Giovanni’s Superfan Sidebar 07/10/2014 – Pete Holmes

A real time blog where Superfan Giovanni does recap and commentary on the show as it happens and opines on all things ACS

Guest Pete Holmes

Recorded 07-09-2014 – Release Date 07-10-2014

Production Number #1364

Show Page

Adam is opening the show with Pete Holmes scheduled to return for his 2nd visit, he was first on the show for episode #736 from 2012 with Larry Miller and Michael Narren.

Adam is thanking the fans for the support and tweets, teasing a patent troll article for later in the show.

Adam is now trying to make a point about the San Fernando Valley and the million different micro climates within it.


He’s setting up a rant about “Catch a Contractor” and the filming locations, he’s now reading the shooting locations from Season 1 and the mileage.

This is the same list as read on ACS #1220 from December.

Adam jokes about his upcoming filming in Wilmington for Season 2 and BB doesn’t even know where that is, Adam jokes about the time he spent filming “Dawson’s Creek” in North Carolina.


BB is amazed it’s not the worst traffic on earth when told where Los Angeles ranks, Adam laments the projected travel time for the trip, that doesn’t include traffic.

Adam is sharing his policy on leaving his house one house before filming, whether or not that makes him late.

Alison is asking who picks the locations and Adam has a hilarious John Goodman type in fatigues character sliding around locations on a board, trying to stage it as far away as possible, Adam is saying the part that drives him insane about downtown L.A. is the “Fast Track” system that requires payment to use.


Adam is asking if they don’t already pay enough for the roads, he’s giving an example on fuel costs per state, Adam is buying a transponder and he says that Villaretardo and the rest of the city council should be attacked by a thousand hyenas.

Alison has a good point about feeling like they’re held hostage form their own lives, Adam is explaining the principle of his resistance to buying a fast track pass to BB, it’s about giving them more, not the amount.

Adam explains the transponder is not coming until next week but he tapes this weekend, he’s going cannonball run.


BB is bringing up the time Todd Glass guested and told them about parking illegally and paying 500$ per year essentially to park wherever he wants.

Adam is predicting he will be pulled over and says the part that will make him load up his rig with C4 is when Adam shows him the receipt for the transponder and is still told he’s getting a ticket anyway, BB says this could be construed as a threat, Adam says good.

Adam is setting up an article about the patent troll situation.


Adam is doing a live read for Bark Box.


Dawson is now reading from an article that was tweeted at Adam today, Dawson is killing it as per usual.

Adam is chiming in and remarking on the first bill and the nonpartisan agreement, now mocking the words of Mr. Walsh with his double speak “miracles of miracles” and Alison is joining him a bit.

Adam adds a 2nd “disgusting” and his commenting on Leahy speaking out against Harry Reid.


Adam is now asking if this is what we expected from the government, we go to work all day and these people go to work all day to work against us.

Alison has some great points and BB seems fairly educated on this as well, Adam is further expressing his distaste at this clear corruption.

Dawson is further reading this massive scroll, Adam is mocking the slippery slope argument and uses the idea of charging for frivolous 911 calls and the actual non-impact that would have, Adam uses the “marauding bikers” and BB even agrees.


BB is now further arguing an angle about this having nothing to do with pharmaceuticals because of the FDA regulations that have nothing to do with this.

Dawson is reading the part about MPHJ and Adam is commenting on the “Eastern Texas” attempt and explains that’s where we’re heading.

Adam is responding to the quotes from the company and has a great “hookers with crabs” and “when your pimp takes the mustache comb to your pubes” analogy for what patent troll litigation can do to your business.


Adam is explaining he was down in D.C. on this very day Dawson is reading about, Dawson has another sharp page turn that everyone appreciates.

Adam is responding to the proposed bill that would’ve required patent trolls to provide some kind of evidence before taking you to court.

Dawson is reading about how the trolls can send out thousands of letters and has more details about MPHJ technologies, BB has a killer one liner correcting Adam’s non PC language.


BB has a great callback to Mr. Walsh and his double speak, Adam is saying he would love to see a graph of all business and how many were sued pre-1950 vs. 2014.

Dawson is wrapping up and now Adam is citing Mike August and his “The cost of lost opportunity” and he’s telling the gang about Mike Cioffi having to be deposed.

BB thinks it’s a sign that Cioffi’s made it, not realizing that Cioffi launched the podcast.


“If this was a fucking fight I wouldn’t have even taken off my jacket yet” – Adam Carolla the undefeated street fighter telling the trolls about how they’ll rue the day they fucked with him.

BB says aisle for the fight and Alison has a killer joke about the fight being at a wedding, Adam is riffing with it.

Alison says “appearingist” when asked about the popularity of Pete Holmes and his frequent visits to her show, BB asks her what she meant and Adam steps in to question him questioning her.


Adam is doing a live read for HelioCare.com

They’re heading to break.


They’re back from break with Pete Holmes making his 2nd appearance.

Adam is telling Pete how much he enjoyed his time on his podcast “You Made It Weird” and he’s praising the long form interview format.

Pete has a funny point about how weird it would be to invite someone over to talk for 3 hours, Adam has a killer porn analogy.


Adam is bringing up how dudes don’t get paid in porn and have to bring a woman, not family, he jokes about bringing his mom.

Now Pete is riffing about MILF porn and its popularity, Adam cites his “My bread and butter is meat and potatoes” and they’re all joking with him, Adam does an “A’s V” and now Alison has a penis in butt comment that makes someone lose it.

Adam is getting to anal sex and the subjugation factor, Adam jokes about the lack of porn with dudes’ jizzing off into a plastic bag.


“Jerry doesn’t work white” – Adam in response to Pete Holmes Jerry Seinfeld jizz riff.

Adam is joking about looking at clouds and waiting for them to take the shape of tits back in his heyday, Pete is sharing some modern theories on internet pornography and the role that novelty plays in attraction and arousal.

Adam is now using his kid’s air hockey game, they played it for about 20min on Christmas day and they don’t give a fuck about it, Adam says he would have built his childhood around it.


Adam and Pete are joking about his youth being a little rascals ’esque era, Pete is now sharing a scientific anecdote from his show, and he’s got a nice side point about internet dating and everyone waiting for the next person not the right person.

Adam is saying you could play another joke on people and is now using Jay Leno and his car museum in comparison to the old timer who owns the one car he cherishes.

Pete takes to the analogy and comments on the people married to 9k dollar cars, Adam is commenting on how his wife gets immediately miserable by seeing celebrities on vacation, but then when she sees the starving kids in Africa she doesn’t have any let alone an equal reaction to seeing that.


Adam is saying that contrails are all just endless cocks, Pete is trying to present his “it’s all the same stuff” theory about genitals and humans.

Adam is commenting on how it was once impossible to work on the weekend, you must stare at clouds and beat off there’s no choice.

Pete is citing the hoop and stick joke from “A Million Ways to die in the West” and now Adam is sharing his “stop walking through everyone else’s museum” theory.


Adam has a nice Jeff Ross and Doug Benson example for the guys who don’t want to wake before noon, Adam is joking about them as milk delivery men.

“You’ve lost the pink eye of the tiger” – Adam, Pete takes a minute to catch that and they’re all talking about the simulation of sex when you masturbate alone.

Pete has a hilarious callback to Adam’s museum theory, referencing “The Shawshank Redemption” and now Adam is inventing software that locks men out of the computer after a certain amount of porn browsing.


Adam threatens to sue anyone that tries to steal this, they joke about him learning his lesson from the trolls.

Pete is now weighing in and Adam is asking the guys for their “Porn Lockout Time” and Pete is joking about the hubris of the porn browning man.

Alison is further asking them about what goes on during these browsing sessions, she’s very inquisitive and surprised by the info.


Adam is now trying to get Pete to understand he’s not trying to be impressed, he wants a realistic number that won’t impede his lifestyle nor put pressure on him to hurry.

Adam jokes about doing it on camera and being a pro, Pete can’t believe it and was hoping it was indeed a Man Show bit.

Adam is further explaining why it’s a fool’s errand to spend 4 hours looking for the “right” porn and Adam has a sick “what’s his name” burn for Pete.


Pete is telling them about detoxing form porn and Adam jokes about Pete’s dad being in charge and they’re all riffing about it.

Pete is telling them about his “virtual chastity belt” as BB coins it, Adam is further explaining how the lockout system works, and he’s refining it.

They’re all killing it with one liners and Adam is saying he’s counting on the person not beating off 13 times in a row, Alison has a “that seems a harsh” to Pete’s rule of #1 per day.


Adam is now polling the guys in the studio, BB has weird off mic joke reply to Alison and Dawson has the most hilarious figure.

Adam just had a flash of genius and he came up with the rule of lockout for 4x the amount you spent browsing for porn.

Pete is now taking it back to his original point, Adam is finishing up with Dawson and he’s now saying the sensible time would be 20/80 beat off then lockout time.

Adam has a funny “stay on your diet” logic and he’s working Alison into the mix, gold!


Alison’s News

1st Story Is on the Jury Selection and ruling in the Bryan Stow case, Adam is making a case for how regardless of security he would be getting millions regardless, just for being at a huge event.

Adam wants to know who is really going to prevent the animals from attacking this guy, Adam is now calling the hijackers on 911 animals too.

Adam is now riffing about a stadium freak out, Alison is sharing the details of the selection process for the jury and Adam is saying that he doesn’t like the idea that the guys who turned this guy into a vegetable are less than 50% responsible for their actions.


Pete is now asking about the inner capacity for humans to engage in violence and evil, Adam and Alison are now riffing about Pete being addicted to MILF porn and not letting himself out at night.

BB is joining the mix and they’re all doing the low voice “distance” move mocking Pete.


2nd Story Is an update on the Opie and Anthony Show, it’s carrying on with Jim Norton and Opie, in the meantime Anthony will be focusing on his “Live from the compound show” and now Adam is weighing in.

Adam is saying that their hands aren’t really tied, they can leave if they really want, Adam is now quoting his advice about “anyone can sue anyone over anything” and “they can’t make you do it” in regards to showbiz contracts.

Adam has a great joke about Anthony being their first phoner on Monday, Adam says it’s more about what the other party thinks, if Anthony wasn’t so cool about them carrying on that would change the stakes.


Alison is now asking Adam about the 2005 Loveline contract negotiation incident and he’s working the 5th season of the Man Show offers into his explanation, to give a dual narrative of how these situations can play out.

Adam is explaining how Comedy Central annoyed him with pressure to keep going on the Man Show after Jimmy got his shot at late night in 2003.

Alison has a funny “Carolla Graft” comment as Adam mocks the EW article from circa 2003-2004.


Adam is now joking about being fucked over by Dr. Drew, he’s very calm and insightful explaining how it all went down and excusing Drew for his shortcomings in this matter.

Alison has a nice call back asking if KROQ and WW1 were trying to perform a Carolla’ectomy and now Adam is mocking the idea of removing him from the Loveline equation.

Pete is joking about Adam sounding like a 1930’s gangster, Adam does his go to “22 skidoo” as BB lays in the sounded that I think actually hurts Adam’s comedy more than inspires it, this specific old timey sound bed.


Adam is explaining what he told Drew about the contract incident and how he forgives/overlooks it and despite being disappointed they moved on.

Adam is now saying you can separate a singular act from a person’s general fabric and Alison is sharing how she can’t always do that.

Adam is now back to what a fucked up thing it was for Dr. Drew to do, leaving him with nowhere to go and no money.


Pete is complimenting Adam’s evolved thinking, he doesn’t think Drew screwed him, he thinks Drew was doing this out of pressure to provide and if given a magical scenario where he could sign and not fuck over Adam of course he would do that.

Adam doesn’t assume that he did it to fuck him over, that’s just a side effect.

Adam is further waxing poetic on actions and behavior and he’s sharing his sister’s theory that she had terrible parents but they were great to Adam.


Adam is now doing a live read for Deer Hunter 2014 and Adam jokes about eating his kills, now Pete is riffing about getting real word receipts for carcasses for the animas you kill in the game.


3rd Story Is on a recent survey about when men lose their sex appeal, Adam is now joking about whores sitting next to the Most Interesting Man in the World.

Pete has a funny comment and sound like Paul Lynde, Adam calls him on it, now they’re back at MILF porn and Pete explains GILf porn to BB.

Adam is now talking about the sobering moment of when a woman is filed under “chubby” porn after filming a scene, they’re all joking about women being shocked by the title/category of their porn after Pete had a funny comment that inspired it all.


Adam is now sharing the “Man Show” boy helping old ladies across the street bits.

BB closes out Alison’s news with a new drop and compliments from Pete.


Adam is now doing a live read for Go To Meeting.

Adam has a funny joke mocking Pete’s “WebCan” line, BB keeps playing Pete’s “horseshit” drop.

Adam is wrapping up the show and giving out the plugs.