Giovanni’s Superfan Sidebar 04/03/2014 – Matt Atchity
A real time blog where Superfan Giovanni does recap and commentary on the show as it happens and opines on all things ACS
Guest – Matt Atchity
Recorded 04-02-2014 – Release Date 04-03-2014
Production Number #1295
Adam is opening the show to another pre-recorded intro from Dawson who is on tour with Alan Parsons I presume, BB has a nice #TopDrop from Mick Foley requested from Brad Williams.
Adam is now getting BB to clarify the request/drop chain of events and names, BB explains it and Matt Atchity teases this week’s Rotten Tomato game.
Adam says he watched the majority of the new Costner movie and he’s saying he feels like he needs to watch movies with others to properly gauge what he’s seeing.
Adam is praising the movie for using all of the real NFL teams and names, Adam and BB are mocking the “Any Given Sunday” style of portrayal, Adam is now arguing his old “why do the 90210 kids attend a fictitious school?” point.
Alison is bringing up the ET and M&M’s connection, hilarious Brenda Walsh as a detractor theory from A-Rose, Adam has twist this to “Dylan fist fucking Brenda” and Alison has another quality 90210 fan reply.
Adam is now making a point about possibilities and has a great arson, locusts and marauding bikers getting legal’s panties in a bunch.
Adam has a great “not the Cleveland oranges” explanation of why a 90min commercial for the NFL is a smart decision and improves the quality of the film.
Matt has a nice point about Oliver Stone and his version of the NFL as portrayed in “Any Given Sunday” and now Adam is telling them about trying to do a movie with “The Harlem Globetrotters” and how the super short white guy who owns them demanded to read the script in advance.
Adam is asking Atchity what he’s seen and he’s praising “Captain America”, he describes it as almost James Bond ’esque.
Alison wants to know if Matt saw “Noah” and he calls it pretty weird, Matt’s going in depth on his take of the movie.
Adam wants to know who would be the worst Noah in the building, he’s now picturing his wife as “Noah” and how she would need a minute to think over a smoothie.
Adam is listing off the possible worst candidates, Alison says she’s the worst and Adam is now listing off the various reasons why she would suck as an agent of the lord.
Adam says he feels like she doesn’t have a lot of “dominion over beasts” and Adam is saying that his angry molly yell doesn’t even work on old lady molly, not even his “super angry inhale scream” has now ceased to work.
Adam is now nominating Eric Stonestreet and BB is picking Ty Pennington as a possible good candidate and Adam is now saying he would use Maxipada as an assistant and jokes about his people being good at riding zebra’s while standing up.
Adam says he doesn’t think he could spend a lengthy period of time with a dude named Ham without getting stoned and trying to eat him.
Alison is nominating Drew as one of the worst candidates and now Adam is doing a live read for Bark Box.
Rotten or Fresh – Basketball Movie Edition
Adam says he doesn’t think he could tell you what “Blue Chips” was, BB says him neither.
1st Movie “Hoosiers”
They all went with 91, Adam wants to know who the prick was who gave it bad a ranking, leaving it trialing behind a 90 score.
Adam says it’s one of the best sports films of all time, BB says possible the best.
2nd Movie “Blue Chips”
Adam says he’s not seen this whole movie and can’t figure out if it’s good, Adam says he likes the scores saved till the end, for a surprise.
3rd Movie “He Got Game”
Adam is accurately gauging this film as someone who’s never seen it, BB hasn’t seen it and also weighing in, Adam is giving this one an affirmative action bump.
4th Movie “Juwanna Man”
BB can’t believe this film is even real, Alison is recommending “Just One Of the Guys” and Adam is now trying to recollect it and he’s referencing “The 6th Man” and accurately remembering the premise of that lame Wayans brothers comedy.
Adam is bringing up the variety of Sandler produced movies that come in with under 10% on the RT charts.
5th Movie “Semi Pro”
Adam and Matt are saying it’s not bad and singing its praises, they’re now revealing the scores and BB is once again the winner.
Adam says it was a Will Ferrell movie and nothing was wrong with it, Matt is saying that Elf and Anchorman resulted in him being compared to himself too much, Adam agrees.
Adam is now doing a live read for Stamps.com with a hilarious “nah enriched Uranium” one liner.
They’re now heading to break and saying goodbye to Matt.
Made Up Movie – Complete with 2012 Intro
1st Caller Aaron, he suggests “The Last Job”
Adam is now riffing a toothless prostitute concept and now changes it to a movie about a movie, getting Sean Connery out of retirement to star in a new movie called “The Last Job”.
Alison and BB are weighing in and fleshing it out with Adam.
BB busts out a solid “Why Me!?” Sean Connery impression and the gang seem to love it as well, nice!
2nd Caller Steve with “Ground Rule Double”
Adam is pitching a reverse “Tootsie” and BB is jumping in as Adam fleshes out the plot, she had to pose as a lesbian to not be discriminated from a coaching job for a female softball team.
Adam and BB are now adding Freddie Prinze Jr. and Jennifer Garner cast and Steve is thanking Adam for his advice regarding weight loss.
Adam is now riffing that there is no diet book called “Tap Water, Push Ups and a Chicken Breast Dumb Shit” and BB has a nice follow up, shortcut on a one way road.
Adam is going off on diet books and fads, the human detachment from the truth and simplicity of eat less and move more, calories in and out model.
3rd Caller Brandon with “Lumber Slumber” and Adam is now pitching the Broken Lizard crew, perhaps the alliteration is reminding him of “The Slammin’ Salmon”.
Adam is now riffing out the plot taking place at a Home Depot or stand in for one, BB and Alison are adding to the plot with some funny follow ups.
Adam is now adding Ty Pennington traveling to the store for a reality TV taping “Build off” and now Adam is saying it’s a rip-off of dodge ball and BB is casting Craig Kilborn as the smug manager.
Adam is now swapping Ty out with Mike Rowe.
4th Caller Brad with “Floaters” and Adam is setting this up as a time travel movie with a man trapped between wormholes, gold!
Adam is now setting up a “Quantum Leap” type of plot and telling them about his grandfather’s movie “Tales of Manhattan” which was remade as “New York Stories” and Adam is explaining the original premise.
BB is contrasting this against “Four Rooms” and Adam is adding a beautiful young lady subplot, Adam and Alison have a nice penicillin butterfly effect twist.
Adam is telling them about a movie he’s never discussed “My Life as a Lamborghini” almost a War Horse style plot showing a car traveling from owner to owner, this is a great idea.
They’re wrapping up the bit.
Adam is now doing a live read for Tire rack and he’s going in depth with Alison about her new car and how this site could help her with any unexpected tire trauma.
Adam is now reading Alison’s tire sizes as reported by Chris, Adam came in 2nd to himself in the guessing.
1st Story is on the ethics of buying human hair, Alison is explaining the “soft problem” about the emotional state someone might have been in when they decided to sell their hair.
Adam says if it’s a dude the reason is very different losing the pony tail to join the military or got a job, Adam is now riffing about Jared Leto’s locks, gold!
Alison explains a lot of the hair comes from India or China and Adam thinks that maybe they view it like any other crop and maybe the income from it is worth the process.
Adam wants to know if they take cancer hair, Alison says “cancer people” and BB corrects her it’s “Cancer Bros” thank you!
Adam asks about pubic hair Merkins and Alison wants to know if anyone has ever seen one, she asks “where are all the Merkins” and Adam is now pitching it as a new sitcom, he’s riffing a possible episode structure.
Adam is volunteering his nail clippings and the gang are all now bonding over the difficulty in disposing of them, Alison wants to know about bathroom trashcan liners and their take on them.
Adam is now bringing up the dark stuff on the side of your toenail, Adam and Alison both smell the stuff hidden under the side of the big toenail, Adam says this “toe jam” is your body at it it’s most pungent, he’s joking about shitting in a living room vs. such a tiny pill sized toe cheese drop.
Adam is explaining this to BB and Alison is sharing her secret shame about the buildup, BB claims to not have any and he’s almost in shock realizing that he has never examined it before.
2nd Story Is on the active shooting situation at Fort Hood, Adam is reading some of the details and Alison says they say their might be a 2nd shooter, Adam and her agree they always say that.
Alison is getting Gary to get them an update.
3rd Story Is an update on the earthquake in Chile, Adam is discussing how to pronounce Chile with Alison and blaming Demi Moore traveling to the “Cannes” film festival in the 90’s.
Alison updates the tsunami warning for Hawaii and Adam is now saying he doesn’t want the heart attacks counted in earthquake deaths, he only wants people buried under rubble for his body counts.
Adam is now doing a live read, hilarious box of scorpions with hepatitis C riff, this is the best Live Read of the year, and BB is in the mix and its gold!
Alison is reading an update on the Fort Hood shooter, Adam is sharing his cut out the middle man idea for potential spree shooters who intend to kill themselves.
Alison is explaining why this is baffling to her, Adam is bringing up the cyanide capsule idea he always discusses with Dr. Drew, probably on an upcoming Adam and Dr. Drew Show.
Adam is telling them about the two killers who kept a cabin up north and would drug and rape captives, Adam said it’s on the top 5 of the long list of things you hope don’t happen to your daughter.
Adam is going super in depth on the Charles Chi-Tat Ng case, Adam is killing it with his description of the events, almost like watching a 20/20 or 60 minutes.
Adam is explaining what pisses him off about Charles fighting off extradition while in Canada for six years, Adam doesn’t understand how he got away with it, Adam has a crazy series of “oooh uhh whaaa” noises demonstrating his exasperation.
Adam doesn’t get the part where Canada gets to go “not so fast” and Adam says it’s because they fucking hate us, not because of diplomacy, Adam is describing the horrific details of the video evidence played for the families in court.
Adam says what other county with the power that the United States yields would go along with this, Adam is joking about their hand me down military equipment, great riff/rant in character as the U.S. Government.
Adam is saying that this creep probably beat off twice in the running time of this show while thinking about the crimes he committed, Adam is asking if that’s what we need, the family members knowing he’s whacking off in prison.
Alison is bringing up the cyanide pill plan and how it all went over, Adam is doing an improv with her in character as the two serial killers, and this echoes his 2008 Van Der Sloot Reenactment with Norm Macdonald.
Adam is now doing a live read for Legal Zoom.
4th Story Is on Kathy Lee Gifford’s new wine “Gift” chardonnay and red wine, Alison reports that NBC has asked her not plug it on the Today Show’s 10am hour.
Adam is bringing up how it’s weird that NBC would have that stance seeing as how the show is focused around wine, Adam says it’s weird that they have such a strong booze element to the show, he says it’s funny to thematically weave red wine into a morning show.
Adam is praising the noon beer buzz but says it doesn’t work with work, nothing feels better than a day time buzz, and Adam just shot a bridge of spit to the mic, Alison comments on it.
Alison is bringing up her college memories and Adam has a funny reaction to her mentioning such a facility.
Adam is getting to the “naughty” feeling of drinking where and when you shouldn’t be, much like sex in dangerous places.
Alison is quoting the cable merger excuse being used for the wine’s lack of on air promotion, Alison says she’s surprised that Kathy can speak that candidly.
Adam says this is her doing a small commercial for her booze while saying she can’t do one, Alison wants to know if they remember when people hated her so much, Adam blames her naming her son Cody and cites the cheating done by Frank Gifford as how we “get people back up again” after knocking them down.
5th Story Willard Scott married his longtime girlfriend, Alison and Adam are both baffled and Adam says he’s just a southern gentleman who sound gay.
They’re all speculating on the marriage at 80, after 11yrs of courtship, Adam says ask Maria Menounos and has a hilarious hypothetical about Willard trying to avoid leaving his estate to his gay son.
Alison is wrapping up the news.
Adam is doing a live read and wrapping up the show.