Giovanni’s Superfan Sidebar 09/14/2017 – Gene Simmons and Lisa Lampanelli
A real time blog where Superfan Giovanni does recap and commentary on the show as it happens and opines on all things ACS
Guest – Gene Simmons and Lisa Lampanelli
Recorded 09-13-2017 – Release Date 09-14-2017
Production Number #2158
Adam opens the show to a funny intro reworking some famous lyrics from the band ‘KISS’ and Adam welcomes everyone to the show, BB has a “9 rectums” #TopDrop
Adam talks about the bizarre proximity between his wife and mother’s birthdays, along with the bizarre proximity between BB’s birthday and his fathers.
Adam is now asking BB about when he began working on Loveline, they talk about “Tera, don’t call me Tara Goddammit” and Adam proclaims the modern era of identity politics and entitled shitty young people started long ago, Tera was an early adopter of this mindset.
Gary brings in a pie for BB and Adam jokes about him immediately removing it from the studio after BB blows out the candles.
“he’s going to spray it with cancer juice” – Adam
Gina got BB an assortment of cokes and diet cokes (trying to give him another brain tumor?) and BB tells them about his morning and his only thought today was about his daughter’s upcoming birthday next week, not of his own today.
Adam is telling them about the sofa he found for Sonny and his desperation in getting Rob to take the dually truck to pick it up for him.
Adam couldn’t imagine his parents being this concerned about anything in his life.
Adam is now talking about his childhood and how it was a dog and a basketball hoop away from being a .500.
Adam is going in depth on how shitty his Charlie Brown childhood was, Adam says now he’s rich and his dad is poor but he doesn’t want anything to do with him.
Adam wishes his dad a happy birthday and then says he could have got the condo in the palisades had he contributed to his childhood.
Adam says you don’t expect in return as a parent, but in reality, you expect everything in return, the win/win cycle is you have a much higher set of odds of creating a little earner who will come back to care for you.
BB is amazed that people are so pennywise and pound foolish with this kind of planning, financial and emotional investment.
Adam is talking about all of the losers he knows who have been to Hawaii 3 times yet can’t save up any money, Adam talks about the notion of prioritizing kids being an insane thought during his youth.
Adam talks about how him and all of his buddies were out at 18 and their parents number #1 goal was to be left alone, it’s insane, especially once you have kids.
Gina mocks them for being so foolish trying to be left alone while in poverty and Adam talks about being rich and riding a dolphin to your neighboring island.
Adam takes it back to BB’s Birthday and Adam shares the story of the time Tera was watching ‘The Simpsons’ a rerun of the show, instead of doing her job screening calls.
Adam finishes wrapping up his rant about Tera, Adam asks BB about his cancer diagnosis and BB tells them about a good friend of his who called him to talk about his own father’s cancer diagnosis and he was appreciative to be able to speak to BB.
Adam asks BB for a medical update, BB tells them about his latest MRI and how it takes thin slices of tissue for each picture.
Gina brings up BB’s last medical update and Adam compliments his bluff/prank on them where he announced his wife was pregnant.
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Adam is now telling them about walking Phil and how he will sit still and grunt when he doesn’t want to keep walking in a specific direction.
Adam is sharing how he tried to reroute him, unable to get him moving.
Adam says then he offered to take Phil back towards the house, which is where he did want to go.
Adam says there were no variables like food, treats nor diarrhea and he didn’t want to go back towards the house, just wanted to walk past it and go the other way.
Adam is trying to figure out the motivation and psychology of his dog. Gina suggests it was a scent or perhaps he was testing the limits trying to assert his dominance, Adam has a killer “ear-raped” one liner to close it.
Adam is now suggesting the greatest possible stunt for ‘Jackass’ would be to have one of the cast put their balls in front of a table saw with a saw stop.
Adam asks how much, it’s just going to leave a nick, that’s only 1/16th of an inch deep.
Adam is now trying to gauge the psychological component, BB asks about stretching the balls out and putting the webbing in front of the saw, BB says he would do it.
BB says he would do it for 9k, at least consider it.
Adam is now sharing how he would work this out, he would put several spotters holding BB in place while he’s in the Tom Cruise harness from the first ‘Mission Impossible’ movie.
They continue working out the idea and wrap it up to welcome Lisa Lampanelli back to the show, she comes on the line and jokes about them discussing the gnarliest thing for a guy to put his sack in and drops a great C-Bomb.
Adam asks how much for Lisa Lampanelli’s cunt and BB says 90k, it’s unclear if her “nice” reply is sarcastic or she mistook the amount, thinking he was saying he would pay 90k.
Lisa is telling them about calling from her car, Adam tells her about his daughter seeing ‘Hamilton’ over the weekend and walking away with the presumably very pricey hoodie, Lisa talks about the previews for her play.
Lisa says she doesn’t care how the play is received, they’ve sold out tickets through February.
Lisa jokes about which other famous comedians can play her, Lisa says she’s kept the 107lbs off for 5 years, Adam is now asking her for her average breakfast, lunch and dinner.
Lisa has six tiny meals due to her smaller stomach after the surgery, she goes through the meals at Adam’s behest.
Adam is asking her about the notes process and how they recently cut out 3 pages of the play, Lisa shares how she needed them to give her a suggested running length and time vs. page count.
Adam asks Lisa if she’s found love again, hilarious reply from Lisa about being celibate for 4.5 years and she excellently calls back the table saw nutsack conversation.
Lisa tells them about her new podcast and Adam asks if she’s ever considered dating a woman, Lisa shares how she once considered it but never actually participated.
Adam says he’s jealous of women and their sexual fluidity, joking about how he wishes he could have just blown guys when his stripper girlfriend dumped him, 6 months sucking dick getting to get over things.
BB asks her which brand of bar she actually eats, she says it’s an RX all protein bar.
Adam says they’re a sponsor for Lynette’s podcast ‘For Crying Out Loud’ and Lisa has a kind goodbye which Adam matches with a funny “sweet tits” line.
Q and Ace
1st Caller Robert, he’/s taking a moment to write down the FCOL promo code for the RX bars. Robert brings up a ’30 For 30’ about a “Free Redskins Brunch” used to catch people with warrants.
Adam says he knew about this and has seen it, Robert must not be aware these sting operations are something that existed prior to Adam’s modifier idea/joke.
Adam is now talking about the calories burnt from men trying to get laid, the biggest loser who had no time for anything responsible could waste most of their lives chasing chicks.
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Rotten or Fresh – The Rotten Tomatoes Game
Road Trip Movies Edition
1st Movie ‘The Guilt Trip’ (2012)
Adam forgot about this movie, he brings up the actresses who take long absences only to return to mediocre movies. Adam brings up Jane Fonda returning to acting for ‘Monster in Law’ and everyone jumps in with their guesses.
2nd Movie ‘Crossroads’ (2002)
Dawson says that Britney and her friends made this movie, implying it wasn’t cast like a normal film.
Adam has never been into Britney Spears, not physically and he brings up the movie ‘From Justin to Kelly’ which BB says is actually pretty good.
3rd Movie ‘Borat’ (2006)
Dawson, BB and Adam all agree this is a great movie and Adam jokes about the “back at Kazakhstan” jokes, Adam is trying to figure out the aggregate score.
BB tells them about the country of Kazakhstan turning around on the movie and embracing some of the humor after time passed.
Adam says this movie should be at 95% or 100% not 91% and says the critics who didn’t like it got their panties in a bunch about something in the movie.
4th Movie Nebraska (2013)
Adam says he saw it and liked it but then prefaces if it has a higher score than Borat he’s going to be pissed, they find out it’s tied with Borat with the same score.
5th Movie ‘On The Road’ (2010)
Nobody even knew this movie got made nor released theatrically, even BB is shocked.
Adam says this must mean it’s not a good movie, you can’t protect the lead hear as everyone is so close in score already.
Adam is trying to figure out what his best move is, going low or take the leap and guess it’s in the mid 70’s.
Dawson has the results, Gina takes the win! 21 points!
Gary tells Adam that his presumptions about the scores were dead on, Adam talks about his mind for math.
They head to break
Ross Tucker is on the line with them, Adam sets up some stories that Dameshek has that involve Ross.
Dave says Ross claimed he could consume 100 donut holes in an hour, Ross confirms this is true and he modifies the story saying Dave set it up.
Dave says he shouldn’t have been shooting his mouth off, Adam is now telling them about his new character “earnest bigot” and he demos it for them, suggesting gay men would have a leg up on the hotdog eating competition.
Adam asks Ross and Dave about the play where they froze the kicker during the Chargers game, Adam jokes about the Chargers finding new and unusual ways to lose in order to punish their fans.
Adam is asking if they will eventually have to do away with freezing the kicker, people can get injured during these plays, it’s not a “Take a Knee” kind of play.
Ross drops off the line, they continue to talk about it and Ross returns to the line, agreeing with Adam that the coach and ref shouldn’t be able to do that during a play.
Dave asks Ross about the NFL, he wants to know Dave’s take on The ‘Patriots’ and if he’s actually concerned about them this season.
They wrap with Ross and there is a cut in the audio, Adam is now asking Dave about the upcoming ‘Patriots’ game, Gary gets on the mic to inform Adam who the ‘Chiefs’ are playing and reveals it’s Adam’s very own ‘Rams.’
They wrap the bit.
They’re back from break
Adam says they’re waiting for Gene Simmons and mentions they recorded one of the first ‘Take a Knee’ episodes at Gene’s estate.
Adam is now talking about Gene’s background, starting in Israel and mentions how he would go to the hills and pick berries, selling them to tourists.
Adam says if you see your kid doing that at 8-9 years old, you needn’t worry about them and their finances.
Adam says teenage drug dealers do that, Gina suggests and episode of Mike Rowe’s podcast, called ‘A Little Dab Will Do You’ and they move on.
LifeLock – Standard Edition
Adam is now having Gary play some Brill cream commercials, he wants the one from the 1970’s and they move on to Gene.
Gene is plugging the new vault collection, the largest boxset of all time.
Gene describes it and tells the gang what is found inside. 50 years of music and art. Including unreleased tracks.
Adam is asking Gene about his take on the psychological self-loathing of rich white people in this country, it seems more and more prevalent.
Adam is asking him for the immigrant perspective.
Gene gives Adam his take and Adam asks him about his voyage from Israel to the United States.
Adam asks him to estimate how much tax revenue Gene and KISS have generated over the years and Gene says he’s a flat tax guy, he plugs his box set again and hen says there is nothing you can’t do in America.
Adam is talking about the strength of diversity in agreement with Gene who made a point about the diversity of America.
Adam and Gene both agree that America is the home of the good guys, Adam is bringing up the changes in today’s world where Columbus and Civil War figures from the confederacy are being removed from any form of historical celebration.
Gene chimes in with a response to Adam’s follow up to his Wernher von Braun and his idea about the confederate flag, leave the statue and flags up but then put a note explaining how they were the bad guys and tells the truth about history.
Adam is asking Gene about his trip to the states when he immigrated from Israel, Adam jokes about Gene’s childhood tongue dragging on the ground as he was airsick on the flight over.
Gene tells them more about his upbringing and being the American Dream and then quickly works another plug and boast in about ‘KISS’ and all of their achievements.
Gene is telling them about flying with the box sets to hand them over to fans across the globe, Gene closes out the show and they all comment on the man.
2nd Caller Randy, he’s got a Tommy John story and tells them about forgetting his underwear for a trip, then ordering a 5 pack of Tommy John to his hotel room.
Adam quickly gets into how he never utilizes services provided by hotels, he can’t imagine shipping things to his hotel.
Adam is going over the pecking order of jeans and how buying them from ‘JC Penny’ is the ultimate sign you should be removed from the home, Adam further ranks the jeans options of his childhood.
3rd Caller Grant, he’s got a Tommy John story and tells them about a bachelor party, he then tells them about wearing them while golfing and mentions “From Under Cheese” (Fromunda.)
Adam is awarding Grant the prize for his story and he tells the gang why adding a golf trip to a bachelor party can disguise elicit adult behavior.
Gary is on mic and telling them about the wholesome weekend plans, saying he’s bachelor partied out and Adam jokes that he gets he’s trying to lie, hilarious exchange!
1st Story is on the celebrity telethon for Hurricane Harvey relief, Gina sets up the clip of Stevie Wonder speaking about climate change.
“wait that means him” – Adam on Stevie’s comments.
Adam is asking if we can just move ahead with as much technology as possible, let’s all switch to solar and Tesla batteries, out of selfishness and not out of some grander sweeping agenda.
Adam thinks that the grandstanders are slowing things down with their dramatic speeches and Adam explains why he has LED lights and why his water cooler is shut off on the weekend, he has it set on a timer.
Adam is now further talking about the pragmatic way we could approach alternative energy and solving the human caused part of global warming.
Adam is explaining how we only have two sides of the global warming debate, the Bill Maher version where your kids will be dead in 20yrs or the religious based right-wing denial of it even being a thing.
Adam wants a 3rd voice that is based in saving money and BB screams “fuck coal!” and asks if this isn’t caused by people in power jerking off their constituents with outdated and outmoded professions, why not find them equivalent jobs in new industries.
Adam wants this issue to be un-politicized and he agrees with BB about coal, saying we don’t have enough people in the middle making energy saving and alternative energy sources part of their lives.
Adam doesn’t care about what people believe, the future is alternative energy, like the evolution of any other technology or consumer media, why not this too.
Adam brings up the average house and how much energy is wasted by things like air filters, double or triple pain windows, he mocks the dumb issues that don’t exist like the school to prison pipeline and radon gas.
Adam brings up furnace filters, common sense and the non-sexy moves and changes that need to be adopted, Gina wants people to tweet them selfish ways they save energy, suggesting #GreenSelfish but #SelfishGreen is perhaps a better choice as it plays off of “Simple Green” and Adam is further ranting about the millions of improvements we could all adopt to save energy.
Adam suggests proper tire inflation suggestions on road signs, citing how much pollution could be saved in a single day of all vehicles having properly inflated tires.
Adam mocks the grandstanding and posing people do, saying they’re interested in making documentaries but they don’t want to transcribe footage for 10hrs, they want to show up for the premier.
True Car – Standard Live Read Edition
2nd Story is on the new Apple iPhone X, Gina has all of the details and tells Adam what a “home button” is and Gina finishes her list.
Adam says his need for this phone is like a fat guy going into a mountain bike store, listening to the sales pitch on the professional bike with all of the best features then just eating a chilidog instead of replying or showing interest in the bike.
Adam says he cannot use any of these features and Gina mentions “anamoji” which leads to Adam bringing up ‘Animotion’ and their hit ‘Obsession’ which Adam says is probably the best song to hook up with a chick to, or to play if you’re beating off while high on cocaine.
BB stands by the song and Adam keeps riffing about the track, saying this was from the peak of him not getting laid phase of his life.
Geico – Make this your obsession, Adam’s a dad with other priorities Edition
Adam wraps up the show, BB plays the “I haven’t gotten laid in 4 years now, I don’t miss it” drop from Adam to close things out.