Giovanni’s Superfan Sidebar 06/23/2014 – Teresa Strasser, Live from Phoenix
A real time blog where Superfan Giovanni does recap and commentary on the show as it happens and opines on all things ACS
Guest – Teresa Strasser, Live from Phoenix
Recorded 06-20-2014 – Release Date 06-23-2014
Production Number #1351
Dawson intros the show with Teresa with an “A’s V” joke, odd choice, maybe on purpose as like a tip of the cap, but could read in a negative way too.
BB has a classic “Make me Some Jews” #TopDrop and Teresa informs Ace how beloved he is here, he jokes it’s so hot he stepped off the plane and got stuck to the bottom of his own shoe.
Adam is telling them about the ant he saw running in a circle because it was too hot, Adam jokes about trying to kill it and put it out of its misery, Adam says we’ve fucked ourselves in the shoe dept.
Adam jokes about pods filled with Gatorade and your astrological sign on the bottom of every shoe, Adam is now citing his kids and T’s young boys.
Adam is joking about the things that were sold to him as a kid, he’s joking about trying to pitch an ant farm to his kids, as an activity.
Teresa adds Lincoln Log and Adam jokes about that being used as the golden spike being hammered into his asshole by his kids, Alison gives Adam an assist with “Sea Monkeys” and has a funny joke about the advertising for them.
Adam is telling the crowd about his first trip with TSA pre-check after 3 years of him trying to set it up and over 4 years of me trying to set it up for him.
Adam is joking about the “Cancer hoop” to describe the TSA scanning machines and trying to describe the TSA pre-check to a Don Draper esque flyer smoking in the 1960s.
Adam is telling them about Mike August not having TSA pre-check and beating him to the metal detector in line.
Adam is now joking about them swabbing August’s hands and how he might be a bomb builder who uses his feet or elbows.
Adam says he would close the interaction with “no you’re good… nothing but a little fecal matter” and T is telling Adam how hold her kids are.
Adam is now using Tex Watkins from the Manson Family and his kids to give some perspective in reply to the people clapping for T.
Adam says he would rather his son be addicted to prostitutes than a hardcore soccer fan, he would have a more productive life.
Adam jokes about “Whore’s Sweaters” in reply to Alison’s one liner about merch and Adam is joking about overturning a cop horse.
T is citing a news story about a prostitute who was giving out free service after her team won.
T is bringing up all of the changes since she’s last seen the gang, how sweet!
She’s citing some similarities between Adam in “President Me” and Steve Jobs in his biography.
T is now saying she loves the idea of putting R. Lee Emery in charge of education, they’re joking about eating paste.
1st Question from Kerry Wells, she wants to know how to get her husband to quit chewing tobacco and Adam jokes about getting him to start smoking.
Adam is bringing up Tony Gwynn and says it’s hard to bring up a guy with, Adam is asking everyone about the cigarette butt in the beer can experience, BB acts like he’s never heard of it.
Adam is quizzing her husband and bringing up dip swappers and Adam says that his “Diphtheria” Adam is now joking about taking a hit off his dip cup and a cigarette butt beer.
Adam asks if he rides a horse to work, does he do anything of the cool things surrounding dip, the positive dip traits, gold!
2nd Question Meredith wants to know why her husband won’t masturbate in front of her, T has a funny way of delivering her question asking about the guy she’s with.
Adam is now joking about a masturbation exchange program where they wife swap and have each others wives watch them.
Adam now has a great Swedish massage/juice box analogy and riff to close things out, T asks a great follow up and Adam is joking about fantasy walk on’s and cameos for Lynette, her and Loni Anderson doing girl/girl in his brain.
T references her character from WKRP and Adam jokes about knowing your wife shits up the bathroom twice per day.
Adam is now asking the guys for a show of remote/mouse hand from the guys who thought they would be beating off long after they got married, he’s now explaining how he thought he would part ways with the accoutrements of beating off.
Adam and BB have a quick improv scene, T just inspired Adam to riff about trying to get back in the life of his lubricant and tissue.
T is asking her why she wants this and Adam mocks her “secret” reply and Adam is now offering to film him with his iPhone and email her the link.
Adam is joking that when dudes beat off it’s not that impressive, he’s citing Wolverine and James Bond beating off in the movies.
Adam says even Brad Pitt and Clooney would look like douchebags, Bald Bryan guesses that Tony Hawk would be the most graceful jacker.
T just mentioned Gene Kelley and Adam is bringing up a fly weight boxer.
Adam asks for the kid’s birthday and Alison reminds people of what an awesome wife she is, I agree.
Adam is now giving them advice on how to get out of a sitcom style interrogation about what they were doing for her birthday.
Adam says he’s only going to another 20min on him beating off and is asking him about his posture, Adam says another reason we don’t need a witness is for any backseat jacking and the audience member reveals his nutty jacking style, BB has a great quip.
“I think you could fake this one, you know, not after the thing I just said” – Adam
Adam is joking about him learning to beat off this way due to brothers and has a killer Nintendo and prison closer.
Alison is asking him about where his jizz goes, T knows and she sums it up that women masturbating is sexy and men doing is not.
Adam says that when his wife asks where his jizz goes “Mount Olympus on the back of a Pegasus” and now T is asking Adam about his sex vs. masturbation ratio.
Adam is more quoting his 9th grade concepts about marriage as opposed to when he actually got married and now he’s joking about “making hump on them” and calling the audience member a Swiss army knife of beating off.
This show is off the charts hilarious!
Adam is now bringing up the drought in Los Angeles and jokes about women wasting water in the bathtub to masturbate and perhaps we should start a campaign telling them to ease up on it.
3rd Question form Michael, Adam jokes about him in the bathroom vomiting up the clam chowder, BB has a great reaction to Michael’s question about his wife and her laziness.
Adam is now using sitcom logic to make a point about how men are portrayed vs. women in the media to contrast reality.
Adam is saying he’s forced to use condescending sing songy language to get her to motivate and start moving, he’s using movie start times to make the point.
Adam is riffing about women getting ready and being very fair, BB is offering up his experiences and how he tells Christie her 1st choice is always best when it comes to outfits in order to speed things up.
Alison has a great deadpan reply and now Teresa is also giving her experience, Alison shares hers and they all confirm Adam’s theory.
Adam is now asking about Nils Lofgren attending the show, his wife told him but he’s coming to the 10pm show, must mean these were aired out of sequence of recording or Nils attended a different show.
Now Adam is launching into the story of the time Lynette wanted to buff out the scuff on her car, the infamous Nils Lofgren story.
T knows he’s going to tell this story and he proceeds anyway, Adam has a great yawn mocking his wife’s reaction to his suggestion she buff out the scuff.
Adam is now joking about fucking his hand, how bizarre.
“Tell me you’re going to my dad’s house to suck him off, so I can fucking sleep” – Adam
Teresa is bringing up the “beach towels” in the bathroom possibly off air discussion from the KLSX days, Adam was mystified that the maid who didn’t know the difference between beach towels and his fucking initials on the custom bathroom towels.
T is bringing up Adam being late for Bryan’s wedding due to Lynette’s prep time running long, Adam is bringing up the Sunday Morning brunch after Jimmy Kimmel’s wedding and he’s joking about pouring tomato juice and vodka into his mouth and stirring it with a celery stick to make a Blood Marry as everyone was heading home.
Adam tells him to bottle it up and accept it or kill himself, he’s telling him that praise will get him what he wants and critiques don’t work with women, Adam is joking about his wife wearing a robe and slippers after 5pm and perfecting the fetal position while watching some dumb housewives show, hilarious “that’s awesome” praise from Ace.
Alison and T agree it’s hard to see him using positive reinforcement for dealing with his wife, he’s sharing how his wife said “I feel sorry for you” and he agreed.
Adam is telling them about editing Road Hard, Adam is sharing how the editor knows Alison as cancer and keeps trying to edit her out of the movie.
Adam is sharing his crazy schedule of trying to edit his movie, he’s hinting around some stumbling block.
They’re now in a break.
Back from break with a “Too Hot for Radio” set list of Teresa Strasser songs from the KLSX days and T says that Rich Banks lives here and he’s actually revealed to be in the audience.
T is setting up that these songs are pre 2 kids in a minivan and Adam along with Alison both have killer one liners about that phrase.
They’re now playing “Jew, Jew, Jew took it in her backdoor” and Adam is now sparing Teresa some embarrassment but he’s insisting T setup the “Rape Shower in my mind” story involving Jack Silver, the show was “light in the cooch department” and BB is now doing an impression of Jack and mocking him.
Rich Banks and Dawson are helping flesh out this song and how it came to be, Lynch wrote it and Adam loves the tune.
They’re now playing “Rape Shower in my mind” and it’s just as great as ever.
1st Story is on the unauthorized “Saved by The Bell” story airing on lifetime, great “and screech” one liner from Alison when Adam asks about SBTB and the cast hooking up.
Adam is explaining to Teresa, there is no reason to beating off, it’s not either or, it’s both and their moms.
Adam is now riffing about Mario Lopez and his impressive physique, joking that he could open a beer bottle with his belly button, they’re all confused now and Alison is asking them about beat off positions.
They’re further discussing masturbation and Alison brings up “the Stranger.”
2nd Story Is on a study where men and women selected where the most attractive men and women come from, Adam is going with Brazilian guys.
Alison is now reading the list of most attractive/sexiest nationality for men, Alison is surprised by Australia and Adam agrees.
He’s forgetting about the “Thunder from Down Under” that guested on Loveline in 1997.
Alison is now reading the list of most attractive female nationalities.
Adam is now mocking the guys who show off their guns and he’s riffing about Brazilian asses being the perfect color, he’s saying they throw extra parades just to show off their asses.
Adam is now saying that Ferrari’s are red because that looks best on them, not British racing green and now Alison is citing Uma Thurman’s ass as one that is too pale.
3rd Story Is on a woman who branded her two children with a hot stick, she was marking them as her own and promised them ice cream after the burn.
Adam is now joking about steaks being used to treat a black eye, they’re now looking at a picture of her and Adam is calling BB out for his racial comment.
T is quoting Adam “Asian’s are like Jews with Balance” which he dropped last time he was visiting Phoenix and met her Asian pal in the green room.
Adam has a great “black fraternity” and rancher comments mocking this woman and they’re all commenting on how cute she looks in the picture and how shitty men are for responding to her appearance.
4th Story Is on the most annoying types of couples, Adam loves the couple that fights all the time as they make him seem healthy, Adam says it’s a fuck of a lot better than “my wife is my best friend” with an elaborate engagement story.
Nice blood diamond mention and T picks up on it and thanks him.
The couple that communicates to each other on Facebook and twitter, Adam is now telling them about the “phone throwing” from ACS #2 with Dr. Drew from February 2009.
Adam wants to know about the couple who are both deeply into the same shit, T has a great point about one person faking their interest.
Adam is now using the woman on the back of bikes at Sturgis citing them as not actually like bikes, Adam is now bringing up the old guy with Honda gullwing motorcycle with the helmets that have the intercom system.
Adam is joking about having his hooked up to Jimmy Kimmel sitting at home and Lynette talking to Nils or somebody.
Adam says that Lynette has given up the ghost of “stop talking” and how Natalia runs at him with it and his “you better pray I don’t stop talking” reply.
Adam is doing a live read for Stamps.com
5th Story is on Alex Trebek winning the award for most appearances hosting a game show, Adam is explaining why you have to pay the Guinness people for traveling to the source of the record.
Adam is saying that that book was one of his most wanted childhood items and he’s riffing about the guy with the super long finger nails and Adam is joking about him killing himself with his own hand.
Alison is bringing up the smallest mammal, the pigmy marmosets and Adam is bonding with T over the obese twins on scooters from the book.
Alison says that Adam really brought the Guinness award into the 21st century and digital age with his award.
6th Story is on tipping, Adam is sharing his conversation with Daniel Kellison about tipping and the reputation you develop.
Adam wants to know why someone who dropped out of high school should make 75$ per hour waiting tables and Alison says it’s 18%, the standard is now 20% and Adam tells everyone in the crowd to tip generously.
Adam is lamenting them not paying servers and waiters a fair wage in certain states, Adam is asking why proctologists don’t get tips but massage therapist do.
Adam says it’s called bribing, Adam wishes cops accepted tips and he wants to know where other countries are at.
Alison hates it when gratuity is included and they ask for an additional tip on top of it, Adam says room service gratuity is a huge scam.
Adam jokes that the tipping line is saying “feed me” and wishes we could tip people with food, fries and pickles because he doesn’t like them.
Adam is now lamenting people leaving food outside their room, he has to share that hallway and he’s joking about judging the guest of the room based on their leftovers outside.
Adam is saying that the tip should work with the person retrieving the food carcass from the guest 1 hour later, it solves all the problems.
Alison is wrapping up the news.
Adam and BB are doing a live read for Draft Kings and BB insults their local team, Adam is now joking about diamondbacks, snakes being the worst mascot for a baseball team, and Audience member adds “marlins” to the list.
Adam is wrapping up the show and thanking the great Teresa Strasser for joining them and her book along with the show “The List” Adam says her 5 star ranking on Amazon is unbelievable.
No better way to start the week than with T, killer show!