Giovanni’s Superfan Sidebar 07/24/2014 – Greg Fitzsimmons
A real time blog where Superfan Giovanni does recap and commentary on the show as it happens and opines on all things ACS
Guest – Greg Fitzsimmons
Recorded 07-23-2014 – Release Date 07-24-2014
Production Number #1380
Adam is opening the show with another song lyric reference, he’s fresh form another taping of “Catch a Contractor” and was dealing with a heated owner, Adam is now impersonating the owner “Look me in the eye, Look me in the eye!” and he’s explaining how lying can be picked up.
Alison is now giving some expertise on signs of lying and BB plays the “Yolo Man” #TopDrop.
Adam is telling them about the ongoing battle with Personal Audio and the new Amazon banner dedicated to the troll fighting campaign.
Adam is plugging the book jacket signing and now BB is asking the gang how often they find themselves lying in daily life as compared to when they were young.
Adam is telling them how he was incapable of lying as a young person, he says you can’t tell boastful lies and now BB brings up Danny Bonaduce their on air partner for 2007.
Adam is saying that Dr. Drew is wired that way, a “Chronic hyperbolator” and Adam explains that he express to you what he felt like, not the accurate scene that took place.
Adam says perhaps its more evolved and he is getting at what the person meant and picking up on underlying hostility, but he wasn’t actually screaming at him.
BB is now bringing up how odd it would be to hear someone scream in real life, Adam says that today aside it is indeed a white buffalo of life.
Adam is mocking the “I feel threatened” posturing that people use an excuse for their reaction, Adam is now responding to that and says he’s adding a new category “Pussy or Liar” to the stupid or liar rule of thumb.
Adam is now quoting these people who jump way into the end of the bullshit pool justifying their reactions, “allowed to defend myself” “I felt threatened” and “How would you react” and now Adam is bringing up the Richard Simmons lawsuit from half a decade ago.
Adam is now doing a live read for Reverie bed and he’s arguing against the people who try to use his “Chapstick” argument against him, Adam admits he’s ruined himself for non-vibrating beds and is joking about hiring day laborers while on the road to shake his bed while he naps.
Alison and BB are now in the mix and BB has a killer strippers on southwest reference that Alison adds to nicely.
Adam is mocking the shoe size of his hypothetical laborers and he’s back to the live read.
Alison is intrigued by the anti-snore position and BB plays a “My Fiancé Daniel” drop and Alison jumps in with a killer impression of the exact type of sleep apnea her husband may one day die from, she apologizes instantly, too late probably…
Adam is wrapping up this epic live read, which resulted in a new Alison drop.
Adam is now reading the details of the Richard Simmons lawsuit complete with a dude period implication, gold!
BB has a good for Richard point, hilarious delivery of “he slapped him” then homo joke then slapped him delivery again, so fucking funny!
Alison is now bringing up the guy who did 5 laps on how she wasn’t an “annoying female” the keyword of all immature woman haters.
Adam is taking it to the outdoor lunch spread with tons of flies surrounding them.
Adam is commenting on the other crew who left the tops open on all of the containers and food, Adam is telling them how he flaps things closed after getting his food.
Adam is asking why he’s imparting this wisdom to average age 40 year old adults, he wants to know why not put the cover back on it.
Alison is now asking Adam to clarify his take on germs, citing his pigeon cashew stunt and even references her fear of ants in her butt.
Adam is now clarifying his take on dogs on planes and in public, he loves the dogs, he doesn’t care about dander but he’s not addressing the butthole grease on seats element that Alison seemed to be implying.
Adam says it’s a narcissism endeavor to bring your dog everywhere and he has a killer riff about dog love and further shares how he disagrees with people who bring their dog everywhere.
Adam is back to the allergy part, talking about Jimmy Kimmel and his allergies that would affect him if a dog was on the plane.
Adam is sharing his “I would like to” of wearing underpants, he’s saying this is just a further sign of the decaying morality and decorum of society, he’s not uptight about germs but he was informed once about flies and how they frequent piles of dog shit.
Alison is in the mix and adding to things nicely, Adam is back to the flies at the lunch table at “craft services” on “set” of Catch a contractor.
Adam is praising his avocado turkey wrap, everyone is asking where Dawson is to weigh in, Adam is sharing a picture of the wraps that were left behind, and all of the veggie wraps no meat wraps, no turkey nor beef.
Adam them polled the crew for vegetarians and he’s mocking how they made out with 7 wraps each and how unpopular veggie wraps are, he says he did 20-25min on this.
Alison has a solid comment and Adam is telling them about this being “day one” filming and he says you go from dumb to retarded when you don’t alter course by the last day of filming, he says he’s most fascinated in life by the “won’t alter” part of life.
Adam is right veggie wraps suck, I’m vegetarian and he’s right, we hate them too. Adam wants to know why buying accordingly for the heads on set, as opposed to buying massive amounts of everything in the same size.
BB has a solid point about the time spent on set doing nothing, Adam says that he wants crew members to declare if they’re vegan on their tax forms.
Adam says he will discriminate against vegetarians and not hire them, he tells us to go work on wimpy shows.
Adam is back to the onset poll and show of hands, Adam says the crew doesn’t change much, Adam says they do a simple math, .5 vegetarians for every 9 crew members.
Adam closes out his point about not being able to get another meat based wrap in contrast to the abundance of wasted veggie wraps.
Adam is back to the OMD topic from yesterday, he’s talking about the song “Enola Gay” and is explaining how a song came on as he turned on the ignition in his car last night after the show.
The very song Adam said he didn’t mind came on right as he entered the car, Adam demanded that Gary come out and confirm it’s playing and he’s now on mic sharing how weird it was for him to witness.
Adam adds it to the pantheon of things people aren’t impressed by, the Great Magnet moments of life.
Adam is explaining how he then heard some INXS and BB shouts out loud, Adam mocks BB for loving it and Adam says this song “What You need” sounds like a decent demo.
Adam calls the bass in the song “The Picket Fence of sound” thanks to a prime setup from Alison, BB is now calling out why Adam picks on INXS.
Alison has a funny reply about not excusing people for not being the worst, Adam is now bringing up the 1997 Loveline where INXS guested right before Michael Hutchence died, and it was 7 months after he guested.
Adam is now bringing up the David Strickland suicide and the lost Classic Loveline he was on 96hrs prior to his death.
Alison is now helping Adam, they think he was on “Suddenly Susan” and Alison is right, BB is confused.
CLL #905 THURSDAY, MARCH 18, 1999 – GUEST: DAVID STRICKLAND • HOST: ADAM, DR. BRUCE – for which no recording exists but quite possible could be released in the official Classic Loveline podcast feed before the end of 2015.
Adam is trying to get to the bizarre nature of the various love suicides and is even touching on Andy Dick’s involvement, which he came on Loveline and discusses in vivid detail.
Adam is of course leaving out the 2009 David Carradine appearance.
From 3 ½ months before his death via presumed auto erotic asphyxiation, Adam has forgotten my theory I told him about David learning the technique from Loveline while on air during one of my first podcast visits, I can’t recall which.
Adam is now waxing poetic on long form interviews with people who then went on to kill themselves, Alison is sharing an awkward encounter of sitting next to Andy Dick in traffic, she was unsure if he would’ve recognized her.
BB now reads in the info about Strickland, Adam is telling them what Andy Dick is like, he’s using a Fat Burger at 3am analogy, much like his infamous 1997 story, holy shit!
“There’s no reason to flag down Andy Dick, ever… ever” – Adam
Everyone has funny reactions and proclaims they like Andy, Adam does too, and he was a classic loveline and Adam Carolla Show on KLSX staple, some of the best segments done.
Adam is now doing an oddly timed Legal zoom live read complete with “will” comments that BB deems too soon.
Q and Ace
1st Caller Spencer, he was recently involved in a sideswipe collision and he describes his “steer it clear it” decision that has now bit him in the ass.
Adam is now sharing how he witnessed people standing on the freeway after a minor fender bender, Adam is telling people that’s the #1 way you’re going to die, not a classroom shooting, terrorists, shark attacks or arrant missiles into your plane.
BB has a funny combination of two of Adam’s examples and Ace rolls with it.
Alison has a killer Pep Boys comment that Adam also rolls with, Adam says this person probably has a rich history of egregious driving and will probably see a long history that will then result in a ruling in Spencer’s favor.
Adam is telling them about changing the tires on Lynette’s car and he’s sharing how important tire rotation is for the life of your tires, he explains how you do it once a year to combat the wear on the tires.
Adam is explaining that something as simple as rotate your tires every 10k miles is one of the simplest things to advise for citizens instead of “click it or ticket” and now Alison is taking it back to Spencer and his need to be called a hero for getting burned for listening to Ace.
Alison suggests it might be in the interest of the tire industry to not inform people of this, Adam specialties it could be “big rubber” and is now making a larger point about seatbelts vs. tire rotation absorption among the masses of people.
BB has a “they forgot” angle on click it or ticket, like they didn’t plan for a phase two after accomplishing their goal.
Alison says it’s the cities version of an email signature, gold!
Adam is now doing a live read for Life lock with OMD references, Alison is now doing her thing.
They’re heading to break.
They’re back form break with Greg Fitzsimmons joining them and Adam is sharing how relaxed he is to have Greg in studio over another guest that might require heavier lifting.
Greg has a funny variation of the “footsteps poem” for Adam appearing on his show.
Adam is asking Greg what he’s writing on now, he’s using Louis C.K. to explain how he got work on various “black shows” and now Adam is bringing up how they taped the Man Show nearby.
Adam is getting to the idea of everything in Hollywood formerly being a place where some duper famous dead person used to frequent it or live there, Adam has a funny “take a shit” comment.
Adam is mocking the amount of places that claim to have been homes of Marilyn Monroe, BB is bringing up the restaurant of “Matteo’s” a nearby place that was supposedly frequented by Frank Sinatra.
“Maybe Bela Lugosi was a filthy masturbator” – Adam
Greg has a great “Yes Dear” references and Adam adds to it with “Studs” and they all seem to enjoy it.
Adam has a great “Blacklisted” joke and now Greg is regaling them about working on T.I.’s wife’s show last year and the clouds of pot smoke along with jugs of Sizzurp.
Alison is in the mix and BB is playing the new drop of Greg impersonating Red Foxx as quoted by Chris Rock, regarding needing Jewish writers.
Greg is confirming the Lamborghini Adam saw outside of the studio while visiting him and Cedric the Entertainer on his show that Greg worked on.
Adam is now doing a Draft Kings live read.
1st Story is on the media spin done by the Russian propaganda machine about flight MH17, her quotes are insane and now Adam and Greg are riffing about flying corpses and Adam jokes about “storing your maggots under the seat in front of you” and now Adam is bringing up how night flights work, Adam says they need to pump in ether and nursery music.
Greg has an Aziz Ansari dig, BB proclaims it too soon and Adam wants to know if he’s saying he’s not funny, Greg dodges it.
Adam has a killer “in and out, innnn and out” quote and phrasing while describing the half crescent crotch to the face get past your seatmate move.
Alison is now asking Greg about how often he masturbates on planes and now Adam is riffing about him on short haul flights.
Alison has a great “conceptually your creepy” line about Greg while describing her comfort around him, she’s really killing it and Adam mocks Greg’s joke for being conceptually stronger than it was funny, Alison reassures Greg.
Adam is now asking Greg where he jizzes while jacking off at 35k feet, Adam is now joining about the poor farmer who gets hit by “white ice” and jokes about said farmer using it as creamer for his coffee.
Adam predicts that Greg does have a mark on his forehead from doing the “lean” and now Adam is wondering if there shouldn’t be some sort of “spankers travelers’ bandana” and Greg is calling for a bungee attachment to the baby changing station.
Adam has a hilarious “Brett Michaels” impression while doing a fake live read for Greg’s new invention.
They’re now just spit-balling and Adam is describing it as he sees it in his mind’s eye, Adam is further describing this invention and its versatility.
Adam is getting Alison to confirm how easy it was to film a fake plane setup and he’s further riffing about the telltale forehead jack off mark.
Adam is now calling for the “Masculout” Man Show parody commercial, Adam is bragging about jacking off in his old Nissan manual transmission pickup on Mulholland with a cup of coffee he’s not mentioning that make it even more impressive.
Alison is further questioning Greg about the airplane beating off and confronting a line of people, Adam and Greg are killing it with a riff of him telling people to jerk off at home and judging them, assuming the bathroom is only for masturbation, gold!
They’re now playing the Man Show clip.
Greg I praising the clip and asking if they rerun the Man Show, they did, Adam is mistaken on G4 for a spell despite some on air complaints from other hosts on the network and Comedy Central played the shit out of every episode, with maybe 2 dozen airings each for the early seasons.
Adam is now praising the inventiveness of The Man Show and Greg is calling out Dawson for the jizz stains on his pants, Chris is losing it in the background.
Alison is asking what they used for fake jizz in the Man Show clip, Alison says she currently uses a shaving cream that is very “Jizz ‘esque” as coined by Adam.
Greg is complimenting “There’s something about Mary” and Alison is taking it back to the Russian propaganda story.
Adam is now explaining how socialism and communism doesn’t work, Alison has a salient point about Putin putting something much more nefarious in place and Adam is accusing him of rolling things back globally.
Greg is giving his take on Russians and the internet videos of the violent assaults done in the country with no concern for the safety of their opponents and victims.
Adam is bringing up the time he and Jimmy went to the Maximum Security prison for The Man Show and now they’re all commenting on Greg’s “Ted Bundy of Creepiness” status and Greg says his wife doesn’t realize that the “nice guy” part of him is a bit, he is a creep and the cast of the ACS see him honestly, whoa!
Adam is now doing a live read for Cheapo Air, BB references the past topic of Greg’s proclivities midflight.
Adam says Russia WTF?
2nd Story Is on Phillip Seymour Hoffman leaving all of his money to his partner, none to his children and Adam says good, he’s now on a tangent about earned income vs. inherited income and how you view the two opposing people.
Adam is now explaining how his mother was spoiled by welfare and Greg is calling for a death tax of 100%, Adam wants it going to charity not the government.
Adam has a great “why do they have to be Jewish” one liner and now Greg is doing his own drop, was it a drop already? Was it Greg the whole time?
Adam said he wouldn’t give the money to his kids, Alison is explaining that this is common from her valance, money goes to spouse, then to kids.
BB is marveling at his 35 million dollar fortune and Adam is explaining how he had a motor and was able to earn the money with a very logical presumption of which jobs were paydays.
Adam is bringing up the Toyota Long Beach Grand Prix and the time he faced off against Carter Lay, of the Lay’s potato chip legacy.
Adam explains he’s a cajillionaire with custom Puma racing shoes, Adam is explaining why the laces were placed off center and Adam is mocking how he qualified 17th out of everyone, only faster than Wanda Sykes, Adam says his lap times were horrible, the shoes ain’t going to make you any faster.
Adam is binging up the Carcast episode where this was discussed.
They all sum things up and Alison wraps the news to the new drop of her mocking her husband Daniel and his snoring, which sounds like could be solved with a simple mouth insert, better for his health too.
Adam is back to the invention for preventing the forehead mark from jacking off in the plane, Alison has a funny reply about wanting to know if a man is about to go somewhere to jack off so she can join him.
Adam is riffing about the custom designs and one that has “call the police” on the back, just in case you need help.
Adam is now cutting Greg out of the sales points on the invention for the “Spankers Travelers Bandanna” and they’re all now riffing the infomercial
Adam is now sharing his “Fudge Head” idea for mocking the Green Bay Packers, asking if they have the Toby Keith song he requested.
Adam is now doing a live read for Prosper.com and jokes about getting some “Seed Money” complete with creepy laugh.
Adam is giving out the plugs and wrapping up the show.