Giovanni’s Superfan Sidebar 05/27/2015 – Artie Lange, Live from Carolines on Broadway

Giovanni’s Superfan Sidebar 05/27/2015 – Artie Lange, Live from Carolines on Broadway

A real time blog where Superfan Giovanni does recap and commentary on the show as it happens and opines on all things ACS

Guest Artie Lange, Live from Caroline’s on Broadway

Recorded 05-26-2015 – Release Date 05-27-2015

Production Number #1582

Show Page

Adam opens the first of two nights at Caroline’s to a funny ‘Daddy Stop Drinking’ intro, Artie Lange is joining him for his 11th appearance, his 5th from Caroline’s.

Artie asks about the blind guy in the audience, Adam jokes about Artie being down to 165 and “snapping off” chin ups, he plugs Artie’s podcast and brings up Frozen Yogurt and FroYo, he then cites “Doggy Door” to make a point about people adding extra syllables when convenient for them

Adam is telling Artie about having dinner with Howard Stern and asks about his sobriety, Artie is now telling them how he fell off the wagon while in Paris and is now nearly a year sober.

 

Artie is asking Adam about his drinking and Adam is now telling him about traveling on the private jet with his son to the Indy 500.

Adam says the private jet didn’t have any beer, Artie praises ‘Winning’ and Adam is walking him through the night’s festivities.

Adam is explaining how everyone tries the fresh ground horseradish and endure the “you’ll die” warnings and burning mouth and throat is like a gang initiation.

 

Adam is telling Artie about the Indy Car he rode in with Mario Andretti, he explains how it ended up going and gets to the following day where he declared “no more!” for the day.

Adam is back to his promise to himself about not boozing it up for the day, Adam is joking about the way that check out times are creeping up while check in times are getting later, he jokes eventually it will be you beating off for 5min in the shower before being kicked out.

Adam is explaining the first class lounge practically forced him to drink, then the flight was delayed 90min and it was going to cost him an extra 32$ to bring Mike August into the lounge.

 

Adam says he still resisted the free booze in the lounge, then on the plane and jokes about filtering skunky beers with cigarettes put out in them through a sock, trying to make a point about his desperate raccoon style upbringing.

Adam explains he flew 1st class without ever getting drunk, the first time he’s ever done that and then finally went to the bar when he arrived at the hotel.

Adam is joking about his son’s future in a world without sexuality, Adam is bringing up the picture Sonny got with Andrew Luck.

 

Adam is sharing the “Can’t wait to meet Philip Rivers” quote from his son, Artie is making a point about Adam spoiling his son.

Adam jokes about Andrew Luck appearing out of nowhere, hilarious description and analogy.

Adam quickly mentions the idea of kids being unable to do math, that led to his “DC Sniper” riff on classic Howard Stern, Artie might have been there that day too.

 

Adam is telling Artie about his son flying back home with Chris and Nate, Adam comments on the miller lite he ordered about 28min ago.

Adam asks Gary if anyone has questions in the audience, Adam asks the blind guy how blind people know where things are.

Artie has a Sandusky joke and Adam is giving his take on how he would be fine with his kids being of any sexual preference, he then cites how the daughter turning gay is almost a boon when compared to guys with “super wide cocks” parading through your house.

 

Adam is now setting up the classic Loveline call where a kid told them about his father walking in on him blowing himself while another dude whacked off, Artie sets him up perfectly and asks if corpses are involved, he’s keyed in.

Adam is walking him through the call and doing a perfect job on the reveal.

Artie is quite impressed with the kid’s ability to blow himself.

 

Adam and Artie are now asking the blind guy if he can play piano, Artie jokes about anyone ever telling him he was black and now Artie is riffing about the story of Ray Charles life.

Artie says he would still be looking for the bus to get to blind school.

 

Q and Ace

1st Question Lexi, she wants to know if Adam’s son grows up to be a comedian if he would be ok with him talking as much shit about him as he talks about his dad.

Adam is now telling parents they reap what they sow and comments about how his son won’t have much to complain about, mocking the idea of chafing dishes and private jets.

Adam is telling Artie about his “Huggy Blankets” and jokes about kids evolving from hugging blankets to wiping with them.

 

Adam says he would be fine with him telling the truth but wouldn’t want him fabricating anything, so if he’s a douche dad then so be it.

Artie riffs about ‘Douche Dad’ as a TLC reality show.

 

2nd Question Bridget wants to know if Adam ever finds himself involved in hilarious group texts with Jimmy Kimmel, Cousin Sal and the rest of the gang.

Adam says they have group emails and brings up James Babydoll Dixon, Artie has compliments for him while comparing him to Jeremy Piven’s character on ‘Entourage’ and now Adam is asking Artie about jumping in on the riffing in group conversations.

Adam cites his “doesn’t make you money, doesn’t make you happy” life advice.

 

Adam is commenting on his wife mocking him to his daughter and how he used Sonny passing her in math two years ago to bust her balls right back, he says they’re both retarded.

Adam is sharing the person he hates in the modern twittersphere, he describes a person who informed Jimmy Kimmel about Adam’s comments re: David Letterman, nothing different than he’s said 1 thousand times over the past two decades.

Artie echoes Adam’s sentiments about not necessarily wanting to hang out with David Letterman, Arite has a killer ethnic one liner.

Adam uses gorillas and “the popo” to make his point, gold.

 

Adam wants to know who the fuck the pussy troll is that pulls this move, Adam is now asking why chicks aren’t more pissed at the label of “chick move” for super shitty interpersonal behavior.

Adam is back to the pussy who tattled on him and made things seems bad when its status quo, everyone thinks they’re Christopher Columbus and shit!

Artie says he doesn’t block anyone and likes the follower count, he asks about the era of time when someone following you was a bad thing.

 

3rd Question John, he bought a house for his girlfriend so he doesn’t have to live with her, Adam is now asking some follow ups and Adam asks if every relationship wouldn’t go on forever if you had spate bedrooms, bathrooms and other personal space related comforts.

Arite jokes about using nutribullets to attract women and how it sounds when a modern woman takes a shit, hilarious sound comparison.

Artie says that his reflection in a mirror while shitting almost makes him vomit, Adam compliments the mirrors on the ceilings of casino and hotel elevators.

 

Adam is sharing the stir crazy experience he had while Mike August was knee deep in soup in the 1st class lounge, Adam says he found a restaurant and the sign it had boasting “proudly voted best airport food” and jokes about a prison with the best corndog recipe.

Adam explains he accidentally took a shitty selfie and shocked himself while trying to photograph the sign.

 

Adam is back to the house and gf situation, Adam says it’s like the deadbeat dads who justify their absence.

Adam is now showing them the photo of the restaurant and jokes about people waiting through security to get the airport food.

Adam is recommending they get married and asks if he’s one of these guys who refuses to ever get married, the crowd has a wild reaction and now Melissa the GF is on mic and Adam is predicting their post-show huge fight.

 

She tells Adam she’s too old for kids and Adam tells her about marriage and children and how he’s never been “less unhappy” than he is now with the wife and kids.

Adam is commenting on the way people avoid change and wants to know what’s so great about your life now, he’s very convincing, this is reminiscent of the fateful ACS #170 (feat. Kaitlin Olson)

Artie and Adam are bonding over the general idea that life is life and you need to shit out some kids and get on with it, Adam asks him what’s so special about him anyway and jokes about his legal career allowing him to draft up a prenup tonight while half drunk.

Artie is now using the bling guy and his life’s challenges to make a point about appreciating what you have and Adam is talking about his sad drives to the jobsite only to find out it’s been rained out and the happiness he would experience driving home knowing he didn’t have to work.

Adam is now sharing how spending a few days with his son was magical and how much he missed him when he woke up without him there sleeping by his side.

“I’m saying take my son!” – Adam

 

Artie is now telling them about working construction and how he would aggravate his uncle, hilarious impression!

Adam is bringing up how every time you and your gf attend a wedding it ultimately leads to a very uncomfortable ride home.

Adam is telling him to prepare for years of shitty cold shoulders or to move on and get married now.

 

Artie brings up Tiger Woods wife attaching him with a golf club and Adam jokes about the double take he must have done in being alarmed by the beating while wanting to correct her handling of the club.

Adam and Artie are trying to wrap up with them and Adam transitions to a live read.

 

Adam is now doing a Live Read for Smart Mouth

 

Adam is now back to the couple and asking Artie about his marriage prospects, he says that most women’s idea of a dreamboat is not Dom DeLuise with a heroin problem, hilarious deadpan reaction form Adam.

Artie tells Adam about the two gals he bought rings for and his 58yr old Mexican maid he could marry, he says he would like to get married.

Artie is asking Adam about Drew’s triplets as Adam sells him on In Vitro Fertilization and the “three viable whatevers” they had.

 

Artie and Adam are now riffing about the constant check cutting process involved with fertility treatments.

“Is that including mine and my wife’s?” – Adam on the three heartbeats and the use of the term “reduce” as he mocks the euphemism and explains that the 3rd egg sloughed off, even though it would’ve probably gone on to cure AIDS, oh well.

 

Adam is back to how much he missed his son and comments on the heartless attorney in the crowd, heartless due to profession it seems he is about to say before getting cutoff.

 

Adam is now doing a live read for Quick Books

 

4th Question Derrick wants to know why Adam uses Poughkeepsie as a reference, he says it sounds funny and they talk about how there is nothing there to offend.

Adam cites his time in Indianapolis and Artie sums up Poughkeepsie, Adam is telling them about passing their first homeless guy who resembled Dolph Lundgren and became very indignant in response to their laughter.

Adam is joking about him buying Pert Plus to save money, Adam is referencing the old commercials where they tried to convince consumers of a fake problem that doesn’t exist, like carrying shampoo and conditioner at the same time.

 

Adam is now asking if anyone has ever paid to get into a 1st class lounge, Adam jokes about the same 50$ being worth the works over at Chili’s including a BJ.

Adam is now giving out the plugs for Artie and wrapping up the show.

Artie compliments Mike August’s role as producer for the film ‘Winning’ and further compliments how strong of a movie it is.

 

Adam is now asking a guy in the audience about his dad’s classic ar.

 

Adam is now doing a Castrol live read

Now he’s really wrapping up the show, excellent episode!