17 Sep Giovanni’s Superfan Sidebar 09/16/2016 – Carl Hiaasen
A real time blog where Superfan Giovanni does recap and commentary on the show as it happens and opines on all things ACS
Guest – Carl Hiaasen
Recorded 09-15-2016 – Release Date 09-16-2016
Production Number #1903
Adam opens the show with a funny “Juggs Magazine” intro and an “Atchity!” #TopDrop from BB as he didn’t make it in for the game today, Gina comments on the presence of Phil.
Adam can’t even recall if he said hello to BB yet, he gets some live show plugs in and BB talks about the progress with Christie’s labor and reveals he found out Gina shares a gynecologist with his wife.
Adam asks BB for his feelings about this and it’s really cool to realize he was asking Adam his feelings about his children’s birth 10 years ago.
Adam is now making a point about kids coming online and “getting it” and BB jokes about Adam taking Sonny out of school to go to Coronado for a vintage race.
Adam confirms that he’s literally getting off the plan and getting in a car to go with daddy to the race, so BB’s joke is reality.
Adam is now telling the gang about Phil getting his fat-ass wedged under a Datsun, Adam has a photo and he shares it with the gang, they had to use the aluminum floor lift to free him, he was crying and in pain under the car, that’s how they found him.
Adam comments on Phil joining him in bed last night, he was cool on the tongue and didn’t maul Adam with the giant appendage until 08:30 A.M. and Adam is now sharing an update on Lynette and the kids seeing Bruce Springsteen.
Funny “Adam found out where the patriots play” joke from Adam, Adam is talking about BB and his father’s birthdays being a day apart.
Adam wants us all to have the check the replay challenge flag used in the NFL.
Adam says his kids are leading their kind of jet setting life, his dad is living his own bizarre form of a life and he shares how his dad asked him for someone to give him a ride to the doctor over the weekend during their phone call for pops Carolla’s birthday chat.
Adam was trying to teach his dad about Uber and Adam explains how he tried to set things up with Matt Fondiler as he drives for the Guber/Goober from time to time.
Adam is saying he’s now in for one thousand dollars in time he’s spent trying to setup Uber plans about a day and a half in advance, Adam is now ranting about his family that is do goddamn dumb they’ve wasted this much time on this already.
Adam says everyone in his family drags you down to their sloth high on ether, trapped on a glacier level of lethargy.
Adam comments on Ray befriending his father and agreeing to pick him up, Adam missed another call form his dad for lap number 265 around retard park, who are these people that have an unlimited time for nothing, Adam jokes about buying his dad’s coffin.
Adam laments having “guys” that can be requested by family, seemingly unconcerned with how the guys get paid or what it costs Adam to pull off.
Adam is now talking about his dad’s head being suitable for buffing rims, his hairstyle is akin to the new detailers that use sponge balls to detail rims.
Adam is joking with BB and BB says his use of “Guber” was excellent and tells them about his father in law mixing up Roomba with Doula, hilarious anecdote.
Gina has a couple guesses for what BB and his wife might be naming their kid, she guessed Addie and Emma, Emily is her fallback and Gary confirms the details about Emma being the most popular girl’s name.
Q and Ace
1st Caller Will, he wants to know why Adam thinks that Asians aren’t considered minorities despite their relatively lower population numbers in the states.
Adam is mocking the local government and the left for referring to people in lower socioeconomic classes as “minorities” and he now he’s waxing poetic about Asian communities and families having their shit together.
Adam says hiring based on age, race and gender to make things right is a racist thought, Asians don’t think about those things, they are busy kicking ass and excelling, nobody needs to take a knee for the Asians, they’re fine!
Adam asks how the blue eyed devils have screwed things up and let the Asians outperform and over deliver past them, Adam asks why they are doing so well, family and education, he hopes David Wild is sitting down for that factoid.
Adam is saying that Asian immigrants take advantage of our system, not in a negative way, they just make the most out of all of the opportunities afforded to them by this country, unlike many of the people born here.
Adam has a killer riff about Asian countries and their “systems” which leads to a large chain guard on bicycle tangent.
Adam says our system rewards hard work, intact families and hutzpah, you can get ahead by doing more unlike the systems in place in other countries and societies.
Adam says the Asians are laughing their asses off at our retarded tail chasing regaining dialogues about race that never get to the real issues.
Adam asks Will if he’s Asian, he’s a CPA and Adam asks him what his family taught him, BB asks what instrument he plays, Adam follows it up with a killer one liner that BB seems to appreciate.
Adam says the bottom line with guys he’s met in the southern California area, white, Hispanic whatever, you need to spend your weekends working hard and taking night classes to get off the carousel of living paycheck to paycheck on jobsites.
Adam is now bringing up “Gordo” the nickname for one of the kids of his jobsite guys, he explains that Gordo is now in charge and working side by side with dad, having learned the trade while working with him over the years.
Draft Kings
2nd Caller John, he says he gave his dad a few of Adam’s books and got him to become a fan, he tells Adam about going to Cooperstown to see Ken Griffey Jr. inducted into the baseball hall of fame, Adam feels the sting of not having a father to do something like that with.
Adam is now telling the story of the time he argued with Jodi, Lynette’s friend who was objecting to Lynette painting her own office, Adam is now sharing his rebuttal that referenced the commercials where women are getting things done.
Adam jokes about wondering what goes through his dad’s head when he sees commercials about children and fathers bonding.
Adam says his father must think the commercials are farcical nonsense and not depictions of reality, people doin actually do that stuff though.
Adam is losing it describing what happens in commercials, people actually paint hallways and dad’s sometime like their kids, Adam wonders if there isn’t any shaming involved when his dad sees these commercials.
Adam says it’s a little bit of a Pollyannaish vision of the world but it’s what people do; BB asks of an ending to what happened with the painting drama.
Adam is now riffing about his dad painting the room, hilarious hypothetical Jim Carolla characterization from Adam.
Adam goes back to John, he saw a picture of a cheerleading team and noticed some of the insane names listed including bizarre Laruen and Caitlyn, Adam shares how his sister notified him about changing her name to include a Y, instead of just Lauren.
Adam shares his protest in response and how he told her good luck with that minor adjustment that means nothing.
Adam talks about not wanting to use people’s names when you can’t pronounce them, John shares a QuinX for Quincy and Adam is saying he would like to address these gals and notify them that their stripper names will be lateral moves.
Adam is now riffing up a stripper DJ bit where he can’t pronounce the names, hilarious acting and delivery!
Now all of the names are too plain, the DJ is getting bored with his job and they move on, BB tells them about his baby’s name reveal, he says after it’s born he’ll call in, skipping work huh!?
3rd Caller Jeff, he wishes Gina as happy birthday and brings up his recent High School reunion, he says his friends got to talking about the buddies who ended up criminals and in prison, he wants to know about Adam’s pals and their criminal pasts.
Adam says his buddies were not evil but more rowdy, he mentions Chris doing some time for drugs and the time Ray smashed a liquor store window after being hit with a bat.
Adam brings up the brawl between Ray and Chris where their buddy Chris had first caught Ray and Chris’s gal cheating, then demanded a free make out session in order not to squeal.
Adam says his buddies probably should’ve been arrested for some of their shenanigans but got away with it, a lot of it was luck.
Adam cites his times riding a motorcycle like an idiot and drove cars like idiots, people could have been killed quite a few times but they always knew to back down to the cops.
BB brings up the crazy kids’ names and thinks teachers bring the lists of the kid’s names home to mock to their spouses, he’s adamant, weird that he brought it up like that.
Adam is now plugging some live events and ACS episodes.
They head to break
They’re back from break with Carl Hiaasen making his ACS debut, they play a clip of the recent Take a Knee with Shep Gordon, Adam waxes poetic on Shep and his amazing legacy as a human being and manager/producer, sadly no Teddy Pendergrass talk in the clip though.
Adam welcomes Carl to the show, he plugs his book and asks him about Florida while telling him about inventing the game ‘Germany or Florida’ which he says he came up with first at Jimmy Kimmel Live in 2003.
Carl has a loose alligator in a Wendy’s fast food restaurant anecdote, Adam brings up Carl’s impressive career and writing prowess.
Adam asks him about the ‘Cocaine Cowboys’ era Miami, he was working as a reporter at the time and Adam asks when the coke became truly “game on” and he says it was good for the news business but bad for tourism.
Adam talks about the bad cops of the era, Carl has a great undercover anecdote and he says they owe the Miami skyline to that era, Adam says he thinks Columbians value life the least out of any culture, he explains why.
Carl has some wisdom about Columbia at the time and transitions to a plug for his new novel, he breaks down the plot and opening incident he borrowed from real life.
Adam is now referencing Ray and his Jacuzzi “Water gun” but spray technique, they move on.
Rich Uncles
Carolla family silver spork edition
Gina spit all over the mic, Adam thanks her but remarks that it wasn’t that funny.
Rotten or Fresh – The Rotten Tomatoes Game
Airplane themed films, BB insults the theme and Dawson thanks him with excellent sarcasm.
1st Movie ‘Snakes On a Plane’ (2006)
Everyone weighs in and Adam gives his take on the movie after Gina comments on the TV edit and it’s use of ADR for Samuel L. Jackson’s most infamous line from the trailer.
BB gives his “hipster movie” take on this being too self-aware of what it was doing ala ‘Sharknado’ and they move on.
2nd Movie ‘Non-Stop’ (2014)
Everyone makes their guesses and BB ends up in negative points, Adam has a very funny and angry one liner aimed at BB who jokes about his wife in labor.
3rd Movie ‘Airplane!’ (1980)
Adam gives his thinking about this movie and it’s ranking, BB gives shares his own thinking process and they all make their guesses.
Adam gets that this movie is a classic, he just presumed it would be a lower score due to the snobby critics.
4th Movie ‘Soul Plane’ (2004)
Adam jokes about not supporting local nor community theater and goes with a very low 9% to try and get back in the game.
They all make their guesses.
Adam is glad BB took a hit on the guess he made with 40%.
5th Movie ‘Executive Decision’ (1996)
Adam riffs about them joining the aircraft to the commercial airliner and how anyone could mistake the feeling of another plane docking with you for turbulence or gas from the inflight meal.
They all make their guesses and BB is now going to drop a major spoiler for the movie, revealing Steven Seagal’s character’s early demise in the film.
Adam jokes about his acting improving after he was gone and says he needs to turn a new leaf with presuming these critics are going to be overly harsh to action films and comedies.
Life Lock
Gina’s News
“Poor Gina and her news” – Adam
BB closes the show with Gina’s quote of the ADR from the TV cut of ‘Snakes on a Plane’ and a funny snort into the mic in reaction before Dawson gives the business.
Solid ep!