24 Aug Giovanni’s Superfan Sidebar 08/20/2014 – Whitney Cummings, Live at Flappers Comedy Club in Burbank
A real time blog where Superfan Giovanni does recap and commentary on the show as it happens and opines on all things ACS
Guest – Whitney Cummings, Live at Flappers Comedy Club in Burbank
Recorded 08-19-2014 – Release Date 08-20-2014
Production Number #1393
Adam opens the show live from Flappers, with Whitey Cummings on stage, he has a nice compliment for her, telling her that her features are so perfect and symmetrical it’s hard to believe she hasn’t had work done, the female equivalent of not believing a man isn’t on steroids due to his muscular physique.
Adam prefaces the compliment and of course Whitney takes is poorly, she tells Adam that it was very “on brand” after he has a killer anus joke when she tells him she knows what he’s thinking.
Alison is asking her about her anti-aging facial maintenance routine, Alison is asking Whitney to explain Adam’s brand and she has a funny over complication point about his personality.
Adam is now brining up “Mystery” while trying to figure out “The Game” and references the rapper as well as the Michael Douglas, Whitney explains the premise and Adam is now saying horrible things to her trying to hit on her using the tactics of the book, Adam knew the whole time.
Whitney refuses to laugh as she thinks he doesn’t find women funny, Adam is now riffing about how he forms racist thoughts and makes racism look easy.
Whitney is eating some fried food delivered to the stage by a black guy which she points out.
Adam has a professional bowlers name’s vs. races on earth metaphor, Whitney objects and Adam once again slides out of it with hilarious quips.
Adam is now giving his theory on black people and plastic surgery and he’s essentially saying “black don’t crack” and now Whitney is in fear of generalizing and Adam has another semi-racist thought and explains that saying that black people don’t indulge as in as much plastic surgery isn’t an insult.
Adam is citing Melanie Griffith and her bad plastic surgery that turned her into “huurrrrggghhhhh” and Adam is joking about sun blasted women, using Felicia Rashad as his counter point.
Adam is trying to pay a compliment to all of his “Sistah’s out there” and shares another racist thought about white surgeons not knowing how to perform surgery on black faces, hilarious Kevin Hart one liner.
Adam and Whitney are now bonding over white people not being good at things and genetically inferior, BB tries to give Adam a point assist and he manages to alienate the crowd.
Adam was reminded of David Wild who is in the audience tonight when a song by “The Mamas and the Papas” the song in question “Creeque Alley” and Adam riffs about the misogyny in the lyrics and the notion of making her sing about her own increasing weight.
Whitney doesn’t object to it citing the rampant misogyny she’s surrounded by in comedy, Alison has a funny point and David Wild reminds Adam of Michelle Phillips who guested on Classic Loveline in 1998.
Whitney is asking David Wild how he knows this stuff and Adam riffs about Wilson Phillips being 3 average looking women and how clever that was.
Adam just riffs among “and no one’s cock’s getting small buy Bryan Bishop’s” Ace Awards 2014 for best made up song.
Adam is praising the “Sex and the City” TV series and the movies, Whitney is telling them about creating “2 Broke Girls” and her workload on the show, Adam has everyone put their hands together and compliments her on how huge it is for the show to be picked up again and for such a large episode order.
Whitney explains she feels like this might be the last hit sitcom of the old guard and she’s telling Adam about attempting to write things along, she doesn’t want to be on TV and they reference her shininess and she’s now referencing how people react to seeing you on television.
Whitney once again makes a joke implying that Adam hates women and is a misogynist, if she could move past this the show would be even funnier.
Adam is mocking Whitney’s first world problems and they are bonding over makeup trailer drama and accidental insults.
Adam is back to the life of working on a sitcom, cortisone shots in your zits and being followed around by a dialogue coach, Whitney is bringing up her face holes she now has from over use of cortisone.
Whitney is explaining how HD cameras can pick up details not apparent to the human eye, hmmmm?
Adam has a funny “Humphrey Bogart was probably a pig” joke while mentioning how old timey celebrities are possibly not as flawless as we all think.
Alison brings up Instagram and Whitney mocks the ugly, she’s now commenting on Adam sitting and standing and the erratic unpredictable change up’s he seems to do.
Q and Ace
1st Question from Katie about relationship advice, she’s from Fresno, Adam describes it as the only sitting with a lower self-esteem than Los Angeles and he brings up New York Pride, Whitney is complimenting Adam’s riffing and cites “Palmdale” as one of his go to city examples used on the radio show, not really, nice that she listened though.
Adam is explaining his “two TiVo’s” advice and Whitney tells the woman to go fuck black guys on the weekends and jokes that Adam loved that with extreme sarcasm, what?
Adam is bringing up emotions and how simple comments aren’t emotional assaults, citing car keys and life tips, now Whitney is chiming in and jokes with Adam about the female brain.
Whitney is now yelling at the audience taking umbrage with Adam’s killer one liner, she’s telling the guy who liked the joke that Adam’s been racist against Mexicans the whole time, what?
Adam is asking Whitney about women’s brains and she’s being far more misogynistic in her explanation of how women process information.
Adam riffs about a shining thing flapping in the wind, Whitney is yelling at the audience and doesn’t think they can appreciate ironic comedy and the way Adam is able to work in multiple comedic realities at once, sigh…
Adam is explaining how he treats his wife like a true equal, he doesn’t think she’s dumb and needs to be turned into a child, and he wants her to be capable.
Adam is asking Whitney if she would like kids and cites his own family life, he’s now pitching the good seed of the blonde guy up front, Whitney calls him what Hitler would have wanted and Adam now throws David Wild under the bus.
Adam brings up Bald Bryan making less than his wife and he’s now defending himself, Adam has a killer “2nd brain tumor” joke mocking his inability to write another book.
Adam is bringing up the Carolla family crest of a Hammock and their long tradition of mooching and napping, Adam is now pitching himself as Whitney’s house husband.
They’re talking about men and the neediness men need in their women, Alison has an insightful question about how Whitney has changed with her well-deserved success over the past decade
2nd Question Is on the “Ice Bucket Challenge” for ALS and Adam is bringing up how every tax exempt organization is now taking up that publicity tactic.
Adam is bringing up how this started on the NFL field and Whitney once again makes it a racial thing.
Adam has a killer Polio riff after Whitney explains the premise of the Ice Bucket Challenge, she misunderstands that you donate less, not nothing for accepting the challenge.
Adam is taking it to a bizarre “The Gods Must be Crazy” and “Kill Gallagher” riff about people in the 3rd world watching us waste delicious ice water, hilarious village elder one liner.
Adam is now riffing about Jews and ending the segment
Alison’s News
Adam is doing a live read for Legal Zoom
He paints a scenario of Animal House meets Davey Jones Carpet, back to the Jews and the bucket of nickels riff, BB is now in the mix, gold!
1st Story is on the death of Don Pardo, Alison shares his history with SNL and Adam asks about it not being on all year round, he cites the Daily Show as an example of something that can go daily year round.
Adam is citing how half the time he’s never even heard of the band on SNL and how people triple down on the success of a band when you claim to have never heard of them.
Adam is killing it, Alison and Whitney agree but then Whitney tells Adam to stop hanging out with 14 year old boys, Whitney brings up YouTube hits being used as a credit.
Adam is basically describing Shane Dawson and Harley of Epic Meal Time and all of the YouTube guests on the Adam Carolla show when sharing how they often don’t present an outwardly specific talent.
Alison brings up more of Don’s history and Whitney references Adam’s past, Whitney brings up a guy at the dog park who sounds just like Adam Carolla, Adam says he goes to a dog park with a woman who sounds just like Whitney, she reveals he’s an animator on the Simpsons.
Adam is explaining how people get pissed off for being compared to another person and how only one person should be pissed off, Adam brings up the “Pete Sampras with down Syndrome” insult that Jimmy Kimmel used to give him, leaving out the “retarded Pete Sampras” variant.
Adam has a great “before your cunt smells” one liner when Whitney describes escaping compliment sessions before they turn negative, she cites his opening comments.
Adam is now bringing up the Best Buy Calendar signing for KROQ, Adam is telling the story and asking if he sounds like a dick.
This is the “At Two O’clock my ass is gone” rule for the singing and how he ended up staying, BB is now giving his take on how much of a dick Adam was, Alison calls him a “Situational Dick” and Whitney is giving her take on trying to connect with fans.
Adam is bringing up the “Beat it!” reply he gave to the young lady who asked about his true asshole level, if it was the same off air as on the radio, Adam clarifies that she was a teenager and Alison brings up her listening to Classic Loveline and what a non asshole Adam was back then.
2nd Story is on reading absorption from Kindle vs. actual physical books, Adam is explaining he would understand different environments and she explains her initial take that lines up with his, Alison is sharing the reasoning found in the study and Adam jokes about licking his finger before sliding the page.
Alison cites the goo used for flipping pages and Adam brings up the thumb condom, a rubber thimble mini yarmulke for the thumb.
Whitney jokes about porn on the kindle and riffs about being the dumb guy everyone is painting him as.
3rd Story is on holiday decorations going up earlier each year and Adam cites his wife and her Christmas cards declaration on Christmas Eve.
Whitney tries to argue in favor of Lynette and Adam objects citing reality and not some shitty sitcom or TV commercial logic.
Adam is now mocking Christmas cards from others and the updates on their kids, Whitney and BB are now in the mix and Adam wants to know what is more fucked up “Sam is marching to his own beat” or “Sam is Sam” and she agrees that the name twice is worse.
Adam shares is “___ is ____” hidden meaning and how it means douche fucking bag.
4th Story Starbucks is bringing back the pumpkin flavored latte, Adam is now riffing about a long line at a local one and jokes about them being like the hot chick in high school.
Adam is complaining about the line being too long and is now referencing the woman in front of him and her insane order, “extra hot and lite foam” and Adam says that’s just bullying the person behind the counter.
Adam riffs about “room for cream” and is once again calling for two lines at Starbucks one for the coffee people and one for the creative types who want to punish the world with their coffee order.
Adam is bringing up the people who act like they didn’t know they were expected to pay, Adam is on a great move along bitch riff.
Whitney wants Adam’s take on Decaf coffee and the audience has a knowing reacting, Whitney is asking what the riff is and Adam jokes about decaf being like eating hooker pussy, Adam says he would rather sit next to a drifter who murdered nurses over the person who tells him about their reaction to decaf and regular coffee.
Adam riffs about how caffeine effects the people and how he wishes he had an ounce of that in him, he says he would keep a vile on him at all times.
Whitney references Chelsea Handler as a non-coffee drinker and Adam brings up Dane Cook and his refusal to try alcohol and Whitney also cites Chris D’Elia and his non-drinking.
Adam is bringing up Bobcat Goldthwait and his sobriety at 19 and jokes about how he needs to try it again, Whitney agrees and they continue to riff, she cites an anecdote from someone she knows and how she has to put her phone in the trunk because she can’t resist texting on the road.
Adam is bringing up the time he met Mike Tyson in 2009 for his documentary and the podcast they recorded about it.
ACS #44 (feat. Mike Tyson & James Toback)
Adam Carolla and Mike Tyson: uncensored
Adam is now referencing the bonus interview he did with Mike where he was looking much spryer and Adam is sharing his funny sobriety revelation and stipulations.
Whitney has a solid joke about his face tattoo as Adam describes the pool guy working on the pool during the interview, Adam has Alison wrap the news.
Now Dawson is on mic and he reveals he was the sound engineer that day, he’s giving his inside take and reveals the pigeons were there and he actually got to talk to Mike about them and his love for them. Dawson is trying to give Adam some accolades on stage, he’s interrupting to do a live read.
Adam is doing a Draft Kings live read.
The owner of Flappers is now presenting Adam an award and she’s giving some nice compliments after Whitney Cummings steals her joke, Adam accepts his “Comedian’s Comedian award” and comments on the heft and jokes about selling it on eBay.
Adam thanks her for letting them use the facility for “Road Hard” and Adam is sharing Whitney’s praise for the rooms at Flappers and Adam gives his thanks and is wrapping up the show with some plugs.