adam jokes about winning the battle but losing the war of life, ending up cleaning carpets a few months later.
Adam is doing a Live Read for Castrol GTX
4th Story is on a new study that shows men who watch porn are more likely to support women’s rights and respect women.
Adam is now arguing among those who claim to worship and love women, why not.
Adam is back to his take on being a scientist, the porn and cocaine tests are his cup of tea.
Adam invents “Red Flannel Cake” and riffs about it with John, hilarious.
5th Story is on a study that claims ‘Smells Like Teen Spirit’ is the most iconic song of all time, Gina has the details and Adam wants the U2 song on the list, Gina has bit of a “who’s on first?” with Adam.
Adam is saying this isn’t science and says imagine being on the list makes it bullshit, Adam jokes about the guys at Rolling Stone getting together and making lists designed to convince Adam to kill himself.
Adam is now describing how elaborate their schemes may be, Adam jokes about John Lennon and the music that fell out of his dick while high.
Adam is praising Ben Folds over U2 and Bruce Springsteen, he’s mocking Bruce and his less than creative edge of town/closing factory based lyrics.
Adam is now adding new lines to his signature “two, three, four” riff and jokes about dad’s being over the moon about guys from the center of town driving their daughters on motorcycles.
Adam says if you like U2 it means you’re dumb.
Adam is doing a Draft Kings Live Read
Adam is giving out the plugs and wrapping up the show, probably John Holmberg’s funniest appearance yet, nice work dude!