Giovanni’s Superfan Sidebar 06/25/2014 – Kelley James and Nils Lofgren, Live from Phoenix
A real time blog where Superfan Giovanni does recap and commentary on the show as it happens and opines on all things ACS
Guest – Kelley James and Nils Lofgren, Live from Phoenix
Recorded 06-21-2014 – Release Date 06-25-2014
Production Number #1353
Adam is opening the show, night 2 show 1 from Phoenix and Kelley James is live on stage with them.
Adam is doing the intros and BB has a classic and perfect #TopDrop from Will Ferrell, Adam is saying the heat brings out your animal instinct and BB jokes “to run and hide?” and Adam agrees, yes actually.
Adam is telling them about trying to seek shade and asks why white people always have to be dumb in commercial after mentioning fiat and P. Diddy.
Adam is explaining how Los Angeles tries to force things to grow and live that can’t in the dessert environment, Adam says Arizona is the same terrain but they refuse to do anything to cover it up.
Adam says Phoenix knows its limitations and welcomes Nils to the show while thanking him for the Pizza, Adam congratulates him on the induction into the Rock and Roll hall of fame.
Adam is bringing up Nils because of his wife Lynette, Adam is explaining their schedule form last night and the time in the greenroom in between shows.
Nils is now on mic and thanking his wife for bringing them the pizza, Adam jokes about him and Lynette being best friends and Nils is telling them what his wife does.
It’s Nils’s birthday, he’s 63 today and Adam is joking about the lack of aging among the E. Street Band, asking if they’re on supplements.
Adam is joking about Bruce enforcing a diet on the rest of the band, Nils says they police each other and give each other only 10-15lbs of wiggle room.
Nils is telling them about how excited he was to work with Bruce as always but the 3hr and 40min shows towards the end of their most recent 170 show tour started to get intense, Adam is asking Nils about Bruce sliding across the stage.
Adam jokes about his wife having a multi-orgasmic evening while standing next to Matt Damon in the crowd watching Bruce.
Adam is asking Nils about their bands ability to play songs they’ve never played together and how they make it work, he makes a “chukka, chukka” noise and he’s bringing up Lynette picking him up at the airport, he’s all praise and Adam jokes it was the best blowjob Nils ever had.
Adam quickly recaps with him about the scuff mark, Adam is sharing how he called his house between the shows last night and talked to his daughter and son.
Adam says that he was told Lynette was out getting a massage when he asked where momma was, Adam is now riffing as Bruce doing and impromptu song dedication towards women who live hard at home when their spouses are on the road.
Adam is joking about how specific these are going to get and says the Boss could throw these up on YouTube and Adam would act clueless.
Adam is now explaining Kelley’s talent and asking him how he does it, Adam jokes about not being a legend when Kelley is referring to Nils, BB is riffing with Adam and he’s says its ok as long it’s not Alison, wow!
Kelley is having some fun with the audience asking them what key to use and Adam is now trying to add something before Kelley starts riffing.
Adam is responding to the woman who said Queen and now Adam says the album with the naked chicks on the bicycle was all the porn he had.
Kelley is now performing “Queen” off the top of his head, it sounds pretty great.
Everyone seems to love it and Adam is asking the people up front about their reserved table, the “Queen” couple.
Adam is getting the audience to give a second round of applause for Kelley and tells him to feel free to jump in.
Q and Ace
1st Question from Andrea form Chicago, Adam mocks the city for having too many nicknames, and Adam has a great Aluminum and Zinc Mike Tyson reply.
She wants to know if Adam has a strategy for either of his kids dating boys, Adam is now sharing his joke from “In 50 Years We’ll All Be Chicks” the “You think you’re too good to suck cock” bit.
Adam says by that time the genders will cross and by the time his son reaches his junior year of high school his son will become Adam Lambert.
Adam says his daughter is 8 and “whoring it up already” in a loving way, he’s referencing her Rihanna reenactments and says that she’s already started climbing out of the window in her bedroom.
Adam says it’s going to big time trouble and he’s hoping he will be on his 2nd trophy wife by the time this all happens, Adam will be opening for Kelley touring on the road.
Adam has come to grips that his daughter will be like any other kid, he’s not being pejorative, but he would just not want to see it on the internet, Adam says it’s now “have as much sex as you want, pull a train, I don’t care, I don’t want to see it on TMZ” instead of the previous generations “don’t have sex” and Alison is asking some follow ups about the window.
Adam is now explaining how son is endlessly pushing something in circle making a noise in his bedroom, he requires no attention nor special handling.
Alison has a killer pulling a train callback, holy shit!
Adam says he’s pushing a train and now shares the old cat analogy for raising Sonny, with a funny new twist.
Adam says that from his years on Loveline he’s learned that trying to enforce a concept of morality on kids usually backfires, Adam asks Andrea about her youth and says she looks like she was whoring it around a little, funny reaction from the crowd.
2nd Question from Mario, a fellow “Uni-Bro” who wants to know if Adam was ever abused for his Uni-brow, Adam is now killing it joking about the time Mario’s classmates tried to shave it after locking him in a closet.
Adam is asking if was going to rob him of his power and jokes about the worst superhero ever “Armenian Man” Adam says “he stabs you with a kabob…” Adam takes it a long way and says he’s a “Super Gyro” and now says that people always fuck you up with their accents when you ask the proper pronunciation.
Adam is telling them about how he was bullied and picked on by his friends in high school, Ray and Chris.
Adam is telling them about the time he saw Ray pee on a guy he didn’t know in high school, Adam says the precursor to the Howie Mandel fist bump was Ray pissing on your Super Denim jeans.
Adam is referencing the time they stripped him, smashed shit in his ear, he’s explaining how they would cut out of 3rd period and is telling them about his teacher who looked like the guy in the Magic Mountain Commercial, the big old bald guy with glasses.
Adam is telling the story of the time he got shit in his ear, Alison asks once again if it was Ray’s poop and Adam says it’s still unclear.
Adam is explaining how hard it is to catch someone who is exactly the same speed as you are but has a 50ft head start.
Adam is going in full detail telling them about the down jacket he had, the Dacron kind he says, Adam says he was physically assaulted and abused by his friends, he would never have said he was bullied.
Adam is now saying why you don’t want to be a victim, it’s not good for people it makes you depressed, and BB says just another guy with shit in his ear.
Adam is now responding to Kelley James asking if he ever plucked his eyebrow, they all comment on him taking it back to the eyebrow.
Adam is now setting up the Estie Chiladanko Story, the kitchen fire story.
Adam is telling it in full detail complete with the panty drawer and kitchen pantry portions, Adam is killing it.
The best telling of this version is THURSDAY, OCTOBER 11, 2001 GUEST: ANGELICA BRIDGES – Listen.
Adam is explaining the time she was choosing between Adam and Chris for her boyfriend, BB has a nice Christopher Cross music bed.
Adam is saying that her “All my friends think I’m nuts” line was the first Compusult (Complisult) and he’s back to the story.
Adam is telling them about the Avocado kitchen paintjob now covered in soot and Estie’s super scary Israeli father, Adam is explaining how he used Easy Off oven cleaner.
Someone is bringing Adam a shot and BB says NO!!! While playing a drop of a buzzer, Adam is to the details of the paint getting stripped off the hood vent.
Adam is really on point with the details, even the Ranchero pickup truck driven by Estie’s father, Chris literally cowers in a closet after witnessing her father pull-up.
Adam is just as amazed that the man didn’t come into his own house, have you ever gone to your own house and not gone in?
Adam is sharing more detail than ever about his confrontation with Chris in the closet, BB has a killer “What’d she want?” reply and Adam is telling them about the phone call from Estie and her mother.
Kelley James is so fucking awesome for setting up this story, gold!
Adam closes out the story of the drive the next day with her mom in the car!
Alison is now asking some follow up questions and Adam says he’s unsure if he told her about the pot of wax.
They’re back from break and Adam is taking a shot of silver tequila, Adam says that when he was a kid the white stuff was the shitty shit and some genius changed it from white to silver.
They’re playing the news theme as Adam takes the shot.
Adam is now adding another for the boss, “to all the ladies that shut the fucking porch light off and don’t leave the heater running in Sonny’s room, 2, 3, 4!”
1st Story Is on Mexico’s win with 0/0 in the World Cup and Adam is mocking his conversation with Gary. Alison has a tangential beats by Dre headphones story about a new policy.
Adam wants to know how much entertainment one needs before a soccer match, Adam says he feels the same way about baseball players chewing dip and eating seeds while essentially on the clock.
Adam wants them to not eat while on our dime.
Adam is joking about ordering some fucking fajitas right now, despite what the audience wants, Adam says for those 3hrs they’re making 25million dollars, they can eat at 1pm in the locker room and then back when they return at 430pm
Adam wants to know how the fuck Pele did it. Was he out there just pumping the ABBA? Adam is asking Nils what Pele would have been listening to in his day, mocking the need for headphones of modern day players.
Adam now says that Springsteen should’ve copy written that shit, the knee slide celebration move.
Adam says he’s knows that the Boss is doing ok, joking about him touring every year meaning he’s not set financially, hilarious riff.
Kelley is now asking about the flopping element of soccer, Adam is saying that they have it in basketball too, the problem is you do have it happen in the NBA, your head hits the hardwood.
Dawson is sharing the answer to that question, soccer players are taught to feign injuries when they lose control of the ball, 50/50 odds they’ll get a call in their favor.
Alison is asking Adam about his Beats headphones that’s he now broke and he’s sharing his nightly routine and mocking his mini pushups, still got it Aceman!
Adam is once again sharing the story of time he yelled at Natalia and how his headphones started getting fuzzy after she tossed them off his head.
Adam is saying he got them in a gift bag from Ellen, Adam says he went 0-30 never owning a bathrobe and now has hundreds, BB says the Keenan Ivory Bathrobe sounds like a sex move.
2nd Story is on stats about laughter, she’s sharing how you’re more likely to laugh when with someone than when solo.
People who laugh while talking, Adam hates that person and mocks them with a working hard or hardly working crack up.
Adam says he doesn’t trust that person, he likes miserable people and now Alison is telling them about women laughing more than men.
Adam has a great blowing Lorenzo Lamas line while mocking women saying they’re attracted to a sense of humor.
3rd Story is on the worst people to take a road trip with, Alison is claiming she has a tiny bladder and Adam says he will stop to take a piss when he feels it and realizes Alison must have to go too.
Adam says you know that when you’re driving with a peer or a smoker you know one will have to break first, Adam would like to have his urethra yoked out and BB has a killer “that’s very common” reply.
Adam is explaining he thinks he pees too slowly, he has too much piss for the bore of his urethra, and Adam would like to dump piss like a firefighting plane.
Adam is now telling them about seeing this done to Jimmy Kimmel, the time Drew had to refer Jimmy to a doctor to insert rods into his penis.
Alison has a great reaction to Adam’s one liner about Jimmy’s urethra being filled with his shit, gold!
Adam is telling them about the yoking out they had to do and snaps at the audience, saying it’s just science.
Alison didn’t know that Adam meant Yoke as in stretch, she thought he meant it like “buff” as in the Michael Ian Black drop they play on the show.
Adam is back to the urine dump and riffing about it with Kelley, Alison is asking Adam if he can control the strength of the stream at all.
Adam says it’s a young man’s game and is telling them about extra streams after the tracer rounds, Adam is calling for a show of cocks about his dumping idea.
The person who is constantly flipping stations, Adam is saying he watches the screen of the person next to him, Adam is sharing his experience on the Southwest flight with the sweet kid in their row.
Adam says he immediately replied that he had heard every word he said, and was curious about their careers.
Adam says he feels like Kelley should knock out another song, Kelley hates the person who doesn’t respect silence.
Kelley asks Alison about the next story on drunk fish, she’s giving him some of the details.
“Closed the drunk fish factory down!” – Adam as Bruce riffing a song again.
Kelley is now performing again, it sounds great.
They loved it, once again it’s a hit!
Adam jokes about him doing it word for word the same way in sound check.
Adam is now doing a live read at the Crowd’s demand, for Boxed.com.
4th Story Is on how it was illegal to live in your car in California, the law is now going to be overturned because it’s been found unconstitutional.
Adam is commenting on the tent city in downtown Los Angeles and how insane it is, Adam says its good looking pup tents and fancy living, much better than Adam’s own childhood.
Adam is asking everyone that every year that moves on there is another law put in place against tax payers and one less for people who don’t want to do anything.
“You’re an alcoholic, you’re derelict, you just live on the fucking streets and shoot snot rockets where you please… if you’s like to come up and ear-fuck an elderly woman at a bust stop there is nothing we can do about it” – Adam on the inverse benefits for the homeless and not contributors to society.
Adam wants to know who decided homeless people are our future, he’s now commenting on the picture he took of the illegal immigrants getting away with selling flowers while a woman is ticketed nearby in the same frame.
Adam is joking about giving homeless people a shower like in Rambo and he’s further saying we need to treat homeless people like the insane drug addicts they are and not heroes.
Adam is clarifying his point, Adam says they need our help and boundaries and they don’t need more room to roam, Adam says they are like troubled children who are spinning out of control.
Adam is killing it with his rant, whoa!
Alison is now making a follow up point about people with mental illnesses having too many rights vs. a bygone era where Adam could have Lynette lobotomized and institutionalized.
Adam is now riffing a Bruce song about how great that would be.
Adam says it’s always bad for the 2nd show when he catches a buzz during the 1st.
Adam is now doing a live read for Legal Zoom and tells an audience member he needs to have someone drive for him.
Adam is now wrapping up the show and giving out the plugs for Kelley James.