Giovanni’s Superfan Sidebar 06/11/2014 – Paul Rodriguez, Live at The Ice House in Pasadena
A real time blog where Superfan Giovanni does recap and commentary on the show as it happens and opines on all things ACS
Guest – Paul Rodriguez, Live at The Ice House in Pasadena
Recorded 06-10-2014 – Release Date 06-11-2014
Production Number #1343
Adam is opening the show live from Pasadena with Paul making his return to the podcast for his 2nd episode and 2nd live show.
Alison is still in the bathroom, Paul was a frequent ACS guest on the 2006 KLSX incarnation, and he made one phoner in 2007 around the time of Richard Jeni’s suicide and then didn’t come back on the show until ACS #566 in 2011.
Adam is bringing up Mike August, saying he’s not good with people/as a person due to being tuned out, Adam had a revelation about him.
Adam is bringing up Mike’s violent sneezing and the lack of “sneeze foreplay” he uses, Adam is describing the action he’s talking about.
“Like they’re looking at God’s balls” – Adam
Mike sneezes like a guy with an air horn and Adam has asked Mike for a heads up, he doesn’t know when he’s going to sneeze, Adam says he’s so detached he doesn’t even know himself.
Paul is now riffing about sneezing and Adam is calling it the “carpet bombing” technique and Alison is now bringing up the false sneeze alert you get before a real one.
Adam is asking Paul if he sneezes in Spanish, Adam is bringing up the first time he learned that a dog understood German and how weird that was.
Adam has a funny Jew comment and BB has a killer funny reply as Alison.
Adam is now joking about Mexicans rolling a snake eyes between the Chihuahua and the Donkey, the worse animals on earth.
Adam calls the Donkey a belligerent drunk mini horse, Adam is now bringing up the Chupacabra, he says Mexicans were so desperate for a cool animal they made one up.
Paul won’t let Adam riff, he keeps jumping in with lesser one liners, BB is now saying that when Adam peppers his comments with “this is going to be offensive” it’s a like a pre sneeze warning.
Adam is now bringing up his efforts to get TSA Pre-Check for over 3 years, BB is now rubbing it in Adam’s face and asking what’s wrong.
Adam is joking about how people are surprised at how lazy and shitty the government is, Adam is joking about Tom Bradly vs. Tom Brady and how Matt Fondiler mixes them up as he has no reference point.
Adam and Paul say Tom Bradly had Asian eyes and black skin, he was born to be the mayor of the melting pot of Los Angeles.
Adam and Paul are talking about the names of airports and terminals and how you can fly from one to another, Paul’s joke is failing because he can’t name the female airport reference.
Adam is now getting heavy, he says the airport is like a schoolyard, he’s bringing up how people would get McDonalds into school.
Adam is going over all of the shit required to get his TSA pre check status and joking about al Qaeda not having a printer and ink to forge utility bills.
Adam is joking with Paul about the staff of TSA hired at LAX, Adam is joking about making the shittiest kid in school the hall/safety monitor and Paul has a funny line about the jobs that Al Qaeda has a created.
Adam is taking it to a funnier monkey bar/jungle gym manufacturers.
Paul is bringing up the rapid scan technology that TSA agents have been revealed to mock images from behind closed doors.
Adam is joking about fecal matter on everything but toilet seats, Adam is back to the TSA interview and number he got from the TSA, he says it was awesome that it was finally done.
Adam is now sharing how they used a private jet on Wednesday and Adam was pissed that he didn’t get to use his pre-check number.
Adam is now joking with Paul about his racial comment, saying they have to have a shootout as there can’t be two racists in such proximity.
Adam is now waxing poetic on the “0 pussy in high school” factor for picking a doctor or professional, Adam is getting to his theory on how you want people to work on you who you don’t relate to.
Adam and Paul are bringing up how unattractive equals competent, now Alison is bringing up the rare person who sucks and is ugly.
“You’re a fuck up who no one wants to fuck” – Adam
Adam is giving a plug for Paul’s upcoming live show and new movie, Paul is explaining how great it was to work on.
Adam has a great “all the people that would play here” line mocking the rest of the cast of Paul’s movie.
Adam is now getting to Tom Arnold’s weight loss and Adam is asking everyone to be honest about fat people and how after very exchange you think “well at least I’m not fat” he says you win every battle with a fat person.
Adam is making a point about formerly fat guys now looking strange, BB is bringing up his own weightless and Adam says this is why he never looks up at anyone when talking to them, staring at his shoes.
Paul is asking BB why he lost weight, Alison has a great “he could be fat and bald” joke and now Adam is asking Paul if he just called BB’s wife a foot.
Adam is now asking Paul about his son who is now getting old for a skater, Paul cites his son’s recent X games event and his reaction upon finding out his son was going to be become a professional skateboarder.
Adam is bringing up how he wanted to call his dad on his 50th birthday and ask him how old he feels, his son has a grey pube and is now too old to compete at skateboarding.
Adam and Paul are talking about his son possibly transitioning to acting from Skating and Adam has a great point about people who achieve being more likely to land low percentage gigs and Paul is telling them about his son’s beer “St. Archers” and Adam is saying there is beer he likes and beer he loves.
Adam has a killer reply to Paul’s blowjob comment and Adam says he’s tickled purple by the thought behind a BJ.
Adam is asking Paul about his pretty lady backstage and Paul claims he now just pays for sex as he’s too old, Paul says he never got married and is now explaining it.
Adam is trying to figure out how his wife got the cash, he’s not asking and Paul is continuing to riff about losing two homes to two different women.
Adam is now asking him about it and Paul explains it was common law marriage rules and Alison has a killer joke about breaking up every 7 years.
Adam is now joking about Spanish guys rocking the “cheesy moustache” and how it screams shady dealings.
Adam is joking with Paul about the guy riding the horse at the beginning of a rodeo and Paul is explaining the differences between Cubans and Mexicans.
Paul is bringing up how the Cuban’s are effected by Castro and Adam once again calls him out on the use of a term that implies he was married.
Adam asks “is there anyone you don’t lose to?” when asking about Mexico celebrating their defeat of the French.
Adam is now riffing about the Mexicans and the Germans doing battle to figure out the most annoying shitty music, hence the birth of Ranchero.
Adam has a great riff about WWII and Nazis, wondering if any saw the writing on the wall of the futility of trying to defeat The United States and the Soviets, hilarious.
Adam is now joking with Paul about the Jews who live in Mexico and Paul names a performer then Adam jokes about him being like Jaguares.
Adam is now asking about the president of Mexico and jokes about Oprah being the richest man on earth, Paul is telling them about the wealthiest man on earth being from Mexico.
Paul is telling them about his time in Vietnam and serving in the air force, Paul is telling them about doing very little in Nam.
Adam is joking about his reaction to being told he’s not fit to do battle, Adam is killing it saying he would puss out and that would be his whole plan.
Nice Tuskegee airmen reference and Adam is joking about agreeing not to storm the beaches of Normandy with Tom Hanks.
Adam is sharing his idea to let Mexicans and black guys fill up the first troop carriers to hit the beach, he would’ve been more racist by including them.
Blah Blah Blog
1st Blog Marlo Thomas, Rachel Ray or Robin Quivers?
“I think its Rachel Ray because it made me want to vomit” – Alison
Adam is now getting into the 1st world problem of having too many choices about too many things to eat and how to avoid eating too much.
Paul is now telling the gang about masturbating to “That Girl” and BB says he’s never heard about pick your poison day, good reasoning for Robin on his part but he’s probably still wrong.
Adam has a great reaction to Paul taking the SAT’s and mocks his own non score for never taking them.
2nd Blog Adrien Grenier, Danny Glover or Tavis Smiley
Adam is calling this a Mount Rushmore of blowhard and mocks Tavis for his stock answers about America being a terrible place that’s just as bad as Islam nations.
Adam is going off on actors who think people care about their opinions.
3rd Blog Kareem Abdul Jabar, Terry Crews or Cheech Marin?
Adam objects to Paul saying that Cheech’s dad was a cop, Adam says cops do the most beating and Paul says they never go to jail for it.
Adam references his KLSX ACS uncomfortable conversation with Kareem about the life expectancy for tall people.
Alison is sharing her reasoning and Adam is going with Terry Crews for his own reasons, Paul is sharing what he knows about Cheech.
Adam is now riffing about the Brady Bunch kids and the lack of talent among them, he’s telling them about Maureen McCormick’s 2008 ACS where she claimed she had a coke problem in order to sell books.
Adam is now going off on Barry Williams book and the implications he fucked Florence Henderson, Alison is bringing up “The Surreal Life” and Adam tells them Jimmy Kimmel came up with the show a year before it came out “Has Been House” and now Paul is telling them about auditioning for the show and losing out to Vanilla Ice.
Alison is telling them about Florence and her season on the show and strange arrangement she had where she didn’t have to live in the house.
Adam is riffing about Wesson and their “Wessonality” campaign, Adam is joking about declaring this one winner takes all, comparing it to a pick-up basketball game and the guy who suggests it always being the one who is least likely to win.
4th Blog Bill Maher, Richard Branson or Dr. Oz
Paul brings up Tommy Chong and Adam is asking him about Tommy’s attempt to tour the country doing the old act with his wife in place of Cheech.
Adam is joking about selling his act to his sister, “get the fuck off my lawn Adam, I don’t want your lame jokes” and Adam is explaining why each name is on this list, citing the clever Mike Lynch.
Adam is now engaging with a drunk fan, BB is playing the “why are you interrupting me” drop and Adam jokes about the bald guy asking him to sit-down from behind.
Adam is now killing it in his celebration, that’s why he makes everyone call him ace, Fuck Yeah!
They’re now jumping to break.
They’re back from break.
1st Story her top story is on a recent ruling about tenure for California Teachers, Adam has a great “ookie cookie” joke about the poor kids who were subjected to a madman’s jizz.
Adam is killing it with this riff and now Alison is explaining the logic behind this verdict, Adam is now arguing against the “we’re not spending enough money” logic people use to make a point about education in California.
“Slow down Matt Damon” – Adam in reply to Paul’s reasoning about the teachers union blocking any candidate who doesn’t lockstep with them.
Adam is now explaining that anytime you remove consequences from life, people get lazy and stop trying, he’s connecting that to his friends who can’t raise their voice in reply to their wives who no longer hold up their end of the martial bargain.
Adam is telling them about getting his car guy Tom to cut his hair today, the same car guy employee that recent did some sewing work for Ace too.
Alison is sharing the twist to the story and why this ruling hasn’t gone through, the appeal from the Teachers Union.
2nd Story Is on the popularity of Downton Abbey increasing the demand for butlers, Adam is joking about wishing his Nanny became a butler and is bringing up Jimmy Kimmel’s assistant being butler like.
Adam opens this riffing about Romney and the 1% and his use of private jets.
Adam is now bringing up the two greatest insults from a 100 years ago “I said good day” and “I’ll show myself out” Alison is now reading a quote about how a butler would handle personal problems.
Ada is now bringing up “Robin” from the batman universe and asking why he’s not included in the current movies and now he’s riffing about the Justice League and the “Hall of Justice” with a great riff about giving him his walking papers ala an NFL player.
Adam is now talking to Robin as played by BB, Paul keeps trying to derail the improv, not realizing it’s a two man bit.
Adam is killing it mocking Robin and his abilities, he’s closing it with no disrespect.
Alison is explaining the pay scale for butlers and how they escalate to several hundred grand per year, Adam and Paul are riffing about it and Adam says he makes all his racist comments on stage as to avoid people trying to blackmail him.
3rd Story Is on an Ohio woman who spent her 100th birthday doing yard work and smelling fresh cut grass, Paul has a funny uterus joke.
Adam says you need to set the bar higher, he jokes about having one last meal “a fish stick, just one” and Adam jokes about his own bucket list “I want to fuck the pope” and Alison has a funny reaction.
Paul brought up Eric Estrada and Adam is now citing his commercials for buying land, Adam says he’s been washed up for 100+ years.
Paul says he’s his neighbor and a nice guy, Adam is now on a killer riff about Eric Estrada poisoning George Lopez’s dog.
4th Story Is the reveal of the guy behind the hidden twitter cash, Alison is explaining the details and sharing Adam’s nefarious take on it, saying it manipulates poor people.
Adam doesn’t care about poor people and is joking about him and Mitt Romney hanging out, gold!
“If you’re poor and want to burn calories, run on this treadmill that powers my pinball machine” – Adam
Alison is giving the backstory and explaining how they were able to use voice analysis to figure out who it was.
Adam is now critiquing body language experts who never give you anything useful and how they end every sentence with “you never know” and now Alison is giving her take on people interpreting the results.
BB wants to know the difference between moguls, captain of industries and Magnates, Adam is now riffing the differences, and Magnate means you must look like Larry Tate.
Alison calls BB out for moving on without knowing the reference, Alison does know it, nice work!
Adam is now riffing on the conceit of “I Dream of Jeannie” and “Bewitched” to make a point about a different time where wives would make your house ready for your boss to join you at a last minute dinner.
Adam is now killing it with “start sucking” and wishing C’ into the cornfield comedy, telling his witch wife to move her nose to beat him off.
Adam wants Terry Crews size guns and a giant dong, nothing but requests for his wife to use her magic powers.
“Dr. Bombay started a cockfight in the living room” – Adam, Adam is now sharing his expertise on both series and demands for some “whores” around the house, make ‘em disappear after he finishes.
Adam is now bringing up the episodes of “I Dream of Jeanie” where someone would pick up her bottle and the bygone era of shitty special effects with her pretending to be jostled.
Alison is wrapping up the news.
Adam is doing a live read for the Guys Choice Awards.
Adam closes out the show with a hilarious George Lopez plug and then kills it mocking Paul’s gig at the Icehouse next week, telling him to just sleep there.