Giovanni’s Superfan Sidebar 08/01/2014 – Dana Gould, Live from the Irvine Improv
A real time blog where Superfan Giovanni does recap and commentary on the show as it happens and opines on all things ACS
Guest – Dana Gould, Live from the Irvine Improv
Recorded 07-31-2014 – Release Date 08-01-2014
Production Number #1386
Adam is opening the show live from the new Irvine Improv, the audio is a bit quiet and Adam sounds distant, Adam talks about the new Umami burger inside the location.
Adam welcomes Alison, BB and Dana Gould to the show and jokes about not having any plans for the show, Adam is joking about Bobble heads being given out for The Angles game tonight.
Dana brings up dudes with Hydrocephalus heads and Dana jokes about the back of the room being in a different time zone at this new location.
Dana predicts we’re moving towards larger heads, Alison and Adam are joking about the desire for bobble heads and Adam jokes about a new sky mall item.
Adam brings up watch winders and jokes about his guy who breaks in his loafers and how the same guys now walks his dog and goosesteps while breaking in his loafers.
Adam says the ultimate rich white guy item would be a “Bobblehead Jiggler” that moves them for you, Alison has a funny comment about race cars and Adam riffs with her.
They’re now joking about mini bat night and Adam is riffing about people getting things shoved up their ass, Dana is now running with it and Adam is bringing up “Cushion night” and BB comments on how common it is for them to give things away now.
Adam explains why you can’t give adults things at a game and why beer must come in a foam cup, the decline of human decency and maturity.
Dana has a great pillow case of snakes for the field to make baseball more exciting, much like the UCB “Pro Thunderball” idea.
Adam is now riffing about a “Divorce cam” instead of a kiss cam, he’s joking about the kids crying and Dana brings up the Oakwood apartments and references his own semi-recent divorce.
Adam is further fifing about his experience with Lynette on the “Divorce Cam” and he’s now joking about spin classes.
Dana is killing it and is in the mix, Adam is now riffing a “simulation running of the bulls” and BB is giving a thank you to the fan who brought a wonderful pineapple upside-down cake, well individual cakes, Adam jokes about this being a racist aren’t to the Hawaiians and their state fruit.
Dana is sharing his theory on why the cherry is involved.
Adam is now joking about pursuing Harvey Levin and Dana asks if people have ever asked why the cast/staff of the show have so much water on hand.
Adam is bringing up a conversation he had with his daughter this morning, Adam is telling the gang about his naturally soft skin and how he doesn’t like to talk about himself, BB is jumping in and is great.
Dana Gould dubs Adam “The Sassy Pot sticker” and he jokes about passing his hand around the room so people can sample his skin, he jokes that it would come back smelling like an asshole and calls back Dana’s pineapple upside down cake riff.
Adam told his daughter about his refusal to use shampoo and moisturizer and how he tried to convince her not to get hooked on the stuff, all the money she’ll waste of her rich producer husband (hopefully) and he is now telling them about Natalia demanding her bottled water before they left.
Adam is telling them about when he suggested his kids just drink from the sink, Dana is now asking the audience if they drink tap water.
Adam is now bringing up the warm hose water that would come out before the cold stuff and is convinced he could sell hose flavored bottled water for those nostalgic for a bygone era.
Adam is bringing up where Dana now resides and he’s mocking the weather report for telling you the temperatures across the state, going from a cool breeze to where Adam is going to be and it’s 144 degrees.
Adam says fuck Malibu and their perfect temperatures year round, Adam wants it taken off the table for weather reports, he jokes about people living in Malibu not using radios, and a golf cart with an orchestra playing chamber music follows them around.
Adam is now bringing up cologne and Alison admits she likes the smell of “Drakkar noir” and Adam brings up “Canoe Canoe” and “Lauren Perfume by Ralph Lauren” which reminds him of a girl he had a crush on in high school.
The girl was Danielle and she dumped him, Adam was then in another gal’s bathroom and used a spritz of is on his non business hand to take a whiff while pounding one out later when he got home.
Adam brings up fresh cut grass smells and how it brings him right back to his days of playing pop warner, Adam is asking Dana about his single life.
Adam jokes about his cock looking a child’s bike handle grip due to his masturbation sessions and now Adam is riffing with him.
Dana reveals he’s now dating his high school sweetheart and they joke about it.
Q and Ace
1st Question Nicky, Adam is asking her about the perfume Lauren and brings up Diamonds, he mentions his old maid who used to wear it and it would make him nauseated, Ozzie’s wife.
Alison jokes that Adam couldn’t beat off due the fumes and he stops to lecture her about his jack of spirit that doesn’t stop him even if he was in a “paint can shaker with Nazi ware propaganda films playing.”
Adam is now lecturing Alison about how the audience knows she’s joking, he fake yells at her and jokes about jacking off while being chased by a Kodiak bear.
Dana shares one of his old bits about bears thinking humans perpetually have shit in their pants, good stuff.
Adam is now joking about the advice for dealing with a bear, he says that if it was advice given for dealing with a human attacker it would be the equivalent of “if a mugger approaches you on the street, either give him your wallet and say you don’t want any trouble or throw a spinning heel kick and Kiai as loud as you can” – Adam
Adam is now back to the bears and the notion of puffing yourself up to an impressive 192lbs to scare said Bear.
She (Nicky) has a son who is 5 and wants to be a comedian, she wants some practical advice.
Adam is saying there isn’t a better time to being doing this and brings up his days of Improv open mics and having to draw a name from a hat, the lottery system.
Adam is now asking for her to try and recall a joke he told, Adam says he remembers his first childhood jokes and Dana shares his 9 year old Nixon impression.
Alison has a killer back of the room comment, Adam jokes with her.
Adam is now sharing the “Cowboy Stew” inspired “Goulash and Indians?” joke he told his grandpa, Nicky shares his favorite joke involving ocean and the sand.
Dana is now riffing as her kid heckling the Benihana chef, Adam is now bringing up his riff about the shrimp hat move at Benihana and how the guy must be attacked by seagulls upon leaving the establishment.
Adam is now riffing about his lack of “tournament” for dinner, his “Medieval Times” joke from Mohr Stories podcast.
Adam is now telling them about doing some laundry for the first time in quite a while, he described the whoosh of fresh clothes and detergent scent and reminisces about a bygone era where he would get shit done at the Laundromat, pay bills, write jokes etc.
“It smelled of hard work, pride and Tide!” – Adam jokes about the plastic fiberglass chairs being the most comfortable non padded chairs.
Adam is bringing up the people that come in while you’re waiting on your clothes that you judge, Adam is bringing up the coin operated single serving detergent dispensers, Adam is now explaining why the mouth on the machine is so narrow, due to guys with “monkey arms.”
Adam says we would all be better people if once per week we went to the coin op laundry and experienced it.
Dana jokes about women’s clothes not being meant to be folded and has a killer topper one liner.
Adam brings up the bulletin board print outs with removable tabs for calling, re: babysitting or some other service.
Adam is bringing up Iron Man showing up for his son’s kid party and his daughter going to a “bounce house” trampoline place for kids.
Adam is now bringing up Ice Cream Cake and asking if it’s any good, Adam is sharing what a huge fan the guy who was playing Iron Man was.
Adam is now asking everyone to think about how selfish his son is, Iron Man could be in the Middle East like the first movie, lifting the nuke like in Avengers or cutting ice cream cake for kids.
Adam says all kids are selfish dicks, asking their heroes to take the week off and come dance for him, Ace Awards 2014 material!
Dana explains that they had Olaf from “Frozen” at his daughter’s party, he’s got a funny Olaf suit in the closet mid coitus joke.
Adam goes back to Nicky and she has a solid one liner, Adam brings up the time he got locked into a dryer.
Dana is bringing up how he saw a cat in the dishwasher and how it’s a recipe for disaster and Adam is now riffing with it, hilarious “Calgonite” references.
Adam is now bringing up how he spent his childhood watching TV where women cared about things like “ring around the collar” and “spots on glassware” that his wife doesn’t care about.
Adam is joking about coming home with makeup stains, he brings up the “Two cups of Kate’s coffee” commercial and now Alison is bringing up the commercials with “these diners don’t know” and calls them the early prank videos ala Tom Green.
Dana brings up Color Me Mine and Alison asks if they’ve ever been, she throws Matt Fondiler under the bus for doing lame shit with his girlfriend like a fruit.
Dana is now bringing up Paul Stanley who frequents his nearest Color Me Mine facility, Adam is now riffing about what this is like, the equivalent of running the bases for someone else’s homerun.
Adam wants to know why this place exists and Dana shares the depressing reality, joking about calling his ex a whore and brings Paul Stanley into the mix again.
Adam is now joking about the feigned enthusiasm upon receiving an item from the place, Adam brings up his high school ceramics major and Dana calls back Matt in a very cool way, nice reference!
Adam is bringing up the story of the time that someone smashed John Tyler’s “Mr. Heat Miser” clay project, Adam found his chucked onto the sewer grate, he has no love lost for Color Me Mine and jokes about being “burned by clay” and the times he’s “Clayed and Lost” and now Dana busts out the Paul one more time.
1st Story Is on freezers and fridges, she says they’ve been talking about them on the show lately and forgets that those are on the pre-taped episodes that will not air for weeks, they only brought it up once in passing after, it still makes no sense.
She’s now reporting on how increasing size for fridges may be costing people more than they realize, she explains the “We could all get by” angle of the article and Adam is now on an ugly American riff, it’s not about getting by.
BB is now in the mix with some funny one liner, Adam is further ranting about being proud of our ugly American status and uses nachos as an example of not getting by.
Alison has never had the AC seats and Adam is now bringing up how he has chivalrously/thoughtfully turned on the seat heater for his passengers and been met with a non-appreciative response.
Adam is bringing up his mom’s old VW and how her stopping distance was Mexico, regardless of where they were on the road.
Adam says we would be much safer drivers if every 10th car had “Moose Semen/jizz” in the airbag, Dana has a funny riff bringing up mushrooms as Paul Stanley and Adam asks about incense holders.
Dana thinks Adam is having a stroke due to the non sequitur question and now they’re all talking about incense holders and how they no longer have incense burning in stores.
Alison brings up the Taxi passengers bill of rights and the right to incense free air, Adam is now riffing about the beaded wooden mats on the driver’s seats of cabs, why do they need those beads?
Adam is bringing up beaded doors and says they’re all the bad things about a door with none of the positives, BB brings up the first video store he went to having a beaded curtain for the porn section.
Dana references another one of his old bits the western style porn entrance door and the “shame” squeak it makes for you, now Adam is bringing up those porn sections, BB has a well-timed old west music bed.
Now BB is asking them about how they would go about moseying on into the porn section and how they would have to act like they were a tourist in a new place, fresh from sleep unaware of the porn you were actually seeking out.
Adam is going super in depth and Dana is confirming a lot, this is hilarious and sad.
Dana is bringing up “20 20” video which is now “Relax the Back” and Adam is telling Dana about returning a copy of a “Porn Bloopers” to the store and encountering a girl he went to high school with.
Dana has a funny “fried chicken and ice cream analogy for keeping some things you love separate like comedy and porn.
Adam described having to pay in change and Dana is now sharing how he saw Jeff Conaway coming out of the porn section with a porn stack from waist to chin and Adam is bringing up not leaving the porn flick in the middle.
Adam is now mocking the 8 second flashes to dudes faces in response to Dana bringing up cumming to dude’s faces and Adam is bringing up the things missing from porn, the tongue action, the women licking their lips and “getting hot” and now Dana brings up pubic hair and has a great one liner.
Dana is now mocking manscaping and how their genitals now look like chicken parts, Alison wants to know about the porn bloopers.
Adam is describing blown scenes with gaffers and Dana has a killer Dom DeLuise reference.
2nd Story Is on a new toaster that allows you to toast a selfie onto your bread, BB has a funny one liner in reply to a picture on the screen, he’s now standing next to the example.
Adam says why not use a model and Alison spells out what Adam was saying as he apologizes to BB.
Adam is bringing up cakes with photos of kids on it and the idea of cutting into them, Adam is now joking about choking down your kids cock on a cake, and he is using it to point out the narcissism of modern day Americans.
Dana works Tiananmen Square into the idea of men sending pictures of their cock to women, Adam is bringing up the show “Catfish” and the motion of sending cock pictures.
Adam is now giving a tip to pedophiles, not intentionally and jokes about “To Catch a Predator” echoing an old joke from the 2007 and 2008 KLSX morning show.
Adam is joking about getting questions like “Why is it black?” from angry women he sends dick pics too, nobody reacts to that hilarious joke.
Adam is now back to the toast and joking about the images being like the type of sandwich, use an egg for egg salad, a fish for tuna, all branded into the bun.
Adam says he would do super lewd things like a cock so you could watch your friends eat your dick on a sandwich and laugh.
Dana asks why they don’t just sell toast and Alison has a killer callback to Adam’s Laundromat riff from earlier, Adam is now bringing up the lack of innovation in the method of making toast, it hasn’t changed since the days of “I Love Lucy” and he mocks his impatience and need to keep checking his toast in progress.
Alison brings up how her toast is always under done and how she worries about it getting too toasted and Adam wants to know why there is a dial that will ruin your bread.
Adam is bringing up the sauna setting of “skull and crossbones” from old episodes of “Charlie’s Angles” and Dana brings up “Thunderball” and Adam is still yelling about a toaster having the ability to destroy bread.
Adam is now bringing up the carcinogen layer on the top of toast and trying to clean up the mess it leaves, hilarious crime scene cleaning reference.
Alison is now wrapping up the news.
Adam is now plugging Dana’s album and work in Road Hard as well as his podcast.