20 Aug Giovanni’s Superfan Sidebar 08/15/2016 – Greg Fitzsimmons
A real time blog where Superfan Giovanni does recap and commentary on the show as it happens and opines on all things ACS
Guest – Greg Fitzsimmons
Recorded 08-05-2016 – Release Date 08-15-2016
Production Number #1878
Adam opens the show with Greg Fitzsimons in studio, he jokes about taking off after Adam gives out his plugs early.
Adam jokes about rolling calls and says what bugs him about tasking calls is that sometimes hosts end up just getting a sentence from each person on a topic, no actual substance.
Adam has an “oh man that’s cold blooded” joke and Greg is now riffing with him and Adam once again does the cold blooded thing as a caller tells him about being mauled by a bear.
Adam is saying the program directors are always obsessed with rolling calls, no program director ever told a host they didn’t let a call breathe enough.
Adam has a killer suicide on a bridge while getting head from an owl joke, Greg loves it and Adam is now joking about Jewish curses like “your head should grow in the ground like an onion” and he adds receiving oral from an owl as a new one to add to the list.
Greg is talking about using the owl’s feathers to hold it in place, Adam is now riffing about “pump, pump, pump, suck, suck, suck!” his classic bit about the guys in the luge in the winter Olympics who are in the middle are basically trying to blow themselves as a career choice, they run a few steps and then just bend in on themselves.
Adam is now talking about alleys and vans, he says they both serve a purpose but they do a little more harm than good, Adam says the funkiest people ever met was when he lived off the same alley as Molly Ringwald’s family.
Adam was living at his first apartment and he would monkey on his car in the garage that the neighbor he shared it with let him use almost entirely, Adam tells Greg about the neighbor who was in ‘Jaws II’ and had a crazy male stalker who would ruin his career.
Adam is now describing a quick draw champion who would walk down the alley and tell him about his life, Adam saw him walking down the alley one day and he casts on both hands.
Adam tells Greg about Mike the concrete guy who helped him poor a driveway at his grandma’s place and crashed on his couch for a while.
Adam says they have no particular place to go, the alley folk, they see you wrenching on a car under a light, with nowhere to go at 7 P.M. in an era where there are no hard outs, no cell phones to use to disengage from speaking with a stranger without having to ask them to leave you alone.
You would have to put the tools down and go inside and wrap things up to get them to leave.
Adam is now back to masonry Mike who showed up with a shiner one day, punched for nothing, well he did say the guy’s wife’s pussy stunk, hilarious classic story!
Greg thinks there should be a black eye scale like a Zagat’s guide for dangerous bars.
Life Lock
Adam is going nuts buying furniture online like it’s 1999 edition!
Adam is sharing how dicey all of the neighborhoods were across southern California, Adam says gay guys will turn around a neighborhood and bend it over.
Adam says you need gay guys and guys you think are gay, the ones with man purses and flip flops, the “oh you’re married!?” guys.
Adam is now riffing about the black rubber bracelet crowd including David Cross and Janeane Garofalo that Greg just referenced, as the main factor for neighborhoods going up in value.
Adam says the homeless fellas see the hipster folk as compassionate and slide in to manipulate them, you end up getting great eateries and bars, but you also get some weirdo homeless guys that are usually docile.
Greg says it’s akin to the evolution of dogs, the friendly ones stick around, the rest get ostracized.
Adam is joking about the modern art galleries with orbs and nonsense that nay kid could make.
Adam is now talking about Ed Moses and Greg backs him up to finish his homeless person story.
Greg is describing how this guy was paranoid about the Bosnians who were coming for him, Adam is talking about mental illness and that what’s drives him nuts about the media and its portrayal, they always tell the one story of the plant worker on the street with his family after being employed for decades.
Adam is sharing how Vinnie Tortorich recommends more fat in people’s diet, he explains the big problem with fat is that it has the word fat in it.
Adam says we need a new name for homeless people with mental illnesses, a home will not solve their problems, Greg has a societal failure comment and Adam says it starts at the home.
Adam tells Greg about his brother in law who doesn’t know how to wear a baseball hat properly, they looked they were soaked in buttermilk, parked under a van and then dropped on his head by a bird.
Greg mocks flat brimmed hats and those who wear them and now Adam is telling him the story of Lynette’s brother and his schizophrenia.
Adam says he has an intact family unit and is able to survive and not end up on the streets regardless of his condition.
Adam says it wasn’t really about money, more an expenditure of time, people would check in on him and make sure he was ok, the family structure.
Adam is now further hammering his point home with Greg, he talks about the low income apartment they kept Dave in and Adam tells Greg about Lynette’s dad dying and how he ended up paying for the casket, it’s not about money.
Adam says that Lynette’s family doesn’t come from money, they just had a family unit that took care of its own.
Adam tells Greg to go to any place that paints cars in the valley, he describes the crazy woman he saw standing on a patch of dirt, Adam makes a grossed out noise as they describe a specific intersection.
Adam says this is a Tijuana minus the color palate and the charm.
Adam would be fine working at Starbucks for the rest of his life, he would choose the one near the beach not in deep Van Nuys.
Adam asks why homeless people don’t go live in Venice or someone where nice instead of the concrete hell-scape where they paint cars.
Adam is joking with Greg about giving homeless people high end food, Adam jokes about kicking the food on the ground once, just one kick, so then it’s not such a huge let down when they get their next meal out of a dumpster.
Greg gives them change covered in sticky 7-Up.
Q and Ace
1st Caller Jonathan, he’s called in before and Adam recalls most of the details about his background, as a veteran, his crushed pelvis and femur and his range rover accident.
Adam even recalls his helicopter accident, Adam says this is why he goes insane when there is mix ups like his wife claiming he said something he didn’t say, ala Drew and his wife are coming over on Friday vs. Saturday.
Adam says he locks in information, he can’t read so he records conversations and reality as it happens.
Adam jokes about people telling him about stuff he supposedly agreed to, he jokes about someone trying to convince him that he told them to sell his leased car.
Greg says that’s bad for him because he likes to lie and he’s going to get caught.
Castrol
Adam will be looking for the diminutive man with a limp at Foxwoods Casino and Greg says that Jonathan sounds like Eric the Actor from the Howard Stern show.
Jonathan wants to know how to get through the Mangria hangover, Matt is on mic and sharing what vitamin Dr. Drew recommended.
Adam says Jonathan needs Adam’s ‘Endless Rant’ IPA and works the WWII bombing campaigns in the pacific into his complex metaphor for consuming alcohol.
2nd Caller Trevor, he wants to prevent getting cuts on his hands when hitting the heavy bag.
Adam is now bringing up Mike August and his status as “this guy” and he describes Mike’s cell phone conversation with Adam while he was on his way to an infant CPR class.
Adam is now doing the conversation from both sides, someone kicked Mike’s car and he threw him to the ground before going to meet his sister and mom at the CPR class.
Adam says he was back on the phone and calm, Greg is now sharing the story of the time he parked in the wrong garage while at a sleep study clinic.
Adam and Greg are doing a back and forth as Greg and the parking attendant, Greg tells Adam about escaping from the garage without paying for his parking mistake.
Adam is now telling Trever his pro-tips for ordering a water heavy bag from Ringside.com, they’re sadly still not a sponsor even though Adam has advertised for them since the mid 90’s.
Adam gives him all of the details and then poetically waxes on about how it feels like hitting a pregnant woman in the stomach, smooth punches to the body, unlike a normal heavy bag that is too hard for body work.
Audible
Adam was listening to a book without the earbuds, his phone playing through his pocket in his shorts, out loud.
Greg says Sonny will talk about this in therapy, Adam brings up Sonny playing Pokémon Go while they walked, Adam called his bluff as he went full Pokémon, you decide boy! Edition
3rd Caller Cassius, he’s a cab driver and Adam asks him about the competition angle from Uber, Adam gets him to admit they’ve upped their game even though Cassius doesn’t like the extra hoops or work.
Adam talks about cable companies and how they have changed their tune over the years, Cassius tells him about the Arrow app they have for cabs.
Adam says Matt is typing in to correct him that it’s a gay hookup site, he now tells him about Greco active and he’s showing them some aggressive gay porn images, hilarious riff from Adam about Matt being a gay hookup aficionado.
Adam jokes about “the cab of tomorrow” and Cassius is proving Adam right, Adam asks him for his question.
Cassius thinks Adam is quoiting the movie ‘Heat’ and he mixes up the quote, Adam says he’s actually referencing ‘Chase’ and their song ‘Get It On’ not any other song.
Cassius doesn’t get how Adam didn’t know this line was from ‘Heat’ and Adam says he’s seen the movie but doesn’t’ recall the line, that’s because Cassius is mixing it up.
Matt has some ‘Chase’ for the guys, Adam is having him turn up the volume.
Adam is doing some light commentary and he jokes about every band having to cover this song, even Joan Baez acoustic sets, sorry that’s the rule!
Zip Recruiter
Adam plugs the upcoming Live shows, he’s wrapping up the episode and make sure to listen to Fitzdog radio for the 2nd half of this discussion.
Fitzdog Radio #577 with Adam Carolla.