11 May Giovanni’s Superfan Sidebar 05/09/2016 – Kira Soltanovich
A real time blog where Superfan Giovanni does recap and commentary on the show as it happens and opines on all things ACS
Guest – Kira Soltanovich
Recorded 05-08-2016 – Release Date 05-09-2016
Production Number #1817
The show opens with perhaps the all-time funniest intro ever from Dawson and Lynch, stupid butthole!
Hilarious!
Adam has a get it on opening and he says he’s excited to see Kira back on the show, BB has a nice Kira Soltanovich #TopDrop and Adam asks them about their mother’s day plans.
BB talks about his wife’s love affair with the pillow called ‘The Snoogle’ and Adam says he would be insulted, it’s like her falling in love with a vibrator and they joke about the “Mr. Right” model.
Adam says his mom has now taken to texting and cites the recent incident where she texted him and he didn’t have her number, BB and Gina both have forgotten this detail it seems.
Adam says they went to a flag football game, the say started with Natalia needing some clay for her school project, Adam jokes about how it would be her like Richard Dreyfuss in ‘Close Encounters of the Third Kind’ with the mash potatoes but she’ll be doing it in the middle of his bed.
Adam is now talking about women and their “tangential truths” as BB puts it, Adam shares how Lynette told him they need to get her off the clay and how he then told her they could do something else she burst into tears and Adam is now asking the school system to do him a personal favor.
“Can I please just show up at the class and put my thumb up my ass and pull my pants around my ankles and walk in a circle with a wind up beanie for 20miutes and then GET THE FUCK ON WITH MY LIFE!?” – Adam
Adam is back to toe the clay and has a killer ‘Ghost’ reference as BB hits the music and Adam reveals how Lynette came in the room and Adam was framed as the mean/bad parent and BB jokes about her teacher reacting as she feared he would if she brought in a different project other than clay based.
Adam is now joking about his wife’s baking and cooking skills, he says she doesn’t get in a lot of car accidents and was complimenting her about it.
Adam says he can multitask and Lynette thinks she can multitask and that sometimes gets you in trouble, Adam talks about a regular schedule for most men who work for a living vs. women who take care of the kids and the house and are in all kinds of locations where damage could occur, malls, stores, errands etc.
Adam says his wife busted her mirror off just a couple days after his compliments and now Adam is ranting about full tard Gary and how he will never use a drop cloth, he’s out of it but he’ll never stay an extra 15min on the job site, he’s aware of time when it suits him.
Adam shares his feelings about damage, negligence vs. malice and he gets to the mirror of the Tesla and how he told her they would fix it for her, the Tesla guy sent out the parts and “knew what they needed” and sent it out.
Adam is going over his several laps on this and explains how the mirror actuators and motors still work, they just needed the plastic frame, mirror and the cap.
Adam asks what he should do, he spent a bunch of money on gears and parts, 600$ instead of 85$, not that bad.
Adam talks about his options and how he could return it, Adam called Tesla and cracks that it’s nice to know that even Tesla has morons working for them.
Adam got ahold of the company and then tried to see if they sold individual parts or just the entire assembly, Adam wrote down the guy’s reply as it was so absurd.
Adam is explaining how complex these mirrors are and is now quoting the guy who said “pretty much” and then Adam got to how he cracked this tard, Adam says he loves the part where everyone is trying to get you to kill yourself or just go away, he mocks people who said the guy must’ve panicked and he riffs up a storm about the panic one could feel if a customer dared call a call center for help.
Adam is crushing this rant/riff and Gina’s reactions are great.
Adam is sharing how the guy came back to the phone and then revealed they sell just the cap and mirror; Adam is sharing how he couldn’t just get a picture sent to the Tesla dealer to find out what they need.
Gina talks about the guy holding out on his reply, BB is weighing in and Adam asks if anyone is listening to please help him.
Gary reveals there is a service center right around the corner next to the burger place.
Gary suggests how they could solve this with a quick trip tomorrow morning.
Adam is doing a Castrol GTX Live Read
Adam says he loves the super irresponsible fathers of his new neighborhood and he comments on how creative types can be some of the worst people on earth, mainly due to narcissism.
BB loves the obliviousness and Adam brings up the quiet racism of the type of thinking he’s deriding.
Adam jokes about his daughter starting at QB and how a plane must have gone down ala Marshall Texas and ‘We Are Marshall’ which leads to a niece example of one of the parents who told the coach to sit his kid out of the first half because he wasn’t pulling his weight with practice.
Adam is sharing how this is the greatest message and how consequences are what kids need to learn, Gina brings up Kathy Ireland in ‘Necessary Roughness’ and Adam mocks her form vs. the kicks filmed for the movie.
Adam talks about how cute and hot Kathy was, she doesn’t get her due for being simultaneously attractive in both categories.
They are now watching the movie and mocking it.
Q and Ace
1st Caller Willy, he just sold his business and is talking a road trip around the united states and wants some recommendation on where to drive, he mentions Golden Colorado and Adam tells him he can’t go wrong with the coast, all the way down to Mexico, go to Rosarito.
Adam says Yosemite is one of the places in life that doesn’t remind him of the Batmobile, he explains how the Batmobile was cheap in person, how Jimmy Kimmel reacted to it while they were taping a “Wheel of Destiny” segment for ‘The Man Show’ and he explains how impressive Yosemite truly is in contrast.
Adam jokes about the guy sleeping against the canyon while climbing, Adam jokes about the guy beating off from up there and it being mistaken for bird poop.
Adam is doing a True Car Live Read
Can’t just buy a Tesla mirror edition
Adam is responding to Gary’s comments about how exquisitely cheap the mirror assembly is and Adam jokes about going back in time to explain that he was paying 600$ just on the car mirror to his loser family who bought entire cars for half that cost.
2nd Caller Tod, he’s calling about Adam’s rants regarding veggie sandwiches and passion fruit tea, Adam explains why vegetables ruin a sandwich, they make the bed soppy and gooey.
Tod brings up the kale that’s found everywhere, Adam jokes about Kale being tasteless and sharp, Adam says it will be gone as soon as it got here, Adam says the greener something is the better it is for you, he jokes about broccoli causing pancreatic cancer and Gina asks if they remember when Kale was just used as garnish.
Adam is now ranting about Quinoa, saying he fell for the press and according to Vinnie it’s just another grain that you need to get away from.
3rd Caller Misty, she’s calling from Alaska and she tells them about her life, they have a phone kerfuffle and an annoying phone off the hook sound blasts for a moment.
Adam asks what happened to her fiancé and she describes the masculine centric environment and Adam jokes about seeing ‘The Grey” he gets it.
Adam talks about being gainfully employed in the modern era and cites old sitcom plots where a man’s profession factored into how attractive he was, BB cites ‘Coming to America’ and Adam quotes Mark McGrath with his “when did paying for everything count for nothing” comment.
Adam is now joking about being lumped in with the 1% in the Panama Papers, he is just paying full freight and yet he’s still demonized like the business criminal dudes.
Adam says its’ a bummer having a deadbeat partner, Misty describes her feelings about it and Adam jokes about how wildly ecstatic he would feel if his wife was earning more than him, he mocks the guys who feel threatened by that.
Gina talks about her group of friends who almost look down upon discussions regarding their partner’s profession.
Misty says her boyfriend is 25 and younger, Adam asks her about his psych tests to become a police officer.
Adam has a killer riff about police force psychological tests, killer riff, very funny!
Adam is saying the only thing lower than cops are the guys unfit to become cops, Adam jokes about guys talking to their donkeys with gravy in their beard and tells Misty to move on, funny consarnit one liner from Adam.
Adam is doing a Texture Live Read
Adam likes Motor trend, he’s a car guy edition
They head to break.
They’re back from break with Kira making her 4th appearance on the ACS, they play a clip from the most recent ‘Take a Knee’ with Brian Koppelman.
Adam plugs her new standup special and sets up a clip, Gina comments on how Ali Wong their last guest also taped her special at 7 months of her pregnancy, great magnet!
They are now playing the clip of Kira from her special.
Kira says that Adam inspired him with the crowd funding idea, she talks about offering up a 25k umbilical cord cutting perk/reward for contributing and how someone actually did take them up on the 20k perk to “help” name the baby.
Adam is joking about her new kid D’Brickashaw and asking how the baby is doing, he’s now riffing about a nick name “Brick” and then riffs about a spin off nickname like Morty, Brick and Morty, seemingly unaware of the TV series ‘Rick and Morty.’
Kira shares the girl’s name Jerome, Adam is thinking she’s kidding and gets her to reveal the middle name is Jerome and she says it’s mafia money.
Kira says for 10k they were offering people to let her watch her breast feed, but her husband wasn’t cool with it.
Adam jokes about Carols Mencia stealing her material, hilarious comments from both Adam and BB, gold!
Kira says she drained her own savings account and did everything herself, she has international distribution and it will be on HULU in a couple weeks.
Adam talks about farming out work vs. doing it yourself and getting things done, it’s better to learn it yourself and whatever you do next those muscles will come into play, you’ll use what you learned and Adam has a killer lollipop joke after Kira talks about peeing on a stick to monitor her pregnancy.
Adam talks about the phone not ringing much and how everyone presumes he’s too busy, along with the “fuck Carolla, we don’t want him involved in this project” element.
Adam reveals how he’s been contacted by Pixar and says there are a few fans of his over there, Adam talks about the John Lasseter connection and how he suggested hiring him for an upcoming movie, Adam riffs about them sharing an unearned trophy with John from the Peterson Auto Museum, he touches on feelings regarding honorary degrees and mentions Christopher Titus, nice.
Adam calls back the lollipop joke from earlies and Kira talks about peeing herself while doing the special, Adam jokes about urine fetishists.
BB plays the drop of Sonny saying it “That’s Just a Waste of My Time” instead of the news intro theme.
Gina’s News
1st Story is on the Alberta Wild Fires, Gina has the grim details and Adam is now riffing about firefighting tankers and aircraft, he’s now going off on distance measurements and mocking the bygone terminology like acre.
Gina has a clip of a guy’s dash-cam of him trying to escape a burning neighborhood, they watch it.
2nd Story is on Space X and their successful first stage booster return to earth, she gives out some details and Adam is now talking about being at the facility where they were constructing the legs for the booster and comments on the super thick carbon fiber materials.
“they performed a genital mutilation on her because they thought her pussy was possessed” – Adam on the cavemen among us on earth living as if it was 5000yrs ago.
Kira has an interesting point about time and how we perceive it, Adam is now mocking the futurist films of his youth and how everyone was on the same page, there wasn’t a part of the world left in the dumpster.
Gina is asking about Adam’s Space X tour, if he had to sign a nondisclosure agreement and Adam talks about how they farm out components and you would be a fool dot make every part yourself.
Adam talks about Ferrari making every single part and why that was foolish.
Adam is doing a Life Lock Live Read
Gina is running the ship this time edition
Kira talks about getting a social security number for her daughter 2 weeks after she was born, Adam mocks the notion of the social security number being the most Orwellian thing possible, the patriot act and the NSA can’t even compete.
3rd Story is on the Kentucky Derby win for Nyquist and Gina gives out the details, Adam mocks the notion of a furlong as a distance measurement and Gary has the actual math.
Kira has a funny Furlough joke.
Adam is talking about the old timey language and he says he doesn’t like that Nyquist won, the worst possible “good for the Stang, good for the Wang” winning name.
Kira is now busting out some old Israeli man voice and Adam asks her to do some Andrew Dice Clay impressions while already in character as they mock the horse named Mohaymen.
4th Story is on the conviction of “The Grim Sleeper” serial killer and Adam mocks the families’ reaction to him sitting coldly while they convicted him, Adam jokes about serial killers not clutching their pearls and feeling a lot of emotions.
Gina has the rest of the details and Adam jokes about profiling, Adam explains how this might get black people to agree about racial profiling.
Kira brings up the DC sniper and Adam says the sniper is the highest of white collar crimes, Adam is back to his time appearing on The Howard Stern show in the early 2000’s and quotes his “tell your kids he only kills the kids who don’t clean their room” and Kira observes this must’ve been before he was a parent.
Adam says that if the kids then gets show it’s not like you caused it.
It’s all upside and Gina wraps the news to Kira saying the name Mohaymen in the funny old Israeli man accent.
Adam jokes about the horse ending up as “Gefilte horse” for losing and Adam wraps up the show with a plug for PodcastOne.com
BB is crushing this with his Mohaymen drop work while Adam is trying to get to the business and close things out, they close the show to a drop of Kira asking if they would like to look at her hymen, wow!