Giovanni’s Superfan Sidebar 07/21/2014 – Jim Norton, Live at the Gaslamp in Long Beach

A real time blog where Superfan Giovanni does recap and commentary on the show as it happens and opines on all things ACS

Guest Jim Norton, Live at the Gaslamp in Long Beach

Recorded 07-19-2014 – Release Date 07-21-2014

Production Number #1371

Show Page

Adam is opening the first of two live shows from Long Beach with a mandate or two, Jim Norton is returning to the ACS for his 5th appearance.

Adam is asking Jim about his new series on “Vice” and the nature of Mike Tyson, Adam is telling them about a conversation with his wife about the year he became and asshole.

Alison unknowingly inspired this reveal and he says that Lynette says he turned at 34, so 1998 Classic Loveline, huh?


Jim asks about the first asshole event and Adam says that she cited his first home purchase that was actually in 1997, so 33?

Adam explains why owning a home causes you to be invested in being an asshole, thanks to an assist from A-Rose.

Adam is now joking about his “magic naps” that aren’t reset buttons on his sobriety like he tends to make believe.


Jim is now giving his take on stepping in dog shit in reply to Adam, Alison is asking Jim about owning in NYC and Adam is now saying that realtors should give homeowners a brown blazer.

Adam is saying his wife never became an asshole because she’s not financially responsible for the madness he must endure.

BB is now discussing the “open conversation” akin to BB and his wife and the discussions about his health, Adam says he lives in a Hakuna Matata of Assholishness and Alison reveals that she and her husband have the same discussion at her home.


Adam is joking about other people throughout history who are super nice guys despite being evil, Adam jokes about Jim being in defense of Hitler and now moves onto Mike Tyson and his change in affect after finding sobriety.

Adam and Jim are now discussing playing with dicks, Adam is telling them about his Son sitting on the couch like Al Bundy and jokes about when to scold him and break out the squirt gun with the “Jesus Juice” and now Jim is telling them about his friend Teddy and a sad anecdote from this youth.

Adam is bringing up the time he met Jim’s parents in the green room of the Borgata after the show, Adam is now sharing Jay Leno’s ambitious schedule for his one day live shows with a private jet.

Alison makes sure to bring up the detail of the Mikes not getting to tag along, Adam was the performer and there was only one seat, so what suffer in sympathy? Adam does love that part, so maybe she’s just trying to make him happy.


“How did you become such a hunk of shit sexually?” – Adam asking Jim about his sex life vs. his 1950’s sitcom parents.

Jim is taking the attacks against his sex-life in stride and defending Adam to the audience, Alison is curious about dog jizz as if her dog hasn’t coated most of her home in it already.

Jim is sharing his stance on bestiality and Adam is now saying that dogs aren’t being abused, they enjoy it.


Adam says they have a cake for Jim on his birthday and Adam compliments his shape, he tells him he looks like he’s in tremendous “Jim Norton Shape” and he explains he got sick of women fucking him for his talent instead of his body shape.

Adam is now joking about thinking that Jim was going to go with “Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired” and now Adam is lamenting man tits with Jim.

Adam is now riffing about how men spend the early part of their life jockeying for more light and visual stimuli in the bedroom and how then they start trying to cover up their body going to shit, the sliding scale of bedroom lighting.


Adam is now using 20min of sex and wants to know how much time is spent with the eyes open vs. closed during sex.

Jim shares what turned him onto weight loss and how he viewing his own sex tape made him sick enough to change his life.

Alison is asking him to explain the “fish part” as he described himself as looking like a giant gross fish and now Adam says we should all film ourselves fucking to have Jim’s revelation.


Adam has an example of women from weight loss ads and says that if they were fucking they would’ve had the realization much sooner.

Jim reveals he still has the sex tape and Adam is further asking him about his new show on Vice.

Jim is telling them about interviewing the real Rick Ross, Adam is confusing him with the impostor rapper, Jim is now giving them a thumbnail sketch of Rick’s story, the real Rick.


Q and Ace

Adam asks for one brave soul to say something shitty about Austin Texas, Alison steps up and BB has a funny “South By” riff.

Adam interrupts and asks how come every time he talks on the cellphone and the connection breaks up that as he decided to wrap things up then it comes in super clear, for the very last sentence.


1st Question Mike from Texas, he wants to know the weirdest thing that Adam ever saw in Tijuana, Adam is giving a thumbnail sketch of his history with the place, in particular Revolution Street and he says there is a lot of ducking in TJ.

Adam is telling them about a place called “The Unicorn” where the clientele mostly military from San Diego Marine bases would eat pussy on stage.

Adam is joking with Jim about who is paying for that, Adam jokes about a woman paying him 5 bucks to suck his dick.


Adam is now describing the scene and how the crazy Mexican strippers would kick the men if they got out of line mid pussy eating.

Adam is now telling them about another strip club in TJ, where he was watching a giant cockroach running the entire length of the stage and turning around.

Adam says if the cockroach was wearing a sombrero he would have just about died, it felt just about right.


Adam is now telling them about sleeping on the beach and sharing a specific story about “Snake” aka ______(name redacted) Adam reveals he can’t use full names anymore as Snake is now in a position of authority and esteem and mentors young people.

Alison asks about him and his friends being very lucky or the world just isn’t as dangerous as we think, Adam has a roadside sleeping and unlocked door series of analogies to make his point.

Jim says “You’d be a great fucking homeless guy” asking about the time Adam slept on a road shoulder, Adam is now sharing how you can’t be doing anything if you don’t have a credit card and cellphones haven’t been invented yet.


Adam tells Jim that his options keep him awake, Adam is now further waxing poetic on the life without media or stimulation he lived through.

Adam is asking Jim about his early morning and long night, Jim says that if even he had nothing to do tomorrow he couldn’t relax on the side of a road.

Adam says he was stone cold sober and they only had 20$, Tijuana money or as BB puts it “Pussy Eating money” gold!


Adam is now bringing up “Margarita’s Village” and the process of mixing up a margarita in your mouth via violent paint can like head shaking.

Adam mixes up Tequila and Tijuana and says that it can’t be the first that has happened, Adam is now sharing the details of his sick in their ice maker and how when they were cleaning, no lamenting the vomit inside of it.

Adam has a nice roll courtesy of BB in doubt they actually cleaned the machine, Adam tells Jim how they force you to consume alcohol and they theorize it wouldn’t be him breaking sobriety if it’s out of his control, much like a blow dart.

Adam shares the details of annoying everyone else with nonstop “Jessie’s Girl” on the jukebox, he turns down a shot due to the 2nd show, and he tells them to stick around though.


2nd Question Annette, she wants to Adam thinks is his greatest accomplishment is to date, Adam is now saying that besides his twins, jokingly and he says winning the Toyota Celebrity Grand Prix and then coming back and winning the pro division the next year.

Adam explains he’s unsure why he’s wired that way and why that means so much to him, Adam says that it’s an old jock mentality.

Adam says it’s fucking pathetic and a remnant from high school, Alison brings up the 50k people in the crowd and he comments on the idea of beating Jessica Alba in a race, it shouldn’t feel that good.


Jim says fucking Brie Olson without a rubber was his greatest accomplishment after joking with Adam about being proud of his Achievements, Adam says that Jim Norton’s answer is perfect for greatest accomplishment.

Adam brings up Rodney Dangerfield and Jim shares he doesn’t have a story about the man, Adam laments that Rodney was a douche to him too.

Alison is asking Jim about getting tested after sex, he’s sharing his theory on why he didn’t need to get checked after.


Alison’s news

Adam is now bringing up the magical moment of bringing his son up to the podium the first time he won and how he brought both of his kids up the 2nd time, he’s sharing this for the Lynette listening factor.


1st Story Is on Jason Biggs recent twitter controversy after his joke about frequent flier miles on Malaysian Airlines.

Adam interrupts to ask about the Opie and Anthony situation and what’s going on, Jim says it sucks and is now elaborating at Adam’s behest.

Alison calls back Adam’s 1000 nights of your door unlocked idea from earlier in the show, Adam is now giving his take on Anthony being physically assaulted and not reacting in kind, but getting in trouble for his words instead of the woman who put her hands on another person.


Adam has a great shitty tweets in Gaza idea, Adam says that it’s a backwards step for society and Jim brings up the recent Jonah Hill controversy about his comments aimed at a paparazzi verbally abusing and mocking him.

Alison has some great points, Jim has some killer one liners and Adam calls Anthony his hero, getting fired with pay, bringing up the time he was sent home with 3 years on his contract and now Jim is telling them how awful sitting for 3 years actually was.

Jim says a podcast is possibly the route they’ll all go and now Jim is sharing his reaction to the tweets from Anthony and is clarifying his “paranoid maniac” comment.


Adam jokes that somewhere Chuck Heston is rolling over in his a grave, hard cut to an artificial break.


They’re back to the story and the tweet from Jason that got him in hot water.

Adam is sharing how that when people are dead it’s not his bag, he will talk shit about anything but when there are people that are dead he becomes very sensitive.


Adam says when there is a body count, it’s not time for joking about that thing, and everything without a body count is open season.

Alison is asking if Adam thinks its right he got into trouble for the tweets, Adam says let the public decide and comments on the opportunists who use tweets and comments to drum up publicity for themselves.

Adam jokes that he will never watch the man fuck another pie, he says he actually doesn’t give a fuck but wouldn’t make jokes about dead people.


Jim is saying that you should never get in trouble for trying to be funny, Adam now clarifies that he’s not saying it’s bad, joke about what you want, Adam stays away from stuff involving actual corpses, Adam says that Jim is right and society has turned into Jan Brady.

BB says it’s a nation of “tattle tales” and Adam says it’s schadenfreude and he hates it, Adam says that you should never look at your life as trying to get people below you to elevate your status in life.

Adam is now on an epic rant about not looking for people who are underneath you and how it only satiates you from trying to achieve things yourself.


Alison is now giving her take on Jason Biggs and his social media scrutiny after some “Paul Ryan” comments and she now quotes his tweets following the initial controversy over MH17.

Adam says he hopes we’ve reached a saturation point of apologies, witch hunts and nonsense involving what people say on social media.

Adam is now sharing his theory on real problems and how our bullshit is indicative of not having any.


2nd Story Is on the drought in California, Alison is now quoting the board’s chairwoman about brown lawns and dirty cars, Adam has a halfhearted Mexican gardener joke.

Adam says he would be much more apt to listen to the city about water conservation if they could turn off their sprinklers during rainstorms and Adam has a funny horrible role model shitty dad analogy.

Alison is now sharing the story of a couple from Glendora, Adam has a killer “is that the mom from Bewitched?” joke.

Adam says this is why he turned into an asshole and he’s bringing up the hypocrisy of these homeowners and the fines they will endure for not watering their lawn despite requirements to keep their lawn alive for the homeowner rules.


Adam is now going in depth and tells everyone to not own, give all your shit to him and go live in “winter’s Garden” and Adam will take over.

Alison wants to know if Adam dreams of being a real estate tycoon, he says that every time you rent shit out it gets ruined and they don’t pay you, so no he doesn’t want to rent shit.

Adam is now joking about the renters rights in Los Angeles compared to the rights of buying a new car.

Adam says the biggest assholes in the world are landlords because they spend all days arguing with losers.


3rd Story Is on the elderly having the most confidence about their appearance, Adam says that’s “I Don’t give a fuck” and Jim says its dementia and Adam jokes about women aging out of the game of worrying about beauty.

Hilarious sand in the vagina riff and Adam says that guys go “aw fuck it” around 41 and Alison is calling back Adam’s vagina full of sand line, now Adam is joking about a fictional band.

Adam transitions to BB and is asking him about when he stopped giving a shit, BB thinks it’s about the cancer and time and left on earth point that Alison made, it’s not, and it’s actually more insulting.


Adam is now doing a live read for Go to Meeting.


4th Story Is an update on what Britney Spears is up to these days, Alison is telling them about her dining and dashing on a bill.

Adam is now sharing an anecdote of the Cheesecake Factory and equating it to “Smart Water” and BB brings up how putting the dessert in the title of the business makes people have to order it.

Adam is now joking about the broken English spoken by aliens in various media, this seems like he’s describing the most recent episode of “Falling Skies” but this was taped on Saturday.


Adam is joking about the “why is Britney eating at?” type of thinking asking why celebrities eat at the same places everyone else does.

Adam jokes they don’t have paces that sell 4k burritos and Adam says that it doesn’t get much better than local Mexican places.

Adam says she’s white trash and that the white trash people love chains, Adam has a “black folk” comment that’s strange.


Adam is now bringing up dogs, his theory the dumber you are the more you want the same shit always, Adam jokes about dumb people wanting a waffle house in Monaco.

Alison is now sharing the rest of the details, Adam asks if you have to eat with your bodyguard and BB wants to know if it’s bad manners to ask him to eat a different table.

Adam is joking about the carbs your security guard is eating and now Adam is saying you should pray that a celebrity stiffs you as a server, it means you’re going to get a 100$ tip minimum.


Alison is asking if Cops really eat free, one in the audience confirms they’re not allowed to eat for free anymore and Adam riffs about cops losing all of the good stuff that was once part of their job.

Adam says the paperwork and gangbangers haven’t changed, Adam says cops need perks and it’s between them and the restaurant owner, Adam has a “nun and a hoagie” analogy.

Jim says that maybe the cop is lying and maybe he does get blown by hookers every once in a while, Adam has a killer “Bad Lieutenant” reference.


Adam is lamenting the life and job of a cop, how strange.

Alison is now wrapping up the news and Jim says he can’t eat a whole big piece of cake due to his diet, Adam is praising Red Velvet cakes and cupcakes, he says they’re very strong.

Adam is now doing a live read for Stamps.com

Adam is wrapping up the show and giving out the plugs, Adam plugs Jonah Ray on Alison’s Show, and he’s now in the pantheon of people Adam is forced to plug who say terrible things about him, not as bad as when Dave Anthony was on I guess, that guy said some truly hateful shit, evil.