13 Jun Giovanni’s Superfan Sidebar 06/13/2014 – Ian Edwards and Steve Malanga
A real time blog where Superfan Giovanni does recap and commentary on the show as it happens and opines on all things ACS
Guest – Ian Edwards and Steve Malanga
Recorded 06-12-2014 – Release Date 06-13-2014
Production Number #1345
Adam is opening the show to a #TopDrop from Delores on the last episode, Adam is bringing up the chicken shit tickets being handed out on his block, at the 3 way stop near the warehouse.
Adam is bringing up Chris Laxamana getting a ticket in the warehouse parking lot recently, they’re showing a picture of it and Alison wants to know if that’s trespassing, she seems to be kidding but she raises a valid point about the idea of “owning” property.
Adam is now asking what has ever happened when a person has rolled through a 3 or 4 way stop, he’s mentioning that on the other hand we have all heard of the uninsured illegal who totals your car.
Adam says he’s been going to the warehouse for over 10 years and has never see two people exchanging information outside the stop sign, just chicken shit tickets.
Funny state farm “like a good neighbor” riff with BB.
“Why is our own police force kicking the shit out of us on technicalities?” – Adam on shitty cops and the fleecing of Americans by those we pay for “protection” and he’s asking Chris if he’s going to fight the ticket, he doesn’t know how he is supposed.
Adam is ranting about how Chris needs to demand they prove to him “why it’s dangerous” and Adam says “we’re all breaking like 18 laws per day to live our lives and I’m sick of that part” – Adam
Chris is telling them about the ticket and Adam has a point about being in tandem with a car in front of you that came to a full stop.
Adam is begging every listener to clog the system and ruin things for the cops like they ruin things for us, Alison and BB have a story and are talking about a cop wearing a sombrero.
“Fuck you, fucking heroes, fuck yourselves, do what we fucking tell you to do, you’re our bitch, bitches!” @AdamCarolla on law enforcement.
Adam is now trying to think of the chicken shit pantheon of Los Angeles cities and BB is now weighing in, Adam is bringing up the leased Audi with the bogus dealer plates he used to evade a shitty cop who was pulling a dangerous U-turn to try and “bust” Adam.
Adam is now explaining how he’s going to get into an accident for having to stare at his radar detector the entire time he drives.
Alison is now asking about the cardboard dealer plates and Chris is sharing how he got a ticket for not putting his registration sticker on his car, despite having paid for it and being registered in the system.
Adam is now saying we need to take back the night with candles through paper plates like some kind of vigil.
Adam is doing a live read for Hulu Plus, he’s trying to conjure the name Tyler Labine.
Adam is now telling the audience about his visit to the Brian Lehrer show, the show in NYC where he tried to trap/frame/ambush Adam using a clip of Jo Koy, they’re now playing the clip he played on air.
Adam is explaining that he started with that clip, Adam is sharing the details of the back and forth with the host and his agenda that didn’t allow him to conduct a proper interview.
Adam is now finally noting how condescending and actually racist it was for him to comment that Jo doing the voice was “better” and Adam is explaining what he said in reply to Brian’s failed attempt.
Alison calls the host “Graham Wellington’s hippy nephew” and Adam is giving a sketch of the remainder of the 20min interview, ending with them shaking hands when he left, it didn’t get angry.
Adam is now explaining why they wouldn’t allow him to guest on NPR without having an agenda to try and humiliate or harm him, they’re not interested in good radio, they want to enforce their agenda, with the concept that they “speak” for races they don’t belong to, the ultimate racism.
Adam is bringing up the back and forth with Matt Fondiler asking about who they booked and when the shows aired, to figure out if they were not going to air Adam’s.
Adam is pissed about the wasted time and predicted they wouldn’t play the interview at all, because they have egg on their face.
Adam was right they pulled the bitch move after lying to Adam about why it didn’t air, Alison is now reading the reply from the publicist.
Adam is now bringing up “Bush lied people died” and making a point out of honesty being important, Adam is now challenging all of the lies in the reply email.
Adam says the host wasn’t underprepared, he was over prepped and did something no show ever does, pulling clips to try and humiliate and bury Adam, to make Adam as low on the totem pole as this non entity Brian assface.
Adam says “I appreciate their candor, sort of” and is now addressing the hypocrisy of these people who want free speech until you don’t agree with them.
Adam says you couldn’t even go on NPR and say “Fuck Al Qaeda” and he says he appreciates the guy being cordial and is addressing the idea of ever returning to the show, he’s now ranting about the episode not making them look bad, it makes them look like what they are.
Adam says he the mirror with his truth of Windex, it’s not a fun house mirror, it’s a mirror and this is how they look and what they are.
Alison is wondering about the politics of Adam’s book being the topic du jour, she thinks it might be the title and now Adam is making a point about a fair conversation regarding a book and he’s using BB and his tumor for an analogy.
BB has a counter point about how quickly that interview would have aired if they had caught Adam in their trap, Adam is now using John Waters and his immediate airing to prove he’s right.
Steve Malanga is now joining the show and Adam is once again clarifying that he’s not calling Brian a bad guy but it proves that they don’t want to the public to see the truth of their machinations.
Adam is now bringing up Jerry Springer in an effort to prove a point about good TV, good Radio.
Adam is asking Steve about the patent troll case, Adam is now asking Steve why the reform laws failed, he’s explaining that “loser pays” is what the trial attorneys fear most.
Steve is now sharing how Harry Reid’s biggest donors are the trial lawyers, Alison calls it totally corrupt and it all feels futile.
“Meanwhile we can all just suck it” – Adam, Alison says it’s not bordering on corruption, it is!
Now Steve is sharing how the patent trolls are making this lucrative for non-criminal entities like universities and giving them the option to sell their patents to patent trolls.
Adam is now bringing up bullshit bills that use other entities to hide behind, Adam is asking why universities are so strapped for cash, everyone is in debt to them and the school sessions seem to get shorter and shorter.
Steve is wrapping things up with the gang.
Adam is now going off on bad pizza, he’s bitching about thick crust pizza and the superiority of NYC pizza, Adam is bitching about “hand tossed” crusts.
Adam, Alison and BB are now commenting on shitty pizza with Adam, Lynette brought home some hand tossed and Adam calls it “lose, lose, lose” and how it makes no sense to waste money on thick crust.
Adam is doing a live read for Valvoline.
Hooray For Baldywood
Edge of Tomorrow, Adam is sharing his take on the last 6 movies Tom Cruise has made feeling like the same story.
Adam is now commenting on the storylines from the future that involve these vague timelines and eventualities, he wants more Days of Thunder and less Oblivion.
BB is bringing up “Jumper” and calling it a piece of garbage while talking about Doug Liman.
BB is explaining the plot, he’s citing how great Bill Paxton is in the film.
Adam is now riffing about aliens getting a publicist and BB calls this a perfectly made gumbo, he says it’s a great movie and he loves it.
Adam is trying to discern why it bombed at the box office, BB calls the action perfect and says its laugh out loud funny.
BB shares how the 3 writers credited didn’t hurt the screenplay, he says it’s a great summer action movie.
Adam says creatively the worst thing you can do is confuse people, he’s using Adam Sandler as a counter example for not confusing audience and Alison says Adam is right but she hates that message “be what people want you to be” and Adam is using Applebee’s to further drive the point home.
Adam is now further mocking Sandler movies and BB is talking about Medal of Honor rising sun the video game and how he wants to file a class action lawsuit for never making it out of his bunk, The ONE CHANCE WE HAD TO GET ADAM INTO GAMING, FOR SHAME!
They’re wrapping the segment and I didn’t hear a letter grade, I assume A or A-.
They’re heading to break.
They’re back from break.
Adam intros Ian and says “good to meet you” (Oh no, they didn’t brief Adam, why?) Ian is making his 2nd appearance, he was first on the show in 2012 for ACS#737, if Adam knew he would be so embarrassed.
Adam is now asking Ian about his journey once again, yikes…
Adam calls New York, England and Jamaica “A nice Mixed Martial Arts of cultures” preparing Ian to enter the “Octagon of life” no Self-satisfied sniff in reply.
Adam is asking him about his time in NYC.
Adam and Ian are now talking about Rick Ross and his tattoos, Adam is sharing how he likes a tat on a black guy, he finds it less offensive than on white skin, Adam says LeBron James looks good and his tattoos are fitting, the white dude on his team “The birdman” looks like a McCaw.
Adam is now joking about the tattoo artist using a shoelace to lift Rick’s titties and they’re now back to Ian’s time at “Burger King” and Adam is saying that all shitty jobs need to sting a little bit to keep you from settling in.
Ian Edwards is telling them about the East Meadow Burger King on Long Island and he’s telling them about the drivers charging an extra couple dollars to each customers during the late night drive through hours.
Ian calls it a “cocaine tax” and Adam is joking with him about knowing a lot about this without being part of it.
Adam is talking about moving his feet while eating and his time at McDonalds, he would eat the expired filet of fish by the dumpster.
Ian is telling them about the bizarre concoctions he would mix up behind the grill, Adam is telling him about his shitty manager Ken and wants to know if they had a “warden” at Ian’s BK.
Adam mentions pissing in the freezer at McDonalds, Ian tells them about his WWF/WWE wrestling matches in the freezer.
Adam is now explaining how Adam didn’t know how to mop and Ken was watching him do it, Adam explains they required leather soled shoes, dress shoes.
They’re finishing up the fast food topic and now Adam is asking Ian about his ability to do accents and they have a killer back and forth about his dead grandma, Adam is putting him on the spot while saying he doesn’t mean to do that.
Adam is doing a live read for Bates Motel and Emmy season, trying to garner some votes for the cast and he’s praising the show.
Alison’s News
1st Story Her top story is on George HW Bush and his 90th birthday tandem skydive, Alison prefaces it with a reference to the news story of the woman celebrating her 100th birthday by gardening.
Adam is now using squirrel’s waterskiing to joke about George’s tandem jump, Adam says he if he goes tandem he does it with a lady behind him, to avoid a postmortem cock stabbing.
“As you face is violating the pavement, you ass is being violated by the guy behind you” – Adam
Adam is bringing up how people go after old people now, it used to be racial humor and now only the old are up for mockery, Adam has a great back and forth joking about black comedy and Adam says he has a great one for Ian involving a chainsaw.
Adam says it’s a bad plan to funnel this mockery towards the old, we’ll all be there eventually, and Alison has a great theory about it being ok because we will all eventually be old.
Adam is now joking about using this with the gay community, he can claim he’ll one day be gay and now he’s doing an improv with BB where Adam is coming out to Sonny as he comes out to him.
Adam is now joking about parents coming out to their kids when they come out of the closet, hilarious scenario.
Ian is trying to get Adam to elaborate on the goal and the hypocrisy of only certain groups being able to use certain terms, Alison says white people shouldn’t be able to decide what’s racist anymore, it’s up to the group in question to decide if they’re offended or not.
Adam likes that idea, Alison is now elaborating.
Ian says that most of the people that white people get in trouble for saying about black people, he’s bringing up Jimmy the Greek as an example of something that didn’t offend him.
“I wish I was bread to do something other than nap and beat off, pussy genes” – Adam
Adam and Ian have a funny exchange about him mocking his old dad, throwing Adam’s logic back at him, gold!
Adam is now bringing up Jimmy the Greek and describing his appearance and character, “The is his middle name.”
2nd Story Is on a woman who was charged with hitting a man while driving under the influence, this is the case from 2012 and Adam recalls it.
Adam is now asking if you did this would you hit the wiper spray and he’s joking with Alison about how rude it is for the other motorists as it hits their car.
Adam is explaining why the “Clamatto” makes him think she’s guilty, Adam wants to know how someone stays on a windshield that long, Alison says low speed or he must have been impaled.
Adam is now bringing up the stuntman move of rolling off a car and hiding their face with their elbow, like women with bad teeth who cover their mouths when they laugh.
Adam is now joking about her pink accented wheelchair and Ian has a killer one liner about her getting hit by her own car.
Adam is now inventing a dickey for wheelchairs, gold!
Adam is now getting to things that stick on your car like a mug on your roof that is still their when you get to your destination.
Ian says doing drugs is like college for drug counselors and they’re talking about Dr. Drew’s lack of a drug history.
Adam and Ian are killing it in this improv, Adam is playing the clueless drug counselor and Ian a junkie in rehab, this might be Ace Awards 2014 material.
Great PCP comedy, Adam is sharing his own stories of loss, this is gold!
Brown university and Ian has sold his kid, Adam is asking him about “chasing the dragon” and is asking for someone in the group to make a liquor store run to get him some lozenges, Ian is making this 10x funnier.
“The World’s squarest drug counselor” – and scene.
3rd Story is on an NFL player who says they have a policy about players getting fined for being overweight, Adam jokes about his name and “Coming to America“ Adam is explaining the reasoning behind this.
Adam and Ian are explaining the NFL and how it’s more of a speed game.
Adam is now doing a live read for Prosper.com with great BK comedy for Ian.
4th Story Is on a study about filler phrases such as “like, you know” and she’s explaining the reasoning behind it, she’s also explaining how it can be just slang.
Adam is now saying with authority it’s a “verbal water boarding” to keep you from speaking back to them, dumb guy cop talk.
Adam jokes that’s how he does his interviews, gold!
Adam says he likes people like Drew who try to fill in words for you, Alison is sharing an anecdote of having a conversation about that with her father, telling him it’s not a guessing game.
Ian and Adam are talking about “how are you” and “I’d like to help” and now Adam is telling them about what a bummer his mom is, she refuses to say “good” when asked how she’s doing.
Alison wants to know if Adam will then dig further, he says he would for Alison but he’s so used to it with his mom that he doesn’t even try anymore.
Adam and Ian are now doing a bummer back and forth, Ian is playing Adam and Adam is playing his own mother, this is wonderful, Ian is the best guest ever!
Alison is now wrapping up the news.
Adam is doing a live read for Boxed.com
Adam is giving out the plugs and wrapping up the show.